Tag: Busy Mom

Staying Motivated

I am finding it challenging to stay motivated during this COVID-19 pandemic. The lack of in person races is particularly a roadblock for me with my exercise goals. I would use the act of signing up for races as a motivation to start and stick with a new training plan. The training plan would be added to my calendar, providing a framework each week for my exercise. This exercise would help develop me physically but also help improve my mental health, as a form of moving meditation, time away from others and being alone, and improving my self-esteem by achieving little goals (achieving “X” amount of miles per week, doing 2 strength workouts per week, etc).

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I miss the fun of in person races and adding completed races to my lifelong list if accomplishments. I have tried virtual races before and now, but I feel these just are not the same for me.  When the time comes to safely return to in person races, I will truly cherish this.  Toeing the line and running with others is a fun challenge that I miss right now.

 

One thing that is keeping me going is envisioning the fun that will be had returning to an in person race.  I will value the first race back.  Lining up at the start line.  Reveling in the prerace festivities.  Running the race and enjoying the camaraderie of fellow runners.  And best of all, crossing the finish line and feeling a large sense of accomplishment after finishing not just the race, but the several week training plan prior to ensure a successful race.  I hope this gratitude and appreciation will carry forward in the future as well, as it truly is a gift to have events together with others.

 

Though I cannot race in person right now, something that I have found helpful is setting a small but doable goal each week.  My current goal is to do 3-4 workouts per week.  This is a far cry from my prior intense marathon training plans that sometimes entailed 5-6 workouts per week, each often averaging 1-2 hours in length.  But setting a doable goal has helped me set my mental and physical health a priority each week. And achieving “checkboxes” each week has helped me stay motivated.

 

I look forward to a return to “normal” times in the future.  But in the mean time, adjusting to a change of pace via smaller doable goals is my way of staying on track.  And this COVID-19 pandemic, though challenging, scary, and different, has afforded me more time to slow down, which is a much needed reprieve for this busy mom.

Make Work Optional…A Lofty But Inspiring Goal

My daughter insightfully declared a few weeks ago…”I wish you didn’t have to work.”  That simple, innocent statement stuck with me since.  I think this occurred after I explained I was too tired to do something with her that she wanted to do.  Kids really pick up on associations quickly, huh?  Work steals away some of my time and energy, and thus takes away some of the time and energy I have to devote to my family.  I replied honestly that I wish I didn’t have to work either.  Wouldn’t that be wonderful, having financial security to thus regain time back with those you love?

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Hoping for more carefree times like this with my little gal.

As I explained in my post about financial independence, I think I have found a really neat life tool to get to my desire to make work optional.  I am one that always needs things to do.  I like to make “To Do” lists on my phone or in my journal, and I like to keep planning ahead for the future.  So I don’t think I will ever sit still too long. However, as my daughter alluded to, work prevents me often from doing what I would rather be doing.  One huge value and priority in my life is family and nurturing my relationships with my family members.  And often my 8 hour work day takes away from that. It would be nice to have more flexibility to instead work say part time, and set my schedule myself for when I would want to work.

I read a great book on this very topic, that is financial independence and making work optional, a few months ago: Work Optional: Retire Early the Non-Penny-Pinching Way, by Tanja Hester.  I would recommend this read to anyone wanting to learn more about financial independence.  I really liked how the author spelled out a pathway to learning your values and priorities and life, and then extrapolating how financial independence can give you the power to then create the type of life you want.  She also spells out some math on how to achieve this, including the calculators for determining your needed “Financial independence” number (i.e. 25x your annual spending) that I have described in my financial independence post, and other authors in the financial independence community have also described.

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Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels.com

I like her different take on buckets of money for those pursuing early retirement as well, with some funds preserved to be used true older retirement (i.e. after age 59 1/2 or 60) and other funds you plan to use in early retirement (i.e. in your 30s, 40s, and/or 50s).  There are ways to tap into your retirement savings earlier with the Roth IRA conversion ladder technique (see an explanation of this topic here), but I appreciated the author’s idea of keeping your funds separate.  After all, one great fear of any retiree is if you will run out of money.  It would not be pretty or pleasant to have to return to work in your 50s or 60s, after being out of the workforce for several years.  Indeed, it would be challenging, and you could not re-enter the workforce at the same place you left.  Given your gap in working, several employers would likely question your motives or your competence.  And you would probably need to either take a paycut and start lower down in your chosen career path, or pick a different line of work with less pay.

By separating out your funds that way, you can better control for future ups and downs in your spending needs and the market. Things taking a turn for the worse in your investments?  Having different buckets would mean your age 60+ funds are still left alone to grow and regain things (hopefully) in the future when the market rebounds.  But to compensate, you can use your early retirement funds more wisely and more frugally, e.g. taking out a smaller percentage e.g. 3-3.5%, and perhaps taking on a side gig to compensate.

I have also read some other books on the topic, including Financial Freedom: A Proven Path to All the Money You Will Ever Need, by Grant Sabatier, and Quit Like a Millionaire: No Gimmicks, Luck, or Trust Fund Required, by Kristy Shen and Bryce Leung.  All of these authors have different ways they approached their journeys to financial independence and achieved it, and offer their own advice to readers who want to follow the pathway, too.   I think all of these different perspectives show there are multiple pathways to get to where you want to go with the financial independence journey.  In fact, this shows there are multiple answers sometimes to one problem.

My current finances do not allow me to stop working just yet, or go part time (which is a less scary path I am considering in the near future).  However, I think hearing my daughter’s wish the other day, “I wish you didn’t have to work,” rekindled my commitment in my path to achieving financial independence. Getting to a point where work is optional would be a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.  If something were to happen where I did need to quit, or the market were to change and my job security were to be lost, having that power of financial independence would be so freeing and empowering.  I could foresee in the future that the challenge of balancing it all as a busy doctor mom and working mom could get to be too much.  Right now, I feel that I am happy in my current roles and in my current busy life, but this may not always be the case.

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I love this happy kid! I hope to prioritize my life and time to spend more time with those I love most, namely my husband and kids.

I think I’ll remind myself of my daughter’s innocent statement (“I wish you didn’t have to work!”) each time I analyze my finances and my path to financial independence.  It is important to look at where you are, but it is important also to see where you are going, and to live this life intentionally and with purpose.   My pursuit of financial independence, I feel, is my tool to regaining control over my life and my time.

What My Perfect Day Would Look Like

It is nice to dream about what a perfect day would look like.  I think it personally helps me to strive to improve things I can in my life, to get closer and closer to that perfect day.  Sure, perfections is not entirely possible, as there are things in life we have to do that we would rather not – chores, necessary mundane tasks, etc.  It is important to accept the imperfections in life.  But I think it is nice to have a picture in my mind what my perfect day would look like.  If you haven’t tried this experiment before, I would recommend it, as it may be eye opening to you.  You may see things you are doing that do NOT fit into that perfect day.  Maybe it is time to do less of those things, or stop them altogether. Instead, it would be better to start focusing time and energy on things you love and things you want to be doing more of.  And on days off e.g. the weekend, it may direct you to do the activities and passions that light you up, instead of squandering your free time on things that may not energize and refresh you.

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A perfect day would certainly include ample quality time with my loves.

At any rate, here is how my perfect day would go:

Wake up when I felt like it.

No alarms. No need to get up at a set time.  I could set my own schedule each and every day, as desired.  Or have no schedule if desired. I am more productive in the mornings so I would likely have a lot of activities planned each morning. So I wouldn’t necessarily sleep in.  But it would be nice to have the freedom and option to do so!

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Exercise in the morning.

I prefer exercising in the morning when my mind and body are fresh.  This is different for different people, but that seems to agree with me better.  With the way my schedule is now, that isn’t really possible during the work week, as I start my workday early in the morning.  It would be nice, though, to have the liberty of exercising when I would prefer.

Time for reading, journaling, and meditation.

I would love to have more time to read and learn, journal, and meditate.  I feel these revive me, and I learn a lot by doing these activities. In addition, it helps offload my mind and the stressors I may be carrying.  I do not have the luxury of doing these activities as much as I would like.  Having more free time each day to do this I think would really boost my mental health and productivity.

Time and energy to spend with my family.

Sometimes I am very drained after a tough day at work.  I regretfully sometimes approach my evenings with my family with fatigue and not much “left in the tank” to give to those I love.  It would be nice to keep some of my energy reserves intact to nurture the relationships with my loved ones.

Time in the evening to decompress and reflect on my day.

My days are busy and jampacked.  Sometimes I regretfully go through the actions, going from one task to the next – wake up, get ready, work, get dinner ready, pickup the kids, get the kids and myself ready for bed, conk out.  I don’t always make the time to decompress and rewire myself.  And I wish I also spent more time reflecting on the day and how it went. What did I really like?  What did I hate?  What will I try to repeat again in the future?  What will I try to avoid?  I think that could be accomplished via self reflection,  journaling, or talking through my day with my husband.  But often times, I don’t make this daily reflection a priority.

Getting to bed on time after a relaxing bedtime routine, and getting enough sleep.

I strive right now to get 6.5 hours of sleep at least per night.  Sometimes I reach that, sometimes I regretfully do not.  Should I be getting more? Probably.  But it is hard to squeeze in all of the things I want to do.  In a perfect day, however, it would be great to get 7-8 hours of sleep.  And prior to sleep, to have a relaxing, calming bedtime routine each night, instead of forcing myself to close my eyes, and being anxious about getting enough sleep for the next day.

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Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

Final Thoughts on the Elusive but Laudable “Perfect Day”

I realize it isn’t possible to always have life go as planned. But having this ideal day in mind has helped me prioritize things I want to do, and like to do.  And I have tried to cut down on things that do not serve me, such as too much social media scrolling (still guilty of this, though, more often than I would like), TV or video watching, or checking email (a time suck oftentimes).  I have tried to set a list of priorities each day, and do the ones that I feel are most important, including spending time with my family and those I love, reading and writing, exercise, and trying to get enough self care and sleep.  Other things are nice and fun to do, but I think if I hit those priorities at least to a small degree each day,  I feel like I have accomplished a lot.  My life may not be perfect, but it is a work in progress and I have the power to change it.  Each day is refreshingly its own entity, and each morning gives me the opportunity to start over with a blank slate.  As I take my life one day at a time, I hope to get closer and closer to a life and routine that will make me a happier, more productive version of me.

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Always striving and scheming to rearrange my life, to create more quality time with this smiling face.

Finders Keepers, Losers…Sweepers?

My daughter was chanting this the other day, but making a funny word substitution…”Finders Keepers, Losers Sweepers.”  I tried to correct her word substitution, but she insisted her way of saying this was correct.  This amused me, of course. But it also got me thinking…  What if she was on to something?  Finders do keep what they have. But losers may gain something as well.

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This little gal is enjoying some sugar on a summer day. It is truly enjoyable to time out of my busy life to revel in rest and rejuvenation with my children.

When you lose, you give something up.  This may be a victory, or a possession.  However, perhaps my daughter’s inadvertent statement opens up a possible role of a loss.  When you are a loser, you “sweep away” whatever it was that you lost.  This can be a good thing, or a bad thing.  Often, though, letting go of things in the long run can be good.

In our overcrowded, overstimulated, overfilled lives, I think we may need to learn to take a step back more often.  Our digital lifestyles are connecting us to each other and to information more than I ever imagined growing up. But, this may be at a cost to our sanity and mental health.  Indeed, many folks take digital detox breaks to reconnect with the simpler world.

As a telemedicine physician, I am connected to technology during my workday, and I love it.  I enjoy connecting with patients around the country via this cool, new medium.  It is different, and a challenge.  But once the day is done, sometimes I hop onto my home laptop, or home smartphone, or home tablet.  And sometimes after doing so, I feel more fried, not rejuvenated.  I think my body and mind, with their fatigue symptoms, are trying to tell me something.  Too much of a good thing is no longer good.

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Take time to stop and smell the roses…and ride a pony, too, if one happens to cross your path.

As my daughter phrased it, “Finder’s Keepers, Losers Sweepers”… perhaps we should let go of our technology and busy lives and sweep away the clutter and noise.  That way, we can reconnect with ourselves, our families, our thoughts and feelings, and live a hopefully more peaceful existence.    Instead of weeping and mourning a loss, perhaps we can see the loss as a gain.  Gaining of freedom, gaining of time.  That opening in our lives can allow something else in.  For me, less is truly more, and gives me more time to recharge.  I think I’ll take my daughter’s advice more here in the future, and see losing and letting go as a way to clean and “sweep away” what I really don’t need.

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Photo by Riya Kumari on Pexels.com

Relearning the Time-Honored Skill of Saying “NO!”

Having 2 young kids, I am well familiar with the fact that toddlers assert their independence with the powerful word, “NO!” at around 2-3 years of age.   As an adult, though, I wonder why this skill has faded in myself.  I have found it hard to say “No” when I don’t want to do something.  I often find myself saying yes to things that do not bring me satisfaction or joy.  It may be out of a sense of obligation, or guilt, or a desire not to hurt others feelings, or a desire to show I am able to take on more and be responsible and “do it all.”  But maybe I should learn from my young ones and use this powerful word, “No!” more frequently and more freely, to reclaim my time and sanity.

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Learn to say “no” to feel free (and bonus points if you dance to celebrate it)!

Our lives are busy and hectic.  We have plenty of expectations – at work, at home, and with our activities and communities.  I’ve found one thing that helps calm my mind and put things in better perspective is to list my values and priorities each week, each month, and each year.  I know then where I want to go, and what kind of life I want.  It is a hard practice, but if I am faced with an email asking me to do something, I have started to ask myself, “Is this in line with my values?”  “Will this bring me closer to the goals and life and future I want?”  If the answer is “Meh” or, “Well, not really,”  I pause and really try to stop myself from an automatic reply of “Sure, I’ll do it.”  (This is, of course, a work in progress, and I still have times where I reflexively say “Yes, sure I’ll do it” and shortly thereafter, regret it.)

Throughout college and medical training, I felt a drive to say yes to pretty much everything I could.  You don’t want to close any doors to opportunities in the future when you are early on in your training or career.  However, I am now more settled into my career and busy life, and have more life experience, and can see what kind of “me” I truly want to be.   And with that life wisdom, I can see that the mentality of always saying “Yes!” can be harmful, and inadvertently detract or prevent me from me  reaching my goals.  It is not possible to do it all.  (I’m sure we all wish this was possible, but it really isn’t.)  There are only 24 hours in a day.  Life is about choices, and to do life right, sometimes you must sacrifice some things to concentrate and nurture the things you want.  And to get where you want to go, sometimes you must let go of things don’t want or absolutely need.  In short, as my children would unwaveringly and succinctly put it, “No!”  This is a tough skill, and one I hope to continue to get better at.

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These confident little ones never hesitate to tell me what they want, or what they don’t want!

But maybe I should acknowledge that my children are perhaps wiser than me in this respect, and I should take from their example.  I will continue to work on this, as I seem to have forgotten the fine art of saying “no.”  If I don’t want something, I should proudly declare “No!” with confidence!  (It may help to visualize my little one saying it, and copy his or her unwavering style.)   I’ll keep practicing.  My kids will unquestionably demonstrate this skill of saying “No!” on a daily basis in the future, an unfailing reminder to me how I can live a better life.  It helps to have reminders like this, and it helps when these reminders are cute to boot.

Automate to Liberate Your Brain

I have started to automate things in my life in the last few years.  Why automate?  I have found ways to automate my actions to free up more brain power.  Why should I waste mental (or physical) energy on things I must do all the time, like buy toilet paper or buy toothpaste?  I have automated my bill payments.  (It really stinks to have a late payment and pay a fee, so why hazard this?) By automating my bills, I feel at ease that my bills will be paid on time even if life gets hectic and busy, and I won’t need to do mental gymnastics to remember to pay things before they are due.

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Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

I have also automated several of my purchases.  Shopping can be fun, but it also can be draining.  All of those decisions and steps to take can wear on your mental stamina, even if it is something you do every month or every week.  But I have found automating my shopping has really helped free up mental bandwidth.  I use Amazon Subscribe and Save and Target Subscriptions to automate things my household needs all the time – paper products, cleaning products, kid stuff that we need (e.g. pull ups), laundry supplies, etc.  As something comes up on my shopping list that we need periodically, I start scouring Amazon or Target for options for subscription.  Plus, subscribing has saved me money.

As technology has advanced,  I have also found ways to automate my reminders on my “To Do” list and on my calendar.  And I have discovered I can schedule emails to be sent in the future in Gmail.  A huge savings, as I would sometimes wait, send myself a reminder to write an email, and write it then and there.  Now, when a need or thought enters my mind that I need to email to someone else, I can draft it then and there and then schedule it in the future if needed.

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I found that the methods in “Getting Things Done” has also helped unload my brain, and keep things fresh and open.  In “Getting Things Done”, the author proposes setting up automatic ways to remind yourself of things, keep track of goals, and to break down those goals into smaller, more doable steps.  By putting everything down in various To Do lists, I have freed my brain up.  Instead of trying to hang on to dozens of different things I must do this day, this week, or this month, my brain feels at ease as I have everything in a logical place, waiting for a time/place to do them.

Something I hope to get better at in the future is using Evernote.  There are a lot of ways to use this free online note keeper to track notes, emails, websites all in one place.  I have tried categorizing and tagging things as well, so I can search for the tags that match up to the notes I want.  I also hope to get better at using Alexa and Siri to use my voice to bring up apps or notes I need.  I am using this here or there, but I am sure there are more ways I can use this to save me the time and aggravation of typing in what I want.

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Life is cluttered, hectic, and busy, like a waffle block house that is overly accessorized. Be like my cat, find a zen like moment, and try to think of ways to simplify, using technology and systems to your advantage.

My brain definitely thanks me when it is free from clutter.  I find I am able to think better and faster at work, am able to write clearer and more concisely, and overall feel more at peace.  If I am starting to feel more stress or angst, I try to take a step back to see if I am doing my best to automate things.  Technology is great.  I admit I need to learn to use it more and have it complement my life to make my life easier.  I am always eager to learn new hacks and ways to make life easier, and I will surely share any other tips and tricks I may find in the future. If you also know of any ideas, I’d love to hear them!

What I Hope To Teach My Kids

I think my ultimate goal as a parent is to raise happy, well adjusted little people that will some day turn into adult versions of themselves that in turn are productive members of society that will be liked and loved by those around them.  Not too much to ask, right?   How in the world can you accomplish that?  Indeed, it is no easy task.  And parenting is not being simply a boss or drill sergeant.  You are not casting these children out of clay to create them in the exact image you want.  There is an art to parenthood. And when kids get to a certain age, you are often simply guiding them, and hoping the lessons you are teaching will influence their behaviors.  Indeed, I see parallels in my work as a physician working with my patients.  I am only with my patients for a fraction of their days or weeks or months.  I discuss with them what I would like for their health and well being, and then, it is the patient’s prerogative to either follow that advice or not.  The patient is in control of their own health destiny, not me.  I think the same thing eventually goes with our kids. They are under our roof for a brief moment in time from age o to 18 (though of course, this feels like an eternity).  Eventually, they will be on their own.  Scary, right?

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Swing fun!

Here are the big lessons I hope to teach my kids:

  1. Be nice.  Being kind to others is a way to make the world a better place.  This does not mean being a pushover.  But it does help to be nice in life to gain friends.  And being a jerk certainly won’t win you many admirers.  This can be a tough thing to teach a toddler or young child.  However, I think eventually, the playground teaches kids that if they are not nice, they won’t have too many playmates.  And that isn’t very fun.
  2. Do the right thing, even when no one is looking. This includes telling the truth, even when it hurts.  Of  course, there is tact in life, and there is a time and place to be gentle and kind with your words, which is a skill I think all of us struggle with.  This integrity and honesty concept is a tough thing to teach, and more something I hope to emulate for my kids.  Honesty, unfortunately, is also not a given in our society.  Indeed, I wish more of the world were honest.  Too often, we witness folks cutting corners as they reason, “well, what does it really matter?”  I feel it does matter, at least to me, to know I did a job to the best possible ability I could at the time.  I can look back at the product of my work and know that it is the best work I could put out there.
  3. Try new things.  As I get older, I find it is easy to get set in my ways, and avoid the unknown.  But branching out and trying new things every few months forces me to grow.  And it is a heck of a lot more fun than doing the same old thing over and over again.  As the years go on, I hope to never stop learning, or being creative. I hope to always try to do new things.  By setting an example in my own life of being open to new things, I hope my kids also are adventurous with their time and talents.
  4. Work hard, play hard.  Life is a balancing act. It is important to put your best foot forward when you are working.  But it is also important to take a step back and truly relax.  This latter part of life, relaxing, does not always come easy to me.  However, I see that practicing and emulating relaxing and self care releases some of my pent up stress and helps me recover and become a better version of me.  It also shows a good example for my children as they start advancing into the school system.  As the old adage goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.  And who wants to be dull or boring?  There is too much of life to live and so much to learn about.
  5. Save. This means being diligent and careful with your resources. This includes your time and money.  Money is a tough thing to teach to kids, but I again plan to do this by example by living a deliberate, relatively frugal life.
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One child happy, one child not so much. Can’t win them all, I guess.

I’m sure there are other great lessons out there to teach kids, but these are the ones I truly value right now. And who knows? This may change as the next several years wear on.  I see these lessons, however, not just something to instill in my kids, but as something I hope to also strive for, as I hope to become the best version of me that I can be.

Getting What you Want in Life: My Own Take on Time, Energy, and Money and How They Fit Together

I think of life as having some set resources (Time, Energy, Money), and with these resources, you can get products that you want (Stuff, Experiences/Memories, Emotions).

Perhaps mathematically, it could be proposed it is an equation of sorts (the exact steps in this equation, though are of course are too complicated and are beyond my grasp to eloquently express at the moment):

(Time, Energy, Money) —————————->    (Stuff, Experiences/Memories, Emotions)

I wish I had an unlimited supply of the things on the left (Time, Energy, Money), but I realize they are finite.  And I think we are often trading our time and/or energy to get money.  (Again the equation is a lot more complicated than what I am crudely trying to show here.)  But, a combination or some or all of these resources (that is, time, energy, and money) can give us the products on the right.  What is it that you want to get with your time, energy, or money?  Sometimes, it is complicated, and it is a unique combination of things. Sometimes it is stuff. Sometimes it is an experience e.g. a honeymoon or a once-in-a-lifetime trip in Europe.  Sometimes it is to gain positive emotions, e.g. contentment, tranquility, pride, joy, self-satisfaction.

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Hop aboard the “Fun Bus” of life! Full of bumps and stops, but if you use your resources (Time, Energy, Money) wisely, I think you will enjoy the ride!

I think that the journey to learning what you truly want in life is easier once you know your values.  This is not an easy thing to boil down in one sitting, and it is highly individual.  But, I think this exercise of learning what you truly value is immensely important. And once you know what you truly value, you can then budget out your finite resources of Time, Energy, and Money to then lining up your actions in life to be in tune with your values.

Personally, I value the following:

  1. Family
  2. Health
  3. Creativity
  4. Freedom
  5. Fun

These are broad categories, but I truly hope to budget my Time, Energy, and Money toward nurturing these 5 things in my life going forward.

For Family, I hope to nurture my relationships with my husband and 2 kids, and also my extended family.  For Health, I hope to continue to use my time and energy to developing my running hobby, and taking care of myself with nutrition and rest each day and week to keep my body running healthily and for (hopefully) a long time.  For creativity, I hope to nurture things such as running, reading, music, and other outlets that allow me to make something that reflects my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and in the process, that may inspire others. For freedom, I hope to have more control over my day to day schedule.  At this point, I do not have this 100%, but I hope to in the years to come. To achieve this, I must be very diligent with my savings goals, to hopefully in time have enough to support my needs and wants in life so work can someday be optional.  And for fun, I hope to never take life too seriously.  I hope my kids, husband, extended family and friends continue to inspire me to play.  In this category, I consider experiences such as travel a prime way I hope to have fun with those I love.  Again, to achieve this, I plan to be conscientious with my savings goals (once my debt is paid off) to have funds saved to take trips with those I love, to create the memories and experiences of a lifetime.

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Drive (or in this case, drive-fly) your way through life with a roadmap in mind. Use your resources wisely on this drive to get what you truly want out of life.

As you can see, these things are all interconnected, but I think my equation helps to summarize things and put things in perspective:

(Time, Energy, Money) ——–Life Values-———>    (Stuff, Experiences/Memories, Emotions)

On the arrow above, I have added the thought that your own unique “Life Values” play a key part in determining your pathway, and they greatly influence the choices you make to getting the products you want in life.  It is crucial also to revisit these values in your life, and see if your actions in life are truly lining up with what you want.  Are you using your time wisely, focusing on the things you want to achieve?  Or are you wasting it to a degree, on things that don’t matter?  How about your energy?  Are you investing waking hours and physical and mental energy into endeavors that bring you joy and fulfillment?  And how about your money? Is it being invested, saved, and spent in a way that is in line with what you truly value?  This is not an easy exercise, and something that I think we all struggle with as we go through life.  But I think this is a good thing to revisit regularly, e.g. every month, to ensure you are truly getting what you want in life.

 

Where Did the Time Go? My Daughter is Starting 1st Grade Soon!

It seems like a short time ago I was pregnant with my daughter during my medical residency.  (In reality, though, that was 7 years ago.  Where did those years go?) . I can still recall…

It seems like a short time ago I was pregnant with my daughter during my medical residency.  (In reality, though, that was 7 years ago.  Where did those years go?) . I can still recall wearing maternity clothes and compression stockings during my pregnancy, dealing with being on my feet while carrying her and being a resident.  I can remember the fatigue as I was working and as she was developing within me during my pregnancy. Coupling all of the pregnancy demands with my medical residency expectations, I am not sure now how I managed it all. This was of course an early example of my busy doctor mom life in the making.

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My daughter will be swinging into 1st grade soon!

I remember being in the hospital for her delivery, and the newness and fear and  associated with being a brand new parent.  (They are giving us this small being, and we get to take them home with us?  But…what do we do now?)  I also remember taking her to the doctor for her newborn checkup a couple of days after going home from the hospital.  A wee little thing at that point, she was 5 lbs, 4 oz at that visit.  I remember a fellow parent in the waiting room commented on how tiny she looked.

Now, this little girl is 6 years old. She is about to enter 1st grade later this month!  I can hardly believe this, as time seems to be marching on without me realizing it.  The advice by fellow parents is right – time really does fly by, sometimes going too fast.

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Photo by samer daboul on Pexels.com

I value my time with my kids now when they are little.  But it can be trying and exhausting, and sometimes I find myself wishing they were both a bit older.  That would give me a break from all of the hands on care that toddlers and young children require.  But other times, I realize this time is fleeting.  And raising older kids will introduce a whole host of new challenges – school activities and after school activities, navigating the social scene, etc.  There will be a time my kids do not want me to hold them (and I won’t be able to carry them as they will be too heavy/too big!).  They won’t want to hold my hand, being too cool/too old for it.  They won’t want me to cuddle with them at the end of the day.  It will tug at my heart for sure when that day comes.  But I am trying to imprint on my memory now the times I have with them when they are little.

This time with my children is a gift.  We get 18 years to raise them, and guide them on this path of life.  I hope to raise 2 strong, hard working people.  We still have quite a ways to go.  But looking at my calendar and seeing “Maddie’s first day of 1st grade” is around the bend, I realize that this 18 years is going by faster than it seems.  I think looking forward is good, to plan, and to arrange a life you want.  But it is also vital to look back and see how far we’ve come, and to really take time to enjoy the present moment.

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Feeling blessed and fortunate to have these two little ones in my life.

Time is precious, and unfortunately, it is not renewable.  You can’t get time back.  (But wouldn’t time travel be amazing?)  I hope I am spending my time wisely, particularly as I am spending it with my husband and children.  I am so grateful for my family and this time I have with them.  Looking back on past memories (good and bad helps solidify this gratitude within me, and makes me proud of how far we’ve come.  On hard days, especially, it is easy for me to overlook this gift of time.  But I try to remind myself of the positive, and how beautiful and powerful being a parent truly is.  I hope to never forget how valuable this time is with my family, and how blessed I am to travel on this life journey with my husband and children.

Running As a Metaphor For Life

Distance running has taught me a lot about life.  I think the key things I have taken away are:

  1. Life is suffering.  Life is hard. Running, in turn, is also hard, particularly going long distances when your body and mind are tired.  But it is through suffering that you can reach and appreciate beauty.  Without suffering and challenge, we would remain the same.  Life would be boring.  Sure – there would be minimal failure and disappointment. But there would also be no glory, or chance for self improvement.  I can see how much easier running has become for me.  It is a way for me to decompress after a tough day.  It is a form of therapy for me, as the repetitive action is a way of physically meditating and zoning out.  Sure, sometimes the runs are uncomfortable.  But with that discomfort, I can see parallels to other parts of my life that are uncomfortable, and I realize that the run will eventually end, I will reach my destination, and the suffering will be relieved.

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    At the end of my tough runs, if I endure the suffering, I’m often rewarded by smiling little faces like this one.
  2. Focus on the mile you are in.  I recently read the memoir, Run the Mile You’re In, by Ryan Hall (a recently retired marathoner).  I think that one of the themes he touches on, that is the title of the book, is very poignant.  We should continue to refocus our thoughts on the moment at hand, or in running, the mile you are in.  In a race, or a workout, it is easy to get ahead of yourself, and start thinking of all the other miles you have left.  Or in life, it is easy to start focusing too much on the future, and neglecting the present.  Take a moment to relish the here and now.  You are only going to have this day once.  Tomorrow, sure, is around the corner, but it is crucial to not be so future oriented that you fail to live in the present.

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    Sometimes life gives you a long journey, or a traffic jam.  Don’t get too focused on the car lengths ahead of you.  Instead, stay mindful of the present.  Enjoy the beauty (and in this case, organization and order) that can be present in life.
  3. Take time to relish victories.  Take time to reflect on the past, and see how well things have gone in your life.  It is good practice to take some time and think of your past victories.  Sure, I am no elite runner, and I will probably never truly “win” a race in a field of runners, and I am okay with that.  But for me, success is able to be self-defined.  It can be finishing a distance you have never finished before. It can be setting a new personal record.  It can be finishing a training plan and/or race injury free.  As in my 2nd marathon, it can be gritting through a less-than-deal situation (e.g. illness) and finishing a race anyways.  And as I reflect on my own past successes, I think of ways to incorporate these into my future plans, so I can repeat things I have done well.
  4. Learn from mistakes.  Life is not perfect.  That is also true in sports.  Sometimes things do not go as planned.  A particular meal, perhaps, the night before a long run is one to avoid in the future.  Forcing a run after a long week of work or stressful night of call can lead to a weakened immune system and make you more prone to catching an infection or getting injured.  Learning to listen to your body is an acquired skill, and takes practice. I think that by analyzing things I have done wrong, I am able to hopefully better plan for future situations, so I won’t make the same mistake again.
  5. Being content with my own thoughts, and letting creativity run wild.  I find running helps often burn off excess negative energy, e.g. a patient encounter that did not go well, or a conversation with my family that could have gone better.  And it also opens up my creative side.  Sometimes I have music playing, or a podcast or audiobook going while I run. And with this audio simultaneously playing and inspiring me on my run, I notice new connections and ideas cropping up organically.  Exercise, I feel, is a way to get in better touch with your inner mind, and all that it entails – emotions, thoughts, and hopes for the future.  Running for me is my exercise of choice, and it has brought me to a greater connection to my own creative and spiritual side.

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    Enjoy all that life has to offer.  Life is sometimes rocky (or wobbly as in this ride) but it can also teach you a lot, and these challenges are what make life interesting and worth living.

Life is full of trials and tribulations.  In this journey of life, it can be easy to be one-track minded, and go day in, day out, in the same routine. Wake up, go to work, get home, eat dinner, go to bed, rinse and repeat.  I think my hobby of distance running has helped enrich my life.  It isn’t only cardiovascular exercise (although this, don’t get me wrong, is truly quite valuable).  I think more than that, though, it gives me an outlet, and serves as my form of therapy and meditation.  Running has taught me a lot, and I think this hobby will continue to teach me as I advance further in my development as a runner.