Endurance running as my training ground to help me face life’s inevitable pain and adversity with grace and strength. Life has pain. Life has heartache. There are wars, there is famine and poverty, and there is injustice in this world. Of course I wish there were no challenges and heartaches in life. But this sadly is not our reality.
In a parenting podcast I was listening to today, Zen Parenting Radio, the hosts talked about a common theme in parenting in the last couple of decades of protecting and shielding our children from pain. I agree with the discussion that this is a disservice to our children. Of course we will all face challenges and setbacks. I agree it is better to help kids navigate their way through heartache and challenge, rather than eliminating anything negative from their lives. As in running, there will be miles that hurt and are harder than others. There are times you will want to quit. Rather than giving up and going home, though, I strive to push through. This, I think, helps me improve my strength and stamina to face life’s challenges, too. And I hope, that by setting a good example, I can teach my kids that the goal in life is not avoiding pain. It is hitting it head on with a mindset of creativity, perseverance, and grit. Get through it, survive, and this too shall pass.
Like everyone else, I have faced challenges in life. Anyone perceiving that life is easy or without setbacks is clearly off base. I wish that life was not always so hard or painful, but it is impossible to go through life without setbacks. These setbacks, in retrospect, make the happier and positive days that much greater.
The biggest setback for me in my life was being sued several years ago. Do I wish this never happened? Absolutely. If I could go back in time and erase that entire situation from my life, I would do so in a heartbeat. And I wish that no one ever has to go through that situation. It is unfortunately a true and ever present specter in our American litigious society. It made me feel less than. It made me feel betrayed. It gave me indescribable shame. Should such a situation do this, though? Being sued as a physician is seldom discussed, I feel, due to the negative feelings it evokes. It took me many months to heal from this event, but I have come to accept that I cannot control another person’s perceptions or another person’s view of a situation. I can only control my own actions and my own perceptions. I have power over my own thoughts and my own emotional health. I can study and I can read and attend courses. I can work hard. I can exercise and care for my body and mind. I can devote my time and energy to perfecting my personal growth. I cannot be perfect. But I can own my own actions, thoughts, and emotions, and I can use these to positively shape my perceptions and mindset.
The setback of being sued, however, did teach me to persevere. You must face pain and adversity head on. In the toughest of situations, survival is the only choice you have. You face your challenges, and you learn to forgive and let live. You learn to hold on to all that will serve you and help you grow. You let go of anything that does not make you a better person. You take it one hour at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time, one year at a time. It is still an indelible memory on my psyche and definitely shook my confidence and feeling of self-worth. It will always be with me. I hope, though, in spite of all of its negative connotations, it will shape me into a caring physician, an empathetic mom, a devoted wife, and a compassionate friend. I hope I can teach others that through resilience and vulnerability, you can persevere through all of life’s challenges.
You can wish and hope that a painful situation does not stand before you. Believe me, I have tried. But wishing and praying will not make it go away. You must often hit it head on, face that awful situation, and know that tomorrow, the sun will rise again. Another day will come. Your children and your family will still need and love you. Another patient will appreciate and value the care you provide. Life goes on. I have accepted the fact that this situation will always be a part of my past. As time goes on, I see that the situation was like a fire, forging my resolve and my strength. It could have destroyed me and brought me down, but instead, I feel it built me up and made me that much stronger.
I know nothing in this life is perfect. I can simply exude confidence and work hard each and every day. I show up each day at work, ready to do my job. I can show others empathy and patience, and I strive to give all of my patients a kind and listening ear. I try each day to share my knowledge and skills with the world. I hope also, that in the process of living my life with strength and fortitude, I can set an example for my children that life is hard, but you can and will survive. Through practice and grit and determination, you can persevere through life’s challenges, and come out of the battle a stronger and better person each and every time.