I am enjoying a laid back day off today, and a relatively light weekend ahead. I will try to catch up on hobbies. And I also hope to start thinking ahead for the coming year. With that forward look though, I will try to look back and think about all I have accomplished in 2023.
I often get tunnel-visioned in my busy life, seeing only the day ahead or the week ahead, primarily looking at the present. I often fail to see how much better my life has become. A comfortable home. Good health. A career that brings me satisfaction and accomplishment. Relationships with family and friends. Progression in my hobbies and past-times.
Maybe this could be my new hobby. I am definitely not a strong skater. Let’s say I have a lot of potential. Hoping my family can help teach me their ways!
In the year ahead, I hope I can keep up this habit of looking to my future and looking at the past. I think this gives me greater appreciation for how much I have, and how much I have grown. And how much more living and growing I have to do.
Some goals I have for the year include:
-Running a half marathon in the summer. I invested in working with a coach to hone my skills and keep improving.
-Blogging more often, as a way to reflect and grow.
-Spending quality time with my family and friends. Aiming for time with family every 1-2 weeks and time with friends once a month or more.
-Traveling with intention and for joy.
-Continuing to learn languages with Duolingo.
-Continuing to play piano and guitar as an outlet for creativity and relaxation.
-Reading 40 books. I am definitely behind right now but I can feel things starting to pickup. Thank you snow days and cold weather, driving us inside!
Yay for snow days!
-Continuing to save and invest, spending money and time with intention to optimize comfort and joy in life. Avoiding squandering my money or time on things that are not going to return comfort or joy.
-Learn a new skill. I am thinking of trying something in the arts and crafts realm.
I will use this post as a way to reflect at the halfway point and endpoint of the year ahead to gauge how I am growing and meeting my goals. I know perfection is impossible but progression is definitely achievable and laudable. Growing just a little bit each day or week or year will be tremendous. Now it is time to go back to my day off and enjoy this time to unwind and ponder.
6 years ago, almost to the day, my family and I were able to bring our son, Luca, home from the NICU after a 12 day stay following his premature birth. It was a very triumphant, heartfelt moment, and I am forever grateful that his stay resulted in good health, with no lasting complications. He is a healthy 6 year old boy now, and I sometimes forget how tiny he was back then. I remember how happy and relived I was to finally take him home, safe and sound, after his hospital stay.
Mr. Luca at his 1 year old birthday. Proud big sister not far away, always eager to help and guide him.
He was born about 4 weeks early, at 35 weeks+6 days. Due to him being so young, he was having problems maintaining his temperature. Hence, he spent many days spent in the NICU under the experienced, watchful eyes of the nurses and physicians. Being postpartum, I was full of emotions and was fatigued and overwhelmed, but I had an underpinning, massive desire to take my new little guy home. I was indescribably happy when the NICU team gave us the good news that March 10, 2016 would be Mr. Luca’s discharge date, and we could take him home with us to help complete our family.
Thinking back, I contemplated how different the results would have been for both me and my child decades ago. I am astounded and amazed each day by modern medicine and all of the knowledge and technology we have acquired. It enabled my son’s care to go so smoothly and enabled such good outcomes. I realize our issues were very small in retrospect as well, compared to other family’s trials. I can only imagine with what other families go through with children born even earlier or with more challenging health concerns. My outcomes also would like have been very different if the physicians and nurses did not have their experience and modern technology to monitor me closely, with my vitals, how my labor was progressing, and how my child was doing during the labor process.
Seeing also how doctors care for me and my family as we see them, I marvel at how different things were 50-100 years ago. I often credit our good health and good outcomes on all of this collective knowledge our healthcare teams have obtained.
Working in telemedicine, a relatively new player in medicine, I see that medicine still has a lot of evolution to go. I know that telemedicine has limitations, but it also opens many doors in caring for patients. I can see them right where they live and work. I can see patients with limited access to care, and all it takes is each of us having a good device (computer, cell phone, or tablet) and a good internet connection. I never shy from telling patients when telemedicine is not the right avenue to go down. But I am surprised each day by how much I can accomplish, and how grateful patients and their families are for the care we provide with this service.
Going forward, I will keep observing how modern medicine can help me, my family members and friends, and my patients. I know that things will always evolve and change, as things must. I hope that things continue to evolve and improve. I hope good and better outcomes become common place. I hope that everyone can enjoy better health because of all of these continued changes and advances.
Today I turn 40! At 40, I feel I am right at middle age. I sure hope to live longer than 80, but reaching 80 seems like a decent and reasonable life span I can achieve in this day and age. Of course, I have no control over how long I may get to be on this planet. But I will do what I can to optimize both the quantity and quality of my life through what I can control: my choices and decisions in life and my mindset. I am by no means perfect, and I never will be. But I feel that by being a work in progress, I can hopefully live a healthier, fuller, and fulfilling life.
Circa January 2022. Posing for the camera, smiles all around!
Do I feel 40? Sometimes, but sometimes not. Some days, for sure, I do, when I get a tight or strained muscle (thank goodness for massages!), or my joints in my hands or feet ache a bit, I am out of touch with the youngest generation I am seeing as a patient (I am still blown away there are college aged “adults” who were born when I graduated high school. Insane). Or when I see the wrinkles (ahem, “lines of dignity”) as I examine my face. I feel also, though, that I am just getting started in this thing called adulthood. I get a sense I just finished high school, college, and med school a short time ago. I cannot shake the feeling that I just got married, bought our house, and had our two kids a “year or two ago.” Reality hits, though, and I realize these milestones are all many years behind me. (And don’t even remind me I graduated high school over 2 decades ago!)
My hope for this day is simply to reflect and stay in the moment and chill. I don’t have any grand plans for this day. I am thankful that I have a rare day off from work. And that my to-do list today is short. I have a rare moment of quiet in this house as the kids are at school and my husband is at work. My pet kitten, Oscar, is keeping me quiet (and sometimes rambunctious) company today as well as I reflect.
I am grateful for this quiet, slower moment to myself without hustle and bustle. I like this quiet day off to truly analyze where I am at. Today, I am happy I get to slow down and simply to think about where I am now, where I have been, and where I hope to go. My goal for the coming year is to continue to nourish my career, my relationships, and my self growth. I realize life is about tradeoffs and time is finite, so I cannot tackle all of these all at once, nor can I maximize everything or make everything perfect. But I hope to make myself just 1% better this year in my professional life and my personal life. And I hope to treat myself well and accept “good enough” when it truly is sufficient and all that I need. And as each year goes forward, I hope I can keep compounding another 1% improvement each and every year to reach the very best version of me.
My favorite season is now back…fall. The weather has been what feels like unseasonably warm so I am welcoming the promise of cooler, brisker weather. I am sprinkling some pumpkin spice in my coffee in the morning to celebrate the time of year. And the return of my favorite fall ale, Block House Pumpkin Ale, at the beverage store is a highlight for the season. I stocked up this year on a case, so I am happily well set on this fall staple.
I also appreciate how this time of year is a time for children to resume a new school year, so it feels like things are starting over. I know that January 1 is the beginning of the calendar year, but the fall for me feels like it is kicking off new beginnings.
I think also the fall is my favorite time of year as it kicks off a series of fun holidays for my little ones …Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I love watching them get excited for these festivities, and it brings me back to a time when I too when get very excited for them. I do still enjoy the holidays, but they carry a more special kind of magic when you are a child.
As I go through September and into October, I tend to revisit my goals as well for the year, as this is the time of year of my work anniversary. Along with setting professional/work goals this time of year, I strive to come up with a personal goal or two to focus on, and I try to look back on how far I have come in the last year. I find it amazing how fast and slow time can go, seemingly at the same time. A week can drag on forever, but it feels like I am still in my 20s, but here I am approaching age 40. I look forward to the next couple of months of brisk (but not too cold yet!) weather, pumpkin ale, and reflecting on where I have been and where I hope to go in the next year.
I am finding it challenging to stay motivated during this COVID-19 pandemic. The lack of in person races is particularly a roadblock for me with my exercise goals. I would use the act of signing up for races as a motivation to start and stick with a new training plan. The training plan would be added to my calendar, providing a framework each week for my exercise. This exercise would help develop me physically but also help improve my mental health, as a form of moving meditation, time away from others and being alone, and improving my self-esteem by achieving little goals (achieving “X” amount of miles per week, doing 2 strength workouts per week, etc).
I miss the fun of in person races and adding completed races to my lifelong list if accomplishments. I have tried virtual races before and now, but I feel these just are not the same for me. When the time comes to safely return to in person races, I will truly cherish this. Toeing the line and running with others is a fun challenge that I miss right now.
One thing that is keeping me going is envisioning the fun that will be had returning to an in person race. I will value the first race back. Lining up at the start line. Reveling in the prerace festivities. Running the race and enjoying the camaraderie of fellow runners. And best of all, crossing the finish line and feeling a large sense of accomplishment after finishing not just the race, but the several week training plan prior to ensure a successful race. I hope this gratitude and appreciation will carry forward in the future as well, as it truly is a gift to have events together with others.
Though I cannot race in person right now, something that I have found helpful is setting a small but doable goal each week. My current goal is to do 3-4 workouts per week. This is a far cry from my prior intense marathon training plans that sometimes entailed 5-6 workouts per week, each often averaging 1-2 hours in length. But setting a doable goal has helped me set my mental and physical health a priority each week. And achieving “checkboxes” each week has helped me stay motivated.
I look forward to a return to “normal” times in the future. But in the mean time, adjusting to a change of pace via smaller doable goals is my way of staying on track. And this COVID-19 pandemic, though challenging, scary, and different, has afforded me more time to slow down, which is a much needed reprieve for this busy mom.
I recently had an awakening call about the finite aspect of life. This lesson was given to me by our pet cat, Pixie.
Our cat saying “hi” to the camera.
We have had Pixie now for about 11 years. She has been a steadfast fixture of our family for over a decade now. She is a typical cat, I think, with her personality. She is very opinionated and particular in how/when she is petted (that is, not very often, and on her own schedule, and you better not forget that, or she will remind you firmly each and every time).
In June, our cat suddenly became sick. (She is usually healthy and fortunately not on any chronic medications. I only take her to the vet (begrudgingly for her) for annual checkups and vaccinations.) That weekend in June, she was having unusual accidents outside of the litter box, which was very atypical. She was not eating or drinking, which again was very unusual. (She is a “foodie” if I every met one, and she loves her meal time. She vocalizes to me with a loud “Meow!” to feed her each morning and afternoon when I walk near her bowl.) She was hiding in our basement behind a door to avoid being touched, another new and alarming behavior.
We decided to take her to the vet ER, as of course, this occurred on a Sunday evening when the vet offices were not open. And the check in process was adjusted and different due to the COVID-19 pandemic, and I needed to drop her off in the parking lot and wait in my car. (I fortunately never had to take her to the vet ER, so this was all new territory for me.) After an evaluation behind closed doors, I received a call from the vet with news I dreaded deep down but hoped and prayed that I would not get: they found a large mass in Pixie’s abdomen. And malignancy (cancer) was high on the list of possibilities.
Given how sick she was, and not eating or drinking or not acting normally, I opted to have her stay overnight for further testing and IV hydration. The testing confirmed a mass, and likely again cancer and namely lymphoma was most suspected. Surgery would not solve this, and other therapy (for example, chemotherapy) would be options, but not a definitive cure. We opted to stop further testing, and instead pursue a palliative approach, as aggressive testing and therapy would not really prolong life much longer, perhaps 6 months. (And from my experience seeing testing and therapy in humans for malignancy, I could foresee this route of aggressive medical therapy giving lesser quality of life, with only slight increase in quantity of life.) This was a difficult decision but one we felt was best for Pixie.
Since this unhappy event, I personally have taken life more seriously and have been reminded it is delicate. I cherish all of my time with my cat and all the people I love. Luckily, with a prescription prednisolone (a steroid) daily, and the IV hydration in the vet hospital, our cat’s life has approached a bit of normalcy. I have noticed she more content now to sit and sleep a bit more, and seems less active than usual. But she is back to using her litter box normally, and eating and drinking again. She is purring and begging for pets when it (again) suits her. We are spoiling her more with her favorites (more tuna, cream, and cat treats). She still has a limited prognosis, but her quality of life seems good. And we get some time to be with her and a more gradual way to say goodbye.
One our our cat’s favorite poses, one I call “Time to Sunbathe.”
This experience has highlighted to me that life is unfortunately not forever. It will be my children’s first lesson with death, which is a very difficult topic. We have discussed this with my daughter and son as foreshadowing of what is to come, but I am sure the actual ending will be hard for all of us. The pandemic also runs parallel to this, and I think this has given me more to ponder about life and death, and all of what we can control and cannot. It is not a fun topic to think about. But this reminder that life is finite has reminded me to enjoy life each day as it comes, and to live in the moment.
It is nice to dream about what a perfect day would look like. I think it personally helps me to strive to improve things I can in my life, to get closer and closer to that perfect day. Sure, perfections is not entirely possible, as there are things in life we have to do that we would rather not – chores, necessary mundane tasks, etc. It is important to accept the imperfections in life. But I think it is nice to have a picture in my mind what my perfect day would look like. If you haven’t tried this experiment before, I would recommend it, as it may be eye opening to you. You may see things you are doing that do NOT fit into that perfect day. Maybe it is time to do less of those things, or stop them altogether. Instead, it would be better to start focusing time and energy on things you love and things you want to be doing more of. And on days off e.g. the weekend, it may direct you to do the activities and passions that light you up, instead of squandering your free time on things that may not energize and refresh you.
A perfect day would certainly include ample quality time with my loves.
At any rate, here is how my perfect day would go:
Wake up when I felt like it.
No alarms. No need to get up at a set time. I could set my own schedule each and every day, as desired. Or have no schedule if desired. I am more productive in the mornings so I would likely have a lot of activities planned each morning. So I wouldn’t necessarily sleep in. But it would be nice to have the freedom and option to do so!
I prefer exercising in the morning when my mind and body are fresh. This is different for different people, but that seems to agree with me better. With the way my schedule is now, that isn’t really possible during the work week, as I start my workday early in the morning. It would be nice, though, to have the liberty of exercising when I would prefer.
Time for reading, journaling, and meditation.
I would love to have more time to read and learn, journal, and meditate. I feel these revive me, and I learn a lot by doing these activities. In addition, it helps offload my mind and the stressors I may be carrying. I do not have the luxury of doing these activities as much as I would like. Having more free time each day to do this I think would really boost my mental health and productivity.
Time and energy to spend with my family.
Sometimes I am very drained after a tough day at work. I regretfully sometimes approach my evenings with my family with fatigue and not much “left in the tank” to give to those I love. It would be nice to keep some of my energy reserves intact to nurture the relationships with my loved ones.
Time in the evening to decompress and reflect on my day.
My days are busy and jampacked. Sometimes I regretfully go through the actions, going from one task to the next – wake up, get ready, work, get dinner ready, pickup the kids, get the kids and myself ready for bed, conk out. I don’t always make the time to decompress and rewire myself. And I wish I also spent more time reflecting on the day and how it went. What did I really like? What did I hate? What will I try to repeat again in the future? What will I try to avoid? I think that could be accomplished via self reflection, journaling, or talking through my day with my husband. But often times, I don’t make this daily reflection a priority.
Getting to bed on time after a relaxing bedtime routine, and getting enough sleep.
I strive right now to get 6.5 hours of sleep at least per night. Sometimes I reach that, sometimes I regretfully do not. Should I be getting more? Probably. But it is hard to squeeze in all of the things I want to do. In a perfect day, however, it would be great to get 7-8 hours of sleep. And prior to sleep, to have a relaxing, calming bedtime routine each night, instead of forcing myself to close my eyes, and being anxious about getting enough sleep for the next day.
Final Thoughts on the Elusive but Laudable “Perfect Day”
I realize it isn’t possible to always have life go as planned. But having this ideal day in mind has helped me prioritize things I want to do, and like to do. And I have tried to cut down on things that do not serve me, such as too much social media scrolling (still guilty of this, though, more often than I would like), TV or video watching, or checking email (a time suck oftentimes). I have tried to set a list of priorities each day, and do the ones that I feel are most important, including spending time with my family and those I love, reading and writing, exercise, and trying to get enough self care and sleep. Other things are nice and fun to do, but I think if I hit those priorities at least to a small degree each day, I feel like I have accomplished a lot. My life may not be perfect, but it is a work in progress and I have the power to change it. Each day is refreshingly its own entity, and each morning gives me the opportunity to start over with a blank slate. As I take my life one day at a time, I hope to get closer and closer to a life and routine that will make me a happier, more productive version of me.
Always striving and scheming to rearrange my life, to create more quality time with this smiling face.
We all have bad days. Let’s face it – life isn’t always perfect. I think having a great day is awesome, but things cannot always go the way you want them to. The less perfect days for me, though, make the better days seem even better and more enjoyable. I hope that through planning and optimism, though, I can keep the bad days to a minimum. I cannot prevent all bad days from happening, so I do have things that have helped me persevere through the bad days.
As an homage to the children’s book by Judith Viorst, here are things I have done to help me get through a terrible, no good, very bad day.
Remind myself that “This too shall pass.”
Bad days are not going to last forever. Even a bad situation will eventually end e.g. a meeting that is not going well, or a workout that is not going to plan. I try to remind myself that there is “light at the end of the tunnel” and if I stick it out, I will get through this rough patch. (And probably I will be better/stronger for it.)
Sometimes a ride is scary or not our favorite, but eventually it will end and you can move on to the next ride you may enjoy better. Stick with it, as you will survive.
Focus on the positive.
It can be easy to dwell on what is not going well, and to commiserate with others on things in life that are not going the way we want them to. However, I think it helps me to force myself to start thinking positive. It may sound hokey, but I think an optimistic outlook gets me out of the doldrums of negativity faster. I think about what I like about my day so far. Wearing an outfit I love. A perfect, hot cup of coffee. An appreciative patient. A funny joke. Fixating on the positive a bit helps me approach the negative with some resilience.
Think of setting a good example for my kids.
My patience and energy level often wan if I am having a bad day. If I see myself, though, losing my temper more easily, I realize this is not a good example to set for my kids. They, too, have bad days. I want to make sure I set an example of strength and positivity in the face of challenges, so they, too, can make it through any adversity, and to do it with grace. All of us have eyes on us, watching what we do, be it family members, friends, coworkers, or clients. I try to remember that my behavior is a reflection of who I am. I want others to see me as patient, calm, and caring. I am not perfect. But if I find myself acting in a way I would NOT want my kids to be acting, I pause and take a step backward. And I try to pivot, rethink my approach to the situation, and to do it better.
These kids are watching me, whether I realize it or not. I try to take on life with gusto and with the hope of living the best life I can. Sometimes that means putting on sunglasses upside down, and embracing the humor!
Take a break.
I try to practice more self care on the bad days. Rather than trying to hunker down and work even harder (a bad habit I have been prone to in the past, as a workaholic), I force myself to at least take a 5 minute break. I walk around the office. Focus on my breathing. Look out the window at nature and appreciate what I have today, another day on this earth. Grab a snack or drink. Go for a workout after a bad day at work to “sweat it out” and work off the negative energy. Get a good night’s sleep. Things always seem fresher and better in the morning, don’t they?
Talk about it.
Getting the bad thoughts off of my chest certainly helps. I try to do this either on my own e.g. through journaling, or with someone I trust and love, like my husband. Getting the bad situation out in the open puts things in perspective. Sometimes I mull over a bad thought too much, and my mind blows it out of proportion. By speaking it out loud to another, or writing it out on paper, I can see the reality of the situation. And the situation may not be as bad as my mind is making it out to be. I try to, in other words, stop making a mountain out of a molehill.
Remind myself that I am not perfect, and life is not perfect.
Nothing in life is perfect. If it were, it would be boring and not very fun to live. Things can come up that are a bit out of the ordinary, and sometimes hard. New stuff can be scary and it is sometimes hard to know what to do in a different situation. Just observe any young child or toddler approaching a new situation to see this idea of “newness=scary” firsthand. But, these new imperfect situations and hurdles in life also give inspiration and a way to change. Sure, the imperfection sometimes leads to heartache, disappointment, and pain. But sometimes, there can be good that can come from imperfection.
I have observed imperfection of life, be it in my workday, or in my pursuits and passions (e.g. a workout where I just feel heavy or exhausted, and I need to stop halfway through). I think, though, this reminds me that I too am not perfect and shouldn’t expect to be. I am a work in progress, as we all are, and this journey of life gives us an opportunity to grow and change. The badness in life, too, can spark an idea within me, leading to creativity where I would least expect it. I may get an idea to improve something in my home, or an idea for something to write or read about, or get an idea to take on a new hobby to strengthen a weakness I have seen inside of me. I hope that I continue to see challenges and “bad days” in life as an opportunity to grow. And these bad days can serve as a reminder that the good days should be relished and appreciated all the more.
I completed my first 20 mile long run for this training cycle (yes, 20 whole miles…gulp!). It was a steady buildup to this distance in my training cycle, so I have been slowly adding a couple miles to my weekly long run over the last few months. Therefore, I knew mentally and physically I was ready for this. However, there were several times in the run where I felt like quitting. Some examples of what runs through my head sometimes: Hmmm…maybe 6 miles would be good enough. My legs feel tired. It would be nice to walk. Or maybe walk home and take the day off. Wow, that person is sitting on that swing. That looks so comfortable. Maybe I could take a quick break and enjoy the view, too. 11.5 miles sounds pretty good, I made it this far, that is a pretty good day. (Yes, I am a running nerd and track my miles by the half mile. have alerts on my phone for every half mile I run. I love to geek out on all the data!)
When these thoughts of bailing out would crop to the surface though, I would argue back in my mind why it would be even better to stick it out. I envision how good it would feel to see the mileage posted on my completed run. Being able to check off my workout on my workout calendar. Personal satisfaction at a job completed as planned.
As long there isn’t anything truly unsafe keeping me from running, I will try to keep going. (Sometimes the weather is a factor. Or a worsening injury is brewing and running is hurting. Then, it is time to stop. Discomfort and fatigue from gaining stamina, athletic ability, and strength are good things. On the other hand, outright pain from a injury is bad. Sometimes it is hard to admit the difference. But in my heart, I can tell the difference as the run progresses. It is better to stop, cut the run short, and live to run another day.
Here are some mental tips I use to keep going on runs I should keep going on (I.e. as long as there is not a sidelining injury in the works, or as long as I won’t be swept away by hurtling winds and bad hail).
–Take it 1 mile at a time. I described in a past post the power of taking each mile as it comes, and focusing on the present. Indeed, this is a good reminder in life also that it is important to take time to be in the moment and not so future (or past) oriented.
–Think about the end goal. I try to visualize myself in my race. What it will feel like to be trekking along on the course. All the fans. All the noises. The fun of the competition. I remind myself that this training run is practice, and this practice will get me to that finish line.
–Think about something I am thankful for. Not everything in life goes well. But there is a ton to be thankful for and not take for granted. I often think to my husband and kids. I think how fortunate I have to be a part of their lives. I try to think of something funny or silly from the day before, an “inside joke” if you will in our own small tight-knit family. I remind myself that this discomfort is temporary. And my runs also give me mental clarity and peace to tackle to stresses of my everyday life.
These two smiling faces often come to mind and rescue me when I need mental distraction from the tedium of a long run.
–Revel in my abilities. Our human bodies are amazing machines. It is hard sometimes to fathom all that goes on inside of us, to keep us going. Particularly amazing, in fact, is how I am able to keep on running. And sometimes running crazy distances, like my recent 20 miler, or 26.2 miles. The mind and body are capable of tremendous and sometimes mind-boggling things. As I am running along and get tired or tempted to quit, I remind myself how amazing it is my legs are moving, or my arms or pumping, or my heart and lungs are moving the blood within me, propelling me cardiovascular wise on my run.
–Think about fun things coming up on the day to come or week to come. Pure distraction is a good technique as well. I sometimes use the repetitive motion of my running as a way to zone out and start thinking about things on my to do list. I strategize how I will fit things in to my afternoon or the work week ahead.
–Listen to some good music, audiobooks, or podcasts. Again, distraction works wonders. I try to have a good playlist on my phone available to turn to if I need some motivating beats. And I also have several podcasts downloaded if I prefer to learn something on my runs. If I am into an audiobook, I will have that downloaded to my phone too, and have that as an option to keep my mind occupied.
As I have progressed and developed as a runner, I have learned the ability to persevere and continue on my quest each run, particularly when approaching a race. I think one last thing that helps me get through a tough run is learning to accept things when they are good enough. I think this is also good training for life – the stamina and grit I gain by sticking it out in a run translates nicely to mental fortitude in real life. And sometimes, a “good enough” day in running or in my work day is just fine. A tough long day ahead of me? I can do it. Heck, I’ve run 20 miles recently (and 26.2 miles before)…if I can do that, I can do anything. I will just take it one minute and one hour at a time.
Not all runs will go perfectly. I may need to bail out if my body can’t handle it, for example, if an injury is forming. But I try to also accept the fact that not everything goes perfectly, and sometimes a run does not feel so great, and that’s okay. There are good days and there are bad days. The bad days, though, make the good days shine in comparison. And the best thing after a run (good or bad) is that feeling of accomplishment! That is probably what keeps me going, and keeps me coming back for more.
It seems like a short time ago I was pregnant with my daughter during my medical residency. (In reality, though, that was 7 years ago. Where did those years go?) . I can still recall…
It seems like a short time ago I was pregnant with my daughter during my medical residency. (In reality, though, that was 7 years ago. Where did those years go?) . I can still recall wearing maternity clothes and compression stockings during my pregnancy, dealing with being on my feet while carrying her and being a resident. I can remember the fatigue as I was working and as she was developing within me during my pregnancy. Coupling all of the pregnancy demands with my medical residency expectations, I am not sure now how I managed it all. This was of course an early example of my busy doctor mom life in the making.
My daughter will be swinging into 1st grade soon!
I remember being in the hospital for her delivery, and the newness and fear and associated with being a brand new parent. (They are giving us this small being, and we get to take them home with us? But…what do we do now?) I also remember taking her to the doctor for her newborn checkup a couple of days after going home from the hospital. A wee little thing at that point, she was 5 lbs, 4 oz at that visit. I remember a fellow parent in the waiting room commented on how tiny she looked.
Now, this little girl is 6 years old. She is about to enter 1st grade later this month! I can hardly believe this, as time seems to be marching on without me realizing it. The advice by fellow parents is right – time really does fly by, sometimes going too fast.
I value my time with my kids now when they are little. But it can be trying and exhausting, and sometimes I find myself wishing they were both a bit older. That would give me a break from all of the hands on care that toddlers and young children require. But other times, I realize this time is fleeting. And raising older kids will introduce a whole host of new challenges – school activities and after school activities, navigating the social scene, etc. There will be a time my kids do not want me to hold them (and I won’t be able to carry them as they will be too heavy/too big!). They won’t want to hold my hand, being too cool/too old for it. They won’t want me to cuddle with them at the end of the day. It will tug at my heart for sure when that day comes. But I am trying to imprint on my memory now the times I have with them when they are little.
This time with my children is a gift. We get 18 years to raise them, and guide them on this path of life. I hope to raise 2 strong, hard working people. We still have quite a ways to go. But looking at my calendar and seeing “Maddie’s first day of 1st grade” is around the bend, I realize that this 18 years is going by faster than it seems. I think looking forward is good, to plan, and to arrange a life you want. But it is also vital to look back and see how far we’ve come, and to really take time to enjoy the present moment.
Feeling blessed and fortunate to have these two little ones in my life.
Time is precious, and unfortunately, it is not renewable. You can’t get time back. (But wouldn’t time travel be amazing?) I hope I am spending my time wisely, particularly as I am spending it with my husband and children. I am so grateful for my family and this time I have with them. Looking back on past memories (good and bad helps solidify this gratitude within me, and makes me proud of how far we’ve come. On hard days, especially, it is easy for me to overlook this gift of time. But I try to remind myself of the positive, and how beautiful and powerful being a parent truly is. I hope to never forget how valuable this time is with my family, and how blessed I am to travel on this life journey with my husband and children.
