I heard a definition recently that middle age is 35-65. (I do think this a variable definition depending on what source you read. But after reflecting on this more in my life, I tend to agree this time frame may be a good definition.) Gulp. I am IN that age group. How did that happen? I truly did not realize I am already middle aged. Indeed, on further reflection, I agree I am in a different age group than young adulthood. I feel older, and in a different realm from my college years or early college graduate years (the fun and youthful “20s,” if you will). It is sometimes hard to accept, though, that time is marching on. And that I am older.
A sign I am getting older…your child holding a sign for the first day of 1st grade! These kids are growing like weeds!
I suppose in my mind I was thinking age 40 was a bigger milestone, and would accept myself into middle age then. I think that turning 40 will still be a big deal. I plan to celebrate that year grandly. Maybe a big trip. Or taking on a challenge of a different, crazy race. The Hood To Coast Relay, with its craziness and challenges, is appealing to me. (Any takers who want to join me?) But it still is a bit eye opening that I am already considered middle aged. A reminder that I am getting older, and I can’t stop time.
What does it mean to get older? I think it is a good thing and a bad thing. Your body gets older. You aren’t as flexible or as spry as you used to be. But you gain a ton of life experience. I feel that time is the best teacher for me. Practice in life has given me more confidence in myself and my abilities. Without life experience, I would not have the wherewithal to take on my job as a physician, wife, and mother. True, I am still relatively early on in life, and have a ton of living left to do. But it is humbling to think I am getting closer to the midway point than I may care to admit.
I think getting older gives me more past memories and experiences to look back on and draw from when making future decisions. I like looking back, too, at photos or memories and thinking about them. I still find it hard to believe sometimes that my daughter is now 6 years old. I see old photos from half a decade ago and wonder at how the years have marched on. I like to think, though, that I have filled those moments and years with good memories, particularly for my family.
Keep on trucking, or riding that train! (Embrace the mess and chaos.) . Time will keep on marching on. Getting older means getting wiser, and gaining memories and friends along the way. Enjoy the journey!
As the next several months and years unfold, I hope to continue to grow and adapt. I may not like getting older sometimes. Who likes wrinkles, or creaky knees, or aches and pains? But I do relish the memories and the knowledge I have gained with that time I’ve had thus far on this earth. Hello, middle age. I didn’t realize I already made it, but I am glad I am here.
I think all parents strive to teach their kids to love others. The golden rule is often something we try to instill in our kids: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” (Wouldn’t it be nice if we all…
I think all parents strive to teach their kids to love others. The golden rule is often something we try to instill in our kids: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” (Wouldn’t it be nice if we all simply followed this maxim? I think a lot of conflicts and disagreements could be solved a lot easier and with a lot less pain and negativity.) Often I teach my kids to love others by correcting their actions when they aren’t in line with social norms. “Please share your toys.” “Do not hit or bite others.” “Take turns.” I also try to do this through example. (Sometimes, this idea of setting the example can be challenging, if I am not having the best day. I try to remind myself, though, that those little impressionable faces are watching me.) . I think a big reason we try to teach kids to love others and treat them right is to “make the world a better place.” And keep things calm and orderly. Who wants conflict and arguing all the time? The opposite is often preferred. But I think a bigger driver for me in teaching my kids to love others is to create a way for our kids to be loved.
I love these kids with all of my heart, for always. I hope to teach them, too, to love others and follow the Golden Rule.
You cannot force others to like you, in spite of what the media may portray. (You cannot always buy the right shoes, clothes, cars, or other “stuff” to get others to respect and love you. That won’t stop the commercials, though, from appealing to your desire to “fit in.”) . Some people like you, some people don’t. But you can certainly tilt the table in your favor if you are simply nice to others. As the old saying goes, “What goes around, comes around.” I think the scariest thing to think about as a parent is the fact that your child will one day be on their own. And someday, you won’t always be there for them, be it because they are independent and are out on the real world, or you have passed on to the next life. Scary and humbling for sure.
My simple wish for my kids, that I think underlies all of my actions with them as a mom, is to make sure they love others, and thus, in return, I hope they will be loved, too. I want them to have friends and support. When they are little, the support and loving environment is set up for them, and me, my husband, and our collection of supportive family (e.g. aunts, uncles, grandmas and grandpas) all love my kids to pieces. As my children get older and start getting into the school system (Maddie is already there!), this circle expands. Teachers, classmates, bus drivers, staff, coaches. I think this mimics our entry into the “real world” as well. Each year and each step along the way toward becoming an “adult,” we are introduced to a bigger social circle and more variables when it comes to “fitting in” to the world. It is scary. But it is also an opportunity to gain support and community.
Mmmm…chocolate covered pretzels! Even more delicious, though, are these cute smiles and the sibling love I see in this photo.
I think another challenge I set for myself as a parent is trying to balance sensitivity and confidence in my children. I want my child to be in tune with others’ emotions. This is no easy task, and one that is learned through trial and error and nurturing our emotional intelligence. I am sure we all know some adults who could learn to be more sensitive. At the same time, though, we do not want our children to be over-sensitive, and afraid to engage in social situations. This takes practice, and I still struggle with this concept. A counterpoint, then, to sensitivity, in my mind, would be self confidence. I would want my children to have a nice balance of the two qualities in their personalities: sensitivity and self confidence. What is the right ratio of the two? I have no idea. I have a feeling it is different for different people and different personalities. I am sure parenting (and life) would be a lot easier if we knew how to navigate social and emotional situations better. Where is the instruction manual for parenting, and for life? I think, though, by my reflection on this topic and being mindful of this goal, I will better nurture both of these qualities in my children. I hope, too, I am also working to develop these two qualities in myself. As a physician, I see how both sensitivity and a sense of self-confidence are crucial to delivering good quality, yet compassionate, care. Too much of one or the other is not a good thing.
So again, this is my simple, but challenging, wish I have for my children. I will love my children with all of my heart, forever. That will not change. But some day, I hope that by my example and by my gentle guidance, they will be good and loving to others in all they do. It will ideally be an auto-pilot kind of behavior, that is, to be nice to others, and I won’t need to be sitting over their shoulder making sure they are doing the right thing. They will be sensitive to the needs of others, and yet confident in their own abilities and actions to get things done, and not be overburdened by fear or self doubt. And, I hope that by being loving and caring to others, good karma will come around and they will be loved in return, even after I am gone.
My daughter insightfully declared a few weeks ago…”I wish you didn’t have to work.” That simple, innocent statement stuck with me since. I think this occurred after I explained I was too tired to do something with her that she wanted to do. Kids really pick up on associations quickly, huh? Work steals away some of my time and energy, and thus takes away some of the time and energy I have to devote to my family. I replied honestly that I wish I didn’t have to work either. Wouldn’t that be wonderful, having financial security to thus regain time back with those you love?
Hoping for more carefree times like this with my little gal.
As I explained in my post about financial independence, I think I have found a really neat life tool to get to my desire to make work optional. I am one that always needs things to do. I like to make “To Do” lists on my phone or in my journal, and I like to keep planning ahead for the future. So I don’t think I will ever sit still too long. However, as my daughter alluded to, work prevents me often from doing what I would rather be doing. One huge value and priority in my life is family and nurturing my relationships with my family members. And often my 8 hour work day takes away from that. It would be nice to have more flexibility to instead work say part time, and set my schedule myself for when I would want to work.
I read a great book on this very topic, that is financial independence and making work optional, a few months ago: Work Optional: Retire Early the Non-Penny-Pinching Way, by Tanja Hester. I would recommend this read to anyone wanting to learn more about financial independence. I really liked how the author spelled out a pathway to learning your values and priorities and life, and then extrapolating how financial independence can give you the power to then create the type of life you want. She also spells out some math on how to achieve this, including the calculators for determining your needed “Financial independence” number (i.e. 25x your annual spending) that I have described in my financial independence post, and other authors in the financial independence community have also described.
I like her different take on buckets of money for those pursuing early retirement as well, with some funds preserved to be used true older retirement (i.e. after age 59 1/2 or 60) and other funds you plan to use in early retirement (i.e. in your 30s, 40s, and/or 50s). There are ways to tap into your retirement savings earlier with the Roth IRA conversion ladder technique (see an explanation of this topic here), but I appreciated the author’s idea of keeping your funds separate. After all, one great fear of any retiree is if you will run out of money. It would not be pretty or pleasant to have to return to work in your 50s or 60s, after being out of the workforce for several years. Indeed, it would be challenging, and you could not re-enter the workforce at the same place you left. Given your gap in working, several employers would likely question your motives or your competence. And you would probably need to either take a paycut and start lower down in your chosen career path, or pick a different line of work with less pay.
By separating out your funds that way, you can better control for future ups and downs in your spending needs and the market. Things taking a turn for the worse in your investments? Having different buckets would mean your age 60+ funds are still left alone to grow and regain things (hopefully) in the future when the market rebounds. But to compensate, you can use your early retirement funds more wisely and more frugally, e.g. taking out a smaller percentage e.g. 3-3.5%, and perhaps taking on a side gig to compensate.
I have also read some other books on the topic, including Financial Freedom: A Proven Path to All the Money You Will Ever Need, by Grant Sabatier, and Quit Like a Millionaire: No Gimmicks, Luck, or Trust Fund Required, by Kristy Shen and Bryce Leung. All of these authors have different ways they approached their journeys to financial independence and achieved it, and offer their own advice to readers who want to follow the pathway, too. I think all of these different perspectives show there are multiple pathways to get to where you want to go with the financial independence journey. In fact, this shows there are multiple answers sometimes to one problem.
My current finances do not allow me to stop working just yet, or go part time (which is a less scary path I am considering in the near future). However, I think hearing my daughter’s wish the other day, “I wish you didn’t have to work,” rekindled my commitment in my path to achieving financial independence. Getting to a point where work is optional would be a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. If something were to happen where I did need to quit, or the market were to change and my job security were to be lost, having that power of financial independence would be so freeing and empowering. I could foresee in the future that the challenge of balancing it all as a busy doctor mom and working mom could get to be too much. Right now, I feel that I am happy in my current roles and in my current busy life, but this may not always be the case.
I love this happy kid! I hope to prioritize my life and time to spend more time with those I love most, namely my husband and kids.
I think I’ll remind myself of my daughter’s innocent statement (“I wish you didn’t have to work!”) each time I analyze my finances and my path to financial independence. It is important to look at where you are, but it is important also to see where you are going, and to live this life intentionally and with purpose. My pursuit of financial independence, I feel, is my tool to regaining control over my life and my time.
I’ve been learning about financial independence (“FI”) over the last couple of years. I was introduced to this terminology via the podcast “Choose FI“. (I heard about them via another great financial author and podcaster, the “White Coat Investor“, Dr. Jim Dahle. This FI movement, I think, is in line with how my husband and I naturally and intuitively live – living frugally, spending wisely, and trying to save as much as possible. This movement, though, highlights the fact that this choice of lifestyle isn’t typical. Indeed, perhaps, we should all be saving more than we do and it should be the natural life path for all of us. Gone are the days of pensions and company loyalty, and your company of 40 years “taking care of you” upon retirement. Now, there are 401K’s, and independent savings accounts, and the onus is placed on the employee to save properly and to be financially responsible. But how many of us are really well versed or trained in this idea of saving for the future?
The average savings rate for the United States is indeed a bit paltry, at about 6-9 % from the research I have seen on statistics websites (here and here are some resources tracking savings rates that I came across). To truly retire “on time” at age 65 (which is an arbitrary number, by the way, picked when Social Security was created and chosen since that was close to the average life expectancy at the time), a savings rate probably double this average (12-20%) is likely more in order. As Americans are living longer as well, thanks to better healthcare and technology, we likely need even more money in our nest egg to live off of in our “golden years,” and the odds of living past 65 is indeed more likely than 50+ years ago (I’m sure that is something to be thankful for). And if you are a “late starter” like me, with a delay in starting full time employment after over a decade of training and schooling to become a physician, the savings rate should be even higher to “catch up”, i.e. 20-30% or higher.
As I teach my kids about money in the coming years, I hope to teach them about the power of savings and compound interest. If you can harness the power of time and save early, and embrace delayed gratification, you can really ensure future retirement and future freedom in life, freedom away from employment. You can’t dwell too long on your past mistakes, but I sure wish I had saved more when I was younger.
I saw the documentary and read the book, “Playing with FIRE” by Scott Rieckens a couple of months ago, and I think this documentary and book both can be a good introduction to the FIRE (Financially Independent, Retire Early) movement for those without prior knowledge. For me, a lot was review, but it was nice to see this with my husband who I’ve been discussing this concept with, and highlighting the tenets of Financial Independence, primarily analyzing and controlling spending to be more in line with your values, and to increase your savings rate. Spend less, save more. For the early retirees highlighted, I believe their savings rates were 50% or often higher. I thought the documentary was a good introduction into how we should save more to buy back our independence. I don’t necessarily plan to “Retire Early” but I do embrace the concept of Financial Independence as a tool for freedom. I would like to make work optional, perhaps work part time and set my own hours to allow more time for my family. In that way, I could continue to work simply for the mental benefit and emotional benefit of helping others, instead of the stress and strain of earning money to payoff debt or pay bills.
As the “Playing With FIRE” documentary highlights, the idea of financial independence is simply math, and this can drive your retirement if you so choose, be that early retirement or standard “65 and older” retirement. You want to ensure you have enough money in your accounts, or enough income via passive means (e.g. real estate rental income, etc) to ensure you have enough money to live off of. For the early retiree, to ensure you live off of the returns of your investments, you would calculate your needed portfolio (or your “FI number”) as 25x your yearly spending needs. (I won’t get too technical here and dig too far into the weeds (you can read other fine blog posts or books out there about how this math works). But the value of 4% withdrawal rate stemmed from a well known Trinity Study from 1998, which analyzed several retirement portfolios and their success rate. It turned out via their analysis that a 4% withdrawal rate succeeded 95% of the time. That is, there would be a 95% chance your money would last your entire needed retirement. And the 25x multiplier is due to the fact you would divide your annual spending by 4%, so the math is you are taking 1 divided by 4%, which is 25.)
One criticism I have for the documentary is that it seems to make frugal living seem like a chore, and at times highlights a big savings rate as sacrifice, or being deprived. But I don’t necessarily see living frugally as deprivation. I instead try to see my choices in life, money or otherwise, as ways to live my values and to live life intentionally. If I want to spend on trips, or books, or electronics, in the long run, this can be okay. But on the flip side, I won’t have money for other things I may not value as much, such as having coffee out every day, or clothing, or designer purses. And I am okay with that. You can’t have everything. I believe that instead of striving to hoard money or wealth, you should instead focus your efforts choosing what you want in life. And money can be your tool to get that life you want. Spend wisely in the areas of life that light you up, and make choices NOT to spend in other categories that don’t matter to you.
A budget is a way to ensure you are spending within your means. In my opinion, it is meant to be a tool for living well, not a tool for suffering and deprivation or highlighting all you have done wrong the month before with your spending habits. The way I see it, you get so much money to work with in your paycheck. Some of that money can go to what you need to spend on (fixed monthly expenses, such as rent or mortgage, utilities, etc), some can go toward what you want to spend on (what you value, ideally, but are highly variable from person to person, such as hobbies or entertainment), and some should go to savings, either for cash flow (e.g. emergency fund, or for short term funds needed in the next few months to years for planned purchases, or for long term savings, such as investing for retirement). The set expenses need to be covered, such as mortgage and utilities, and these are not very negotiable for the most part. (You can of course analyze these fixed expenses from time to time and shop around, for example, on rates for your insurance. But for the most part, there is going to be a need to pay something for these needs each month.) What is more exciting for me in terms of spending plans and budgeting is the variable part of your spending. The variable spending category NOT have to follow a cookie cutter formula placed on a website. I.e. you do NOT have to spend X% on entertainment, and/or Y% on food. You can adjust these spending amounts as you see fit, and this can be a moving target as well. Each month does NOT need to follow the same pattern. You could push to be more frugal in one area to free up funds to go nuts in another area you really want to spend in. If one month you want to spend more on travel or vacation or going to restaurants, go for it. But realize that you won’t have extra leftover to spend on clothing, or electronics, or whatever other variable/luxury item you desire. (Aren’t a lot of the things we buy these days luxuries?)
As I strive each day to follow the pathway to financial independence, I hope to gain more fun times like this in the future, with my three favorite people.
I see financial independence as a gateway or tool toward my own time independence. I would love to have more control over my day to day life. I want to have autonomy and power over how my day is set up. If every night could be like a Friday night, or every day like a Saturday in terms of my mood, that would be awesome! No dread, nothing to fear, just fun and activities that I can pick. If I want to work, I will do so. If I want time for a prolonged vacation, or an impromptu trip to a park with my family, I can do so. Time is unfortunately a limited resource. We are essentially trading our time at work for money, and in the end, when it comes to retirement (either traditional or early), we are trading that money back for time.
My plan for the near future is to first pay off my student loan debt. After this, I will then refocus these funds toward aggressive savings toward my goal of financial independence. I will work on enjoying my journey toward financial independence. You need to enjoy the ride, and not be too focused on the end destination. After all, if you fixate too much on the goal, you will miss some of the fun along the way. I also see this financial independence journey as a way for me to combat burnout. With this tool, I can start to see my life and my actions as more meaningful. In my daily work life, sometimes my job can feel like drudgery. But for me, financial independence has allowed me to better see future freedom, a way I can control my life in the near future. Financial independence will enable me to create a life I want, one where I have control over how my time is spent. This is truly liberating, exciting, and fills me with incredible hope.
