As a parent, I hope to instill in my children an appreciation and respect for flexibility. With this, I am talking about mental and emotional flexibility, though physical flexibility is to be respected and is something to strive for too. (Though I admit, my mental flexibility far surpasses my physical flexibility at this time. My physical flexibility is yet another thing I need to improve upon. My kids can likely teach me a thing or two!) I am by no means an expert in flexibility, but I truly value the skill of “going with the punches” and being able to bend to adapt to whatever situation I am in.
Teaching each other the fine art of cartwheels (which require grace, poise, and of course, flexibility).
I think patience is another valuable skill closely related to flexibility. Without patience, you can easily lose your cool and waste negative energy wishing and ranting for things to be a different way. Instead, being more accepting of a situation helps you better tackle whatever challenge are coming your way. And in addition, flexibility, over rigidity, is definitely key to overcoming life’s challenges.
A good way I try to show this to my children is by helping them navigate their afternoon routines. It never seems to go to plan to get all their homework and afternoon activities done in the exact order I plan. Instead of panicking or being upset by this, I feel it is way more productive (and less dramatic) to accept the events as they come, and simply tackle the next step when you can. This teaches grace under pressure, but also helps them navigate the fine art of time management. Time is truly valuable to me, a finite resource you cannot get back, and I hope to train my children to better utilize the time they have. Being young, I can see that time feels infinite and plentiful. Perhaps though as we get older, we start to see the reality of the finite aspects of time, and that it is a gift to be cherished.
One thing that has helped me tremendously with flexibility is goal setting, and trying to prioritize my goals. I try to set up to 3 goals per day, and prioritize them. If I can get at least one of them done, as I planned it, I am pleased. Getting all 3 is a nice bonus, but if I cannot get to all 3, I try to be more accepting of this, particularly if I got my #1 goal done. I won’t totally abandon those other goals, but I try to look forward in my week and see where they can fit.
Again, this is a lifelong pursuit to be more flexible and patient. But I hope that I can guide my children how to do this well, by giving advice and by setting the example. With these two invaluable tools of flexibility and patience, I can foresee my children being valuable members of a workplace, a family, and a team. They will be productive and well respected, and I think they will be well adjusted and more satisfied with their lives and accomplishments.
I have gave the sleep energy tracker app, Rise, a try, and have found it insightful into my energy patterns. The app lists my energy peaks and dips throughout the day, depending on when I go to bed and when I wake up. I can compare what these graphs show and how I feel, and I find it interesting how it shifts depending on the amount and quality of sleep I get the days before. The app makes the argument that you can catch up on sleep (though I have read in other places this is not possible). So it encourages me to go to bed a bit earlier for a few days here or there to catch up, or to catch a quick cat nap in my afternoon lulls.
Our cat, Oscar, sure knows how to catch a nap on a comfy, sleeping Luca.
Instead of fighting my tired times in the early afternoon (that “afternoon slump” we all are familiar with), I see them as times now to get mundane and simpler tasks done, like packing lunches, putting away laundry, and answering simple emails. I admit now that those times are not the ideal time for a creative process or a process that takes a lot of brain power. And when I get a chance, I take the app’s suggestion and try to do a short burst of exercise like a brisk walk or (if I be so lucky that the stars align!) a short nap.
As I am getting older, I see the value of being more in tune with my body and its energy tank. The energy tank is not infinite, sad but true, and getting older I think this gets more and more apparent. I have tried often (particularly when I was in a younger, more spry state of mind) to push through my tired spells. But in the long run, working or pushing while tired often yields less quality results for me. And I just feel crabbier and unhappy.
I think the hardest thing to accept is that I do need more sleep than I grant myself. This is something I am working on improving. In an ideal situation, I think I would go to bed when my kids go to bed. But there are always more tasks and chores (and good books to read) left on my to do list that I try to squeeze in. I need to learn to accept that it is okay to leave things undone, and give in to my body’s melatonin window and let sleep overtake me.
I can see my “sleep debt” in the app that is the sleep I am behind on. It is almost always (sadly) negative, except when I was on a nice, restful vacation. (I guess there is hope someday when I retire!) I can see how that affects my mood and my mental energies, and it gives me motivation to squeeze in my tasks and “to do” list items in the dead spaces in my schedule earlier in the day, particularly when I have my peak energy.
My goal in the next few weeks and months is to see my sleep debt (hopefully) stay lower, and see how my energy and productivity and efficiency increase. In addition, I hope to see my mood in interacting with my friends and family improving. Sleep is the wonder drug. It is free, but often overlooked. I hope to really harness its power in the coming weeks and months in my quest to be a better steward for my time and energy each and every day.
Endurance running as my training ground to help me face life’s inevitable pain and adversity with grace and strength. Life has pain. Life has heartache. There are wars, there is famine and poverty, and there is injustice in this world. Of course I wish there were no challenges and heartaches in life. But this sadly is not our reality.
Looking strong on a straightaway. Don’t get too complacent…there are plenty of Pittsburgh hills to tackle ahead!
In a parenting podcast I was listening to today, Zen Parenting Radio, the hosts talked about a common theme in parenting in the last couple of decades of protecting and shielding our children from pain. I agree with the discussion that this is a disservice to our children. Of course we will all face challenges and setbacks. I agree it is better to help kids navigate their way through heartache and challenge, rather than eliminating anything negative from their lives. As in running, there will be miles that hurt and are harder than others. There are times you will want to quit. Rather than giving up and going home, though, I strive to push through. This, I think, helps me improve my strength and stamina to face life’s challenges, too. And I hope, that by setting a good example, I can teach my kids that the goal in life is not avoiding pain. It is hitting it head on with a mindset of creativity, perseverance, and grit. Get through it, survive, and this too shall pass.
Like everyone else, I have faced challenges in life. Anyone perceiving that life is easy or without setbacks is clearly off base. I wish that life was not always so hard or painful, but it is impossible to go through life without setbacks. These setbacks, in retrospect, make the happier and positive days that much greater.
The biggest setback for me in my life was being sued several years ago. Do I wish this never happened? Absolutely. If I could go back in time and erase that entire situation from my life, I would do so in a heartbeat. And I wish that no one ever has to go through that situation. It is unfortunately a true and ever present specter in our American litigious society. It made me feel less than. It made me feel betrayed. It gave me indescribable shame. Should such a situation do this, though? Being sued as a physician is seldom discussed, I feel, due to the negative feelings it evokes. It took me many months to heal from this event, but I have come to accept that I cannot control another person’s perceptions or another person’s view of a situation. I can only control my own actions and my own perceptions. I have power over my own thoughts and my own emotional health. I can study and I can read and attend courses. I can work hard. I can exercise and care for my body and mind. I can devote my time and energy to perfecting my personal growth. I cannot be perfect. But I can own my own actions, thoughts, and emotions, and I can use these to positively shape my perceptions and mindset.
The setback of being sued, however, did teach me to persevere. You must face pain and adversity head on. In the toughest of situations, survival is the only choice you have. You face your challenges, and you learn to forgive and let live. You learn to hold on to all that will serve you and help you grow. You let go of anything that does not make you a better person. You take it one hour at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time, one year at a time. It is still an indelible memory on my psyche and definitely shook my confidence and feeling of self-worth. It will always be with me. I hope, though, in spite of all of its negative connotations, it will shape me into a caring physician, an empathetic mom, a devoted wife, and a compassionate friend. I hope I can teach others that through resilience and vulnerability, you can persevere through all of life’s challenges.
You can wish and hope that a painful situation does not stand before you. Believe me, I have tried. But wishing and praying will not make it go away. You must often hit it head on, face that awful situation, and know that tomorrow, the sun will rise again. Another day will come. Your children and your family will still need and love you. Another patient will appreciate and value the care you provide. Life goes on. I have accepted the fact that this situation will always be a part of my past. As time goes on, I see that the situation was like a fire, forging my resolve and my strength. It could have destroyed me and brought me down, but instead, I feel it built me up and made me that much stronger.
I know nothing in this life is perfect. I can simply exude confidence and work hard each and every day. I show up each day at work, ready to do my job. I can show others empathy and patience, and I strive to give all of my patients a kind and listening ear. I try each day to share my knowledge and skills with the world. I hope also, that in the process of living my life with strength and fortitude, I can set an example for my children that life is hard, but you can and will survive. Through practice and grit and determination, you can persevere through life’s challenges, and come out of the battle a stronger and better person each and every time.
Today I turn 40! At 40, I feel I am right at middle age. I sure hope to live longer than 80, but reaching 80 seems like a decent and reasonable life span I can achieve in this day and age. Of course, I have no control over how long I may get to be on this planet. But I will do what I can to optimize both the quantity and quality of my life through what I can control: my choices and decisions in life and my mindset. I am by no means perfect, and I never will be. But I feel that by being a work in progress, I can hopefully live a healthier, fuller, and fulfilling life.
Circa January 2022. Posing for the camera, smiles all around!
Do I feel 40? Sometimes, but sometimes not. Some days, for sure, I do, when I get a tight or strained muscle (thank goodness for massages!), or my joints in my hands or feet ache a bit, I am out of touch with the youngest generation I am seeing as a patient (I am still blown away there are college aged “adults” who were born when I graduated high school. Insane). Or when I see the wrinkles (ahem, “lines of dignity”) as I examine my face. I feel also, though, that I am just getting started in this thing called adulthood. I get a sense I just finished high school, college, and med school a short time ago. I cannot shake the feeling that I just got married, bought our house, and had our two kids a “year or two ago.” Reality hits, though, and I realize these milestones are all many years behind me. (And don’t even remind me I graduated high school over 2 decades ago!)
My hope for this day is simply to reflect and stay in the moment and chill. I don’t have any grand plans for this day. I am thankful that I have a rare day off from work. And that my to-do list today is short. I have a rare moment of quiet in this house as the kids are at school and my husband is at work. My pet kitten, Oscar, is keeping me quiet (and sometimes rambunctious) company today as well as I reflect.
I am grateful for this quiet, slower moment to myself without hustle and bustle. I like this quiet day off to truly analyze where I am at. Today, I am happy I get to slow down and simply to think about where I am now, where I have been, and where I hope to go. My goal for the coming year is to continue to nourish my career, my relationships, and my self growth. I realize life is about tradeoffs and time is finite, so I cannot tackle all of these all at once, nor can I maximize everything or make everything perfect. But I hope to make myself just 1% better this year in my professional life and my personal life. And I hope to treat myself well and accept “good enough” when it truly is sufficient and all that I need. And as each year goes forward, I hope I can keep compounding another 1% improvement each and every year to reach the very best version of me.
This year has been tough and strange with the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. For me and my writing, I have found it hard to stay on point. I have been unfortunately too quiet here as times have been busy in my job and in my home life.Now, though, I plan to get back on track and resume blogging my thoughts and observations more consistently again.
Sometimes things are smooth and easy, and you are moving forward. And sometimes you get twisted around and find yourself going backwards, like Luca here. I will strive to get back on track, and going forward from now on.
I think it is hard to stay on point when a goal is long, huge, and/or challenging. Will this one day of chipping away at my goal make a huge dent in my goal? Probably not. But adding the chips together over many days, weeks, months, and years will.
While golfing recently with my husband, I was striving to “chip on” to the green. I am a beginner, so these short, low flighted shots I made were not perfect. A few though, did hit where I liked. I think this is a different way of using the term “chip” but I like how it reminds me that even short, nondramatic shots may a big difference in your goal (in golf, of course, it is a smaller score). As I keep practicing and playing, I can see that my chipping ability will also improve and this is important. Though chips are small shots, they are crucial to finishing a hole with a good score.
I try to remind myself of this when I think my small little act is not a “big deal.” It is best to keep at things over time to build an automatic habit, and keep chipping away at the goal. Thinking in more the big picture is helpful for me as I try to motivate myself to stick with acts that I know will be good for me. Exercising. Getting enough sleep. Eating in a healthier way. Reading and learning. Chores around the house. Practicing a musical instrument. Buying insurance. Establishing a will. Saving money. Paying off debt. Spending mindfully and on things that will be useful. Establishing a financial plan.
I think writing down my goals is also helpful, both for the short period (e.g. the day or the week), and for the longer term (e.g. the next 6 months or 12 months). I can then see how my small acts are actually chipping away at my much broader and desirable goal. It keeps things in perspective.
I think sticking with things is also good for setting an example for my children. Perseverance is a much respected skill but hard to cultivate. I think it takes practice. It is not natural to want to keep doing hard or painful things. But if I remind myself of the “big picture” and how this is helping me accomplish my bigger goals, I can override my natural comfort seeking behavior. I try to also celebrate wins and reflect back on what all my small acts together have accomplished.
My favorite season is now back…fall. The weather has been what feels like unseasonably warm so I am welcoming the promise of cooler, brisker weather. I am sprinkling some pumpkin spice in my coffee in the morning to celebrate the time of year. And the return of my favorite fall ale, Block House Pumpkin Ale, at the beverage store is a highlight for the season. I stocked up this year on a case, so I am happily well set on this fall staple.
I also appreciate how this time of year is a time for children to resume a new school year, so it feels like things are starting over. I know that January 1 is the beginning of the calendar year, but the fall for me feels like it is kicking off new beginnings.
I think also the fall is my favorite time of year as it kicks off a series of fun holidays for my little ones …Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I love watching them get excited for these festivities, and it brings me back to a time when I too when get very excited for them. I do still enjoy the holidays, but they carry a more special kind of magic when you are a child.
As I go through September and into October, I tend to revisit my goals as well for the year, as this is the time of year of my work anniversary. Along with setting professional/work goals this time of year, I strive to come up with a personal goal or two to focus on, and I try to look back on how far I have come in the last year. I find it amazing how fast and slow time can go, seemingly at the same time. A week can drag on forever, but it feels like I am still in my 20s, but here I am approaching age 40. I look forward to the next couple of months of brisk (but not too cold yet!) weather, pumpkin ale, and reflecting on where I have been and where I hope to go in the next year.
I am finding it challenging to stay motivated during this COVID-19 pandemic. The lack of in person races is particularly a roadblock for me with my exercise goals. I would use the act of signing up for races as a motivation to start and stick with a new training plan. The training plan would be added to my calendar, providing a framework each week for my exercise. This exercise would help develop me physically but also help improve my mental health, as a form of moving meditation, time away from others and being alone, and improving my self-esteem by achieving little goals (achieving “X” amount of miles per week, doing 2 strength workouts per week, etc).
I miss the fun of in person races and adding completed races to my lifelong list if accomplishments. I have tried virtual races before and now, but I feel these just are not the same for me. When the time comes to safely return to in person races, I will truly cherish this. Toeing the line and running with others is a fun challenge that I miss right now.
One thing that is keeping me going is envisioning the fun that will be had returning to an in person race. I will value the first race back. Lining up at the start line. Reveling in the prerace festivities. Running the race and enjoying the camaraderie of fellow runners. And best of all, crossing the finish line and feeling a large sense of accomplishment after finishing not just the race, but the several week training plan prior to ensure a successful race. I hope this gratitude and appreciation will carry forward in the future as well, as it truly is a gift to have events together with others.
Though I cannot race in person right now, something that I have found helpful is setting a small but doable goal each week. My current goal is to do 3-4 workouts per week. This is a far cry from my prior intense marathon training plans that sometimes entailed 5-6 workouts per week, each often averaging 1-2 hours in length. But setting a doable goal has helped me set my mental and physical health a priority each week. And achieving “checkboxes” each week has helped me stay motivated.
I look forward to a return to “normal” times in the future. But in the mean time, adjusting to a change of pace via smaller doable goals is my way of staying on track. And this COVID-19 pandemic, though challenging, scary, and different, has afforded me more time to slow down, which is a much needed reprieve for this busy mom.
My article below was published recently in the July 2020 Bulletin for the Allegheny County Medical Society.
Our world has changed drastically in the last several months due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Every aspect of life has been affected due to measures like social distancing and a recent required national quarantine to help control the spread of this microscopic threat. The virus spreads quickly, and has varying presentations, and sometimes its disease course can be quite frightening and deadly. It is hard to explain this threat to my adult patients and adult friends, and I especially find myself struggling explaining the current events to my own small children. Why are we not allowed to go to school or daycare this past spring? Why can we not go on vacation right now? What will happen to us in the near future, once this pandemic has subsided? Will the virus cause longstanding problems in patients who have been infected? These are very tough questions and sometimes my answers feel inadequate, as I myself do not fully grasp every nuance of this novel viral illness.
Running has been my form of escape from this weird new reality. To a degree, the repetitive and familiar act of running brings a level of normalcy to my life. I am able to use my body, increasing my cadence, increasing my respiratory rate and heart rate, moving my arms and legs in a pattern that feels comforting and familiar. The movement also serves as a type of physical meditation, allowing my mind to wander away from the stresses and worries this current time brings. On a recent run a couple of months ago however, my wandering thoughts were interrupted when I observed an unfortunate repeating pattern I glanced around me– masks. Masks hanging from people’s car rearview mirrors. Masks on dashboards. Masks on the passenger seat or cupholder, ready to be used if needed. This seemed so out of place, and yet this is becoming our “new normal.” No longer are masks confined to hospitals or OR’s. And unfortunately they are no longer just for play or fun, like costumes at Halloween or dinner parties or masquerades. They are now on people walking on the streets walking their dogs or walking with their children or significant others, in stores, in businesses, everywhere. In addition, the imposition to wear masks by some is seen as a controversial requirement, yet in the grand scheme of things, it is meant as a protection for the wearer and anyone near them. I think of this visual intrusion of masks in our world as a concrete reminder of how this virus is affecting all of us, whether we want it or not.
On another recent run, I was running by a son and child playing baseball, and the ball was hit wayward and coming toward me. As a reflex, I stopped and was going to pick it up, run toward them, and toss or hand back to them. But then I thought again, stopped myself, and though, will this be harmful? I was not wearing a mask, as I was engaging in individual exercise and practicing social distancing from others. As the thoughts were whirring in my mind, I stopped my natural instinct to help, as I feared running to the ball and touching i, as I feared I could create more problems or worries. I anticipated their potential fear of me, a stranger, with an unknown COVID-19 status and without a mask on, (though I have fortunately been able to self isolate and work from home and able to exercise, which would hopefully speak to my healthy status), and I also thought of whether I should be fearful of them, as I would not know their risk of COVID-19 either. I sheepishly apologized and waved at them, and I stopped myself from running toward the ball and watched the ball roll into tuft of grass (and thankfully stopped, so the father could run toward it and retrieve it). The father understood, though and waved back and shouted it was okay. How simple and mundane of events, helping toss a ball to another and getting near a playing family to share in their time outdoors. I think this simple event highlights how different our world currently is.
And when will the world return to “normal?” It may never truly return to the same normal, indeed, even after there will hopefully be measures in place to prevent spread of this illness, like vaccinations, and hopefully more definitive therapies and treatments. The level of trust we had in our world being safe, I think, will be forever changed. How will this affect us, as adults, used to a different way of life? How will this affect children, who are just starting their lives, as they embrace this new, drastically different world? I am sure this stress will change all of our futures, and perhaps bring some negative effects. There are of course, some positives, as the quarantine has allowed my family and me time to slow down and focusing on what is truly important in life. Eventually, I hope, this world will change and improve from the hard times we are going through now. When this will be, however, remains to be seen.
Aargh…Let’s defeat this COVID-19 pandemic!
Face masks during this COVID-19 pandemic, I feel, are a reminder of the badge of change we are all enduring as humans, dealing with this new threat. Face masks are a way of protecting or “masking” ourselves from this microscopic threat. I will likely never glance at a mask the same way again. I wear it now as a means of protection, and a sign to others that I care about them, and I strive to keep everyone safe. Hopefully, the world will change back to a scenario where masks will be confined to only certain environments, like a hospital, or OR, or Halloween parade. And I can stop and help toss a toy to a child, without worrying and thinking so much about what harm this action may cause. And we can go all back to usual activities, like going to school and work, going to a restaurant, traveling, and going on vacation, without so much fear and worry. I hope this change will come soon, and these pervasive masks in our daily environments everywhere will be a distant memory.
I have accomplished my longstanding financial goal this year: I have paid off my student loans! $230,000 of debt is gone. (Insert happy dance here!) I still have a hard time comprehending this achievement and still find myself subconsciously worrying how much debt I have left. I (happily) remind myself that my student loan balance is now $0. This, of course, is a tough time for many financially with the COVID-19 pandemic. I count myself very blessed and fortunate that my family is still financially stable and gainfully employed at least for the moment. I think this pandemic has us that anything can change at the drop of a hat, be it in our financial life, our health status, or our careers.
Goal of Defeating My Student Loans in 2020: Snailed It!
I think the greatest benefit from this goal has been a lightness in my soul. This is invaluable, and something hard to describe. I think it took me a good 8-10 weeks to reach full acceptance of this state, and fully embracing this new feeling. Having loans for 13 years (starting from onset of med school in 2007), i.e. 4 years as a medical student, 3 years as a medical resident, for 6 years as an attending (i.e. a physician receiving a full income) has reframed my outlook in life and my behaviors and financial habits. I feel this training in being careful and responsible with finances has been a great side benefit as well.
As emergency medicine physician and personal finance writer Dr. Jim Dahle urges his readers, it is crucial to live like a resident to accomplish this elimination of debt, the sooner the better. The longer you wait and keep this debt on, the less you will appreciate the pricey medical school education you received. Out of sight, out of mind. The shiny fancy diploma does “lose its luster” unfortunately with time.
Now, I get to figure out my next financial goals, and to allow for more enjoyment of my wealth. And I must next work on the process of reducing and eliminating the guilt or fear I would feel with spending money. It is a strange and new feeling to let go of an invisible and insistent push to put as many funds toward student loans each and every month.
