To get better at anything requires some degree of hard work. With hard work there is often discomfort. With distance running in particular, there is a threshold pace where true growth and adaptation occurs. This is a pace that hurts, but is something you can maintain for a good chunk of time. This is what can be called “comfortably uncomfortable.”
Getting into my groove.
When I do go on threshold or “workout” runs, which are maybe once or twice a week, I remind myself to get into that comfortably uncomfortable rhythm. It isn’t the most pleasant pace, but I remind myself to avoid pushing myself too hard into higher intensity. And I need to remind myself not too go too easy. I sometimes dwell on the fact that the next day will be recovery, either full rest or a much lighter more leisurely pace, a time to enjoy my surroundings. With hard work, there should be a counterbalance of rest.
With my life too, I have noticed I need to embrace things that are uncomfortable. I am learning I cannot dwell too long in the “uncomfortably uncomfortable” range, as I will definitely tire out. Sprinting all out for a marathon is just not sustainable. The same goes for burning the candles at both ends in a typical day or week. Instead, it takes finesse finding that middle ground, a pace where I am still working hard and growing, but not overdoing it. It is definitely not something I have mastered yet, and probably will always need to keep working at. With practice, though, I am learning to recognize my limits and sense how I feel, so I can adapt my efforts accordingly. I want to grow and do better, but it is important to do so with appropriate levels of stress and hard work. And it is equally important to play, rest, and enjoy life.
I was trodding my way through an iFitWinter treadmill workout with Billy Demong (the former Nordic combined skier and Olympian gold medalist) yesterday. During this, I think he said something that helped me put workouts and the point of workouts in perspective.
What Billy Demong said was this: Put in the work, do the workouts, follow the simple formula of “keep your hard days hard, and keep your easy days easy,” and you will improve. Your endurance and your speed will get better. Time on your feet and building endurance is like increasing the size of your engine, but by also doing hard work on hard days (speed play), you improve the speed of your engine. Both are important and vital to improving. I have heard this time and again in other books and lectures about workout plans and improving performance in sport, particularly distance running. It is a simple idea. But putting in the work itself is definitely not easy. The work is hard, and often painful, and it could be easy to give up. Showing up and doing each workout requires perseverance and diligence.
Our cat Oscar shows inspiring perseverance and grit, jumping over 3 feet in the air to reach my precious flowers. Nothing will hold this little guy down.
Billy also said it well later on in the workout that if you put in say an hour most days of the week (5-6 days/week), you will advance. It does not require many hours to get better. To be the best, you can put in 3-4 hours/day. But for my own novice athlete purposes, I can see 30-60 minutes/day, most days of the week way more doable, and achieves what I want to get, which is 70-80% better. Getting that last 10-20% improvement takes way more time and effort.
I have definitely seen this myself, particularly in my first year of following marathon training plans. In that first year, I went from essentially 0% ability to about 60% ability in marathon running pretty easily, by doing the work and finishing the workouts. From here, though, over the last 4 years, the gains have continued but are not as dramatic and not as plentiful. I agree with Billy that the key is steady, repeated work. I like seeing how my endurance and enjoyment of a longer run has steadily improved. I feel comfortable running at a faster baseline pace. I find it comforting and cathartic to get in a run most (if not all) days of the week, as my schedule allows.
I think the same thing holds true with everything else. We put in the work in school and professional/job training. Being in the very moment of grade school, high school, college, and med school, the work is hard, but doable. We do the same at work with our work goals and projects and deadlines. Chunking it up into a day, or week, or month, I can see that each goal I strive for is relatively simple and achievable.
If I focused too long or too hard on the end goal (26.2 miles, graduation from a 4 year college degree, or achieving a degree in medicine, or finishing a tough, grueling residency), I could see myself getting demoralized or overwhelmed. By being nearsighted though, each day or each week, I can see myself achieving and growing. And indeed, by piecing these days and weeks and months together, I have definitely improved and grown. I see the parallel with tough workouts and tough segments of workouts. A 2 minute push at tempo pace is hard in the moment. But afterward, the feeling of accomplishment is a huge reward in and of itself. I am sure that is why we keep going back for more workouts, and keep pursuing more goals.
I don’t yet have another race or goal in mind. But I strive to put in workouts most days, if not every day, of each week, to keep my endurance up. And it also serves to help me decompress and keep my mental health in check. I have not yet come up with a perfect schedule to coalesce with my family responsibilities and work responsibilities. I tend to squeeze in a workout here or there where it will fit, and it is not consistent day to day or week to week. But by prioritizing my health and my workouts, I can see myself performing better in my personal life and my work life.
I think my health is the best reward of all of this hard work, better than any particular medal or time on the clock at the end of the race. (But don’t get me wrong – I will keep pushing for the PR (personal record)!) Health is one of the most valuable commodities we have. I feel I need to put in the work each day and each week to nurture myself, body, mind, and spirit, to approach the best version of me. Self improvement (health wise and professional wise and family wise) is one of the most valuable rewards I have seen through my fitness journey and my journey in life. The process of getting better is a never ending process, and I look forward to continuing to improve.
Endurance running as my training ground to help me face life’s inevitable pain and adversity with grace and strength. Life has pain. Life has heartache. There are wars, there is famine and poverty, and there is injustice in this world. Of course I wish there were no challenges and heartaches in life. But this sadly is not our reality.
Looking strong on a straightaway. Don’t get too complacent…there are plenty of Pittsburgh hills to tackle ahead!
In a parenting podcast I was listening to today, Zen Parenting Radio, the hosts talked about a common theme in parenting in the last couple of decades of protecting and shielding our children from pain. I agree with the discussion that this is a disservice to our children. Of course we will all face challenges and setbacks. I agree it is better to help kids navigate their way through heartache and challenge, rather than eliminating anything negative from their lives. As in running, there will be miles that hurt and are harder than others. There are times you will want to quit. Rather than giving up and going home, though, I strive to push through. This, I think, helps me improve my strength and stamina to face life’s challenges, too. And I hope, that by setting a good example, I can teach my kids that the goal in life is not avoiding pain. It is hitting it head on with a mindset of creativity, perseverance, and grit. Get through it, survive, and this too shall pass.
Like everyone else, I have faced challenges in life. Anyone perceiving that life is easy or without setbacks is clearly off base. I wish that life was not always so hard or painful, but it is impossible to go through life without setbacks. These setbacks, in retrospect, make the happier and positive days that much greater.
The biggest setback for me in my life was being sued several years ago. Do I wish this never happened? Absolutely. If I could go back in time and erase that entire situation from my life, I would do so in a heartbeat. And I wish that no one ever has to go through that situation. It is unfortunately a true and ever present specter in our American litigious society. It made me feel less than. It made me feel betrayed. It gave me indescribable shame. Should such a situation do this, though? Being sued as a physician is seldom discussed, I feel, due to the negative feelings it evokes. It took me many months to heal from this event, but I have come to accept that I cannot control another person’s perceptions or another person’s view of a situation. I can only control my own actions and my own perceptions. I have power over my own thoughts and my own emotional health. I can study and I can read and attend courses. I can work hard. I can exercise and care for my body and mind. I can devote my time and energy to perfecting my personal growth. I cannot be perfect. But I can own my own actions, thoughts, and emotions, and I can use these to positively shape my perceptions and mindset.
The setback of being sued, however, did teach me to persevere. You must face pain and adversity head on. In the toughest of situations, survival is the only choice you have. You face your challenges, and you learn to forgive and let live. You learn to hold on to all that will serve you and help you grow. You let go of anything that does not make you a better person. You take it one hour at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time, one year at a time. It is still an indelible memory on my psyche and definitely shook my confidence and feeling of self-worth. It will always be with me. I hope, though, in spite of all of its negative connotations, it will shape me into a caring physician, an empathetic mom, a devoted wife, and a compassionate friend. I hope I can teach others that through resilience and vulnerability, you can persevere through all of life’s challenges.
You can wish and hope that a painful situation does not stand before you. Believe me, I have tried. But wishing and praying will not make it go away. You must often hit it head on, face that awful situation, and know that tomorrow, the sun will rise again. Another day will come. Your children and your family will still need and love you. Another patient will appreciate and value the care you provide. Life goes on. I have accepted the fact that this situation will always be a part of my past. As time goes on, I see that the situation was like a fire, forging my resolve and my strength. It could have destroyed me and brought me down, but instead, I feel it built me up and made me that much stronger.
I know nothing in this life is perfect. I can simply exude confidence and work hard each and every day. I show up each day at work, ready to do my job. I can show others empathy and patience, and I strive to give all of my patients a kind and listening ear. I try each day to share my knowledge and skills with the world. I hope also, that in the process of living my life with strength and fortitude, I can set an example for my children that life is hard, but you can and will survive. Through practice and grit and determination, you can persevere through life’s challenges, and come out of the battle a stronger and better person each and every time.
I am finding it challenging to stay motivated during this COVID-19 pandemic. The lack of in person races is particularly a roadblock for me with my exercise goals. I would use the act of signing up for races as a motivation to start and stick with a new training plan. The training plan would be added to my calendar, providing a framework each week for my exercise. This exercise would help develop me physically but also help improve my mental health, as a form of moving meditation, time away from others and being alone, and improving my self-esteem by achieving little goals (achieving “X” amount of miles per week, doing 2 strength workouts per week, etc).
I miss the fun of in person races and adding completed races to my lifelong list if accomplishments. I have tried virtual races before and now, but I feel these just are not the same for me. When the time comes to safely return to in person races, I will truly cherish this. Toeing the line and running with others is a fun challenge that I miss right now.
One thing that is keeping me going is envisioning the fun that will be had returning to an in person race. I will value the first race back. Lining up at the start line. Reveling in the prerace festivities. Running the race and enjoying the camaraderie of fellow runners. And best of all, crossing the finish line and feeling a large sense of accomplishment after finishing not just the race, but the several week training plan prior to ensure a successful race. I hope this gratitude and appreciation will carry forward in the future as well, as it truly is a gift to have events together with others.
Though I cannot race in person right now, something that I have found helpful is setting a small but doable goal each week. My current goal is to do 3-4 workouts per week. This is a far cry from my prior intense marathon training plans that sometimes entailed 5-6 workouts per week, each often averaging 1-2 hours in length. But setting a doable goal has helped me set my mental and physical health a priority each week. And achieving “checkboxes” each week has helped me stay motivated.
I look forward to a return to “normal” times in the future. But in the mean time, adjusting to a change of pace via smaller doable goals is my way of staying on track. And this COVID-19 pandemic, though challenging, scary, and different, has afforded me more time to slow down, which is a much needed reprieve for this busy mom.
My article below was published recently in the July 2020 Bulletin for the Allegheny County Medical Society.
Our world has changed drastically in the last several months due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Every aspect of life has been affected due to measures like social distancing and a recent required national quarantine to help control the spread of this microscopic threat. The virus spreads quickly, and has varying presentations, and sometimes its disease course can be quite frightening and deadly. It is hard to explain this threat to my adult patients and adult friends, and I especially find myself struggling explaining the current events to my own small children. Why are we not allowed to go to school or daycare this past spring? Why can we not go on vacation right now? What will happen to us in the near future, once this pandemic has subsided? Will the virus cause longstanding problems in patients who have been infected? These are very tough questions and sometimes my answers feel inadequate, as I myself do not fully grasp every nuance of this novel viral illness.
Running has been my form of escape from this weird new reality. To a degree, the repetitive and familiar act of running brings a level of normalcy to my life. I am able to use my body, increasing my cadence, increasing my respiratory rate and heart rate, moving my arms and legs in a pattern that feels comforting and familiar. The movement also serves as a type of physical meditation, allowing my mind to wander away from the stresses and worries this current time brings. On a recent run a couple of months ago however, my wandering thoughts were interrupted when I observed an unfortunate repeating pattern I glanced around me– masks. Masks hanging from people’s car rearview mirrors. Masks on dashboards. Masks on the passenger seat or cupholder, ready to be used if needed. This seemed so out of place, and yet this is becoming our “new normal.” No longer are masks confined to hospitals or OR’s. And unfortunately they are no longer just for play or fun, like costumes at Halloween or dinner parties or masquerades. They are now on people walking on the streets walking their dogs or walking with their children or significant others, in stores, in businesses, everywhere. In addition, the imposition to wear masks by some is seen as a controversial requirement, yet in the grand scheme of things, it is meant as a protection for the wearer and anyone near them. I think of this visual intrusion of masks in our world as a concrete reminder of how this virus is affecting all of us, whether we want it or not.
On another recent run, I was running by a son and child playing baseball, and the ball was hit wayward and coming toward me. As a reflex, I stopped and was going to pick it up, run toward them, and toss or hand back to them. But then I thought again, stopped myself, and though, will this be harmful? I was not wearing a mask, as I was engaging in individual exercise and practicing social distancing from others. As the thoughts were whirring in my mind, I stopped my natural instinct to help, as I feared running to the ball and touching i, as I feared I could create more problems or worries. I anticipated their potential fear of me, a stranger, with an unknown COVID-19 status and without a mask on, (though I have fortunately been able to self isolate and work from home and able to exercise, which would hopefully speak to my healthy status), and I also thought of whether I should be fearful of them, as I would not know their risk of COVID-19 either. I sheepishly apologized and waved at them, and I stopped myself from running toward the ball and watched the ball roll into tuft of grass (and thankfully stopped, so the father could run toward it and retrieve it). The father understood, though and waved back and shouted it was okay. How simple and mundane of events, helping toss a ball to another and getting near a playing family to share in their time outdoors. I think this simple event highlights how different our world currently is.
And when will the world return to “normal?” It may never truly return to the same normal, indeed, even after there will hopefully be measures in place to prevent spread of this illness, like vaccinations, and hopefully more definitive therapies and treatments. The level of trust we had in our world being safe, I think, will be forever changed. How will this affect us, as adults, used to a different way of life? How will this affect children, who are just starting their lives, as they embrace this new, drastically different world? I am sure this stress will change all of our futures, and perhaps bring some negative effects. There are of course, some positives, as the quarantine has allowed my family and me time to slow down and focusing on what is truly important in life. Eventually, I hope, this world will change and improve from the hard times we are going through now. When this will be, however, remains to be seen.
Aargh…Let’s defeat this COVID-19 pandemic!
Face masks during this COVID-19 pandemic, I feel, are a reminder of the badge of change we are all enduring as humans, dealing with this new threat. Face masks are a way of protecting or “masking” ourselves from this microscopic threat. I will likely never glance at a mask the same way again. I wear it now as a means of protection, and a sign to others that I care about them, and I strive to keep everyone safe. Hopefully, the world will change back to a scenario where masks will be confined to only certain environments, like a hospital, or OR, or Halloween parade. And I can stop and help toss a toy to a child, without worrying and thinking so much about what harm this action may cause. And we can go all back to usual activities, like going to school and work, going to a restaurant, traveling, and going on vacation, without so much fear and worry. I hope this change will come soon, and these pervasive masks in our daily environments everywhere will be a distant memory.
When I am hitting a rough patch in life, be it at work or on my running training plan, this phrase runs through my head: “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” For me, I think this means you persevere in the face of challenges. If something is tough, you can become tough to rise to the challenge and meet that tough thing head on. Sure, there are some insurmountable challenges out there. But if you face them with grit and determination, I think you can accomplish a lot more than you think.
When the going gets tough, fight back! Also, as Maddie is so aptly demonstrating, making silly faces at the same time makes for a more fun experience.
A tough hill, for example, often breeds some discord in my mind. (There are plenty of hills in western Pennsylvania where I live, I can tell you that.) This hill is crazy. How am I supposed to get over that elevation? Ugh. This is too hard. When the negative self talk starts overtaking my thoughts, I take a deep breath, reset myself, and remind myself “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” This often helps me reframe my mind and powers me up the hill.
I think this can be an analogy to life as well. There are things I sometimes don’t want to do at work. Again, I think a bit to my running practice, and approaching a nasty hill, and mimic my behavior. I recenter myself, take a deep breath (or two, or three), and quiet my inner critic with the old adage, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” I refocus my self talk then to be more motivational. I can do this. Just put one foot in front of the other. Keep moving. Concentrate on this one step. One two, one two. You’ve got this.
Practice doing hard things. And enjoy the lighter (and funnier) things in life along the way!
And the more I practice doing hard things, the easier it gets to take on the challenges. Sure, life is still hard. But by practicing steeling myself and doing the hard things anyway each and every day, I think I become a calmer, more patient human being. And I think I do become tougher the more I do hard things. The challenges in life are by no means a happy thing, and sometimes can crowd out the enjoyable things in life. But with these challenges, I see a way for me to become a better, stronger, tougher person. The going may get tough, that is a given. In spite of this, though, I will strive to meet the challenge head on, and keep going.
I’ve felt like an imposter many times in my medical career. I felt this particularly in my sharp transition from medical school to residency. What in the world was this hospital thinking? They are letting me, a brand new medical school graduate, make medical decisions for patients! But…I don’t feel ready, or qualified. How am I supposed to know what I am doing? Everyone else around me seems to know what is going on. I guess I will act like I do too…
This idea of “Faking it till you make it” has helped me in these times of self doubt. It certainly helped in my transition from lowly med student to (slightly higher) rung of intern, and then to (again a slightly higher) rung of senior resident. And it has helped me as I have transitioned to each of my attending jobs. I found I was repeating this mantra to myself (“Fake it till you make it!”) often as I made the move from traditional brick and mortar medicine to telemedicine.
To grow and change, sometimes you have to throw yourself into uncomfortable situations. The discomfort is tangible and hard. But without these challenging situations, we would not improve. Exercise plans and training plans have taught me that in my running development. As I push myself to bigger limits with running and walking and weight training, I can see myself getting stronger, faster, and better. Without that stress and strain on my body, however, and pushing myself to do hard things, I would not improve.
I think the same goes with my career development and my development as a physician. I think the level of responsibility needed to be a physician is huge, and physicians as a whole place large expectations on ourselves. The practice of medicine is a high stakes game. We are often expected to make decisions for our patients that are crucial and difficult. Medicine is partly science, but it also an art. This less definitive “art” side of medicine can be difficult to fathom, and sometimes difficult to navigate, especially as a young physician. And this lack of concreteness in what is expected of you as a physician breeds a feeling of not measuring up., this “imposter syndrome” if you will.
I don’t think this concept of imposter syndrome is unique to physicians. Indeed, I have felt this as a mother as well. I remember being a new mom and wondering how in the world I was expected to handle all these weird new challenges and expectations as a mother of a newborn. I definitely felt uncomfortable and out of my element. But again, I took on the idea of “Fake it till you make it” and put on a brave face, followed the examples of other moms out there, and proceeded. Eventually, with practice and time, things did get easier. I still feel uncomfortable at times with mothering as it is again unclear and there is an art to the role of parenting. But I have realized pretty much all of us have these insecurities and have times of not being sure what to do. What I do is analyze a situation or decision to be made, do the best I can with the information I have in front of me, try to do what is best for me and/or my family, and then act on it.
Feeling comfortable and more experienced in my role as mama now, but there are definitely time I feel a bit out of my league. In times of distress or feeling unsure, I try to smile, put my best foot forward, and “fake it till I make it!”
I have also felt this imposter sensation as a runner. I resumed running about 2 years ago after a long hiatus due to training stress, medical school stress, residency stress, and new parent stress. But I set about to resume running after challenging myself to a New Year’s resolution in 2017 of running a half marathon. And since, through practice, trial and error, and grit, I have stuck with my running practice and have gotten better. I will not lie, the first 6-12 months were hard work as I built up my cardiovascular fitness, my stamina, and strength. There were injuries along the road that definitely made things even more challenging. Now, though, running has become second nature and a way for me to vent daily stressors. It is my therapy. I listened to a podcast episode from Marathon Training Academy, “Running Outside The Comfort Zone” from July 31, 2019. In this episode, the hosts of the show interview Susan Lacke, an author who also felt feelings of imposter syndrome as a runner. I could definitely relate to her thoughts on the matter, and could see parallels to imposter syndrome not just as a runner but as a mother and physician as well. If you want some inspiration on carrying forward in spite of feelings of inadequacy or feeling “not good enough,” I would recommend giving that episode a listen.
Just looking at my small snippets of roles in life, I have seen how imposter syndrome has permeated how I feel about myself. I see it as normal, however, and a sign that I am being thrust into a new, scary situation, but that is a good thing. Without challenges and adversity in life, how are we to grow? So instead of seeing the butterflies in your stomach as a problem, I would think of that sign of discomfort as a sign you are going to be facing something that will help you improve, be it in your career, in your hobbies, or in your role as a parent/spouse/family member. And when you feel a bit less confident in a situation but you need to do it anyway, put on a brave face, a smile, and fake it. I’ve been surprised myself how much that really does help me, and I surprise myself all the time with how much I am able to accomplish.
I completed my first 20 mile long run for this training cycle (yes, 20 whole miles…gulp!). It was a steady buildup to this distance in my training cycle, so I have been slowly adding a couple miles to my weekly long run over the last few months. Therefore, I knew mentally and physically I was ready for this. However, there were several times in the run where I felt like quitting. Some examples of what runs through my head sometimes: Hmmm…maybe 6 miles would be good enough. My legs feel tired. It would be nice to walk. Or maybe walk home and take the day off. Wow, that person is sitting on that swing. That looks so comfortable. Maybe I could take a quick break and enjoy the view, too. 11.5 miles sounds pretty good, I made it this far, that is a pretty good day. (Yes, I am a running nerd and track my miles by the half mile. have alerts on my phone for every half mile I run. I love to geek out on all the data!)
When these thoughts of bailing out would crop to the surface though, I would argue back in my mind why it would be even better to stick it out. I envision how good it would feel to see the mileage posted on my completed run. Being able to check off my workout on my workout calendar. Personal satisfaction at a job completed as planned.
As long there isn’t anything truly unsafe keeping me from running, I will try to keep going. (Sometimes the weather is a factor. Or a worsening injury is brewing and running is hurting. Then, it is time to stop. Discomfort and fatigue from gaining stamina, athletic ability, and strength are good things. On the other hand, outright pain from a injury is bad. Sometimes it is hard to admit the difference. But in my heart, I can tell the difference as the run progresses. It is better to stop, cut the run short, and live to run another day.
Here are some mental tips I use to keep going on runs I should keep going on (I.e. as long as there is not a sidelining injury in the works, or as long as I won’t be swept away by hurtling winds and bad hail).
–Take it 1 mile at a time. I described in a past post the power of taking each mile as it comes, and focusing on the present. Indeed, this is a good reminder in life also that it is important to take time to be in the moment and not so future (or past) oriented.
–Think about the end goal. I try to visualize myself in my race. What it will feel like to be trekking along on the course. All the fans. All the noises. The fun of the competition. I remind myself that this training run is practice, and this practice will get me to that finish line.
–Think about something I am thankful for. Not everything in life goes well. But there is a ton to be thankful for and not take for granted. I often think to my husband and kids. I think how fortunate I have to be a part of their lives. I try to think of something funny or silly from the day before, an “inside joke” if you will in our own small tight-knit family. I remind myself that this discomfort is temporary. And my runs also give me mental clarity and peace to tackle to stresses of my everyday life.
These two smiling faces often come to mind and rescue me when I need mental distraction from the tedium of a long run.
–Revel in my abilities. Our human bodies are amazing machines. It is hard sometimes to fathom all that goes on inside of us, to keep us going. Particularly amazing, in fact, is how I am able to keep on running. And sometimes running crazy distances, like my recent 20 miler, or 26.2 miles. The mind and body are capable of tremendous and sometimes mind-boggling things. As I am running along and get tired or tempted to quit, I remind myself how amazing it is my legs are moving, or my arms or pumping, or my heart and lungs are moving the blood within me, propelling me cardiovascular wise on my run.
–Think about fun things coming up on the day to come or week to come. Pure distraction is a good technique as well. I sometimes use the repetitive motion of my running as a way to zone out and start thinking about things on my to do list. I strategize how I will fit things in to my afternoon or the work week ahead.
–Listen to some good music, audiobooks, or podcasts. Again, distraction works wonders. I try to have a good playlist on my phone available to turn to if I need some motivating beats. And I also have several podcasts downloaded if I prefer to learn something on my runs. If I am into an audiobook, I will have that downloaded to my phone too, and have that as an option to keep my mind occupied.
As I have progressed and developed as a runner, I have learned the ability to persevere and continue on my quest each run, particularly when approaching a race. I think one last thing that helps me get through a tough run is learning to accept things when they are good enough. I think this is also good training for life – the stamina and grit I gain by sticking it out in a run translates nicely to mental fortitude in real life. And sometimes, a “good enough” day in running or in my work day is just fine. A tough long day ahead of me? I can do it. Heck, I’ve run 20 miles recently (and 26.2 miles before)…if I can do that, I can do anything. I will just take it one minute and one hour at a time.
Not all runs will go perfectly. I may need to bail out if my body can’t handle it, for example, if an injury is forming. But I try to also accept the fact that not everything goes perfectly, and sometimes a run does not feel so great, and that’s okay. There are good days and there are bad days. The bad days, though, make the good days shine in comparison. And the best thing after a run (good or bad) is that feeling of accomplishment! That is probably what keeps me going, and keeps me coming back for more.
Distance running has taught me a lot about life. I think the key things I have taken away are:
Life is suffering. Life is hard. Running, in turn, is also hard, particularly going long distances when your body and mind are tired. But it is through suffering that you can reach and appreciate beauty. Without suffering and challenge, we would remain the same. Life would be boring. Sure – there would be minimal failure and disappointment. But there would also be no glory, or chance for self improvement. I can see how much easier running has become for me. It is a way for me to decompress after a tough day. It is a form of therapy for me, as the repetitive action is a way of physically meditating and zoning out. Sure, sometimes the runs are uncomfortable. But with that discomfort, I can see parallels to other parts of my life that are uncomfortable, and I realize that the run will eventually end, I will reach my destination, and the suffering will be relieved.
At the end of my tough runs, if I endure the suffering, I’m often rewarded by smiling little faces like this one.
Focus on the mile you are in. I recently read the memoir, Run the Mile You’re In, by Ryan Hall (a recently retired marathoner). I think that one of the themes he touches on, that is the title of the book, is very poignant. We should continue to refocus our thoughts on the moment at hand, or in running, the mile you are in. In a race, or a workout, it is easy to get ahead of yourself, and start thinking of all the other miles you have left. Or in life, it is easy to start focusing too much on the future, and neglecting the present. Take a moment to relish the here and now. You are only going to have this day once. Tomorrow, sure, is around the corner, but it is crucial to not be so future oriented that you fail to live in the present.
Sometimes life gives you a long journey, or a traffic jam. Don’t get too focused on the car lengths ahead of you. Instead, stay mindful of the present. Enjoy the beauty (and in this case, organization and order) that can be present in life.
Take time to relish victories. Take time to reflect on the past, and see how well things have gone in your life. It is good practice to take some time and think of your past victories. Sure, I am no elite runner, and I will probably never truly “win” a race in a field of runners, and I am okay with that. But for me, success is able to be self-defined. It can be finishing a distance you have never finished before. It can be setting a new personal record. It can be finishing a training plan and/or race injury free. As in my 2nd marathon, it can be gritting through a less-than-deal situation (e.g. illness) and finishing a race anyways. And as I reflect on my own past successes, I think of ways to incorporate these into my future plans, so I can repeat things I have done well.
Learn from mistakes. Life is not perfect. That is also true in sports. Sometimes things do not go as planned. A particular meal, perhaps, the night before a long run is one to avoid in the future. Forcing a run after a long week of work or stressful night of call can lead to a weakened immune system and make you more prone to catching an infection or getting injured. Learning to listen to your body is an acquired skill, and takes practice. I think that by analyzing things I have done wrong, I am able to hopefully better plan for future situations, so I won’t make the same mistake again.
Being content with my own thoughts, and letting creativity run wild. I find running helps often burn off excess negative energy, e.g. a patient encounter that did not go well, or a conversation with my family that could have gone better. And it also opens up my creative side. Sometimes I have music playing, or a podcast or audiobook going while I run. And with this audio simultaneously playing and inspiring me on my run, I notice new connections and ideas cropping up organically. Exercise, I feel, is a way to get in better touch with your inner mind, and all that it entails – emotions, thoughts, and hopes for the future. Running for me is my exercise of choice, and it has brought me to a greater connection to my own creative and spiritual side.
Enjoy all that life has to offer. Life is sometimes rocky (or wobbly as in this ride) but it can also teach you a lot, and these challenges are what make life interesting and worth living.
Life is full of trials and tribulations. In this journey of life, it can be easy to be one-track minded, and go day in, day out, in the same routine. Wake up, go to work, get home, eat dinner, go to bed, rinse and repeat. I think my hobby of distance running has helped enrich my life. It isn’t only cardiovascular exercise (although this, don’t get me wrong, is truly quite valuable). I think more than that, though, it gives me an outlet, and serves as my form of therapy and meditation. Running has taught me a lot, and I think this hobby will continue to teach me as I advance further in my development as a runner.
My Second Marathon: Less Than Ideal Physical Conditions, But A Great Lesson In Perseverance
My Pittsburgh marathon experience recently was a success, and I am proud to say I finished! I think any race finish is a success! Unfortunately, my time was not what I had hoped (I had hoped for an improvement in time from my first marathon). My health was challenged by an untimely bout of viral gastroenteritis (stomach virus) the day before. Obviously less than ideal conditions. I am pretty sure I caught this from my cute (but full-of-germs) children, or one of my patients, or a bit of both. The afternoon before, I recall feeling a little punky, and then slowly but steadily, became exhausted, nauseated, and became a close friend to the restroom for unnatural products from both ends. I rested for good solid few hours that afternoon, and then slept for 12+ hours the night before.
My little runner and tumbler, one of my motivations when the going gets tough.
Facing Doubt and Learning to Push Negative Thoughts Aside
I awoke at about 40-50%, less nauseated but also unfortunately a bit behind on my fluids. I ate nothing and had minimal fluid intake the night before, obviously not what I planned to do. I tried to gently hydrate and ate a minimal breakfast that morning. And I anticipated a great challenge ahead. I had several nagging thoughts of, “well, maybe I can stay home and sit this out.” But 3+ months of work were weighing on my mind. So many 1-3 hour runs early in the AM 6 days a week spent pounding the pavement. So much time spent away from other hobbies and pursuits, and away from my family. I used this thought of time investment as inspiration, and pushed the negative thoughts aside. Instead, I strived to think to myself “I worked hard. I feel okay today, not great, but okay. I will use this as an opportunity to see how far I can push myself, safely, but I will push myself.”
It was certainly a challenge on my body and mind, but I am glad I did indeed push myself. I did great the first hour or two, until my early morning Tylenol unfortunately wore off, and some dehydration and discomfort really settled in. The last two and a half hours was a bit rough, but I took it 1 mile at a time. And I am very proud to say I made it to the finish line.
I think this was a great lesson to myself on perseverance and seeing how far I can truly go. And to not limit myself based on perceived notions of what I am capable of. Stop listening to boundaries and restrictions, both that I set for myself, or what everyone else tells me.
I am so appreciative of my ability to push through the pain and discomfort, and finish. My finish time wasn’t stellar (4:40:22), or what I expected (I had hoped to set a personal record by about 10-15 minutes), but given all the challenges with the preceding virus/illness, I am proud of what I did. And proud of my grit and determination to push forward and not stop, in spite of pain and challenge.
I think going forward in my life as a mom and doctor, I feel huge waves of confidence in what I can do. I am not perfect, and I don’t have all the answers for my kids or my patients. And I will never be so overconfident to say I am perfect and all knowing. But I realize some dogged determination and perseverance can carry me through a lot in life. By not giving up, I was able push through, improve, and reach a new level of performance and success.
An Unfortunate Injury: Forced Break and Forced Rethinking of My Health Priorities
I also unfortunately suffered a foot injury about a month after my marathon. This was probably a reflection of overtraining, not taking enough time of rest after my race, and not admitting when I need to take a break. It took a good 4 weeks to recover. I can tell you, I missed exercise, and missed running. I missed having my body whole and healthy and pain free. Just walking, climbing steps, and jumping would elicit a bit of pain. I missed my solo runs, as this was my time of reflection, my “me” time away from others. As an introvert, I realize some solo time is crucial for recovery and rejuvenation. Though I’d hate to admit it, the time away from running was also good for me. I gained more time with my family. I was able to fully heal my body. And crucially, I gained more time to sleep. I am realizing I need to guard my sleep time and stop depriving myself so much.
I read a great book, Why We Sleep, by Matthew Walker a couple of months ago, and I highly recommend this comprehensive review of what sleep is, why it is vital, and how to use it to our advantage. This book, coupled with my injury and forced break from early morning runs, made me rethink my routine and how I was treating my body and my health. Sleep is crucial. It is not for idleness. It is not for lazy people. It helps your mind and body recover. It helps solidify learning and healing. It improves your immunity. It improves your vitality and creativity. The book goes into great detail, but those are some wonderful takeaways I gained from my study of the book. The book also discusses dreams, insomnia, and why typical insomnia treatment with sleeping pills is not always ideal. I found it a very interesting read, very detailed and very scientific.
Return to Running, But Learning Balance
I have returned to running this past week. I craved the activity and ability to get my heart rate up. My foot hurt slightly but fortunately has gotten stronger and less bothersome as activity is ramping up. I am learning to adapt my schedule and change things around. I have tried running later in the day at times, so I can protect my sleep time. I am unfortunately quite a bit of shape, but I know I can regain my ability. And given my persistence and success with my “less than ideal” second marathon, I know I can push myself further than I think. I am learning to look at boundaries and limits, everywhere in life, and analyzing them to see if I can knock them down creatively but aggressively.
Growth Mindset, Thinking of How Many Blessings I Truly Have
I am eager to continue to grow, reinvent myself, and make myself better. (If you haven’t read anything about a Growth Mindset versus Fixed Mindset, I encourage you to do so. This is great way to look at the psychology of growth. One great resource is here.) I hope I can continue to set an example for my family and my kids.
During my run, I used Aaptiv (a great way to have a trainer in your ear during your workout, breaks up the monotony!), and the trainer described a great way to overcome a desire to stop. And that is: think of someone who can’t exercise. Run for them. Exercise for them. Persist because of them. Keep running and don’t stop, for they cannot do what you are doing. I felt like my run was more like a prayer and meditation in their honor. I found this truly inspiring and a great way to keep going. And I plan to carry this forward to everything in life, I think that is a great lesson that translates everywhere.
There is so much to be grateful for in life that I often take for granted. I am healthy. I have a beautiful, loving family. I have a roof over my head. A stable career. Free time to pursue my passions and hobbies. I am able to continue to grow and improve. I have way more to appreciate and think positively about, and a lot less I should complain about and dwell negatively upon.
My family: my priority in life. 2 of 3 smiling faces ain’t bad. (I don’t envy the hard working photographers out there. Getting the “perfect shot” is pretty darn hard!)
Perseverance and Gratitude: Tools for Success and Ways to Battle Pessimism
Positivity and gratitude, I believe, will carry me forward in the future. I know more challenges and set backs will come up, in my running, in my career, and in my family. But I will think about my successes in the past, particularly my success in pushing through a painful, uncomfortable, imperfect marathon situation.
I will keep those lessons with me, and they will fuel me with inspiration and hope. And I will think of all of those I encounter, particularly in my life as a physician, who are so gracious and open to share their own challenges, with their personal lives and with their health. I think this will help reframe my pessimism. Instead of dwelling on all I do not have, I will work on focusing on my blessings and all the wonderful things I do possess.
