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Relearning the Time-Honored Skill of Saying “NO!”

Having 2 young kids, I am well familiar with the fact that toddlers assert their independence with the powerful word, “NO!” at around 2-3 years of age.   As an adult, though, I wonder why this skill has faded in myself.  I have found it hard to say “No” when I don’t want to do something.  I often find myself saying yes to things that do not bring me satisfaction or joy.  It may be out of a sense of obligation, or guilt, or a desire not to hurt others feelings, or a desire to show I am able to take on more and be responsible and “do it all.”  But maybe I should learn from my young ones and use this powerful word, “No!” more frequently and more freely, to reclaim my time and sanity.

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Learn to say “no” to feel free (and bonus points if you dance to celebrate it)!

Our lives are busy and hectic.  We have plenty of expectations – at work, at home, and with our activities and communities.  I’ve found one thing that helps calm my mind and put things in better perspective is to list my values and priorities each week, each month, and each year.  I know then where I want to go, and what kind of life I want.  It is a hard practice, but if I am faced with an email asking me to do something, I have started to ask myself, “Is this in line with my values?”  “Will this bring me closer to the goals and life and future I want?”  If the answer is “Meh” or, “Well, not really,”  I pause and really try to stop myself from an automatic reply of “Sure, I’ll do it.”  (This is, of course, a work in progress, and I still have times where I reflexively say “Yes, sure I’ll do it” and shortly thereafter, regret it.)

Throughout college and medical training, I felt a drive to say yes to pretty much everything I could.  You don’t want to close any doors to opportunities in the future when you are early on in your training or career.  However, I am now more settled into my career and busy life, and have more life experience, and can see what kind of “me” I truly want to be.   And with that life wisdom, I can see that the mentality of always saying “Yes!” can be harmful, and inadvertently detract or prevent me from me  reaching my goals.  It is not possible to do it all.  (I’m sure we all wish this was possible, but it really isn’t.)  There are only 24 hours in a day.  Life is about choices, and to do life right, sometimes you must sacrifice some things to concentrate and nurture the things you want.  And to get where you want to go, sometimes you must let go of things don’t want or absolutely need.  In short, as my children would unwaveringly and succinctly put it, “No!”  This is a tough skill, and one I hope to continue to get better at.

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These confident little ones never hesitate to tell me what they want, or what they don’t want!

But maybe I should acknowledge that my children are perhaps wiser than me in this respect, and I should take from their example.  I will continue to work on this, as I seem to have forgotten the fine art of saying “no.”  If I don’t want something, I should proudly declare “No!” with confidence!  (It may help to visualize my little one saying it, and copy his or her unwavering style.)   I’ll keep practicing.  My kids will unquestionably demonstrate this skill of saying “No!” on a daily basis in the future, an unfailing reminder to me how I can live a better life.  It helps to have reminders like this, and it helps when these reminders are cute to boot.

Automate to Liberate Your Brain

I have started to automate things in my life in the last few years.  Why automate?  I have found ways to automate my actions to free up more brain power.  Why should I waste mental (or physical) energy on things I must do all the time, like buy toilet paper or buy toothpaste?  I have automated my bill payments.  (It really stinks to have a late payment and pay a fee, so why hazard this?) By automating my bills, I feel at ease that my bills will be paid on time even if life gets hectic and busy, and I won’t need to do mental gymnastics to remember to pay things before they are due.

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I have also automated several of my purchases.  Shopping can be fun, but it also can be draining.  All of those decisions and steps to take can wear on your mental stamina, even if it is something you do every month or every week.  But I have found automating my shopping has really helped free up mental bandwidth.  I use Amazon Subscribe and Save and Target Subscriptions to automate things my household needs all the time – paper products, cleaning products, kid stuff that we need (e.g. pull ups), laundry supplies, etc.  As something comes up on my shopping list that we need periodically, I start scouring Amazon or Target for options for subscription.  Plus, subscribing has saved me money.

As technology has advanced,  I have also found ways to automate my reminders on my “To Do” list and on my calendar.  And I have discovered I can schedule emails to be sent in the future in Gmail.  A huge savings, as I would sometimes wait, send myself a reminder to write an email, and write it then and there.  Now, when a need or thought enters my mind that I need to email to someone else, I can draft it then and there and then schedule it in the future if needed.

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I found that the methods in “Getting Things Done” has also helped unload my brain, and keep things fresh and open.  In “Getting Things Done”, the author proposes setting up automatic ways to remind yourself of things, keep track of goals, and to break down those goals into smaller, more doable steps.  By putting everything down in various To Do lists, I have freed my brain up.  Instead of trying to hang on to dozens of different things I must do this day, this week, or this month, my brain feels at ease as I have everything in a logical place, waiting for a time/place to do them.

Something I hope to get better at in the future is using Evernote.  There are a lot of ways to use this free online note keeper to track notes, emails, websites all in one place.  I have tried categorizing and tagging things as well, so I can search for the tags that match up to the notes I want.  I also hope to get better at using Alexa and Siri to use my voice to bring up apps or notes I need.  I am using this here or there, but I am sure there are more ways I can use this to save me the time and aggravation of typing in what I want.

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Life is cluttered, hectic, and busy, like a waffle block house that is overly accessorized. Be like my cat, find a zen like moment, and try to think of ways to simplify, using technology and systems to your advantage.

My brain definitely thanks me when it is free from clutter.  I find I am able to think better and faster at work, am able to write clearer and more concisely, and overall feel more at peace.  If I am starting to feel more stress or angst, I try to take a step back to see if I am doing my best to automate things.  Technology is great.  I admit I need to learn to use it more and have it complement my life to make my life easier.  I am always eager to learn new hacks and ways to make life easier, and I will surely share any other tips and tricks I may find in the future. If you also know of any ideas, I’d love to hear them!

Fake It Till You Make it: My Workaround for Imposter Syndrome

I’ve felt like an imposter many times in my medical career. I felt this particularly in my sharp transition from medical school to residency.  What in the world was this hospital thinking?  They are letting me, a brand new medical school graduate, make medical decisions for patients!  But…I don’t feel ready, or qualified.  How am I supposed to know what I am doing?  Everyone else around me seems to know what is going on.  I guess I will act like I do too…

This idea of “Faking it till you make it” has helped me in these times of self doubt. It certainly helped in my transition from lowly med student to (slightly higher) rung of intern, and then to (again a slightly higher) rung of senior resident.  And it has helped me as I have transitioned to each of my attending jobs.  I found I was repeating this mantra to myself (“Fake it till you make it!”) often as I made the move from traditional brick and mortar medicine to telemedicine.

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To grow and change, sometimes you have to throw yourself into uncomfortable situations.  The discomfort is tangible and hard. But without these challenging situations, we would not improve. Exercise plans and training plans have taught me that in my running development.  As I push myself to bigger limits with running and walking and weight training, I can see myself getting stronger, faster, and better.  Without that stress and strain on my body, however, and pushing myself to do hard things, I would not improve.

I think the same goes with my career development and my development as a physician.  I think the level of responsibility needed to be a physician is huge, and physicians as a whole place large expectations on ourselves. The practice of medicine is a high stakes game. We are often expected to make decisions for our patients that are crucial and difficult. Medicine is partly science, but it also an art.  This less definitive “art” side of medicine can be difficult to fathom, and sometimes difficult to navigate, especially as a young physician.  And this lack of concreteness in what is expected of you as a physician breeds a feeling of not measuring up., this “imposter syndrome” if you will.

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I don’t think this concept of imposter syndrome is unique to physicians.  Indeed, I have felt this as a mother as well.  I remember being a new mom and wondering how in the world I was expected to handle all these weird new challenges and expectations as a mother of a newborn.  I definitely felt uncomfortable and out of my element.  But again, I took on the idea of “Fake it till you make it” and put on a brave face, followed the examples of other moms out there, and proceeded.  Eventually, with practice and time, things did get easier.  I still feel uncomfortable at times with mothering as it is again unclear and there is an art to the role of parenting.  But I have realized pretty much all of us have these insecurities and have times of not being sure what to do.  What I do is analyze a situation or decision to be made, do the best I can with the information I have in front of me, try to do what is best for me and/or my family, and then act on it.

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Feeling comfortable and more experienced in my role as mama now, but there are definitely time I feel a bit out of my league. In times of distress or feeling unsure, I try to smile, put my best foot forward, and “fake it till I make it!”

I have also felt this imposter sensation as a runner.  I resumed running about 2 years ago after a long hiatus due to training stress, medical school stress, residency stress, and new parent stress. But I set about to resume running after challenging myself to a New Year’s resolution in 2017 of running a half marathon.  And since, through practice, trial and error, and grit, I have stuck with my running practice and have gotten better. I will not lie, the first 6-12 months were hard work as I built up my cardiovascular fitness, my stamina, and strength. There were injuries along the road that definitely made things even more challenging.   Now, though, running has become second nature and a way for me to vent daily stressors.  It is my therapy.  I listened to a podcast episode from Marathon Training Academy, “Running Outside The Comfort Zone” from July 31, 2019.  In this episode, the hosts of the show interview Susan Lacke, an author who also felt feelings of imposter syndrome as a runner.  I could definitely relate to her thoughts on the matter, and could see parallels to imposter syndrome not just as a runner but as a mother and physician as well.  If you want some inspiration on carrying forward in spite of feelings of inadequacy or feeling “not good enough,” I would recommend giving that episode a listen.

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Just looking at my small snippets of roles in life, I have seen how imposter syndrome has permeated how I feel about myself.  I see it as normal, however, and a sign that I am being thrust into a new, scary situation, but that is a good thing.  Without challenges and adversity in life, how are we to grow?  So instead of seeing the butterflies in your stomach as a problem, I would think of that sign of discomfort as a sign you are going to be facing something that will help you improve, be it in your career, in your hobbies, or in your role as a parent/spouse/family member.  And when you feel a bit less confident in a situation but you need to do it anyway, put on a brave face, a smile, and fake it.  I’ve been surprised myself how much that really does help me, and I surprise myself all the time with how much I am able to accomplish.

Tracking Expenses: Becoming a More Mindful Spender

I took on the exercise of dutifully tracking my expenses about a year ago.  Before, I would utilize technology, like Mint, to automatically track where my money was going.  But, I think I heard a suggestion in several podcasts that it really helps to keep a diary of your spending.  And this was definitely true for me, an eye opening experience to say the least.

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I decided to do this tracking with an Excel spreadsheet, and gave myself the goal of doing this for 3 months, to get a better handle on my average spending per month in common categories.  I actually found the exercise so helpful and insightful that I still do this, about a year later, and plan to continue doing this as I think it really enlightens me and improves my behavior.  It is not easy, but I think it helps keep me in line with how I use my money.  I have become more mindful now of what I spend on each month, and it makes me pause and think about future purchases now too. Do I really want to add this on my spreadsheet of spending?  Will this purchase truly make me happy, or bring me joy, or bring utility into my life?  Or can this impulse item wait?  Or do I even need to buy this item at all?

I think the problem for me with the automatic tracking before with Mint was that I didn’t feel full ownership for what I was doing.  The app or website would categorize things I was spending on.  This was helpful to categorize my expenses and see trends.  But it didn’t hurt as much as when I had to put the item onto my spreadsheet.  I saw that, wow, I spent THAT much on an item on Amazon that I am now not really using much.  Ouch.

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Other ways to do this besides Excel are to use the apps and automatic tracking websites out there. Or use old fashioned pen and paper, or a pen and a small notebook, for example.  For me, I enjoy having my data in a spreadsheet so then I can extrapolate, compare, and analyze the data.  (The engineer in me lives on, in spite of my years of medical training.)

And I think what liberated me with using Excel was that I didn’t feel limited. I could see how much I spent on groceries for the month, for example, and I did not get an alert that I was close to my “limit.”  In truth, the entire limit is your income for the month, or the cash in your bank account, not some predestined number you picked 2 months ago.  It is okay for the spending amounts to move and shift with time and needs. For example, some months with extra entertaining or a shift in our dietary needs will demand higher grocery spending.  But then, the next month, the spending can be much less.  On AVERAGE, then, the spending category and “budget” actually works out.  This, again, I found liberating, and much more useful for me.

Also, after analyzing my spending at the end of the month, I could see what was leftover, and then plan where to put that money.  Rather than just leaving it in a checking account, I could then move that cash around for future needs. I could invest it, save it in my emergency account, save it for future travel, or plan to use it in my Fun Account which I’ve nicknamed “I Don’t Know What it Is But I want It”…for those random unforeseen items that come up on your Amazon browsing that just speak to you.

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Spend your money wisely, or else this little guy may use the Force to get you in line! 

It is also interesting over time to compare my spending this year to spending last year.  I hope to keep this exercise going in the years ahead to compile more data, and hopefully see my spending become more in line with what I value.  I would want to see spending in some categories go down, while spending in other categories I really enjoy (like hobbies) should hopefully increase.

As I mentioned before, this is not necessarily something you need to do forever.  I do enjoy the data, though, and I think it influences my behavior positively, so I plan to keep the exercise going at least for now.  But I think the true value in doing this expense tracking is in getting a deeper dive into your finances at least for a short period of time (e.g. 3-6 months) to truly feel out where you are spending.  The exercise often surprises you, and sometimes disappoints you.  You may not want to admit you spend as much as you do on restaurants, or clothing, or random online purchases.  But the numbers don’t lie.  And tangibly writing the expenses down, or in my case, typing them into Excel, really helps to gain ownership of how you are spending your money, and can give you insight into your buying habits. And hopefully, with that knowledge, you can change your behavior and spend more wisely in the future.

When Life Doesn’t Always Go Right: My Tricks for Getting Through a Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

We all have bad days.  Let’s face it – life isn’t always perfect.  I think having a great day is awesome, but things cannot always go the way you want them to.  The less perfect days for me, though, make the better days seem even better and more enjoyable. I hope that through planning and optimism, though, I can keep the bad days to a minimum.  I cannot prevent all bad days from happening, so I do have things that have helped me persevere through the bad days.

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As an homage to the children’s book by Judith Viorst, here are things I have done to help me get through a terrible, no good, very bad day.

Remind myself that “This too shall pass.”

Bad days are not going to last forever.  Even a bad situation will eventually end e.g. a meeting that is not going well, or a workout that is not going to plan.  I try to remind myself that there is “light at the end of the tunnel” and if I stick it out, I will get through this rough patch.  (And probably I will be better/stronger for it.)

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Sometimes a ride is scary or not our favorite, but eventually it will end and you can move on to the next ride you may enjoy better.   Stick with it, as you will survive.

Focus on the positive.

It can be easy to dwell on what is not going well, and to commiserate with others on things in life that are not going the way we want them to.  However, I think it helps me to force myself to start thinking positive.  It may sound hokey, but I think an optimistic outlook gets me out of the doldrums of negativity faster.  I think about what I like about my day so far.  Wearing an outfit I love.  A perfect, hot cup of coffee.  An appreciative patient.  A funny joke.  Fixating on the positive a bit helps me approach the negative with some resilience.

Think of setting a good example for my kids.

My patience and energy level often wan if I am having a bad day.  If I see myself, though, losing my temper more easily, I realize this is not a good example to set for my kids.  They, too, have bad days. I want to make sure I set an example of strength and positivity in the face of challenges, so they, too, can make it through any adversity, and to do it with grace.  All of us have eyes on us, watching what we do, be it family members, friends, coworkers, or clients. I try to remember that my behavior is a reflection of who I am.  I want others to see me as patient, calm, and caring.  I am not perfect.  But if I find myself acting in a way I would NOT want my kids to be acting, I pause and take a step backward.  And I try to pivot, rethink my approach to the situation, and to do it better.

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These kids are watching me, whether I realize it or not.   I try to take on life with gusto and with the hope of living the best life I can.  Sometimes that means putting on sunglasses upside down, and embracing the humor!

Take a break.

I try to practice more self care on the bad days. Rather than trying to hunker down and work even harder (a bad habit I have been prone to in the past, as a workaholic), I force myself to at least take a 5 minute break. I walk around the office. Focus on my breathing.  Look out the window at nature and appreciate what I have today, another day on this earth.  Grab a snack or drink.  Go for a workout after a bad day at work to “sweat it out” and work off the negative energy.  Get a good night’s sleep.  Things always seem fresher and better in the morning, don’t they?

Talk about it.

Getting the bad thoughts off of my chest certainly helps.  I try to do this either on my own e.g. through journaling, or with someone I trust and love, like my husband.  Getting the bad situation out in the open puts things in perspective. Sometimes I mull over a bad thought too much, and my mind blows it out of proportion.  By speaking it out loud to another, or writing it out on paper, I can see the reality of the situation.  And the situation may not be as bad as my mind is making it out to be.  I try to, in other words, stop making a mountain out of a molehill.

Remind myself that I am not perfect, and life is not perfect.

Nothing in life is perfect.  If it were, it would be boring and not very fun to live.  Things can come up that are a bit out of the ordinary, and sometimes hard. New stuff can be scary and it is sometimes hard to know what to do in a different situation.  Just observe any young child or toddler approaching a new situation to see this idea of “newness=scary” firsthand.  But, these new imperfect situations and hurdles in life also give inspiration and a way to change.  Sure, the imperfection sometimes leads to heartache, disappointment, and pain.  But sometimes, there can be good that can come from imperfection.

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I have observed imperfection of life, be it in my workday, or in my pursuits and passions (e.g. a workout where I just feel heavy or exhausted, and I need to stop halfway through).    I think, though, this reminds me that I too am not perfect and shouldn’t expect to be.  I am a work in progress, as we all are, and this journey of life gives us an opportunity to grow and change.  The badness in life, too, can spark an idea within me, leading to creativity where I would least expect it.  I may get an idea to improve something in my home, or an idea for something to write or read about, or get an idea to take on a new hobby to strengthen a weakness I have seen inside of me.  I hope that I continue to see challenges and “bad days” in life as an opportunity to grow.  And these bad days can serve as a reminder that the good days should be relished and appreciated all the more.

What I Hope To Teach My Kids

I think my ultimate goal as a parent is to raise happy, well adjusted little people that will some day turn into adult versions of themselves that in turn are productive members of society that will be liked and loved by those around them.  Not too much to ask, right?   How in the world can you accomplish that?  Indeed, it is no easy task.  And parenting is not being simply a boss or drill sergeant.  You are not casting these children out of clay to create them in the exact image you want.  There is an art to parenthood. And when kids get to a certain age, you are often simply guiding them, and hoping the lessons you are teaching will influence their behaviors.  Indeed, I see parallels in my work as a physician working with my patients.  I am only with my patients for a fraction of their days or weeks or months.  I discuss with them what I would like for their health and well being, and then, it is the patient’s prerogative to either follow that advice or not.  The patient is in control of their own health destiny, not me.  I think the same thing eventually goes with our kids. They are under our roof for a brief moment in time from age o to 18 (though of course, this feels like an eternity).  Eventually, they will be on their own.  Scary, right?

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Swing fun!

Here are the big lessons I hope to teach my kids:

  1. Be nice.  Being kind to others is a way to make the world a better place.  This does not mean being a pushover.  But it does help to be nice in life to gain friends.  And being a jerk certainly won’t win you many admirers.  This can be a tough thing to teach a toddler or young child.  However, I think eventually, the playground teaches kids that if they are not nice, they won’t have too many playmates.  And that isn’t very fun.
  2. Do the right thing, even when no one is looking. This includes telling the truth, even when it hurts.  Of  course, there is tact in life, and there is a time and place to be gentle and kind with your words, which is a skill I think all of us struggle with.  This integrity and honesty concept is a tough thing to teach, and more something I hope to emulate for my kids.  Honesty, unfortunately, is also not a given in our society.  Indeed, I wish more of the world were honest.  Too often, we witness folks cutting corners as they reason, “well, what does it really matter?”  I feel it does matter, at least to me, to know I did a job to the best possible ability I could at the time.  I can look back at the product of my work and know that it is the best work I could put out there.
  3. Try new things.  As I get older, I find it is easy to get set in my ways, and avoid the unknown.  But branching out and trying new things every few months forces me to grow.  And it is a heck of a lot more fun than doing the same old thing over and over again.  As the years go on, I hope to never stop learning, or being creative. I hope to always try to do new things.  By setting an example in my own life of being open to new things, I hope my kids also are adventurous with their time and talents.
  4. Work hard, play hard.  Life is a balancing act. It is important to put your best foot forward when you are working.  But it is also important to take a step back and truly relax.  This latter part of life, relaxing, does not always come easy to me.  However, I see that practicing and emulating relaxing and self care releases some of my pent up stress and helps me recover and become a better version of me.  It also shows a good example for my children as they start advancing into the school system.  As the old adage goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.  And who wants to be dull or boring?  There is too much of life to live and so much to learn about.
  5. Save. This means being diligent and careful with your resources. This includes your time and money.  Money is a tough thing to teach to kids, but I again plan to do this by example by living a deliberate, relatively frugal life.
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One child happy, one child not so much. Can’t win them all, I guess.

I’m sure there are other great lessons out there to teach kids, but these are the ones I truly value right now. And who knows? This may change as the next several years wear on.  I see these lessons, however, not just something to instill in my kids, but as something I hope to also strive for, as I hope to become the best version of me that I can be.

In It For The Long Run…Sticking With It Even When You Want to Bail

I completed my first 20 mile long run for this training cycle (yes, 20 whole miles…gulp!).  It was a steady buildup to this distance in my training cycle, so I have been slowly adding a couple miles to my weekly long run over the last few months.  Therefore, I knew mentally and physically I was ready for this.  However, there were several times in the run where I felt like quitting.  Some examples of what runs through my head sometimes: Hmmm…maybe 6 miles would be good enough.  My legs feel tired. It would be nice to walk. Or maybe walk home and take the day off.  Wow, that person is sitting on that swing. That looks so comfortable. Maybe I could take a quick break and enjoy the view, too.  11.5 miles sounds pretty good, I made it this far, that is a pretty good day.   (Yes, I am a running nerd and track my miles by the half mile. have alerts on my phone for every half mile I run.   I love to geek out on all the data!)

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When these thoughts of bailing out would crop to the surface though, I would argue back in my mind why it would be even better to stick it out. I envision how good it would feel to see the mileage posted on my completed run. Being able to check off my workout on my workout calendar. Personal satisfaction at a job completed as planned.

As long there isn’t anything truly unsafe keeping me from running, I will try to keep going. (Sometimes the weather is a factor. Or a worsening injury is brewing and running is hurting. Then, it is time to stop. Discomfort and fatigue from gaining stamina, athletic ability, and strength are good things. On the other hand, outright pain from a injury is bad. Sometimes it is hard to admit the difference. But in my heart, I can tell the difference as the run progresses. It is better to stop, cut the run short, and live to run another day.

Here are some mental tips I use to keep going on runs I should keep going on (I.e. as long as there is not a sidelining injury in the works, or as long as I won’t be swept away by hurtling winds and bad hail).

–Take it 1 mile at a time.  I described in a past post the power of taking each mile as it comes, and focusing on the present. Indeed, this is a good reminder in life also that it is important to take time to be in the moment and not so future (or past) oriented.

–Think about the end goal.  I try to visualize myself in my race.  What it will feel like to be trekking along on the course. All the fans.  All the noises.  The fun of the competition.  I remind myself that this training run is practice, and this practice will get me to that finish line.

–Think about something I am thankful for.  Not everything in life goes well.  But there is a ton to be thankful for and not take for granted. I often think to my husband and kids.  I think how fortunate I have to be a part of their lives.  I try to think of something funny or silly from the day before, an “inside joke” if you will in our own small tight-knit family.  I remind myself that this discomfort is temporary.  And my runs also give me mental clarity and peace to tackle to stresses of my everyday life.

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These two smiling faces often come to mind and rescue me when I need mental distraction from the tedium of a long run.

–Revel in my abilities.  Our human bodies are amazing machines. It is hard sometimes to fathom all that goes on inside of us, to keep us going.  Particularly amazing, in fact, is how I am able to keep on running.  And sometimes running crazy distances, like my recent 20 miler, or 26.2 miles.   The mind and body are capable of tremendous and sometimes mind-boggling things.  As I am running along and get tired or tempted to quit, I remind myself how amazing it is my legs are moving, or my arms or pumping, or my heart and lungs are moving the blood within me, propelling me cardiovascular wise on my run.

–Think about fun things coming up on the day to come or week to come.  Pure distraction is a good technique as well.  I sometimes use the repetitive motion of my running as a way to zone out and start thinking about things on my to do list. I strategize how I will fit things in to my afternoon or the work week ahead.

–Listen to some good music, audiobooks, or podcasts.  Again, distraction works wonders.  I try to have a good playlist on my phone available to turn to if I need some motivating beats.  And I also have several podcasts downloaded if I prefer to learn something on my runs.    If I am into an audiobook, I will have that downloaded to my phone too, and have that as an option to keep my mind occupied.

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As I have progressed and developed as a runner, I have learned the ability to persevere and continue on my quest each run, particularly when approaching a race.  I think one last thing that helps me get through a tough run is learning to accept things when they are good enough.  I think this is also good training for life – the stamina and grit I gain by sticking it out in a run translates nicely to mental fortitude in real life.  And sometimes, a “good enough” day in running or in my work day is just fine.  A tough long day ahead of me?  I can do it.  Heck, I’ve run 20 miles recently (and 26.2 miles before)…if I can do that, I can do anything.  I will just take it one minute and one hour at a time.

Not all runs will go perfectly.  I may need to bail out if my body can’t handle it, for example, if an injury is forming.  But I try to also accept the fact that not everything goes perfectly, and sometimes a run does not feel so great, and that’s okay.  There are good days and there are bad days.  The bad days, though, make the good days shine in comparison.  And the best thing after a run (good or bad) is that feeling of accomplishment!   That is probably what keeps me going, and keeps me coming back for more.

Getting What you Want in Life: My Own Take on Time, Energy, and Money and How They Fit Together

I think of life as having some set resources (Time, Energy, Money), and with these resources, you can get products that you want (Stuff, Experiences/Memories, Emotions).

Perhaps mathematically, it could be proposed it is an equation of sorts (the exact steps in this equation, though are of course are too complicated and are beyond my grasp to eloquently express at the moment):

(Time, Energy, Money) —————————->    (Stuff, Experiences/Memories, Emotions)

I wish I had an unlimited supply of the things on the left (Time, Energy, Money), but I realize they are finite.  And I think we are often trading our time and/or energy to get money.  (Again the equation is a lot more complicated than what I am crudely trying to show here.)  But, a combination or some or all of these resources (that is, time, energy, and money) can give us the products on the right.  What is it that you want to get with your time, energy, or money?  Sometimes, it is complicated, and it is a unique combination of things. Sometimes it is stuff. Sometimes it is an experience e.g. a honeymoon or a once-in-a-lifetime trip in Europe.  Sometimes it is to gain positive emotions, e.g. contentment, tranquility, pride, joy, self-satisfaction.

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Hop aboard the “Fun Bus” of life! Full of bumps and stops, but if you use your resources (Time, Energy, Money) wisely, I think you will enjoy the ride!

I think that the journey to learning what you truly want in life is easier once you know your values.  This is not an easy thing to boil down in one sitting, and it is highly individual.  But, I think this exercise of learning what you truly value is immensely important. And once you know what you truly value, you can then budget out your finite resources of Time, Energy, and Money to then lining up your actions in life to be in tune with your values.

Personally, I value the following:

  1. Family
  2. Health
  3. Creativity
  4. Freedom
  5. Fun

These are broad categories, but I truly hope to budget my Time, Energy, and Money toward nurturing these 5 things in my life going forward.

For Family, I hope to nurture my relationships with my husband and 2 kids, and also my extended family.  For Health, I hope to continue to use my time and energy to developing my running hobby, and taking care of myself with nutrition and rest each day and week to keep my body running healthily and for (hopefully) a long time.  For creativity, I hope to nurture things such as running, reading, music, and other outlets that allow me to make something that reflects my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and in the process, that may inspire others. For freedom, I hope to have more control over my day to day schedule.  At this point, I do not have this 100%, but I hope to in the years to come. To achieve this, I must be very diligent with my savings goals, to hopefully in time have enough to support my needs and wants in life so work can someday be optional.  And for fun, I hope to never take life too seriously.  I hope my kids, husband, extended family and friends continue to inspire me to play.  In this category, I consider experiences such as travel a prime way I hope to have fun with those I love.  Again, to achieve this, I plan to be conscientious with my savings goals (once my debt is paid off) to have funds saved to take trips with those I love, to create the memories and experiences of a lifetime.

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Drive (or in this case, drive-fly) your way through life with a roadmap in mind. Use your resources wisely on this drive to get what you truly want out of life.

As you can see, these things are all interconnected, but I think my equation helps to summarize things and put things in perspective:

(Time, Energy, Money) ——–Life Values-———>    (Stuff, Experiences/Memories, Emotions)

On the arrow above, I have added the thought that your own unique “Life Values” play a key part in determining your pathway, and they greatly influence the choices you make to getting the products you want in life.  It is crucial also to revisit these values in your life, and see if your actions in life are truly lining up with what you want.  Are you using your time wisely, focusing on the things you want to achieve?  Or are you wasting it to a degree, on things that don’t matter?  How about your energy?  Are you investing waking hours and physical and mental energy into endeavors that bring you joy and fulfillment?  And how about your money? Is it being invested, saved, and spent in a way that is in line with what you truly value?  This is not an easy exercise, and something that I think we all struggle with as we go through life.  But I think this is a good thing to revisit regularly, e.g. every month, to ensure you are truly getting what you want in life.

 

Where Did the Time Go? My Daughter is Starting 1st Grade Soon!

It seems like a short time ago I was pregnant with my daughter during my medical residency.  (In reality, though, that was 7 years ago.  Where did those years go?) . I can still recall…

It seems like a short time ago I was pregnant with my daughter during my medical residency.  (In reality, though, that was 7 years ago.  Where did those years go?) . I can still recall wearing maternity clothes and compression stockings during my pregnancy, dealing with being on my feet while carrying her and being a resident.  I can remember the fatigue as I was working and as she was developing within me during my pregnancy. Coupling all of the pregnancy demands with my medical residency expectations, I am not sure now how I managed it all. This was of course an early example of my busy doctor mom life in the making.

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My daughter will be swinging into 1st grade soon!

I remember being in the hospital for her delivery, and the newness and fear and  associated with being a brand new parent.  (They are giving us this small being, and we get to take them home with us?  But…what do we do now?)  I also remember taking her to the doctor for her newborn checkup a couple of days after going home from the hospital.  A wee little thing at that point, she was 5 lbs, 4 oz at that visit.  I remember a fellow parent in the waiting room commented on how tiny she looked.

Now, this little girl is 6 years old. She is about to enter 1st grade later this month!  I can hardly believe this, as time seems to be marching on without me realizing it.  The advice by fellow parents is right – time really does fly by, sometimes going too fast.

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I value my time with my kids now when they are little.  But it can be trying and exhausting, and sometimes I find myself wishing they were both a bit older.  That would give me a break from all of the hands on care that toddlers and young children require.  But other times, I realize this time is fleeting.  And raising older kids will introduce a whole host of new challenges – school activities and after school activities, navigating the social scene, etc.  There will be a time my kids do not want me to hold them (and I won’t be able to carry them as they will be too heavy/too big!).  They won’t want to hold my hand, being too cool/too old for it.  They won’t want me to cuddle with them at the end of the day.  It will tug at my heart for sure when that day comes.  But I am trying to imprint on my memory now the times I have with them when they are little.

This time with my children is a gift.  We get 18 years to raise them, and guide them on this path of life.  I hope to raise 2 strong, hard working people.  We still have quite a ways to go.  But looking at my calendar and seeing “Maddie’s first day of 1st grade” is around the bend, I realize that this 18 years is going by faster than it seems.  I think looking forward is good, to plan, and to arrange a life you want.  But it is also vital to look back and see how far we’ve come, and to really take time to enjoy the present moment.

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Feeling blessed and fortunate to have these two little ones in my life.

Time is precious, and unfortunately, it is not renewable.  You can’t get time back.  (But wouldn’t time travel be amazing?)  I hope I am spending my time wisely, particularly as I am spending it with my husband and children.  I am so grateful for my family and this time I have with them.  Looking back on past memories (good and bad helps solidify this gratitude within me, and makes me proud of how far we’ve come.  On hard days, especially, it is easy for me to overlook this gift of time.  But I try to remind myself of the positive, and how beautiful and powerful being a parent truly is.  I hope to never forget how valuable this time is with my family, and how blessed I am to travel on this life journey with my husband and children.

Running As a Metaphor For Life

Distance running has taught me a lot about life.  I think the key things I have taken away are:

  1. Life is suffering.  Life is hard. Running, in turn, is also hard, particularly going long distances when your body and mind are tired.  But it is through suffering that you can reach and appreciate beauty.  Without suffering and challenge, we would remain the same.  Life would be boring.  Sure – there would be minimal failure and disappointment. But there would also be no glory, or chance for self improvement.  I can see how much easier running has become for me.  It is a way for me to decompress after a tough day.  It is a form of therapy for me, as the repetitive action is a way of physically meditating and zoning out.  Sure, sometimes the runs are uncomfortable.  But with that discomfort, I can see parallels to other parts of my life that are uncomfortable, and I realize that the run will eventually end, I will reach my destination, and the suffering will be relieved.

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    At the end of my tough runs, if I endure the suffering, I’m often rewarded by smiling little faces like this one.
  2. Focus on the mile you are in.  I recently read the memoir, Run the Mile You’re In, by Ryan Hall (a recently retired marathoner).  I think that one of the themes he touches on, that is the title of the book, is very poignant.  We should continue to refocus our thoughts on the moment at hand, or in running, the mile you are in.  In a race, or a workout, it is easy to get ahead of yourself, and start thinking of all the other miles you have left.  Or in life, it is easy to start focusing too much on the future, and neglecting the present.  Take a moment to relish the here and now.  You are only going to have this day once.  Tomorrow, sure, is around the corner, but it is crucial to not be so future oriented that you fail to live in the present.

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    Sometimes life gives you a long journey, or a traffic jam.  Don’t get too focused on the car lengths ahead of you.  Instead, stay mindful of the present.  Enjoy the beauty (and in this case, organization and order) that can be present in life.
  3. Take time to relish victories.  Take time to reflect on the past, and see how well things have gone in your life.  It is good practice to take some time and think of your past victories.  Sure, I am no elite runner, and I will probably never truly “win” a race in a field of runners, and I am okay with that.  But for me, success is able to be self-defined.  It can be finishing a distance you have never finished before. It can be setting a new personal record.  It can be finishing a training plan and/or race injury free.  As in my 2nd marathon, it can be gritting through a less-than-deal situation (e.g. illness) and finishing a race anyways.  And as I reflect on my own past successes, I think of ways to incorporate these into my future plans, so I can repeat things I have done well.
  4. Learn from mistakes.  Life is not perfect.  That is also true in sports.  Sometimes things do not go as planned.  A particular meal, perhaps, the night before a long run is one to avoid in the future.  Forcing a run after a long week of work or stressful night of call can lead to a weakened immune system and make you more prone to catching an infection or getting injured.  Learning to listen to your body is an acquired skill, and takes practice. I think that by analyzing things I have done wrong, I am able to hopefully better plan for future situations, so I won’t make the same mistake again.
  5. Being content with my own thoughts, and letting creativity run wild.  I find running helps often burn off excess negative energy, e.g. a patient encounter that did not go well, or a conversation with my family that could have gone better.  And it also opens up my creative side.  Sometimes I have music playing, or a podcast or audiobook going while I run. And with this audio simultaneously playing and inspiring me on my run, I notice new connections and ideas cropping up organically.  Exercise, I feel, is a way to get in better touch with your inner mind, and all that it entails – emotions, thoughts, and hopes for the future.  Running for me is my exercise of choice, and it has brought me to a greater connection to my own creative and spiritual side.

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    Enjoy all that life has to offer.  Life is sometimes rocky (or wobbly as in this ride) but it can also teach you a lot, and these challenges are what make life interesting and worth living.

Life is full of trials and tribulations.  In this journey of life, it can be easy to be one-track minded, and go day in, day out, in the same routine. Wake up, go to work, get home, eat dinner, go to bed, rinse and repeat.  I think my hobby of distance running has helped enrich my life.  It isn’t only cardiovascular exercise (although this, don’t get me wrong, is truly quite valuable).  I think more than that, though, it gives me an outlet, and serves as my form of therapy and meditation.  Running has taught me a lot, and I think this hobby will continue to teach me as I advance further in my development as a runner.