Category: Personal Development

When Life Doesn’t Always Go Right: My Tricks for Getting Through a Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

We all have bad days.  Let’s face it – life isn’t always perfect.  I think having a great day is awesome, but things cannot always go the way you want them to.  The less perfect days for me, though, make the better days seem even better and more enjoyable. I hope that through planning and optimism, though, I can keep the bad days to a minimum.  I cannot prevent all bad days from happening, so I do have things that have helped me persevere through the bad days.

woman looking at sea while sitting on beach
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

As an homage to the children’s book by Judith Viorst, here are things I have done to help me get through a terrible, no good, very bad day.

Remind myself that “This too shall pass.”

Bad days are not going to last forever.  Even a bad situation will eventually end e.g. a meeting that is not going well, or a workout that is not going to plan.  I try to remind myself that there is “light at the end of the tunnel” and if I stick it out, I will get through this rough patch.  (And probably I will be better/stronger for it.)

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Sometimes a ride is scary or not our favorite, but eventually it will end and you can move on to the next ride you may enjoy better.   Stick with it, as you will survive.

Focus on the positive.

It can be easy to dwell on what is not going well, and to commiserate with others on things in life that are not going the way we want them to.  However, I think it helps me to force myself to start thinking positive.  It may sound hokey, but I think an optimistic outlook gets me out of the doldrums of negativity faster.  I think about what I like about my day so far.  Wearing an outfit I love.  A perfect, hot cup of coffee.  An appreciative patient.  A funny joke.  Fixating on the positive a bit helps me approach the negative with some resilience.

Think of setting a good example for my kids.

My patience and energy level often wan if I am having a bad day.  If I see myself, though, losing my temper more easily, I realize this is not a good example to set for my kids.  They, too, have bad days. I want to make sure I set an example of strength and positivity in the face of challenges, so they, too, can make it through any adversity, and to do it with grace.  All of us have eyes on us, watching what we do, be it family members, friends, coworkers, or clients. I try to remember that my behavior is a reflection of who I am.  I want others to see me as patient, calm, and caring.  I am not perfect.  But if I find myself acting in a way I would NOT want my kids to be acting, I pause and take a step backward.  And I try to pivot, rethink my approach to the situation, and to do it better.

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These kids are watching me, whether I realize it or not.   I try to take on life with gusto and with the hope of living the best life I can.  Sometimes that means putting on sunglasses upside down, and embracing the humor!

Take a break.

I try to practice more self care on the bad days. Rather than trying to hunker down and work even harder (a bad habit I have been prone to in the past, as a workaholic), I force myself to at least take a 5 minute break. I walk around the office. Focus on my breathing.  Look out the window at nature and appreciate what I have today, another day on this earth.  Grab a snack or drink.  Go for a workout after a bad day at work to “sweat it out” and work off the negative energy.  Get a good night’s sleep.  Things always seem fresher and better in the morning, don’t they?

Talk about it.

Getting the bad thoughts off of my chest certainly helps.  I try to do this either on my own e.g. through journaling, or with someone I trust and love, like my husband.  Getting the bad situation out in the open puts things in perspective. Sometimes I mull over a bad thought too much, and my mind blows it out of proportion.  By speaking it out loud to another, or writing it out on paper, I can see the reality of the situation.  And the situation may not be as bad as my mind is making it out to be.  I try to, in other words, stop making a mountain out of a molehill.

Remind myself that I am not perfect, and life is not perfect.

Nothing in life is perfect.  If it were, it would be boring and not very fun to live.  Things can come up that are a bit out of the ordinary, and sometimes hard. New stuff can be scary and it is sometimes hard to know what to do in a different situation.  Just observe any young child or toddler approaching a new situation to see this idea of “newness=scary” firsthand.  But, these new imperfect situations and hurdles in life also give inspiration and a way to change.  Sure, the imperfection sometimes leads to heartache, disappointment, and pain.  But sometimes, there can be good that can come from imperfection.

shallow focus photo of people playing track and field
Photo by Vladislav Vasnetsov on Pexels.com

I have observed imperfection of life, be it in my workday, or in my pursuits and passions (e.g. a workout where I just feel heavy or exhausted, and I need to stop halfway through).    I think, though, this reminds me that I too am not perfect and shouldn’t expect to be.  I am a work in progress, as we all are, and this journey of life gives us an opportunity to grow and change.  The badness in life, too, can spark an idea within me, leading to creativity where I would least expect it.  I may get an idea to improve something in my home, or an idea for something to write or read about, or get an idea to take on a new hobby to strengthen a weakness I have seen inside of me.  I hope that I continue to see challenges and “bad days” in life as an opportunity to grow.  And these bad days can serve as a reminder that the good days should be relished and appreciated all the more.

Getting What you Want in Life: My Own Take on Time, Energy, and Money and How They Fit Together

I think of life as having some set resources (Time, Energy, Money), and with these resources, you can get products that you want (Stuff, Experiences/Memories, Emotions).

Perhaps mathematically, it could be proposed it is an equation of sorts (the exact steps in this equation, though are of course are too complicated and are beyond my grasp to eloquently express at the moment):

(Time, Energy, Money) —————————->    (Stuff, Experiences/Memories, Emotions)

I wish I had an unlimited supply of the things on the left (Time, Energy, Money), but I realize they are finite.  And I think we are often trading our time and/or energy to get money.  (Again the equation is a lot more complicated than what I am crudely trying to show here.)  But, a combination or some or all of these resources (that is, time, energy, and money) can give us the products on the right.  What is it that you want to get with your time, energy, or money?  Sometimes, it is complicated, and it is a unique combination of things. Sometimes it is stuff. Sometimes it is an experience e.g. a honeymoon or a once-in-a-lifetime trip in Europe.  Sometimes it is to gain positive emotions, e.g. contentment, tranquility, pride, joy, self-satisfaction.

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Hop aboard the “Fun Bus” of life! Full of bumps and stops, but if you use your resources (Time, Energy, Money) wisely, I think you will enjoy the ride!

I think that the journey to learning what you truly want in life is easier once you know your values.  This is not an easy thing to boil down in one sitting, and it is highly individual.  But, I think this exercise of learning what you truly value is immensely important. And once you know what you truly value, you can then budget out your finite resources of Time, Energy, and Money to then lining up your actions in life to be in tune with your values.

Personally, I value the following:

  1. Family
  2. Health
  3. Creativity
  4. Freedom
  5. Fun

These are broad categories, but I truly hope to budget my Time, Energy, and Money toward nurturing these 5 things in my life going forward.

For Family, I hope to nurture my relationships with my husband and 2 kids, and also my extended family.  For Health, I hope to continue to use my time and energy to developing my running hobby, and taking care of myself with nutrition and rest each day and week to keep my body running healthily and for (hopefully) a long time.  For creativity, I hope to nurture things such as running, reading, music, and other outlets that allow me to make something that reflects my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and in the process, that may inspire others. For freedom, I hope to have more control over my day to day schedule.  At this point, I do not have this 100%, but I hope to in the years to come. To achieve this, I must be very diligent with my savings goals, to hopefully in time have enough to support my needs and wants in life so work can someday be optional.  And for fun, I hope to never take life too seriously.  I hope my kids, husband, extended family and friends continue to inspire me to play.  In this category, I consider experiences such as travel a prime way I hope to have fun with those I love.  Again, to achieve this, I plan to be conscientious with my savings goals (once my debt is paid off) to have funds saved to take trips with those I love, to create the memories and experiences of a lifetime.

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Drive (or in this case, drive-fly) your way through life with a roadmap in mind. Use your resources wisely on this drive to get what you truly want out of life.

As you can see, these things are all interconnected, but I think my equation helps to summarize things and put things in perspective:

(Time, Energy, Money) ——–Life Values-———>    (Stuff, Experiences/Memories, Emotions)

On the arrow above, I have added the thought that your own unique “Life Values” play a key part in determining your pathway, and they greatly influence the choices you make to getting the products you want in life.  It is crucial also to revisit these values in your life, and see if your actions in life are truly lining up with what you want.  Are you using your time wisely, focusing on the things you want to achieve?  Or are you wasting it to a degree, on things that don’t matter?  How about your energy?  Are you investing waking hours and physical and mental energy into endeavors that bring you joy and fulfillment?  And how about your money? Is it being invested, saved, and spent in a way that is in line with what you truly value?  This is not an easy exercise, and something that I think we all struggle with as we go through life.  But I think this is a good thing to revisit regularly, e.g. every month, to ensure you are truly getting what you want in life.

 

Reframing Your Mindset: Going Through the Sequence of “I Have To,” “I Get To,” “I Want To,” and “I Love To”

We all have bad days, be it at work, at home, or in our extracurriculars.  There are things we would rather not do.  Sometimes I find my inner voice telling myself “I have to work.”  When I get a bit down and out about this and “woe is me”, it helps me to force myself to repeat the statement and replace “have to” with “get to.”  It’s totally true, I get to work.  This is not a guarantee in life.  No one is forcing me to do X or Y or Z in 99% of the cases in my life.  A lot of my actions are a choice.  And shifting my mind to think of things that way is totally eye opening and gives me more optimism.

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Life is a tough journey, and there is a lot we have to do. At the same time, though, a lot of these “have to” tasks are also blessings in disguise. Like the blessing of seeing an open ride in the park and taking the time to enjoy and play a bit.

Beyond simply repeating “I have to” statements with a counterpoint of “I get to,” I am starting to strive to then tell myself “I want to” to this, and as the going gets good and I am hopefully hitting a flow state, I realize that happily, “I love to” do this thing that initially I felt obligated and forced to do.

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If life gets messy and hard, embrace it.  Sure you “have to” clean up some things (like these colorful ice cream-covered faces), but it is important to also enjoy the journey and see how valuable life’s challenges can be.

For example, if I have a tough run workout on the docket for the afternoon, and I am not really feeling it, be it from fatigue, heat, or worry about other things on my to-do list, I force myself to go through this mental sequence of restating the task I am going to do that day, going from “I have to do this tough run” to “I get to do this tough run”.  Several months ago, I was injured, and I wasn’t able to run, and I remind myself how unhappy those times were. And now, I GET TO do this thing before me.  As I step onto the road and start moving my body, I remind myself “I want to do this tough run” to give my mind and body a meditative break from my tough work day, to give myself an hour of time to myself to just be me, to get stronger and more able to tackle my upcoming planned marathon in 2 months, and to just be a healthier and happier version fo me.  And, as the run sets in, and I hit my groove, I remind myself as the endorphins and runner’s high kicks in, that “I love to do this tough run” and this run is giving me great exercise, a way to enjoy the outdoors, and a way to get stronger and healthier.

adventure athlete athletic daylight
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Sure, all things in life are loaded with good qualities and bad.  There are some great things to a job, for example, and yet there are several things we “have to do” that we would rather weren’t there, be it replying to mundane emails, filling out self evaluations or peer evaluations, attending a meeting, etc.  However, I think shifting my mindset to a bigger picture and realizing how blessed I am to have this job, I realize that nothing in life is guaranteed. And it isn’t so much “I have to do this” but I am blessed and honored to do this.  Having a tough day? Try reminding yourself that you are fortunate and breathing and alive, and that you get to take on this challenge called life.  There are struggles and hardship in life, and there is a lot in life that we wish was better.  However, we have freedom and autonomy as well.  The job and career I have chosen was chosen by my own freewill.  I get to do medicine each day, I get to be a wife and mother and I am blessed to have a strong, supportive family in my life.  I get to enjoy the passions and fun things in life, be it cooking, eating, reading, running, or playing with my kids.  Reminding myself when I am pessimistic that I get to do things in this life has helped me reframe my negative “have to” thoughts, and led me to be more thankful and mindful of all the things that I get to do, and want to do, and love to do.

Unleashing Creativity

I’ve begun reading the book, The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron.    I’m just beginning, but I am planning to try some of the exercises the author proposes.  One is called “Morning pages” where you simply freehand on 3 pages each morning. It can be anything and everything.  I believe the author describes this as a “brain dump” and I can see why this is so appealing, particularly in our over stimulated digital society.

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Yep, the digital world is so captivating.  But so distracting.

There is so much going on in our busy lives.  So many things vying for our attention.  I like this idea of getting all the thoughts strolling through our brains onto paper. The author proposes this removes some of the barriers we have to unleashing our creativity.

In my career as a physician, I see creativity is vital.  Sure, medicine is dealing with the sciences.  But crafting a plan for a patient is truly creative and personal.  There is an art to gathering the story the patient is bringing before me into a coherent whole, giving them a story, a diagnosis, and a treatment plan.  Sometimes, this goes smoothly and easily.  Other times, it is surely a challenge.  But I see that having my synaptic neurons firing on all cylinders often leads to better mental connections and a better day as a caregiver to my patients.  And I hope removing some of these barriers and extraneous thoughts in my head each morning via “Morning Pages” will help me perform better.

In the first week of the 12 week course (where I am now), the author describes creating an environment of safety.  As I strive to recreate this for myself, I hope I am also creating this environment for my children.  It is so easy to simply tell children, “This is the way life is” or “Don’t do things that way, do them my way.”  But, is this in a way extinguishing their creative spirit?  Sure, it is good to be practical.  But life with art and creativity is certainly more interesting.  And as I described in my career, creativity in my life brings me better results in my interactions with my patients, and gives me greater joy and satisfaction.

The Artist’s Way course is 12 weeks total. A long commitment, surely.  I am on week 1 now, quite some time still to go.  I’ll plan to post an update later with any challenges or lessons I’ve learned along the way.  So far, though, I find the book interesting and I’ll be interested to see how things go.  I’ll let you know final thoughts once my 12 week journey has come to an end.

 

Redefining Identity to Overcome Burnout

Please see my testimonial in the ACMS July Bulletin about redefining identity to overcome burnout!  I think burnout hits a lot of us throughout our busy lives, particularly those in the caring professions.  It is very easy to lose sight of what matters I think, and taking a step back to redefine yourself and what means the most to you is a very powerful way to combat burnout.

The article can be found at:

https://www.acms.org/2019/07/i-am-who-i-am-and-not-what-i-do-redefining-self-identity-to-combat-physician-burnout/

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If life gives you a hill of problems, redefine it, and play!

“What do you do?” This is often the question used to spark a conversation in a new acquaintance, to get to know who they are. But aren’t you more than what you do for a job? And isn’t it more interesting to know what a person is passionate about, not necessarily what they spend their 9 to 5 doing? I think this common question highlights the fact that our identities often are interwoven into our job titles. But is this really healthy? Is it truly the whole story of who we are? And, more importantly, in our example as physicians, do our patients really want us to simply be a doctor? It is more interesting and more reassuring, I think, to know that the clinician in front of you is more than a man or woman in a white coat. He or she is a fellow human being, faced with varied challenges, passions and heartaches in life. The physician in front of you is human and truly “gets” you and what you are going through in this journey called life. If the physician in front of you did not really relate to you and your life struggles, how could you trust the advice they give?

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

One powerful tool that I have started using in my life has been to redefine my identity in the last several years. I am learning to define myself as more than simply a family physician. For example, I want to be strong, hardworking, caring and compassionate. And taking this journey of redefining myself has personally helped me to combat a foe that many physicians, I believe, know all too well: burnout. I think the reason so many clinicians face burnout is tied to our tendency to wrap our self-identities so tightly into “what we do” rather than who we truly are.

 

I believe physician burnout also stems from the fact that physicians work in a profession with such high and unforgiving stakes. We must make decisions that impact the health and sometimes survival of our patients, who look to us for guidance and support. An incorrect decision could be detrimental.

 

Many of us in the caring profession of being a doctor also are naturally prone to be “Type A.” It is hard to turn that “need for perfection” button off, even when we try.  How many weekends or vacations have you spent worrying about a patient or decision?  Or how many of you (gasp) are guilty of opening your computer or email client on your phone to work when you are supposed to be “off?” Are you ever truly off in such a demanding profession?

 

I recently read a children’s book with my children, “Little Miss Busy,” by Roger Hargreaves, that I think humorously paints a picture of a hardworking person. Miss Busy awakens at 3 a.m. each morning, and works tirelessly to clean her house, twice, before going to bed at midnight each evening. That is, until she unfortunately becomes ill. She is faced with advice from several friends. The advice ultimately boils down to the fact she needs to relax. How many of you out there have struggled with the skill of relaxing?  I certainly have.

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Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

My own journey toward self-improvement has taken place over the last few years, as I have combated burnout. This journey has led me to embrace my outside interests with greater fervor. I am more than my job, and it is crucial that I make my outside interests a priority. This includes how I value my relationships, particularly with my family, and my hobbies. This is still a work in progress, but I am learning to reshape my identity and feelings of self-worth away from work, and instead have focused on how I can be a better version of me.

 

I think one powerful way to combat physician burnout is learning how to see yourself as more than a physician. Life is rich, varied and surprising. Sure, life is full of a lot of pain and disease (physicians can certainly attest to that). But there also is tremendous beauty as well, even in the hard things. Often, I find I am too focused on the wrong parts of life to see that – the daily task list in front of me, the eight-hour shift that I need to complete today, the huge pile of laundry I must complete, a workout for the day that I want to cross off of my training plan.

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Accomplishment: step through the hurdles/ladders of life, and become a better person for it.

 

It is nice to see what you have done, and to get recognized for it, be it a medal, a certificate, or a diploma. But in the grand scheme of things, do these really matter? Instead, I have strived to shift my focus to building aspects of myself that I want (to be a supportive wife, to be a caring mother, to be strong, to be patient, to be kind). With this shift in focus, I feel I am able to steel myself against the aspects of physician burnout that can be so unhealthy – busy and long hours, a need for perfection, and not taking time to relax. I hope that any of you out there struggling with physician burnout can take something from my story that may help you, too. Redefining myself as more than a physician is an ongoing process, but one that I believe will lead to a healthier, happier and more complete me.

 

 

 

Setting Priorities

“I like playing.  I like chores more.  And I love my family the best.”  Wow – the wisdom in those words really resounded within me.  

At bedtime a few weeks ago, my daughter told me something very insightful.  I forget how we got on the topic, but she explained to me, so succinctly but so beautifully: “I like playing.  I like chores more.  And I love my family the best.”  Wow – the wisdom in those words really resounded within me.

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Sometimes life can seem as helter skelter as a toddler with blocks strewn across the living room floor. Snapping the pieces together into some sort of structure can be hard. But by setting priorities, I think that sometimes disorder can be turned into something pleasing and structured.

My daughter’s life priorities: 3) Play.  Indeed, play IS important. It is how kids learn about their world and their own abilities.  It is often how I rest, rejuvenate, and get inspiration.   2)  Work.  She is still stepping into some roles around the house of chores. She is very eager to help and celebrate the fruits of her labor.  And I see how proud she is also of the work she does each day during her school day.  1) Family and relationships.  Without these connections and the people in our lives, I too would find life a bit less meaningful.  Having the relationships I have with my husband, kids, and extended family adds richness and happiness to my life.  There are of course times when those people I love drive me a little crazy.  Is there really always a need for my two children to take out every single toy and then play with just one as the mess/clutter/post-tornado look surrounds my children?  But I think my daughter has learned at a young age to see priorities.

Ranking things in life and recognizing their importance is crucial.  It allows me personally to take a step back and see what I truly value.  Like my daughter, I agree with the ranking she set forth: Relationships and Family, Work, and Play.  As my life evolves, and as I and my family age, these rankings may change.  But I think by taking a “big picture” view of life helps me attack each moment and each day with more vigor and meaning.  How easy it is to get fixated on the mundane of life.  The “to do” list checkboxes that feel good to cross off the list, but really, does it add to the things I value? Is it really that important to get my email box to zero each day?  Or is it a little more important to spend 20 minutes with my daughter one on one, playing a board game, or playing outside and enjoying the sunshine together.

I think one thing that is hard but very insightful is to think how you want to be remembered in life.  I believe I gained this idea after listening to Chip Gaines’ audiobook, Capital Gaines.  He posed the idea of writing your own epithet or message on your tombstone.  I think this really helped me to see my actions and how they could be viewed in the long term view of my life, as viewed through the eyes of my family and those around me.  It is a helpful and eye opening exercise, one that I find difficult but insightful.

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Enjoy the good things in life. Work hard but find time to play. And drink something yummy.

I want to be remembered as a caring mother and wife, a caring and competent clinician, and someone who knows how to enjoy life.  I am still trying to figure out how to balance it all.  Life is always so full of challenges and can get sometimes insanely busy.  And I am still trying to figure out the right ratios of all of these things in my life to keep it balanced.  But I am really impressed that my daughter, too, has a basic idea of what she values, and that her priorities mirror my own.  I hope to keep my daughter’s example in mind as I live each day to its fullest.  I also hope that I am able to keep this insightful perspective on what truly matters in life, and that my actions and choices each day reflect what I truly value.

Celebrating the Small Wins in Life

I think it is easy to get fixated on the final end goal.  However, I think I have learned in my running training, and in life in general, that it is so motivating to break down a big goal into smaller mini-goals. For example, with running, when I am feeling exhausted and over a tough hill, I push myself to a small goal in front of me, for example a mailbox, or a crack in the side walk.  That way, instead of being overwhelmed with how much farther the top of the hill is, I am able to make it to the next goal post.  And then, once a reach that, I feel motivated and move on to the next goal post.  This has helped me during my training runs and on my race days.

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Celebrate the moment. Smile.

My student loan payoff is a huge goal in my life.  It is taking many years but as I get closer to the finish line, I am feeling more motivation. The huge balance at graduation was daunting and depressing.  But I am now below the 75K mark!  I am at the 71K to be exact.  My next mini goal I will celebrate will be when I get below the 50K mark.  This has been a long time goal, now at 8 years out from graduating from medical school, and just under 5 years from graduating from residency.  But the end is in sight.  I think again setting these short mini goals is helping keep me motivated.

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A nice generous pint.  Celebrate your wins, no matter the size.

I am trying to teach this idea of breaking down a big goal to smaller goals to my daughter.  I told her about my mailbox method the other day when I took her for a mini run with me.  I also try to teach her to celebrate small wins along her journey, when she is demotivated by how long something is taking to accomplish.  It is easy to look forward all the time. But I see value in enjoying the present, living in the moment.  It is also valuable to learn from the past – looking back on the past is a good exercise, teaching me to evaluate the progress I have made.

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Enjoy your wins in life. Pamper yourself to a princess (or prince) day every now and then.

Good Enough: Letting Go Of Perfection

I’ve come across a concept recently via several blogs and podcasts that sometimes “Good enough” really is good enough.  Perfection can be overrated.  I kind of tie in the idea of the 80/20 rule into this.  The 80/20 rule was introduced by Vilfredo Pareto, in 1895, in regards to economics and the idea of income distribution.  In essence, Pareto’s principle noted that 80% of the wealth (in his example, 80% of the land in Italy) was controlled and owned by about the top 20% of society.  This 80/20 rule, though, can be extrapolated to other areas of life.  Including the efforts to accomplish goals and be productive.

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Maddie practicing the fine art of piano playing.

Take an example of the work it takes to perfect a hobby, like playing a piano piece. You can spend a manageable amount of time (e.g. 20%)to get to about 80% mastery.  The piece, when played, sounds pretty decent, and you can recognize the melody, but there are some errors.  You are by no means a concert pianist, but the song when played makes you happy and is pleasing to your ears.  The effort required, however, to get the extra 20% of mastery can be huge.

And, in reality, is that extra 80% effort worth it?  With professionals (i.e. the top 20% of performers), I could see that yes, this can make a difference between sounding mediocre and sounding excellent.  And for them, I think the extra blood, sweat, and tears makes a difference.  But for the many (i.e. the 80% of the rest of us who see piano playing as an enjoyable hobby), the extra effort may not really be worth it for the goal we are trying to accomplish.

Another way to interpret the 80/20 principle is in our “to-do” lists. I have found this concept of productivity to be crucial and helpful for accomplishing what I want to do.  Instead of blindly checking boxes off of my list, I try to prioritize tasks with the most lasting impact and things that will truly accomplish goals in my life that I value.  Is the task on my list in the 80% (i.e. accomplish 80% of the effect) or the 20%?

Kids Bowling
Practice, practice, practice.

Going back to the analogy of learning to play a song on the piano, is it something crucial to be able to “hear” a good tune, or is it simply “something nice to have” that cleans up the rough edges and corrects subtle errors?  It may feel good to cross this task off the list and follow the task all the way from 0% to 100%, i.e. from start to finish.   But for the majority of us, that extra 80% of effort really won’t make a big audible change in how good our song sounds.  Instead, we could have spent just 20% of our time and energy to get to “good enough.”

So instead of always striving for perfection, I have tried to instead focus most of my efforts on getting too good, i.e. the 80% mark.  And then, in a select few circumstances, if I feel the extra effort and hours to get the extra 20% is time well spent and important to me or my career or my family, great.  But, if I think 80% is pretty darn good, and good enough for my purposes, then it is time to move on.

I am slowly learning to let go of perfection, and value my time and energy.  Live to fight another fight.  If my current accomplishment is getting me to where I need to go, it is time to put aside my “good enough” project, and move on to the next goal in my life.  My acceptance of “good enough” in my work is a work in progress and I am still learning how to do this properly and consistently.  But it is definitely liberating, and has helped me to get more done, in less time, and with less stress and worry.

Adversity As A Way To Grow

I was reading a children’s book to my son several weeks ago  – What Do You Do With A Problem? by Kobi Yamada.  I saw parallels in this book to the central ideas in another book I read several months ago – The Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday.  These books both highlight one premise of stoicism – adversity as a breeding ground for growth and improvement.  The quote from Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations that highlight this idea is as follows: “The impediment to action advances action.  What stands in the way becomes the way.”

Maddie Running
Maddie learning to overcome the cold (and posing in spite of the chill)!

Challenges in life can be disruptive and disheartening. I often which life’s challenges or “problems” would go away. Wouldn’t it be nice if life was smooth sailing?  It seems like a great day when things always go your way.   But by looking at problems via the stoicism lens, I see now that problems and “hiccups” in life give me an opportunity.  An opportunity to sharpen my skills.  A chance to see how far I can go.  Without adversity and problems in life, the world would be a boring, unchanging place.  With problems, we are given the opportunity to make ourselves and the world better.  It is great when I come through an obstacle successfully, and therefore feel myself becoming a stronger, more resilient person.

Of course, things do not always turn out positively.  Sometimes (a lot of the time!) outcomes result in loss or failure.  But again, this can help me gain self awareness about my strengths and my weaknesses.  It makes me honestly assess myself, seeing via examples what I am able to do, and what I cannot do.  I can then focus my efforts on growth and improvement.

Luca Climbing
Luca prevailing by climbing over his obstacles.

Again, if you have a moment, I would recommend The Obstacle Is the Way, a great book to read or listen to.  And if you have a little one, I’d highly recommend What Do You Do With A Problem?  I think these books help reinforce the concept that problems, despite their initial negative appearances and the negative emotions they conjure up, are not always bad.  Depending on how you look at obstacles or adversities in life, they can be seen as catalysts for growth and the starting line for good.

Mindfulness: Learning to Live in the Moment

Dwelling on My Thoughts

Thoughts are powerful.  I am learning through slow but  deliberate practice that mindfulness is a great tool to harness and control your thoughts.  It is easy to dwell on something from your perspective, and fail to see how others may see the same situation.  And it can be easy for me to get stuck in my own head a lot, to the point that a whole day seems to pass by without me living in the moment.  I’ve started some small exercises to be more present.  If I don’t do this, I find a whole day or a whole week speeds by without me really living.

These little cuties are often on my mind.

Practicing Mindfulness in My Day

I’ve tried to be more mindful in little snippets and moments in my life.  When I wake up, I concentrate on my senses.  How the bed feels against my back.  The way my eyes feel as I open them.  The sounds around me.

As I brush my teeth, I concentrate on how the bristle feels, on what the toothpaste tastes like, how my body is able to do unconsciously go through the motor actions to brush my teeth.

As I drive, I try to see how things look around me with attentive eyes.  A person walking down the street with their pet.  Someone walking to the bus stop.  Feeling how the steering wheel or how my seat belt feels against me.

At work, as I enter a patient room, I concentrate on how the computer feels in my hand.  How the doorknob feels. Cold or warm.  How the ground feels against my feet.  Thinking a small mantra, “I am here for this patient. This moment is for them.”

Defining My Meaning In Life

This of course isn’t second nature.  It takes practice.  But doing this has helped me start experiencing more.  And feeling more balanced, happier, and more fulfilled.  I take each day and try to live it more.  God has given me so many gifts and so many senses.  I sometimes forget this.  I worry about little but trivial things.  Paying bills. Finishing emails.  Cleaning the house.  And often these thoughts crowd out the bigger and more important picture.  Why am I on this earth?  How can I make my family members’ lives better?  How can I make my patient’s lives better?

One of my important life goals: creating a happy, fulfilling childhood for these 2 beautiful children.

I think purpose and meaning in life are crucial.  This is a tough thing to define and wrap up nicely in a little bow.  I am coming to realize, however, that life is a journey of discovery, and on this journey, we get to define our meaning.  Life isn’t easy. It is full of struggle, negativity, and challenges.  But I feel that these negative things and challenges can teach us about ourselves and what we are capable of.  And it can make us stronger and a more complete, more fulfilled human being.

Next Steps: Meditation And Nurturing Self Awareness

My next plan in life is committing to small meditation practices every day, each morning, before life gets away from me. I will begin this at the start of next month.  (It always tends to work out better when I start on the first of a month!  Must be something psychological.)

I will try using one of the many mindful apps out there.  (I haven’t decided which one yet. Perhaps HeadSpace or Aaptiv, which are currently on my phone.  I recently read Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Hectic World, by Mark Williams, which also offers some free meditation tracks online.  So many choices).

But to keep things successful and doable, I will commit to a small goal of 5 minutes/day.  I know that I will often want to exceed that, but if I make it a small goal, I will be able to check it off of my to do list. And thus I will feel accomplished and productive (rather than kicking myself for leaving something else for tomorrow).

I hope that by beginning to do this regularly, I will reap both physical and mental benefits of meditation. I have read several articles on how this improves performance. And most importantly, I will be eager to see how it improves my self awareness and nurtures my goal of mindfulness and being truly present in this one life I have been given.