I think my ultimate goal as a parent is to raise happy, well adjusted little people that will some day turn into adult versions of themselves that in turn are productive members of society that will be liked and loved by those around them. Not too much to ask, right? How in the world can you accomplish that? Indeed, it is no easy task. And parenting is not being simply a boss or drill sergeant. You are not casting these children out of clay to create them in the exact image you want. There is an art to parenthood. And when kids get to a certain age, you are often simply guiding them, and hoping the lessons you are teaching will influence their behaviors. Indeed, I see parallels in my work as a physician working with my patients. I am only with my patients for a fraction of their days or weeks or months. I discuss with them what I would like for their health and well being, and then, it is the patient’s prerogative to either follow that advice or not. The patient is in control of their own health destiny, not me. I think the same thing eventually goes with our kids. They are under our roof for a brief moment in time from age o to 18 (though of course, this feels like an eternity). Eventually, they will be on their own. Scary, right?
Here are the big lessons I hope to teach my kids:
- Be nice. Being kind to others is a way to make the world a better place. This does not mean being a pushover. But it does help to be nice in life to gain friends. And being a jerk certainly won’t win you many admirers. This can be a tough thing to teach a toddler or young child. However, I think eventually, the playground teaches kids that if they are not nice, they won’t have too many playmates. And that isn’t very fun.
- Do the right thing, even when no one is looking. This includes telling the truth, even when it hurts. Of course, there is tact in life, and there is a time and place to be gentle and kind with your words, which is a skill I think all of us struggle with. This integrity and honesty concept is a tough thing to teach, and more something I hope to emulate for my kids. Honesty, unfortunately, is also not a given in our society. Indeed, I wish more of the world were honest. Too often, we witness folks cutting corners as they reason, “well, what does it really matter?” I feel it does matter, at least to me, to know I did a job to the best possible ability I could at the time. I can look back at the product of my work and know that it is the best work I could put out there.
- Try new things. As I get older, I find it is easy to get set in my ways, and avoid the unknown. But branching out and trying new things every few months forces me to grow. And it is a heck of a lot more fun than doing the same old thing over and over again. As the years go on, I hope to never stop learning, or being creative. I hope to always try to do new things. By setting an example in my own life of being open to new things, I hope my kids also are adventurous with their time and talents.
- Work hard, play hard. Life is a balancing act. It is important to put your best foot forward when you are working. But it is also important to take a step back and truly relax. This latter part of life, relaxing, does not always come easy to me. However, I see that practicing and emulating relaxing and self care releases some of my pent up stress and helps me recover and become a better version of me. It also shows a good example for my children as they start advancing into the school system. As the old adage goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. And who wants to be dull or boring? There is too much of life to live and so much to learn about.
- Save. This means being diligent and careful with your resources. This includes your time and money. Money is a tough thing to teach to kids, but I again plan to do this by example by living a deliberate, relatively frugal life.
I’m sure there are other great lessons out there to teach kids, but these are the ones I truly value right now. And who knows? This may change as the next several years wear on. I see these lessons, however, not just something to instill in my kids, but as something I hope to also strive for, as I hope to become the best version of me that I can be.