Month: September 2019

Automate to Liberate Your Brain

I have started to automate things in my life in the last few years.  Why automate?  I have found ways to automate my actions to free up more brain power.  Why should I waste mental (or physical) energy on things I must do all the time, like buy toilet paper or buy toothpaste?  I have automated my bill payments.  (It really stinks to have a late payment and pay a fee, so why hazard this?) By automating my bills, I feel at ease that my bills will be paid on time even if life gets hectic and busy, and I won’t need to do mental gymnastics to remember to pay things before they are due.

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I have also automated several of my purchases.  Shopping can be fun, but it also can be draining.  All of those decisions and steps to take can wear on your mental stamina, even if it is something you do every month or every week.  But I have found automating my shopping has really helped free up mental bandwidth.  I use Amazon Subscribe and Save and Target Subscriptions to automate things my household needs all the time – paper products, cleaning products, kid stuff that we need (e.g. pull ups), laundry supplies, etc.  As something comes up on my shopping list that we need periodically, I start scouring Amazon or Target for options for subscription.  Plus, subscribing has saved me money.

As technology has advanced,  I have also found ways to automate my reminders on my “To Do” list and on my calendar.  And I have discovered I can schedule emails to be sent in the future in Gmail.  A huge savings, as I would sometimes wait, send myself a reminder to write an email, and write it then and there.  Now, when a need or thought enters my mind that I need to email to someone else, I can draft it then and there and then schedule it in the future if needed.

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I found that the methods in “Getting Things Done” has also helped unload my brain, and keep things fresh and open.  In “Getting Things Done”, the author proposes setting up automatic ways to remind yourself of things, keep track of goals, and to break down those goals into smaller, more doable steps.  By putting everything down in various To Do lists, I have freed my brain up.  Instead of trying to hang on to dozens of different things I must do this day, this week, or this month, my brain feels at ease as I have everything in a logical place, waiting for a time/place to do them.

Something I hope to get better at in the future is using Evernote.  There are a lot of ways to use this free online note keeper to track notes, emails, websites all in one place.  I have tried categorizing and tagging things as well, so I can search for the tags that match up to the notes I want.  I also hope to get better at using Alexa and Siri to use my voice to bring up apps or notes I need.  I am using this here or there, but I am sure there are more ways I can use this to save me the time and aggravation of typing in what I want.

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Life is cluttered, hectic, and busy, like a waffle block house that is overly accessorized. Be like my cat, find a zen like moment, and try to think of ways to simplify, using technology and systems to your advantage.

My brain definitely thanks me when it is free from clutter.  I find I am able to think better and faster at work, am able to write clearer and more concisely, and overall feel more at peace.  If I am starting to feel more stress or angst, I try to take a step back to see if I am doing my best to automate things.  Technology is great.  I admit I need to learn to use it more and have it complement my life to make my life easier.  I am always eager to learn new hacks and ways to make life easier, and I will surely share any other tips and tricks I may find in the future. If you also know of any ideas, I’d love to hear them!

Fake It Till You Make it: My Workaround for Imposter Syndrome

I’ve felt like an imposter many times in my medical career. I felt this particularly in my sharp transition from medical school to residency.  What in the world was this hospital thinking?  They are letting me, a brand new medical school graduate, make medical decisions for patients!  But…I don’t feel ready, or qualified.  How am I supposed to know what I am doing?  Everyone else around me seems to know what is going on.  I guess I will act like I do too…

This idea of “Faking it till you make it” has helped me in these times of self doubt. It certainly helped in my transition from lowly med student to (slightly higher) rung of intern, and then to (again a slightly higher) rung of senior resident.  And it has helped me as I have transitioned to each of my attending jobs.  I found I was repeating this mantra to myself (“Fake it till you make it!”) often as I made the move from traditional brick and mortar medicine to telemedicine.

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To grow and change, sometimes you have to throw yourself into uncomfortable situations.  The discomfort is tangible and hard. But without these challenging situations, we would not improve. Exercise plans and training plans have taught me that in my running development.  As I push myself to bigger limits with running and walking and weight training, I can see myself getting stronger, faster, and better.  Without that stress and strain on my body, however, and pushing myself to do hard things, I would not improve.

I think the same goes with my career development and my development as a physician.  I think the level of responsibility needed to be a physician is huge, and physicians as a whole place large expectations on ourselves. The practice of medicine is a high stakes game. We are often expected to make decisions for our patients that are crucial and difficult. Medicine is partly science, but it also an art.  This less definitive “art” side of medicine can be difficult to fathom, and sometimes difficult to navigate, especially as a young physician.  And this lack of concreteness in what is expected of you as a physician breeds a feeling of not measuring up., this “imposter syndrome” if you will.

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I don’t think this concept of imposter syndrome is unique to physicians.  Indeed, I have felt this as a mother as well.  I remember being a new mom and wondering how in the world I was expected to handle all these weird new challenges and expectations as a mother of a newborn.  I definitely felt uncomfortable and out of my element.  But again, I took on the idea of “Fake it till you make it” and put on a brave face, followed the examples of other moms out there, and proceeded.  Eventually, with practice and time, things did get easier.  I still feel uncomfortable at times with mothering as it is again unclear and there is an art to the role of parenting.  But I have realized pretty much all of us have these insecurities and have times of not being sure what to do.  What I do is analyze a situation or decision to be made, do the best I can with the information I have in front of me, try to do what is best for me and/or my family, and then act on it.

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Feeling comfortable and more experienced in my role as mama now, but there are definitely time I feel a bit out of my league. In times of distress or feeling unsure, I try to smile, put my best foot forward, and “fake it till I make it!”

I have also felt this imposter sensation as a runner.  I resumed running about 2 years ago after a long hiatus due to training stress, medical school stress, residency stress, and new parent stress. But I set about to resume running after challenging myself to a New Year’s resolution in 2017 of running a half marathon.  And since, through practice, trial and error, and grit, I have stuck with my running practice and have gotten better. I will not lie, the first 6-12 months were hard work as I built up my cardiovascular fitness, my stamina, and strength. There were injuries along the road that definitely made things even more challenging.   Now, though, running has become second nature and a way for me to vent daily stressors.  It is my therapy.  I listened to a podcast episode from Marathon Training Academy, “Running Outside The Comfort Zone” from July 31, 2019.  In this episode, the hosts of the show interview Susan Lacke, an author who also felt feelings of imposter syndrome as a runner.  I could definitely relate to her thoughts on the matter, and could see parallels to imposter syndrome not just as a runner but as a mother and physician as well.  If you want some inspiration on carrying forward in spite of feelings of inadequacy or feeling “not good enough,” I would recommend giving that episode a listen.

photo of people in a marathon
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Just looking at my small snippets of roles in life, I have seen how imposter syndrome has permeated how I feel about myself.  I see it as normal, however, and a sign that I am being thrust into a new, scary situation, but that is a good thing.  Without challenges and adversity in life, how are we to grow?  So instead of seeing the butterflies in your stomach as a problem, I would think of that sign of discomfort as a sign you are going to be facing something that will help you improve, be it in your career, in your hobbies, or in your role as a parent/spouse/family member.  And when you feel a bit less confident in a situation but you need to do it anyway, put on a brave face, a smile, and fake it.  I’ve been surprised myself how much that really does help me, and I surprise myself all the time with how much I am able to accomplish.

Tracking Expenses: Becoming a More Mindful Spender

I took on the exercise of dutifully tracking my expenses about a year ago.  Before, I would utilize technology, like Mint, to automatically track where my money was going.  But, I think I heard a suggestion in several podcasts that it really helps to keep a diary of your spending.  And this was definitely true for me, an eye opening experience to say the least.

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I decided to do this tracking with an Excel spreadsheet, and gave myself the goal of doing this for 3 months, to get a better handle on my average spending per month in common categories.  I actually found the exercise so helpful and insightful that I still do this, about a year later, and plan to continue doing this as I think it really enlightens me and improves my behavior.  It is not easy, but I think it helps keep me in line with how I use my money.  I have become more mindful now of what I spend on each month, and it makes me pause and think about future purchases now too. Do I really want to add this on my spreadsheet of spending?  Will this purchase truly make me happy, or bring me joy, or bring utility into my life?  Or can this impulse item wait?  Or do I even need to buy this item at all?

I think the problem for me with the automatic tracking before with Mint was that I didn’t feel full ownership for what I was doing.  The app or website would categorize things I was spending on.  This was helpful to categorize my expenses and see trends.  But it didn’t hurt as much as when I had to put the item onto my spreadsheet.  I saw that, wow, I spent THAT much on an item on Amazon that I am now not really using much.  Ouch.

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Other ways to do this besides Excel are to use the apps and automatic tracking websites out there. Or use old fashioned pen and paper, or a pen and a small notebook, for example.  For me, I enjoy having my data in a spreadsheet so then I can extrapolate, compare, and analyze the data.  (The engineer in me lives on, in spite of my years of medical training.)

And I think what liberated me with using Excel was that I didn’t feel limited. I could see how much I spent on groceries for the month, for example, and I did not get an alert that I was close to my “limit.”  In truth, the entire limit is your income for the month, or the cash in your bank account, not some predestined number you picked 2 months ago.  It is okay for the spending amounts to move and shift with time and needs. For example, some months with extra entertaining or a shift in our dietary needs will demand higher grocery spending.  But then, the next month, the spending can be much less.  On AVERAGE, then, the spending category and “budget” actually works out.  This, again, I found liberating, and much more useful for me.

Also, after analyzing my spending at the end of the month, I could see what was leftover, and then plan where to put that money.  Rather than just leaving it in a checking account, I could then move that cash around for future needs. I could invest it, save it in my emergency account, save it for future travel, or plan to use it in my Fun Account which I’ve nicknamed “I Don’t Know What it Is But I want It”…for those random unforeseen items that come up on your Amazon browsing that just speak to you.

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Spend your money wisely, or else this little guy may use the Force to get you in line! 

It is also interesting over time to compare my spending this year to spending last year.  I hope to keep this exercise going in the years ahead to compile more data, and hopefully see my spending become more in line with what I value.  I would want to see spending in some categories go down, while spending in other categories I really enjoy (like hobbies) should hopefully increase.

As I mentioned before, this is not necessarily something you need to do forever.  I do enjoy the data, though, and I think it influences my behavior positively, so I plan to keep the exercise going at least for now.  But I think the true value in doing this expense tracking is in getting a deeper dive into your finances at least for a short period of time (e.g. 3-6 months) to truly feel out where you are spending.  The exercise often surprises you, and sometimes disappoints you.  You may not want to admit you spend as much as you do on restaurants, or clothing, or random online purchases.  But the numbers don’t lie.  And tangibly writing the expenses down, or in my case, typing them into Excel, really helps to gain ownership of how you are spending your money, and can give you insight into your buying habits. And hopefully, with that knowledge, you can change your behavior and spend more wisely in the future.

When Life Doesn’t Always Go Right: My Tricks for Getting Through a Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

We all have bad days.  Let’s face it – life isn’t always perfect.  I think having a great day is awesome, but things cannot always go the way you want them to.  The less perfect days for me, though, make the better days seem even better and more enjoyable. I hope that through planning and optimism, though, I can keep the bad days to a minimum.  I cannot prevent all bad days from happening, so I do have things that have helped me persevere through the bad days.

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As an homage to the children’s book by Judith Viorst, here are things I have done to help me get through a terrible, no good, very bad day.

Remind myself that “This too shall pass.”

Bad days are not going to last forever.  Even a bad situation will eventually end e.g. a meeting that is not going well, or a workout that is not going to plan.  I try to remind myself that there is “light at the end of the tunnel” and if I stick it out, I will get through this rough patch.  (And probably I will be better/stronger for it.)

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Sometimes a ride is scary or not our favorite, but eventually it will end and you can move on to the next ride you may enjoy better.   Stick with it, as you will survive.

Focus on the positive.

It can be easy to dwell on what is not going well, and to commiserate with others on things in life that are not going the way we want them to.  However, I think it helps me to force myself to start thinking positive.  It may sound hokey, but I think an optimistic outlook gets me out of the doldrums of negativity faster.  I think about what I like about my day so far.  Wearing an outfit I love.  A perfect, hot cup of coffee.  An appreciative patient.  A funny joke.  Fixating on the positive a bit helps me approach the negative with some resilience.

Think of setting a good example for my kids.

My patience and energy level often wan if I am having a bad day.  If I see myself, though, losing my temper more easily, I realize this is not a good example to set for my kids.  They, too, have bad days. I want to make sure I set an example of strength and positivity in the face of challenges, so they, too, can make it through any adversity, and to do it with grace.  All of us have eyes on us, watching what we do, be it family members, friends, coworkers, or clients. I try to remember that my behavior is a reflection of who I am.  I want others to see me as patient, calm, and caring.  I am not perfect.  But if I find myself acting in a way I would NOT want my kids to be acting, I pause and take a step backward.  And I try to pivot, rethink my approach to the situation, and to do it better.

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These kids are watching me, whether I realize it or not.   I try to take on life with gusto and with the hope of living the best life I can.  Sometimes that means putting on sunglasses upside down, and embracing the humor!

Take a break.

I try to practice more self care on the bad days. Rather than trying to hunker down and work even harder (a bad habit I have been prone to in the past, as a workaholic), I force myself to at least take a 5 minute break. I walk around the office. Focus on my breathing.  Look out the window at nature and appreciate what I have today, another day on this earth.  Grab a snack or drink.  Go for a workout after a bad day at work to “sweat it out” and work off the negative energy.  Get a good night’s sleep.  Things always seem fresher and better in the morning, don’t they?

Talk about it.

Getting the bad thoughts off of my chest certainly helps.  I try to do this either on my own e.g. through journaling, or with someone I trust and love, like my husband.  Getting the bad situation out in the open puts things in perspective. Sometimes I mull over a bad thought too much, and my mind blows it out of proportion.  By speaking it out loud to another, or writing it out on paper, I can see the reality of the situation.  And the situation may not be as bad as my mind is making it out to be.  I try to, in other words, stop making a mountain out of a molehill.

Remind myself that I am not perfect, and life is not perfect.

Nothing in life is perfect.  If it were, it would be boring and not very fun to live.  Things can come up that are a bit out of the ordinary, and sometimes hard. New stuff can be scary and it is sometimes hard to know what to do in a different situation.  Just observe any young child or toddler approaching a new situation to see this idea of “newness=scary” firsthand.  But, these new imperfect situations and hurdles in life also give inspiration and a way to change.  Sure, the imperfection sometimes leads to heartache, disappointment, and pain.  But sometimes, there can be good that can come from imperfection.

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I have observed imperfection of life, be it in my workday, or in my pursuits and passions (e.g. a workout where I just feel heavy or exhausted, and I need to stop halfway through).    I think, though, this reminds me that I too am not perfect and shouldn’t expect to be.  I am a work in progress, as we all are, and this journey of life gives us an opportunity to grow and change.  The badness in life, too, can spark an idea within me, leading to creativity where I would least expect it.  I may get an idea to improve something in my home, or an idea for something to write or read about, or get an idea to take on a new hobby to strengthen a weakness I have seen inside of me.  I hope that I continue to see challenges and “bad days” in life as an opportunity to grow.  And these bad days can serve as a reminder that the good days should be relished and appreciated all the more.

What I Hope To Teach My Kids

I think my ultimate goal as a parent is to raise happy, well adjusted little people that will some day turn into adult versions of themselves that in turn are productive members of society that will be liked and loved by those around them.  Not too much to ask, right?   How in the world can you accomplish that?  Indeed, it is no easy task.  And parenting is not being simply a boss or drill sergeant.  You are not casting these children out of clay to create them in the exact image you want.  There is an art to parenthood. And when kids get to a certain age, you are often simply guiding them, and hoping the lessons you are teaching will influence their behaviors.  Indeed, I see parallels in my work as a physician working with my patients.  I am only with my patients for a fraction of their days or weeks or months.  I discuss with them what I would like for their health and well being, and then, it is the patient’s prerogative to either follow that advice or not.  The patient is in control of their own health destiny, not me.  I think the same thing eventually goes with our kids. They are under our roof for a brief moment in time from age o to 18 (though of course, this feels like an eternity).  Eventually, they will be on their own.  Scary, right?

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Swing fun!

Here are the big lessons I hope to teach my kids:

  1. Be nice.  Being kind to others is a way to make the world a better place.  This does not mean being a pushover.  But it does help to be nice in life to gain friends.  And being a jerk certainly won’t win you many admirers.  This can be a tough thing to teach a toddler or young child.  However, I think eventually, the playground teaches kids that if they are not nice, they won’t have too many playmates.  And that isn’t very fun.
  2. Do the right thing, even when no one is looking. This includes telling the truth, even when it hurts.  Of  course, there is tact in life, and there is a time and place to be gentle and kind with your words, which is a skill I think all of us struggle with.  This integrity and honesty concept is a tough thing to teach, and more something I hope to emulate for my kids.  Honesty, unfortunately, is also not a given in our society.  Indeed, I wish more of the world were honest.  Too often, we witness folks cutting corners as they reason, “well, what does it really matter?”  I feel it does matter, at least to me, to know I did a job to the best possible ability I could at the time.  I can look back at the product of my work and know that it is the best work I could put out there.
  3. Try new things.  As I get older, I find it is easy to get set in my ways, and avoid the unknown.  But branching out and trying new things every few months forces me to grow.  And it is a heck of a lot more fun than doing the same old thing over and over again.  As the years go on, I hope to never stop learning, or being creative. I hope to always try to do new things.  By setting an example in my own life of being open to new things, I hope my kids also are adventurous with their time and talents.
  4. Work hard, play hard.  Life is a balancing act. It is important to put your best foot forward when you are working.  But it is also important to take a step back and truly relax.  This latter part of life, relaxing, does not always come easy to me.  However, I see that practicing and emulating relaxing and self care releases some of my pent up stress and helps me recover and become a better version of me.  It also shows a good example for my children as they start advancing into the school system.  As the old adage goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.  And who wants to be dull or boring?  There is too much of life to live and so much to learn about.
  5. Save. This means being diligent and careful with your resources. This includes your time and money.  Money is a tough thing to teach to kids, but I again plan to do this by example by living a deliberate, relatively frugal life.
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One child happy, one child not so much. Can’t win them all, I guess.

I’m sure there are other great lessons out there to teach kids, but these are the ones I truly value right now. And who knows? This may change as the next several years wear on.  I see these lessons, however, not just something to instill in my kids, but as something I hope to also strive for, as I hope to become the best version of me that I can be.