Category: Parenting

Celebrating Modern Medicine

6 years ago, almost to the day, my family and I were able to bring our son, Luca, home from the NICU after a 12 day stay following his premature birth.  It was a very triumphant, heartfelt moment, and I am forever grateful that his stay resulted in good health, with no lasting complications.  He is a healthy 6 year old boy now, and I sometimes forget how tiny he was back then.  I remember how happy and relived I was to finally take him home, safe and sound, after his hospital stay.

Mr. Luca at his 1 year old birthday. Proud big sister not far away, always eager to help and guide him.

He was born about 4 weeks early, at 35 weeks+6 days.  Due to him being so young, he was having problems maintaining his temperature.  Hence, he spent many days spent in the NICU under the experienced, watchful eyes of the nurses and physicians.  Being postpartum, I was full of emotions and was fatigued and overwhelmed, but I had an underpinning, massive desire to take my new little guy home.  I was indescribably happy when the NICU team gave us the good news that March 10, 2016 would be Mr. Luca’s discharge date, and we could take him home with us to help complete our family.

Thinking back, I contemplated how different the results would have been for both me and my child decades ago.  I am astounded and amazed each day by modern medicine and all of the knowledge and technology we have acquired.  It enabled my son’s care to go so smoothly and enabled such good outcomes. I realize our issues were very small in retrospect as well, compared to other family’s trials.  I can only imagine with what other families go through with children born even earlier or with more challenging health concerns.  My outcomes also would like have been very different if the physicians and nurses did not have their experience and modern technology to monitor me closely, with my vitals, how my labor was progressing, and how my child was doing during the labor process.

Seeing also how doctors care for me and my family as we see them, I marvel at how different things were 50-100 years ago.  I often credit our good health and good outcomes on all of this collective knowledge our healthcare teams have obtained.

Working in telemedicine, a relatively new player in medicine, I see that medicine still has a lot of evolution to go.  I know that telemedicine has limitations, but it also opens many doors in caring for patients.  I can see them right where they live and work.  I can see patients with limited access to care, and all it takes is each of us having a good device (computer, cell phone, or tablet) and a good internet connection.  I never shy from telling patients when telemedicine is not the right avenue to go down.  But I am surprised each day by how much I can accomplish, and how grateful patients and their families are for the care we provide with this service.

Going forward, I will keep observing how modern medicine can help me, my family members and friends, and my patients.   I know that things will always evolve and change, as things must.  I hope that things continue to evolve and improve.  I hope good and better outcomes become common place.  I hope that everyone can enjoy better health because of all of these continued changes and advances.

The Fine Art of Being Flexible

As a parent, I hope to instill in my children an appreciation and respect for flexibility.  With this, I am talking about mental and emotional flexibility, though physical flexibility is to be respected and is something to strive for too. (Though I admit, my mental flexibility far surpasses my physical flexibility at this time.  My physical flexibility is yet another thing I need to improve upon.  My kids can likely teach me a thing or two!)  I am by no means an expert in flexibility, but I truly value the skill of “going with the punches” and being able to bend to adapt to whatever situation I am in.

Teaching each other the fine art of cartwheels (which require grace, poise, and of course, flexibility).

I think patience is another valuable skill closely related to flexibility.  Without patience, you can easily lose your cool and waste negative energy wishing and ranting for things to be a different way.  Instead, being more accepting of a situation helps you better tackle whatever challenge are coming your way.  And in addition, flexibility, over rigidity, is definitely key to overcoming life’s challenges.

 

A good way I try to show this to my children is by helping them navigate their afternoon routines.  It never seems to go to plan to get all their homework and afternoon activities done in the exact order I plan.  Instead of panicking or being upset by this, I feel it is way more productive (and less dramatic) to accept the events as they come, and simply tackle the next step when you can.  This teaches grace under pressure, but also helps them navigate the fine art of time management.  Time is truly valuable to me, a finite resource you cannot get back, and I hope to train my children to better utilize the time they have.  Being young, I can see that time feels infinite and plentiful.  Perhaps though as we get older, we start to see the reality of the finite aspects of time, and that it is a gift to be cherished.

 

One thing that has helped me tremendously with flexibility is goal setting, and trying to prioritize my goals.  I try to set up to 3 goals per day, and prioritize them.  If I can get at least one of them done, as I planned it, I am pleased.  Getting all 3 is a nice bonus, but if I cannot get to all 3, I try to be more accepting of this, particularly if I got my #1 goal done.  I won’t totally abandon those other goals, but I try to look forward in my week and see where they can fit.

 

Again, this is a lifelong pursuit to be more flexible and patient.  But I hope that I can guide my children how to do this well, by giving advice and by setting the example. With these two invaluable tools of flexibility and patience, I can foresee my children being valuable members of a workplace, a family, and a team.  They will be productive and well respected, and I think they will be well adjusted and more satisfied with their lives and accomplishments.

Chipping Away

I think it is hard to stay on point when a goal is long, huge, and/or challenging.   Will this one day of chipping away at my goal make a huge dent in my goal?  Probably not.  But adding the chips together over many days, weeks, months, and years will.

 

While golfing recently with my husband, I was striving to “chip on” to the green.  I am a beginner, so these short, low flighted shots I made were not perfect.  A few though, did hit where I liked.  I think this is a different way of using the term “chip” but I like how it reminds me that even short, nondramatic shots may a big difference in your goal (in golf, of course, it is a smaller score).    As I keep practicing and playing, I can see that my chipping ability will also improve and this is important.  Though chips are small shots, they are crucial to finishing a hole with a good score.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

I try to remind myself of this when I think my small little act is not a “big deal.”  It is best to keep at things over time to build an automatic habit, and keep chipping away at the goal.  Thinking in more the big picture is helpful for me as I try to motivate myself to stick with acts that I know will be good for me.  Exercising.  Getting enough sleep.  Eating in a healthier way.  Reading and learning.  Chores around the house.  Practicing a musical instrument.  Buying insurance.  Establishing a will.  Saving money.  Paying off debt.  Spending mindfully and on things that will be useful.  Establishing a financial plan.

 

I think writing down my goals is also helpful, both for the short period (e.g. the day or the week), and for the longer term (e.g. the next 6 months or 12 months).    I can then see how my small acts are actually chipping away at my much broader and desirable goal.  It keeps things in perspective.

 

I think sticking with things is also good for setting an example for my children.  Perseverance is a much respected skill but hard to cultivate.  I think it takes practice.  It is not natural to want to keep doing hard or painful things.  But if I remind myself of the “big picture” and how this is helping me accomplish my bigger goals, I can override my natural comfort seeking behavior.  I try to also celebrate wins and reflect back on what all my small acts together have accomplished.

 

A “New Normal”

Like many of you, I am struggling with our “new normal” during the COVID-19 pandemic. It seems…


Like many of you, I am struggling with our “new normal” during the COVID-19 pandemic. It seems surreal what is happening to all of us.

Embrace the changing landscape, even if it includes a new virus. Or leopards.

The initial phase of quarantine was very hard for my family and me. My children were home from school and daycare. My husband also had times of working from home. Luckily, I am working from home with my job, and I am incredibly grateful for this. If I had to go out, I would constantly worry about my risks of contracting COVID-19 as a physician in an office, a hospital, or nursing home. There would likely be a need to isolate myself from my family. As I hug and kiss my family members each day, I remind myself of my special blessed situation working as a telemedicine physician full time, in my own home office each and every day.

As the nation begins to slowly reopen, it has also been difficult to see the spike in cases and the worry and angst this brings to all of us. I try to remind myself constantly, however, to control what I can control, and leave and let be other things I cannot.

I can wear a mask. I can practice frequent hand washing. I can social distance as often as is feasibly possible, limiting time out among strangers. If I get sick (which thankfully, I have not so far), I will stay home. I do this to keep myself and my loved ones safe, but also to do my part to protect others in the community.

Are these changes intrusive? At times and in ways, yes. It is hard not having usual activities, hard not to go out and do the things I am used to. Are they impossible to do? I do not think so. Yes, they can be challenging to maintain. This pandemic, however, is not finished.

The virus that causes COVID-19 is still out there, able to infect so many. It is incredibly contagious, and that is the public health concern and my worry as a physician. This contagious nature of the illness are what these measures (mask wearing, social distancing, frequent hand hygiene) are trying to combat. Until there is more definitive/effective therapy and hopefully prevention measures like a vaccine, this “new normal” will be here unfortunately for some time. It has been difficult for me to accept this, but I must. As above, I cannot control this pandemic, or make it go away. But I can control my thoughts and my actions. I can focus on keeping my mental health and physical health as optimized as possible. I can continue to live life in ways that keep me and my loved ones as safe and healthy as possible.

A Simple Wish As A Mom: Raising Kids Who Love Others and Are Loved in Return

I think all parents strive to teach their kids to love others.  The golden rule is often something we try to instill in our kids: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”  (Wouldn’t it be nice if we all…

I think all parents strive to teach their kids to love others.  The golden rule is often something we try to instill in our kids: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”  (Wouldn’t it be nice if we all simply followed this maxim?  I think a lot of conflicts and disagreements could be solved a lot easier and with a lot less pain and negativity.)   Often I teach my kids to love others by correcting their actions when they aren’t in line with social norms.  “Please share your toys.”  “Do not hit or bite others.”  “Take turns.”   I also try to do this through example.  (Sometimes, this idea of setting the example can be challenging, if I am not having the best day.  I try to remind myself, though, that those little impressionable faces are watching me.) . I think a big reason we try to teach kids to love others and treat them right is to “make the world a better place.”  And keep things calm and orderly.  Who wants conflict and arguing all the time?  The opposite is often preferred.  But I think a bigger driver for me in teaching my kids to love others is to create a way for our kids to be loved.

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I love these kids with all of my heart, for always.  I hope to teach them, too, to love others and follow the Golden Rule.

You cannot force others to like you, in spite of what the media may portray.  (You cannot always buy the right shoes, clothes, cars, or other “stuff” to get others to respect and love you. That won’t stop the commercials, though, from appealing to your desire to “fit in.”) . Some people like you, some people don’t.  But you can certainly tilt the table in your favor if you are simply nice to others.  As the old saying goes, “What goes around, comes around.”  I think the scariest thing to think about as a parent is the fact that your child will one day be on their own.  And someday, you won’t always be there for them, be it because they are independent and are out on the real world, or you have passed on to the next life.  Scary and humbling for sure.

My simple wish for my kids, that I think underlies all of my actions with them as a mom, is to make sure they love others, and thus, in return, I hope they will be loved, too.  I want them to have friends and support.  When they are little, the support and loving environment is set up for them, and me, my husband, and our collection of supportive family (e.g. aunts, uncles, grandmas and grandpas) all love my kids to pieces.  As my children get older and start getting into the school system (Maddie is already there!), this circle expands. Teachers, classmates, bus drivers, staff, coaches.  I think this mimics our entry into the “real world” as well.  Each year and each step along the way toward becoming an “adult,” we are introduced to a bigger social circle and more variables when it comes to “fitting in” to the world.  It is scary.  But it is also an opportunity to gain support and community.

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Mmmm…chocolate covered pretzels! Even more delicious, though, are these cute smiles and the sibling love I see in this photo.

I think another challenge I set for myself as a parent is trying to balance sensitivity and confidence in my children.  I want my child to be in tune with others’ emotions.  This is no easy task, and one that is learned through trial and error and nurturing our emotional intelligence.  I am sure we all know some adults who could learn to be more sensitive.  At the same time, though, we do not want our children to be over-sensitive, and afraid to engage in social situations.  This takes practice, and I still struggle with this concept.  A counterpoint, then, to sensitivity, in my mind, would be self confidence.  I would want my children to have a nice balance of the two qualities in their personalities: sensitivity and self confidence.  What is the right ratio of the two?  I have no idea.  I have a feeling it is different for different people and different personalities.  I am sure parenting (and life) would be a lot easier if we knew how to navigate social and emotional situations better.  Where is the instruction manual for parenting, and for life? I think, though, by my reflection on this topic and being mindful of this goal, I will better nurture both of these qualities in my children.  I hope, too, I am also working to develop these two qualities in myself.  As a physician, I see how both sensitivity and a sense of self-confidence are crucial to delivering good quality, yet compassionate, care.  Too much of one or the other is not a good thing.

yellow plush toy
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

So again, this is my simple, but challenging, wish I have for my children.  I will love my children with all of my heart, forever.  That will not change.  But some day, I hope that by my example and by my gentle guidance, they will be good and loving to others in all they do.  It will ideally be an auto-pilot kind of behavior, that is, to be nice to others, and I won’t need to be sitting over their shoulder making sure they are doing the right thing.  They will be sensitive to the needs of others, and yet confident in their own abilities and actions to get things done, and not be overburdened by fear or self doubt.  And, I hope that by being loving and caring to others, good karma will come around and they will be loved in return, even after I am gone.

 

Make Work Optional…A Lofty But Inspiring Goal

My daughter insightfully declared a few weeks ago…”I wish you didn’t have to work.”  That simple, innocent statement stuck with me since.  I think this occurred after I explained I was too tired to do something with her that she wanted to do.  Kids really pick up on associations quickly, huh?  Work steals away some of my time and energy, and thus takes away some of the time and energy I have to devote to my family.  I replied honestly that I wish I didn’t have to work either.  Wouldn’t that be wonderful, having financial security to thus regain time back with those you love?

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Hoping for more carefree times like this with my little gal.

As I explained in my post about financial independence, I think I have found a really neat life tool to get to my desire to make work optional.  I am one that always needs things to do.  I like to make “To Do” lists on my phone or in my journal, and I like to keep planning ahead for the future.  So I don’t think I will ever sit still too long. However, as my daughter alluded to, work prevents me often from doing what I would rather be doing.  One huge value and priority in my life is family and nurturing my relationships with my family members.  And often my 8 hour work day takes away from that. It would be nice to have more flexibility to instead work say part time, and set my schedule myself for when I would want to work.

I read a great book on this very topic, that is financial independence and making work optional, a few months ago: Work Optional: Retire Early the Non-Penny-Pinching Way, by Tanja Hester.  I would recommend this read to anyone wanting to learn more about financial independence.  I really liked how the author spelled out a pathway to learning your values and priorities and life, and then extrapolating how financial independence can give you the power to then create the type of life you want.  She also spells out some math on how to achieve this, including the calculators for determining your needed “Financial independence” number (i.e. 25x your annual spending) that I have described in my financial independence post, and other authors in the financial independence community have also described.

woman wearing grey long sleeved top photography
Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels.com

I like her different take on buckets of money for those pursuing early retirement as well, with some funds preserved to be used true older retirement (i.e. after age 59 1/2 or 60) and other funds you plan to use in early retirement (i.e. in your 30s, 40s, and/or 50s).  There are ways to tap into your retirement savings earlier with the Roth IRA conversion ladder technique (see an explanation of this topic here), but I appreciated the author’s idea of keeping your funds separate.  After all, one great fear of any retiree is if you will run out of money.  It would not be pretty or pleasant to have to return to work in your 50s or 60s, after being out of the workforce for several years.  Indeed, it would be challenging, and you could not re-enter the workforce at the same place you left.  Given your gap in working, several employers would likely question your motives or your competence.  And you would probably need to either take a paycut and start lower down in your chosen career path, or pick a different line of work with less pay.

By separating out your funds that way, you can better control for future ups and downs in your spending needs and the market. Things taking a turn for the worse in your investments?  Having different buckets would mean your age 60+ funds are still left alone to grow and regain things (hopefully) in the future when the market rebounds.  But to compensate, you can use your early retirement funds more wisely and more frugally, e.g. taking out a smaller percentage e.g. 3-3.5%, and perhaps taking on a side gig to compensate.

I have also read some other books on the topic, including Financial Freedom: A Proven Path to All the Money You Will Ever Need, by Grant Sabatier, and Quit Like a Millionaire: No Gimmicks, Luck, or Trust Fund Required, by Kristy Shen and Bryce Leung.  All of these authors have different ways they approached their journeys to financial independence and achieved it, and offer their own advice to readers who want to follow the pathway, too.   I think all of these different perspectives show there are multiple pathways to get to where you want to go with the financial independence journey.  In fact, this shows there are multiple answers sometimes to one problem.

My current finances do not allow me to stop working just yet, or go part time (which is a less scary path I am considering in the near future).  However, I think hearing my daughter’s wish the other day, “I wish you didn’t have to work,” rekindled my commitment in my path to achieving financial independence. Getting to a point where work is optional would be a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.  If something were to happen where I did need to quit, or the market were to change and my job security were to be lost, having that power of financial independence would be so freeing and empowering.  I could foresee in the future that the challenge of balancing it all as a busy doctor mom and working mom could get to be too much.  Right now, I feel that I am happy in my current roles and in my current busy life, but this may not always be the case.

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I love this happy kid! I hope to prioritize my life and time to spend more time with those I love most, namely my husband and kids.

I think I’ll remind myself of my daughter’s innocent statement (“I wish you didn’t have to work!”) each time I analyze my finances and my path to financial independence.  It is important to look at where you are, but it is important also to see where you are going, and to live this life intentionally and with purpose.   My pursuit of financial independence, I feel, is my tool to regaining control over my life and my time.

“I Can’t Know…” Recognizing Your Limitations and Embracing Them

When my young toddler son was first mastering language, he used to have an amusing way of telling us he didn’t know something.  He would say “I can’t know” if he didn’t know the answer to something we asked him, instead of “I don’t know.  He has outgrown this to a degree, and now properly says “I don’t know” (and I miss his cute unintentional “toddler euphemism,” if you will).

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“I can’t know” what is in this ice cream delicacy, but I DO know it is delicious. And very blue. (And coincidentally, it coordinates nicely with my outfit for the day. A fashionable bonus!)

But thinking further about this, his former answer of “I can’t know” can be a sign of humility and recognition of your own mental faculties.  You can’t know everything.   In spite of your best efforts to study and read and try to understand the world and all of its workings, it is impossible to be correct and right 100% of the time.  And it is impossible to understand everything all of the time.  This can be a hard pill for many of us to swallow.  We like to have certainty in our lives.  We like to have a better handle and understanding of the way this world works.  It is liberating and truly wise, however, to recognize that there are things in this world that are beyond understanding.

I think realizing you have limitations is a powerful skill.  Some may see this as weakness.  But I think carrying a bias that you are invincible or all knowing as actually a weakness.  It is foolhardy to think you know everything.  This may harm others, or harm yourself.  Take, for example, a doctor that feels they know all and treat their patient with what they feel is correct.  But, in reality, the doctor is not up to date on the latest study or studies, and is practicing outdated medicine.  It is good to be confident, but it is wrong to be overconfident.

I see my son’s statement as a short way to express humility.  “I can’t know.”  I can’t know the answer to every question.  I can’t know all the latest news or studies.  But I can look it up, or ask someone who does.  I think humility is a mark of true wisdom.  Humility is hard to come by sometimes.  But I hope to instill this trait of humility in my children through example.  I admire those with humility, as I can see these folks as acting confidently but also with a healthy realization that they have a lot to learn or a lot to improve on in life.  We are all works in progress, and that is what makes life so challenging but interesting.

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Life is about balance. A good metaphor for the balance between humility and confidence would be the balance of the cool, refreshing wetness of swimming, and the hot, warming phase of drying off and lounging beside the pool. Each are different and contrasting, but the balance of the two makes for a fun and memorable summer day!

It is important to have confidence, surely, as without it, I would not accomplish anything or finish any task set before me. I would be trapped in fear of the unknown or getting things wrong, or anxious that I would not be doing everything “just so.”  However, a healthy dose of humility mixed with confidence, I think, breeds success.  By seeing where I can improve, I can then focus future actions on correcting that shortcoming.  What is the right mix of the two (that is, humility and confidence)?  I am sure it is different for different people and different situations.  I believe the first step, though, is recognizing that both are worthwhile and important to balance in our lives and actions.  And I will continue to try to exemplify this for my children as I take on my daily tasks as  physician, wife, and mother.

Fake It Till You Make it: My Workaround for Imposter Syndrome

I’ve felt like an imposter many times in my medical career. I felt this particularly in my sharp transition from medical school to residency.  What in the world was this hospital thinking?  They are letting me, a brand new medical school graduate, make medical decisions for patients!  But…I don’t feel ready, or qualified.  How am I supposed to know what I am doing?  Everyone else around me seems to know what is going on.  I guess I will act like I do too…

This idea of “Faking it till you make it” has helped me in these times of self doubt. It certainly helped in my transition from lowly med student to (slightly higher) rung of intern, and then to (again a slightly higher) rung of senior resident.  And it has helped me as I have transitioned to each of my attending jobs.  I found I was repeating this mantra to myself (“Fake it till you make it!”) often as I made the move from traditional brick and mortar medicine to telemedicine.

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Photo by Andrew Neel on Pexels.com

To grow and change, sometimes you have to throw yourself into uncomfortable situations.  The discomfort is tangible and hard. But without these challenging situations, we would not improve. Exercise plans and training plans have taught me that in my running development.  As I push myself to bigger limits with running and walking and weight training, I can see myself getting stronger, faster, and better.  Without that stress and strain on my body, however, and pushing myself to do hard things, I would not improve.

I think the same goes with my career development and my development as a physician.  I think the level of responsibility needed to be a physician is huge, and physicians as a whole place large expectations on ourselves. The practice of medicine is a high stakes game. We are often expected to make decisions for our patients that are crucial and difficult. Medicine is partly science, but it also an art.  This less definitive “art” side of medicine can be difficult to fathom, and sometimes difficult to navigate, especially as a young physician.  And this lack of concreteness in what is expected of you as a physician breeds a feeling of not measuring up., this “imposter syndrome” if you will.

blue and silver stetoscope
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I don’t think this concept of imposter syndrome is unique to physicians.  Indeed, I have felt this as a mother as well.  I remember being a new mom and wondering how in the world I was expected to handle all these weird new challenges and expectations as a mother of a newborn.  I definitely felt uncomfortable and out of my element.  But again, I took on the idea of “Fake it till you make it” and put on a brave face, followed the examples of other moms out there, and proceeded.  Eventually, with practice and time, things did get easier.  I still feel uncomfortable at times with mothering as it is again unclear and there is an art to the role of parenting.  But I have realized pretty much all of us have these insecurities and have times of not being sure what to do.  What I do is analyze a situation or decision to be made, do the best I can with the information I have in front of me, try to do what is best for me and/or my family, and then act on it.

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Feeling comfortable and more experienced in my role as mama now, but there are definitely time I feel a bit out of my league. In times of distress or feeling unsure, I try to smile, put my best foot forward, and “fake it till I make it!”

I have also felt this imposter sensation as a runner.  I resumed running about 2 years ago after a long hiatus due to training stress, medical school stress, residency stress, and new parent stress. But I set about to resume running after challenging myself to a New Year’s resolution in 2017 of running a half marathon.  And since, through practice, trial and error, and grit, I have stuck with my running practice and have gotten better. I will not lie, the first 6-12 months were hard work as I built up my cardiovascular fitness, my stamina, and strength. There were injuries along the road that definitely made things even more challenging.   Now, though, running has become second nature and a way for me to vent daily stressors.  It is my therapy.  I listened to a podcast episode from Marathon Training Academy, “Running Outside The Comfort Zone” from July 31, 2019.  In this episode, the hosts of the show interview Susan Lacke, an author who also felt feelings of imposter syndrome as a runner.  I could definitely relate to her thoughts on the matter, and could see parallels to imposter syndrome not just as a runner but as a mother and physician as well.  If you want some inspiration on carrying forward in spite of feelings of inadequacy or feeling “not good enough,” I would recommend giving that episode a listen.

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Photo by RUN 4 FFWPU on Pexels.com

Just looking at my small snippets of roles in life, I have seen how imposter syndrome has permeated how I feel about myself.  I see it as normal, however, and a sign that I am being thrust into a new, scary situation, but that is a good thing.  Without challenges and adversity in life, how are we to grow?  So instead of seeing the butterflies in your stomach as a problem, I would think of that sign of discomfort as a sign you are going to be facing something that will help you improve, be it in your career, in your hobbies, or in your role as a parent/spouse/family member.  And when you feel a bit less confident in a situation but you need to do it anyway, put on a brave face, a smile, and fake it.  I’ve been surprised myself how much that really does help me, and I surprise myself all the time with how much I am able to accomplish.

What I Hope To Teach My Kids

I think my ultimate goal as a parent is to raise happy, well adjusted little people that will some day turn into adult versions of themselves that in turn are productive members of society that will be liked and loved by those around them.  Not too much to ask, right?   How in the world can you accomplish that?  Indeed, it is no easy task.  And parenting is not being simply a boss or drill sergeant.  You are not casting these children out of clay to create them in the exact image you want.  There is an art to parenthood. And when kids get to a certain age, you are often simply guiding them, and hoping the lessons you are teaching will influence their behaviors.  Indeed, I see parallels in my work as a physician working with my patients.  I am only with my patients for a fraction of their days or weeks or months.  I discuss with them what I would like for their health and well being, and then, it is the patient’s prerogative to either follow that advice or not.  The patient is in control of their own health destiny, not me.  I think the same thing eventually goes with our kids. They are under our roof for a brief moment in time from age o to 18 (though of course, this feels like an eternity).  Eventually, they will be on their own.  Scary, right?

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Swing fun!

Here are the big lessons I hope to teach my kids:

  1. Be nice.  Being kind to others is a way to make the world a better place.  This does not mean being a pushover.  But it does help to be nice in life to gain friends.  And being a jerk certainly won’t win you many admirers.  This can be a tough thing to teach a toddler or young child.  However, I think eventually, the playground teaches kids that if they are not nice, they won’t have too many playmates.  And that isn’t very fun.
  2. Do the right thing, even when no one is looking. This includes telling the truth, even when it hurts.  Of  course, there is tact in life, and there is a time and place to be gentle and kind with your words, which is a skill I think all of us struggle with.  This integrity and honesty concept is a tough thing to teach, and more something I hope to emulate for my kids.  Honesty, unfortunately, is also not a given in our society.  Indeed, I wish more of the world were honest.  Too often, we witness folks cutting corners as they reason, “well, what does it really matter?”  I feel it does matter, at least to me, to know I did a job to the best possible ability I could at the time.  I can look back at the product of my work and know that it is the best work I could put out there.
  3. Try new things.  As I get older, I find it is easy to get set in my ways, and avoid the unknown.  But branching out and trying new things every few months forces me to grow.  And it is a heck of a lot more fun than doing the same old thing over and over again.  As the years go on, I hope to never stop learning, or being creative. I hope to always try to do new things.  By setting an example in my own life of being open to new things, I hope my kids also are adventurous with their time and talents.
  4. Work hard, play hard.  Life is a balancing act. It is important to put your best foot forward when you are working.  But it is also important to take a step back and truly relax.  This latter part of life, relaxing, does not always come easy to me.  However, I see that practicing and emulating relaxing and self care releases some of my pent up stress and helps me recover and become a better version of me.  It also shows a good example for my children as they start advancing into the school system.  As the old adage goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.  And who wants to be dull or boring?  There is too much of life to live and so much to learn about.
  5. Save. This means being diligent and careful with your resources. This includes your time and money.  Money is a tough thing to teach to kids, but I again plan to do this by example by living a deliberate, relatively frugal life.

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One child happy, one child not so much. Can’t win them all, I guess.

I’m sure there are other great lessons out there to teach kids, but these are the ones I truly value right now. And who knows? This may change as the next several years wear on.  I see these lessons, however, not just something to instill in my kids, but as something I hope to also strive for, as I hope to become the best version of me that I can be.

Where Did the Time Go? My Daughter is Starting 1st Grade Soon!

It seems like a short time ago I was pregnant with my daughter during my medical residency.  (In reality, though, that was 7 years ago.  Where did those years go?) . I can still recall…

It seems like a short time ago I was pregnant with my daughter during my medical residency.  (In reality, though, that was 7 years ago.  Where did those years go?) . I can still recall wearing maternity clothes and compression stockings during my pregnancy, dealing with being on my feet while carrying her and being a resident.  I can remember the fatigue as I was working and as she was developing within me during my pregnancy. Coupling all of the pregnancy demands with my medical residency expectations, I am not sure now how I managed it all. This was of course an early example of my busy doctor mom life in the making.

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My daughter will be swinging into 1st grade soon!

I remember being in the hospital for her delivery, and the newness and fear and  associated with being a brand new parent.  (They are giving us this small being, and we get to take them home with us?  But…what do we do now?)  I also remember taking her to the doctor for her newborn checkup a couple of days after going home from the hospital.  A wee little thing at that point, she was 5 lbs, 4 oz at that visit.  I remember a fellow parent in the waiting room commented on how tiny she looked.

Now, this little girl is 6 years old. She is about to enter 1st grade later this month!  I can hardly believe this, as time seems to be marching on without me realizing it.  The advice by fellow parents is right – time really does fly by, sometimes going too fast.

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Photo by samer daboul on Pexels.com

I value my time with my kids now when they are little.  But it can be trying and exhausting, and sometimes I find myself wishing they were both a bit older.  That would give me a break from all of the hands on care that toddlers and young children require.  But other times, I realize this time is fleeting.  And raising older kids will introduce a whole host of new challenges – school activities and after school activities, navigating the social scene, etc.  There will be a time my kids do not want me to hold them (and I won’t be able to carry them as they will be too heavy/too big!).  They won’t want to hold my hand, being too cool/too old for it.  They won’t want me to cuddle with them at the end of the day.  It will tug at my heart for sure when that day comes.  But I am trying to imprint on my memory now the times I have with them when they are little.

This time with my children is a gift.  We get 18 years to raise them, and guide them on this path of life.  I hope to raise 2 strong, hard working people.  We still have quite a ways to go.  But looking at my calendar and seeing “Maddie’s first day of 1st grade” is around the bend, I realize that this 18 years is going by faster than it seems.  I think looking forward is good, to plan, and to arrange a life you want.  But it is also vital to look back and see how far we’ve come, and to really take time to enjoy the present moment.

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Feeling blessed and fortunate to have these two little ones in my life.

Time is precious, and unfortunately, it is not renewable.  You can’t get time back.  (But wouldn’t time travel be amazing?)  I hope I am spending my time wisely, particularly as I am spending it with my husband and children.  I am so grateful for my family and this time I have with them.  Looking back on past memories (good and bad helps solidify this gratitude within me, and makes me proud of how far we’ve come.  On hard days, especially, it is easy for me to overlook this gift of time.  But I try to remind myself of the positive, and how beautiful and powerful being a parent truly is.  I hope to never forget how valuable this time is with my family, and how blessed I am to travel on this life journey with my husband and children.