When my young toddler son was first mastering language, he used to have an amusing way of telling us he didn’t know something. He would say “I can’t know” if he didn’t know the answer to something we asked him, instead of “I don’t know. He has outgrown this to a degree, and now properly says “I don’t know” (and I miss his cute unintentional “toddler euphemism,” if you will).
But thinking further about this, his former answer of “I can’t know” can be a sign of humility and recognition of your own mental faculties. You can’t know everything. In spite of your best efforts to study and read and try to understand the world and all of its workings, it is impossible to be correct and right 100% of the time. And it is impossible to understand everything all of the time. This can be a hard pill for many of us to swallow. We like to have certainty in our lives. We like to have a better handle and understanding of the way this world works. It is liberating and truly wise, however, to recognize that there are things in this world that are beyond understanding.
I think realizing you have limitations is a powerful skill. Some may see this as weakness. But I think carrying a bias that you are invincible or all knowing as actually a weakness. It is foolhardy to think you know everything. This may harm others, or harm yourself. Take, for example, a doctor that feels they know all and treat their patient with what they feel is correct. But, in reality, the doctor is not up to date on the latest study or studies, and is practicing outdated medicine. It is good to be confident, but it is wrong to be overconfident.
I see my son’s statement as a short way to express humility. “I can’t know.” I can’t know the answer to every question. I can’t know all the latest news or studies. But I can look it up, or ask someone who does. I think humility is a mark of true wisdom. Humility is hard to come by sometimes. But I hope to instill this trait of humility in my children through example. I admire those with humility, as I can see these folks as acting confidently but also with a healthy realization that they have a lot to learn or a lot to improve on in life. We are all works in progress, and that is what makes life so challenging but interesting.
It is important to have confidence, surely, as without it, I would not accomplish anything or finish any task set before me. I would be trapped in fear of the unknown or getting things wrong, or anxious that I would not be doing everything “just so.” However, a healthy dose of humility mixed with confidence, I think, breeds success. By seeing where I can improve, I can then focus future actions on correcting that shortcoming. What is the right mix of the two (that is, humility and confidence)? I am sure it is different for different people and different situations. I believe the first step, though, is recognizing that both are worthwhile and important to balance in our lives and actions. And I will continue to try to exemplify this for my children as I take on my daily tasks as physician, wife, and mother.