I am enjoying a laid back day off today, and a relatively light weekend ahead. I will try to catch up on hobbies. And I also hope to start thinking ahead for the coming year. With that forward look though, I will try to look back and think about all I have accomplished in 2023.
I often get tunnel-visioned in my busy life, seeing only the day ahead or the week ahead, primarily looking at the present. I often fail to see how much better my life has become. A comfortable home. Good health. A career that brings me satisfaction and accomplishment. Relationships with family and friends. Progression in my hobbies and past-times.
Maybe this could be my new hobby. I am definitely not a strong skater. Let’s say I have a lot of potential. Hoping my family can help teach me their ways!
In the year ahead, I hope I can keep up this habit of looking to my future and looking at the past. I think this gives me greater appreciation for how much I have, and how much I have grown. And how much more living and growing I have to do.
Some goals I have for the year include:
-Running a half marathon in the summer. I invested in working with a coach to hone my skills and keep improving.
-Blogging more often, as a way to reflect and grow.
-Spending quality time with my family and friends. Aiming for time with family every 1-2 weeks and time with friends once a month or more.
-Traveling with intention and for joy.
-Continuing to learn languages with Duolingo.
-Continuing to play piano and guitar as an outlet for creativity and relaxation.
-Reading 40 books. I am definitely behind right now but I can feel things starting to pickup. Thank you snow days and cold weather, driving us inside!
Yay for snow days!
-Continuing to save and invest, spending money and time with intention to optimize comfort and joy in life. Avoiding squandering my money or time on things that are not going to return comfort or joy.
-Learn a new skill. I am thinking of trying something in the arts and crafts realm.
I will use this post as a way to reflect at the halfway point and endpoint of the year ahead to gauge how I am growing and meeting my goals. I know perfection is impossible but progression is definitely achievable and laudable. Growing just a little bit each day or week or year will be tremendous. Now it is time to go back to my day off and enjoy this time to unwind and ponder.
St. Patrick’s Day was a couple of weeks ago. I hope you had a good day of festivities, perhaps some green beverages or foods were consumed, maybe a leprechaun visited you or your family, and hopefully some green clothing was worn. What I wanted to think about briefly today is luck, since St. Patrick is often associated with luck.
What are your thoughts on luck? I find it to be definitely a nice thing to have on your side. I used to feel it was totally outside of my control and something that fate or the universe decided would be dealt to me. But I like the thoughts I have read recently that you must be receptive and ready for that lucky break. If you aren’t ready, or looking for luck, you will miss it. You can’t control situations or things that happen to you. But you can control your mindset, and feel open and ready for a lucky, good situation if it comes upon you. If you are closed off to the possibility of something good, I think you will miss your good luck.
My focus right now is to optimize my preparation and openness for new situations. To have an open mind. I think armed with that, an openness for change, luck will be on your side. You need to be ready to accept change and good fortune. Otherwise, you may miss your lucky break.
My girl Maddie knows how to sport lucky green. And it is hard not to notice she resemble her favorite Girl Scout cookie, Thin Mints!
My daughter has recently been singing Rachel Platten’s song, Fight Song, repetitively over the last few weeks. It sounds like a classmate of hers really likes the song and got her hooked on it, too. I know, it is a few years old, but I still the lyrics inspiring and timeless. I also find it endearing she likes this powerful song, and hearing her sing it made me ponder over the lyrics more and more today. (And, of course, she is adorable with her passionate singing style, which makes it a very enjoyable experience to listen to her.)
Rachel Platten wrote the song as an anthem to keep pushing back, as the song industry was rejecting her. I love its strong message. The message I take from the song is this: you matter, and your actions matter, no matter how little you think you are as one person, or how trivial you think your single action is. Don’t short change yourself, don’t underestimate your power, even if you feel you are small or insignificant. Say what is on your mind, especially if it will help others. If you feel down and out, fight back, because you matter. You are strong. Keep going, because you can keep on fighting and keep going, even in moments that are tough. You are more significant and powerful than you think, and your voice has power. My thought is, you never know when one action will inspire someone else, or help someone else in their time of need. Your smile or kind word to another person today may turn their day around. It may inspire them to be kind to someone else, which in turn may help someone at the end of their rope.
So never stop being nice to others. Never stop pushing forward and fighting the good fight in this life. Push back against challenges and setbacks, because you can persevere. Never discount your actions, no matter how insignificant you think they are. You can be that one spark to create change for good. I hope you find this post inspiring and take this positivity forward throughout your day and week. I have included her video link below for your viewing enjoyment.
6 years ago, almost to the day, my family and I were able to bring our son, Luca, home from the NICU after a 12 day stay following his premature birth. It was a very triumphant, heartfelt moment, and I am forever grateful that his stay resulted in good health, with no lasting complications. He is a healthy 6 year old boy now, and I sometimes forget how tiny he was back then. I remember how happy and relived I was to finally take him home, safe and sound, after his hospital stay.
Mr. Luca at his 1 year old birthday. Proud big sister not far away, always eager to help and guide him.
He was born about 4 weeks early, at 35 weeks+6 days. Due to him being so young, he was having problems maintaining his temperature. Hence, he spent many days spent in the NICU under the experienced, watchful eyes of the nurses and physicians. Being postpartum, I was full of emotions and was fatigued and overwhelmed, but I had an underpinning, massive desire to take my new little guy home. I was indescribably happy when the NICU team gave us the good news that March 10, 2016 would be Mr. Luca’s discharge date, and we could take him home with us to help complete our family.
Thinking back, I contemplated how different the results would have been for both me and my child decades ago. I am astounded and amazed each day by modern medicine and all of the knowledge and technology we have acquired. It enabled my son’s care to go so smoothly and enabled such good outcomes. I realize our issues were very small in retrospect as well, compared to other family’s trials. I can only imagine with what other families go through with children born even earlier or with more challenging health concerns. My outcomes also would like have been very different if the physicians and nurses did not have their experience and modern technology to monitor me closely, with my vitals, how my labor was progressing, and how my child was doing during the labor process.
Seeing also how doctors care for me and my family as we see them, I marvel at how different things were 50-100 years ago. I often credit our good health and good outcomes on all of this collective knowledge our healthcare teams have obtained.
Working in telemedicine, a relatively new player in medicine, I see that medicine still has a lot of evolution to go. I know that telemedicine has limitations, but it also opens many doors in caring for patients. I can see them right where they live and work. I can see patients with limited access to care, and all it takes is each of us having a good device (computer, cell phone, or tablet) and a good internet connection. I never shy from telling patients when telemedicine is not the right avenue to go down. But I am surprised each day by how much I can accomplish, and how grateful patients and their families are for the care we provide with this service.
Going forward, I will keep observing how modern medicine can help me, my family members and friends, and my patients. I know that things will always evolve and change, as things must. I hope that things continue to evolve and improve. I hope good and better outcomes become common place. I hope that everyone can enjoy better health because of all of these continued changes and advances.
Today I turn 40! At 40, I feel I am right at middle age. I sure hope to live longer than 80, but reaching 80 seems like a decent and reasonable life span I can achieve in this day and age. Of course, I have no control over how long I may get to be on this planet. But I will do what I can to optimize both the quantity and quality of my life through what I can control: my choices and decisions in life and my mindset. I am by no means perfect, and I never will be. But I feel that by being a work in progress, I can hopefully live a healthier, fuller, and fulfilling life.
Circa January 2022. Posing for the camera, smiles all around!
Do I feel 40? Sometimes, but sometimes not. Some days, for sure, I do, when I get a tight or strained muscle (thank goodness for massages!), or my joints in my hands or feet ache a bit, I am out of touch with the youngest generation I am seeing as a patient (I am still blown away there are college aged “adults” who were born when I graduated high school. Insane). Or when I see the wrinkles (ahem, “lines of dignity”) as I examine my face. I feel also, though, that I am just getting started in this thing called adulthood. I get a sense I just finished high school, college, and med school a short time ago. I cannot shake the feeling that I just got married, bought our house, and had our two kids a “year or two ago.” Reality hits, though, and I realize these milestones are all many years behind me. (And don’t even remind me I graduated high school over 2 decades ago!)
My hope for this day is simply to reflect and stay in the moment and chill. I don’t have any grand plans for this day. I am thankful that I have a rare day off from work. And that my to-do list today is short. I have a rare moment of quiet in this house as the kids are at school and my husband is at work. My pet kitten, Oscar, is keeping me quiet (and sometimes rambunctious) company today as well as I reflect.
I am grateful for this quiet, slower moment to myself without hustle and bustle. I like this quiet day off to truly analyze where I am at. Today, I am happy I get to slow down and simply to think about where I am now, where I have been, and where I hope to go. My goal for the coming year is to continue to nourish my career, my relationships, and my self growth. I realize life is about tradeoffs and time is finite, so I cannot tackle all of these all at once, nor can I maximize everything or make everything perfect. But I hope to make myself just 1% better this year in my professional life and my personal life. And I hope to treat myself well and accept “good enough” when it truly is sufficient and all that I need. And as each year goes forward, I hope I can keep compounding another 1% improvement each and every year to reach the very best version of me.
This year has been tough and strange with the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. For me and my writing, I have found it hard to stay on point. I have been unfortunately too quiet here as times have been busy in my job and in my home life.Now, though, I plan to get back on track and resume blogging my thoughts and observations more consistently again.
Sometimes things are smooth and easy, and you are moving forward. And sometimes you get twisted around and find yourself going backwards, like Luca here. I will strive to get back on track, and going forward from now on.
My favorite season is now back…fall. The weather has been what feels like unseasonably warm so I am welcoming the promise of cooler, brisker weather. I am sprinkling some pumpkin spice in my coffee in the morning to celebrate the time of year. And the return of my favorite fall ale, Block House Pumpkin Ale, at the beverage store is a highlight for the season. I stocked up this year on a case, so I am happily well set on this fall staple.
I also appreciate how this time of year is a time for children to resume a new school year, so it feels like things are starting over. I know that January 1 is the beginning of the calendar year, but the fall for me feels like it is kicking off new beginnings.
I think also the fall is my favorite time of year as it kicks off a series of fun holidays for my little ones …Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I love watching them get excited for these festivities, and it brings me back to a time when I too when get very excited for them. I do still enjoy the holidays, but they carry a more special kind of magic when you are a child.
As I go through September and into October, I tend to revisit my goals as well for the year, as this is the time of year of my work anniversary. Along with setting professional/work goals this time of year, I strive to come up with a personal goal or two to focus on, and I try to look back on how far I have come in the last year. I find it amazing how fast and slow time can go, seemingly at the same time. A week can drag on forever, but it feels like I am still in my 20s, but here I am approaching age 40. I look forward to the next couple of months of brisk (but not too cold yet!) weather, pumpkin ale, and reflecting on where I have been and where I hope to go in the next year.
I am finding it challenging to stay motivated during this COVID-19 pandemic. The lack of in person races is particularly a roadblock for me with my exercise goals. I would use the act of signing up for races as a motivation to start and stick with a new training plan. The training plan would be added to my calendar, providing a framework each week for my exercise. This exercise would help develop me physically but also help improve my mental health, as a form of moving meditation, time away from others and being alone, and improving my self-esteem by achieving little goals (achieving “X” amount of miles per week, doing 2 strength workouts per week, etc).
I miss the fun of in person races and adding completed races to my lifelong list if accomplishments. I have tried virtual races before and now, but I feel these just are not the same for me. When the time comes to safely return to in person races, I will truly cherish this. Toeing the line and running with others is a fun challenge that I miss right now.
One thing that is keeping me going is envisioning the fun that will be had returning to an in person race. I will value the first race back. Lining up at the start line. Reveling in the prerace festivities. Running the race and enjoying the camaraderie of fellow runners. And best of all, crossing the finish line and feeling a large sense of accomplishment after finishing not just the race, but the several week training plan prior to ensure a successful race. I hope this gratitude and appreciation will carry forward in the future as well, as it truly is a gift to have events together with others.
Though I cannot race in person right now, something that I have found helpful is setting a small but doable goal each week. My current goal is to do 3-4 workouts per week. This is a far cry from my prior intense marathon training plans that sometimes entailed 5-6 workouts per week, each often averaging 1-2 hours in length. But setting a doable goal has helped me set my mental and physical health a priority each week. And achieving “checkboxes” each week has helped me stay motivated.
I look forward to a return to “normal” times in the future. But in the mean time, adjusting to a change of pace via smaller doable goals is my way of staying on track. And this COVID-19 pandemic, though challenging, scary, and different, has afforded me more time to slow down, which is a much needed reprieve for this busy mom.
My article below was published recently in the July 2020 Bulletin for the Allegheny County Medical Society.
Our world has changed drastically in the last several months due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Every aspect of life has been affected due to measures like social distancing and a recent required national quarantine to help control the spread of this microscopic threat. The virus spreads quickly, and has varying presentations, and sometimes its disease course can be quite frightening and deadly. It is hard to explain this threat to my adult patients and adult friends, and I especially find myself struggling explaining the current events to my own small children. Why are we not allowed to go to school or daycare this past spring? Why can we not go on vacation right now? What will happen to us in the near future, once this pandemic has subsided? Will the virus cause longstanding problems in patients who have been infected? These are very tough questions and sometimes my answers feel inadequate, as I myself do not fully grasp every nuance of this novel viral illness.
Running has been my form of escape from this weird new reality. To a degree, the repetitive and familiar act of running brings a level of normalcy to my life. I am able to use my body, increasing my cadence, increasing my respiratory rate and heart rate, moving my arms and legs in a pattern that feels comforting and familiar. The movement also serves as a type of physical meditation, allowing my mind to wander away from the stresses and worries this current time brings. On a recent run a couple of months ago however, my wandering thoughts were interrupted when I observed an unfortunate repeating pattern I glanced around me– masks. Masks hanging from people’s car rearview mirrors. Masks on dashboards. Masks on the passenger seat or cupholder, ready to be used if needed. This seemed so out of place, and yet this is becoming our “new normal.” No longer are masks confined to hospitals or OR’s. And unfortunately they are no longer just for play or fun, like costumes at Halloween or dinner parties or masquerades. They are now on people walking on the streets walking their dogs or walking with their children or significant others, in stores, in businesses, everywhere. In addition, the imposition to wear masks by some is seen as a controversial requirement, yet in the grand scheme of things, it is meant as a protection for the wearer and anyone near them. I think of this visual intrusion of masks in our world as a concrete reminder of how this virus is affecting all of us, whether we want it or not.
On another recent run, I was running by a son and child playing baseball, and the ball was hit wayward and coming toward me. As a reflex, I stopped and was going to pick it up, run toward them, and toss or hand back to them. But then I thought again, stopped myself, and though, will this be harmful? I was not wearing a mask, as I was engaging in individual exercise and practicing social distancing from others. As the thoughts were whirring in my mind, I stopped my natural instinct to help, as I feared running to the ball and touching i, as I feared I could create more problems or worries. I anticipated their potential fear of me, a stranger, with an unknown COVID-19 status and without a mask on, (though I have fortunately been able to self isolate and work from home and able to exercise, which would hopefully speak to my healthy status), and I also thought of whether I should be fearful of them, as I would not know their risk of COVID-19 either. I sheepishly apologized and waved at them, and I stopped myself from running toward the ball and watched the ball roll into tuft of grass (and thankfully stopped, so the father could run toward it and retrieve it). The father understood, though and waved back and shouted it was okay. How simple and mundane of events, helping toss a ball to another and getting near a playing family to share in their time outdoors. I think this simple event highlights how different our world currently is.
And when will the world return to “normal?” It may never truly return to the same normal, indeed, even after there will hopefully be measures in place to prevent spread of this illness, like vaccinations, and hopefully more definitive therapies and treatments. The level of trust we had in our world being safe, I think, will be forever changed. How will this affect us, as adults, used to a different way of life? How will this affect children, who are just starting their lives, as they embrace this new, drastically different world? I am sure this stress will change all of our futures, and perhaps bring some negative effects. There are of course, some positives, as the quarantine has allowed my family and me time to slow down and focusing on what is truly important in life. Eventually, I hope, this world will change and improve from the hard times we are going through now. When this will be, however, remains to be seen.
Aargh…Let’s defeat this COVID-19 pandemic!
Face masks during this COVID-19 pandemic, I feel, are a reminder of the badge of change we are all enduring as humans, dealing with this new threat. Face masks are a way of protecting or “masking” ourselves from this microscopic threat. I will likely never glance at a mask the same way again. I wear it now as a means of protection, and a sign to others that I care about them, and I strive to keep everyone safe. Hopefully, the world will change back to a scenario where masks will be confined to only certain environments, like a hospital, or OR, or Halloween parade. And I can stop and help toss a toy to a child, without worrying and thinking so much about what harm this action may cause. And we can go all back to usual activities, like going to school and work, going to a restaurant, traveling, and going on vacation, without so much fear and worry. I hope this change will come soon, and these pervasive masks in our daily environments everywhere will be a distant memory.
I have accomplished my longstanding financial goal this year: I have paid off my student loans! $230,000 of debt is gone. (Insert happy dance here!) I still have a hard time comprehending this achievement and still find myself subconsciously worrying how much debt I have left. I (happily) remind myself that my student loan balance is now $0. This, of course, is a tough time for many financially with the COVID-19 pandemic. I count myself very blessed and fortunate that my family is still financially stable and gainfully employed at least for the moment. I think this pandemic has us that anything can change at the drop of a hat, be it in our financial life, our health status, or our careers.
Goal of Defeating My Student Loans in 2020: Snailed It!
I think the greatest benefit from this goal has been a lightness in my soul. This is invaluable, and something hard to describe. I think it took me a good 8-10 weeks to reach full acceptance of this state, and fully embracing this new feeling. Having loans for 13 years (starting from onset of med school in 2007), i.e. 4 years as a medical student, 3 years as a medical resident, for 6 years as an attending (i.e. a physician receiving a full income) has reframed my outlook in life and my behaviors and financial habits. I feel this training in being careful and responsible with finances has been a great side benefit as well.
As emergency medicine physician and personal finance writer Dr. Jim Dahle urges his readers, it is crucial to live like a resident to accomplish this elimination of debt, the sooner the better. The longer you wait and keep this debt on, the less you will appreciate the pricey medical school education you received. Out of sight, out of mind. The shiny fancy diploma does “lose its luster” unfortunately with time.
Now, I get to figure out my next financial goals, and to allow for more enjoyment of my wealth. And I must next work on the process of reducing and eliminating the guilt or fear I would feel with spending money. It is a strange and new feeling to let go of an invisible and insistent push to put as many funds toward student loans each and every month.
https://youtu.be/geLfC4g_jv4
