Tag: Perseverence

Facing Pain and Adversity with Grace Under Pressure

Endurance running as my training ground to help me face life’s inevitable pain and adversity with grace and strength.  Life has pain.  Life has heartache.  There are wars, there is famine and poverty, and there is injustice in this world.  Of course I wish there were no challenges and heartaches in life.  But this sadly is not our reality.

Looking strong on a straightaway. Don’t get too complacent…there are plenty of Pittsburgh hills to tackle ahead!

In a parenting podcast I was listening to today, Zen Parenting Radio, the hosts talked about a common theme in parenting in the last couple of decades of protecting and shielding our children from pain.  I agree with the discussion that this is a disservice to our children.  Of course we will all face challenges and setbacks.  I agree it is better to help kids navigate their way through heartache and challenge, rather than eliminating anything negative from their lives.  As in running, there will be miles that hurt and are harder than others. There are times you will want to quit.  Rather than giving up and going home, though, I strive to push through.  This, I think, helps me improve my strength and stamina to face life’s challenges, too.  And I hope, that by setting a good example, I can teach my kids that the goal in life is not avoiding pain.  It is hitting it head on with a mindset of creativity, perseverance, and grit.  Get through it, survive, and this too shall pass.

 

Like everyone else, I have faced challenges in life.  Anyone perceiving that life is easy or without setbacks is clearly off base.  I wish that life was not always so hard or painful, but it is impossible to go through life without setbacks.  These setbacks, in retrospect, make the happier and positive days that much greater.

 

The biggest setback for me in my life was being sued several years ago.  Do I wish this never happened? Absolutely.  If I could go back in time and erase that entire situation from my life, I would do so in a heartbeat.  And I wish that no one ever has to go through that situation.  It is unfortunately a true and ever present specter in our American litigious society.  It made me feel less than.  It made me feel betrayed.  It gave me indescribable shame.  Should such a situation do this, though?  Being sued as a physician is seldom discussed, I feel, due to the negative feelings it evokes.  It took me many months to heal from this event, but I have come to accept that I cannot control another person’s perceptions or another person’s view of a situation.  I can only control my own actions and my own perceptions. I have power over my own thoughts and my own emotional health. I can study and I can read and attend courses.  I can work hard.  I can exercise and care for my body and mind.  I can devote my time and energy to perfecting my personal growth.  I cannot be perfect.  But I can own my own actions, thoughts, and emotions, and I can use these to positively shape my perceptions and mindset.

 

The setback of being sued, however, did teach me to persevere.  You must face pain and adversity head on.  In the toughest of situations, survival is the only choice you have.  You face your challenges, and you learn to forgive and let live.  You learn to hold on to all that will serve you and help you grow.  You let go of anything that does not make you a better person.  You take it one hour at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time, one year at a time.  It is still an indelible memory on my psyche and definitely shook my confidence and feeling of self-worth. It will always be with me.  I hope, though, in spite of all of its negative connotations, it will shape me into a caring physician, an empathetic mom, a devoted wife, and a compassionate friend.  I hope I can teach others that through resilience and vulnerability, you can persevere through all of life’s challenges.

 

You can wish and hope that a painful situation does not stand before you.  Believe me, I have tried.  But wishing and praying will not make it go away.  You must often hit it head on, face that awful situation, and know that tomorrow, the sun will rise again.  Another day will come.  Your children and your family will still need and love you.  Another patient will appreciate and value the care you provide.  Life goes on.  I have accepted the fact that this situation will always be a part of my past.  As time goes on, I see that the situation was like a fire, forging my resolve and my strength.  It could have destroyed me and brought me down, but instead, I feel it built me up and made me that much stronger.

 

I know nothing in this life is perfect.  I can simply exude confidence and work hard each and every day.  I show up each day at work, ready to do my job.  I can show others empathy and patience, and I strive to give all of my patients a kind and listening ear.  I try each day to share my knowledge and skills with the world.  I hope also, that in the process of living my life with strength and fortitude, I can set an example for my children that life is hard, but you can and will survive.  Through practice and grit and determination, you can persevere through life’s challenges, and come out of the battle a stronger and better person each and every time.

Chipping Away

I think it is hard to stay on point when a goal is long, huge, and/or challenging.   Will this one day of chipping away at my goal make a huge dent in my goal?  Probably not.  But adding the chips together over many days, weeks, months, and years will.

 

While golfing recently with my husband, I was striving to “chip on” to the green.  I am a beginner, so these short, low flighted shots I made were not perfect.  A few though, did hit where I liked.  I think this is a different way of using the term “chip” but I like how it reminds me that even short, nondramatic shots may a big difference in your goal (in golf, of course, it is a smaller score).    As I keep practicing and playing, I can see that my chipping ability will also improve and this is important.  Though chips are small shots, they are crucial to finishing a hole with a good score.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

I try to remind myself of this when I think my small little act is not a “big deal.”  It is best to keep at things over time to build an automatic habit, and keep chipping away at the goal.  Thinking in more the big picture is helpful for me as I try to motivate myself to stick with acts that I know will be good for me.  Exercising.  Getting enough sleep.  Eating in a healthier way.  Reading and learning.  Chores around the house.  Practicing a musical instrument.  Buying insurance.  Establishing a will.  Saving money.  Paying off debt.  Spending mindfully and on things that will be useful.  Establishing a financial plan.

 

I think writing down my goals is also helpful, both for the short period (e.g. the day or the week), and for the longer term (e.g. the next 6 months or 12 months).    I can then see how my small acts are actually chipping away at my much broader and desirable goal.  It keeps things in perspective.

 

I think sticking with things is also good for setting an example for my children.  Perseverance is a much respected skill but hard to cultivate.  I think it takes practice.  It is not natural to want to keep doing hard or painful things.  But if I remind myself of the “big picture” and how this is helping me accomplish my bigger goals, I can override my natural comfort seeking behavior.  I try to also celebrate wins and reflect back on what all my small acts together have accomplished.

 

When The Going Gets Tough…

When I am hitting a rough patch in life, be it at work or on my running training plan, this phrase runs through my head: “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” For me, I think this means you persevere in the face of challenges. If something is tough, you can become tough to rise to the challenge and meet that tough thing head on. Sure, there are some insurmountable challenges out there. But if you face them with grit and determination, I think you can accomplish a lot more than you think.

  • When the going gets tough, fight back! Also, as Maddie is so aptly demonstrating, making silly faces at the same time makes for a more fun experience.

A tough hill, for example, often breeds some discord in my mind. (There are plenty of hills in western Pennsylvania where I live, I can tell you that.) This hill is crazy. How am I supposed to get over that elevation? Ugh. This is too hard. When the negative self talk starts overtaking my thoughts, I take a deep breath, reset myself, and remind myself “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” This often helps me reframe my mind and powers me up the hill.

I think this can be an analogy to life as well. There are things I sometimes don’t want to do at work. Again, I think a bit to my running practice, and approaching a nasty hill, and mimic my behavior. I recenter myself, take a deep breath (or two, or three), and quiet my inner critic with the old adage, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” I refocus my self talk then to be more motivational. I can do this. Just put one foot in front of the other. Keep moving. Concentrate on this one step. One two, one two. You’ve got this.

  • Practice doing hard things. And enjoy the lighter (and funnier) things in life along the way!

And the more I practice doing hard things, the easier it gets to take on the challenges. Sure, life is still hard. But by practicing steeling myself and doing the hard things anyway each and every day, I think I become a calmer, more patient human being. And I think I do become tougher the more I do hard things. The challenges in life are by no means a happy thing, and sometimes can crowd out the enjoyable things in life. But with these challenges, I see a way for me to become a better, stronger, tougher person. The going may get tough, that is a given. In spite of this, though, I will strive to meet the challenge head on, and keep going.

In It For The Long Run…Sticking With It Even When You Want to Bail

I completed my first 20 mile long run for this training cycle (yes, 20 whole miles…gulp!).  It was a steady buildup to this distance in my training cycle, so I have been slowly adding a couple miles to my weekly long run over the last few months.  Therefore, I knew mentally and physically I was ready for this.  However, there were several times in the run where I felt like quitting.  Some examples of what runs through my head sometimes: Hmmm…maybe 6 miles would be good enough.  My legs feel tired. It would be nice to walk. Or maybe walk home and take the day off.  Wow, that person is sitting on that swing. That looks so comfortable. Maybe I could take a quick break and enjoy the view, too.  11.5 miles sounds pretty good, I made it this far, that is a pretty good day.   (Yes, I am a running nerd and track my miles by the half mile. have alerts on my phone for every half mile I run.   I love to geek out on all the data!)

photo of man running during daytime
Photo by Tembela Bohle on Pexels.com

When these thoughts of bailing out would crop to the surface though, I would argue back in my mind why it would be even better to stick it out. I envision how good it would feel to see the mileage posted on my completed run. Being able to check off my workout on my workout calendar. Personal satisfaction at a job completed as planned.

As long there isn’t anything truly unsafe keeping me from running, I will try to keep going. (Sometimes the weather is a factor. Or a worsening injury is brewing and running is hurting. Then, it is time to stop. Discomfort and fatigue from gaining stamina, athletic ability, and strength are good things. On the other hand, outright pain from a injury is bad. Sometimes it is hard to admit the difference. But in my heart, I can tell the difference as the run progresses. It is better to stop, cut the run short, and live to run another day.

Here are some mental tips I use to keep going on runs I should keep going on (I.e. as long as there is not a sidelining injury in the works, or as long as I won’t be swept away by hurtling winds and bad hail).

–Take it 1 mile at a time.  I described in a past post the power of taking each mile as it comes, and focusing on the present. Indeed, this is a good reminder in life also that it is important to take time to be in the moment and not so future (or past) oriented.

–Think about the end goal.  I try to visualize myself in my race.  What it will feel like to be trekking along on the course. All the fans.  All the noises.  The fun of the competition.  I remind myself that this training run is practice, and this practice will get me to that finish line.

–Think about something I am thankful for.  Not everything in life goes well.  But there is a ton to be thankful for and not take for granted. I often think to my husband and kids.  I think how fortunate I have to be a part of their lives.  I try to think of something funny or silly from the day before, an “inside joke” if you will in our own small tight-knit family.  I remind myself that this discomfort is temporary.  And my runs also give me mental clarity and peace to tackle to stresses of my everyday life.

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These two smiling faces often come to mind and rescue me when I need mental distraction from the tedium of a long run.

–Revel in my abilities.  Our human bodies are amazing machines. It is hard sometimes to fathom all that goes on inside of us, to keep us going.  Particularly amazing, in fact, is how I am able to keep on running.  And sometimes running crazy distances, like my recent 20 miler, or 26.2 miles.   The mind and body are capable of tremendous and sometimes mind-boggling things.  As I am running along and get tired or tempted to quit, I remind myself how amazing it is my legs are moving, or my arms or pumping, or my heart and lungs are moving the blood within me, propelling me cardiovascular wise on my run.

–Think about fun things coming up on the day to come or week to come.  Pure distraction is a good technique as well.  I sometimes use the repetitive motion of my running as a way to zone out and start thinking about things on my to do list. I strategize how I will fit things in to my afternoon or the work week ahead.

–Listen to some good music, audiobooks, or podcasts.  Again, distraction works wonders.  I try to have a good playlist on my phone available to turn to if I need some motivating beats.  And I also have several podcasts downloaded if I prefer to learn something on my runs.    If I am into an audiobook, I will have that downloaded to my phone too, and have that as an option to keep my mind occupied.

app earbuds earphones google play music
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

As I have progressed and developed as a runner, I have learned the ability to persevere and continue on my quest each run, particularly when approaching a race.  I think one last thing that helps me get through a tough run is learning to accept things when they are good enough.  I think this is also good training for life – the stamina and grit I gain by sticking it out in a run translates nicely to mental fortitude in real life.  And sometimes, a “good enough” day in running or in my work day is just fine.  A tough long day ahead of me?  I can do it.  Heck, I’ve run 20 miles recently (and 26.2 miles before)…if I can do that, I can do anything.  I will just take it one minute and one hour at a time.

Not all runs will go perfectly.  I may need to bail out if my body can’t handle it, for example, if an injury is forming.  But I try to also accept the fact that not everything goes perfectly, and sometimes a run does not feel so great, and that’s okay.  There are good days and there are bad days.  The bad days, though, make the good days shine in comparison.  And the best thing after a run (good or bad) is that feeling of accomplishment!   That is probably what keeps me going, and keeps me coming back for more.