In It For The Long Run…Sticking With It Even When You Want to Bail

I completed my first 20 mile long run for this training cycle (yes, 20 whole miles…gulp!).  It was a steady buildup to this distance in my training cycle, so I have been slowly adding a couple miles to my weekly long run over the last few months.  Therefore, I knew mentally and physically I was ready for this.  However, there were several times in the run where I felt like quitting.  Some examples of what runs through my head sometimes: Hmmm…maybe 6 miles would be good enough.  My legs feel tired. It would be nice to walk. Or maybe walk home and take the day off.  Wow, that person is sitting on that swing. That looks so comfortable. Maybe I could take a quick break and enjoy the view, too.  11.5 miles sounds pretty good, I made it this far, that is a pretty good day.   (Yes, I am a running nerd and track my miles by the half mile. have alerts on my phone for every half mile I run.   I love to geek out on all the data!)

photo of man running during daytime
Photo by Tembela Bohle on Pexels.com

When these thoughts of bailing out would crop to the surface though, I would argue back in my mind why it would be even better to stick it out. I envision how good it would feel to see the mileage posted on my completed run. Being able to check off my workout on my workout calendar. Personal satisfaction at a job completed as planned.

As long there isn’t anything truly unsafe keeping me from running, I will try to keep going. (Sometimes the weather is a factor. Or a worsening injury is brewing and running is hurting. Then, it is time to stop. Discomfort and fatigue from gaining stamina, athletic ability, and strength are good things. On the other hand, outright pain from a injury is bad. Sometimes it is hard to admit the difference. But in my heart, I can tell the difference as the run progresses. It is better to stop, cut the run short, and live to run another day.

Here are some mental tips I use to keep going on runs I should keep going on (I.e. as long as there is not a sidelining injury in the works, or as long as I won’t be swept away by hurtling winds and bad hail).

Take it 1 mile at a time.  I described in a past post the power of taking each mile as it comes, and focusing on the present. Indeed, this is a good reminder in life also that it is important to take time to be in the moment and not so future (or past) oriented.

Think about the end goal.  I try to visualize myself in my race.  What it will feel like to be trekking along on the course. All the fans.  All the noises.  The fun of the competition.  I remind myself that this training run is practice, and this practice will get me to that finish line.

Think about something I am thankful for.  Not everything in life goes well.  But there is a ton to be thankful for and not take for granted. I often think to my husband and kids.  I think how fortunate I have to be a part of their lives.  I try to think of something funny or silly from the day before, an “inside joke” if you will in our own small tight-knit family.  I remind myself that this discomfort is temporary.  And my runs also give me mental clarity and peace to tackle to stresses of my everyday life.

IMG_5080
These two smiling faces often come to mind and rescue me when I need mental distraction from the tedium of a long run.

Revel in my abilities.  Our human bodies are amazing machines. It is hard sometimes to fathom all that goes on inside of us, to keep us going.  Particularly amazing, in fact, is how I am able to keep on running.  And sometimes running crazy distances, like my recent 20 miler, or 26.2 miles.   The mind and body are capable of tremendous and sometimes mind-boggling things.  As I am running along and get tired or tempted to quit, I remind myself how amazing it is my legs are moving, or my arms or pumping, or my heart and lungs are moving the blood within me, propelling me cardiovascular wise on my run.

Think about fun things coming up on the day to come or week to come.  Pure distraction is a good technique as well.  I sometimes use the repetitive motion of my running as a way to zone out and start thinking about things on my to do list. I strategize how I will fit things in to my afternoon or the work week ahead.

Listen to some good music, audiobooks, or podcasts.  Again, distraction works wonders.  I try to have a good playlist on my phone available to turn to if I need some motivating beats.  And I also have several podcasts downloaded if I prefer to learn something on my runs.    If I am into an audiobook, I will have that downloaded to my phone too, and have that as an option to keep my mind occupied.

app earbuds earphones google play music
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

As I have progressed and developed as a runner, I have learned the ability to persevere and continue on my quest each run, particularly when approaching a race.  I think one last thing that helps me get through a tough run is learning to accept things when they are good enough.  I think this is also good training for life – the stamina and grit I gain by sticking it out in a run translates nicely to mental fortitude in real life.  And sometimes, a “good enough” day in running or in my work day is just fine.  A tough long day ahead of me?  I can do it.  Heck, I’ve run 20 miles recently (and 26.2 miles before)…if I can do that, I can do anything.  I will just take it one minute and one hour at a time.

Not all runs will go perfectly.  I may need to bail out if my body can’t handle it, for example, if an injury is forming.  But I try to also accept the fact that not everything goes perfectly, and sometimes a run does not feel so great, and that’s okay.  There are good days and there are bad days.  The bad days, though, make the good days shine in comparison.  And the best thing after a run (good or bad) is that feeling of accomplishment!   That is probably what keeps me going, and keeps me coming back for more.

Getting What you Want in Life: My Own Take on Time, Energy, and Money and How They Fit Together

I think of life as having some set resources (Time, Energy, Money), and with these resources, you can get products that you want (Stuff, Experiences/Memories, Emotions).

Perhaps mathematically, it could be proposed it is an equation of sorts (the exact steps in this equation, though are of course are too complicated and are beyond my grasp to eloquently express at the moment):

(Time, Energy, Money) —————————->    (Stuff, Experiences/Memories, Emotions)

I wish I had an unlimited supply of the things on the left (Time, Energy, Money), but I realize they are finite.  And I think we are often trading our time and/or energy to get money.  (Again the equation is a lot more complicated than what I am crudely trying to show here.)  But, a combination or some or all of these resources (that is, time, energy, and money) can give us the products on the right.  What is it that you want to get with your time, energy, or money?  Sometimes, it is complicated, and it is a unique combination of things. Sometimes it is stuff. Sometimes it is an experience e.g. a honeymoon or a once-in-a-lifetime trip in Europe.  Sometimes it is to gain positive emotions, e.g. contentment, tranquility, pride, joy, self-satisfaction.

IMG_5086
Hop aboard the “Fun Bus” of life! Full of bumps and stops, but if you use your resources (Time, Energy, Money) wisely, I think you will enjoy the ride!

I think that the journey to learning what you truly want in life is easier once you know your values.  This is not an easy thing to boil down in one sitting, and it is highly individual.  But, I think this exercise of learning what you truly value is immensely important. And once you know what you truly value, you can then budget out your finite resources of Time, Energy, and Money to then lining up your actions in life to be in tune with your values.

Personally, I value the following:

  1. Family
  2. Health
  3. Creativity
  4. Freedom
  5. Fun

These are broad categories, but I truly hope to budget my Time, Energy, and Money toward nurturing these 5 things in my life going forward.

For Family, I hope to nurture my relationships with my husband and 2 kids, and also my extended family.  For Health, I hope to continue to use my time and energy to developing my running hobby, and taking care of myself with nutrition and rest each day and week to keep my body running healthily and for (hopefully) a long time.  For creativity, I hope to nurture things such as running, reading, music, and other outlets that allow me to make something that reflects my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and in the process, that may inspire others. For freedom, I hope to have more control over my day to day schedule.  At this point, I do not have this 100%, but I hope to in the years to come. To achieve this, I must be very diligent with my savings goals, to hopefully in time have enough to support my needs and wants in life so work can someday be optional.  And for fun, I hope to never take life too seriously.  I hope my kids, husband, extended family and friends continue to inspire me to play.  In this category, I consider experiences such as travel a prime way I hope to have fun with those I love.  Again, to achieve this, I plan to be conscientious with my savings goals (once my debt is paid off) to have funds saved to take trips with those I love, to create the memories and experiences of a lifetime.

IMG_4980
Drive (or in this case, drive-fly) your way through life with a roadmap in mind. Use your resources wisely on this drive to get what you truly want out of life.

As you can see, these things are all interconnected, but I think my equation helps to summarize things and put things in perspective:

(Time, Energy, Money) ——–Life Values-———>    (Stuff, Experiences/Memories, Emotions)

On the arrow above, I have added the thought that your own unique “Life Values” play a key part in determining your pathway, and they greatly influence the choices you make to getting the products you want in life.  It is crucial also to revisit these values in your life, and see if your actions in life are truly lining up with what you want.  Are you using your time wisely, focusing on the things you want to achieve?  Or are you wasting it to a degree, on things that don’t matter?  How about your energy?  Are you investing waking hours and physical and mental energy into endeavors that bring you joy and fulfillment?  And how about your money? Is it being invested, saved, and spent in a way that is in line with what you truly value?  This is not an easy exercise, and something that I think we all struggle with as we go through life.  But I think this is a good thing to revisit regularly, e.g. every month, to ensure you are truly getting what you want in life.

 

Where Did the Time Go? My Daughter is Starting 1st Grade Soon!

It seems like a short time ago I was pregnant with my daughter during my medical residency.  (In reality, though, that was 7 years ago.  Where did those years go?) . I can still recall…

It seems like a short time ago I was pregnant with my daughter during my medical residency.  (In reality, though, that was 7 years ago.  Where did those years go?) . I can still recall wearing maternity clothes and compression stockings during my pregnancy, dealing with being on my feet while carrying her and being a resident.  I can remember the fatigue as I was working and as she was developing within me during my pregnancy. Coupling all of the pregnancy demands with my medical residency expectations, I am not sure now how I managed it all. This was of course an early example of my busy doctor mom life in the making.

IMG_5245
My daughter will be swinging into 1st grade soon!

I remember being in the hospital for her delivery, and the newness and fear and  associated with being a brand new parent.  (They are giving us this small being, and we get to take them home with us?  But…what do we do now?)  I also remember taking her to the doctor for her newborn checkup a couple of days after going home from the hospital.  A wee little thing at that point, she was 5 lbs, 4 oz at that visit.  I remember a fellow parent in the waiting room commented on how tiny she looked.

Now, this little girl is 6 years old. She is about to enter 1st grade later this month!  I can hardly believe this, as time seems to be marching on without me realizing it.  The advice by fellow parents is right – time really does fly by, sometimes going too fast.

selective focus photography of hour glass
Photo by samer daboul on Pexels.com

I value my time with my kids now when they are little.  But it can be trying and exhausting, and sometimes I find myself wishing they were both a bit older.  That would give me a break from all of the hands on care that toddlers and young children require.  But other times, I realize this time is fleeting.  And raising older kids will introduce a whole host of new challenges – school activities and after school activities, navigating the social scene, etc.  There will be a time my kids do not want me to hold them (and I won’t be able to carry them as they will be too heavy/too big!).  They won’t want to hold my hand, being too cool/too old for it.  They won’t want me to cuddle with them at the end of the day.  It will tug at my heart for sure when that day comes.  But I am trying to imprint on my memory now the times I have with them when they are little.

This time with my children is a gift.  We get 18 years to raise them, and guide them on this path of life.  I hope to raise 2 strong, hard working people.  We still have quite a ways to go.  But looking at my calendar and seeing “Maddie’s first day of 1st grade” is around the bend, I realize that this 18 years is going by faster than it seems.  I think looking forward is good, to plan, and to arrange a life you want.  But it is also vital to look back and see how far we’ve come, and to really take time to enjoy the present moment.

IMG_5258
Feeling blessed and fortunate to have these two little ones in my life.

Time is precious, and unfortunately, it is not renewable.  You can’t get time back.  (But wouldn’t time travel be amazing?)  I hope I am spending my time wisely, particularly as I am spending it with my husband and children.  I am so grateful for my family and this time I have with them.  Looking back on past memories (good and bad helps solidify this gratitude within me, and makes me proud of how far we’ve come.  On hard days, especially, it is easy for me to overlook this gift of time.  But I try to remind myself of the positive, and how beautiful and powerful being a parent truly is.  I hope to never forget how valuable this time is with my family, and how blessed I am to travel on this life journey with my husband and children.

Running As a Metaphor For Life

Distance running has taught me a lot about life.  I think the key things I have taken away are:

  1. Life is suffering.  Life is hard. Running, in turn, is also hard, particularly going long distances when your body and mind are tired.  But it is through suffering that you can reach and appreciate beauty.  Without suffering and challenge, we would remain the same.  Life would be boring.  Sure – there would be minimal failure and disappointment. But there would also be no glory, or chance for self improvement.  I can see how much easier running has become for me.  It is a way for me to decompress after a tough day.  It is a form of therapy for me, as the repetitive action is a way of physically meditating and zoning out.  Sure, sometimes the runs are uncomfortable.  But with that discomfort, I can see parallels to other parts of my life that are uncomfortable, and I realize that the run will eventually end, I will reach my destination, and the suffering will be relieved.

    IMG_5103
    At the end of my tough runs, if I endure the suffering, I’m often rewarded by smiling little faces like this one.
  2. Focus on the mile you are in.  I recently read the memoir, Run the Mile You’re In, by Ryan Hall (a recently retired marathoner).  I think that one of the themes he touches on, that is the title of the book, is very poignant.  We should continue to refocus our thoughts on the moment at hand, or in running, the mile you are in.  In a race, or a workout, it is easy to get ahead of yourself, and start thinking of all the other miles you have left.  Or in life, it is easy to start focusing too much on the future, and neglecting the present.  Take a moment to relish the here and now.  You are only going to have this day once.  Tomorrow, sure, is around the corner, but it is crucial to not be so future oriented that you fail to live in the present.

    IMG_4928
    Sometimes life gives you a long journey, or a traffic jam.  Don’t get too focused on the car lengths ahead of you.  Instead, stay mindful of the present.  Enjoy the beauty (and in this case, organization and order) that can be present in life.
  3. Take time to relish victories.  Take time to reflect on the past, and see how well things have gone in your life.  It is good practice to take some time and think of your past victories.  Sure, I am no elite runner, and I will probably never truly “win” a race in a field of runners, and I am okay with that.  But for me, success is able to be self-defined.  It can be finishing a distance you have never finished before. It can be setting a new personal record.  It can be finishing a training plan and/or race injury free.  As in my 2nd marathon, it can be gritting through a less-than-deal situation (e.g. illness) and finishing a race anyways.  And as I reflect on my own past successes, I think of ways to incorporate these into my future plans, so I can repeat things I have done well.
  4. Learn from mistakes.  Life is not perfect.  That is also true in sports.  Sometimes things do not go as planned.  A particular meal, perhaps, the night before a long run is one to avoid in the future.  Forcing a run after a long week of work or stressful night of call can lead to a weakened immune system and make you more prone to catching an infection or getting injured.  Learning to listen to your body is an acquired skill, and takes practice. I think that by analyzing things I have done wrong, I am able to hopefully better plan for future situations, so I won’t make the same mistake again.
  5. Being content with my own thoughts, and letting creativity run wild.  I find running helps often burn off excess negative energy, e.g. a patient encounter that did not go well, or a conversation with my family that could have gone better.  And it also opens up my creative side.  Sometimes I have music playing, or a podcast or audiobook going while I run. And with this audio simultaneously playing and inspiring me on my run, I notice new connections and ideas cropping up organically.  Exercise, I feel, is a way to get in better touch with your inner mind, and all that it entails – emotions, thoughts, and hopes for the future.  Running for me is my exercise of choice, and it has brought me to a greater connection to my own creative and spiritual side.

    IMG_5211
    Enjoy all that life has to offer.  Life is sometimes rocky (or wobbly as in this ride) but it can also teach you a lot, and these challenges are what make life interesting and worth living.

Life is full of trials and tribulations.  In this journey of life, it can be easy to be one-track minded, and go day in, day out, in the same routine. Wake up, go to work, get home, eat dinner, go to bed, rinse and repeat.  I think my hobby of distance running has helped enrich my life.  It isn’t only cardiovascular exercise (although this, don’t get me wrong, is truly quite valuable).  I think more than that, though, it gives me an outlet, and serves as my form of therapy and meditation.  Running has taught me a lot, and I think this hobby will continue to teach me as I advance further in my development as a runner.

Enter Fall…And All Things Pumpkin Spice!

Fall is around the corner!  After a hotter than average summer, I am ready for cooler, brisker temperatures. I think my favorite season, in retrospect, is fall.  New beginning for school year kids.  Time for new wardrobes and school supplies.  Better weather for my hobby of running (cooler weather will be MUCH appreciated after the hotness I’ve been getting used to for the past couple of months).  And most crucially for me… it is the return of the pumpkin spice flavor in all of my favorite treats!

orange pumpkin near white ceramic mug with seeds
Photo by Jessica Lewis on Pexels.com

I’m currently enjoying my pumpkin spice coffee. Delicious.  Makes me think of fall leaves, cooler temperatures, wearing my light jacket on a brisk walk.  Recollections of Halloween and dressing the kids up in costumes.  Fall races.  Hay rides.  The cusp of the holidays, with Thanksgiving around the corner.  Time to be with family and friends, and give thanks for another year almost completed.

IMG_5238
What do you think of my silly apple smile?  Mama has a similar ear to ear smile as she is reveling in her favorite seasonal pumpkin spice blend coffee.

So please excuse me as I finish up my cup of delicious fall memories.  And if you like pumpkin spice, you are in luck!  The store shelves are getting stocked with this classic fall flavor, and you will be in heaven on your next shopping trip!

Reframing Your Mindset: Going Through the Sequence of “I Have To,” “I Get To,” “I Want To,” and “I Love To”

We all have bad days, be it at work, at home, or in our extracurriculars.  There are things we would rather not do.  Sometimes I find my inner voice telling myself “I have to work.”  When I get a bit down and out about this and “woe is me”, it helps me to force myself to repeat the statement and replace “have to” with “get to.”  It’s totally true, I get to work.  This is not a guarantee in life.  No one is forcing me to do X or Y or Z in 99% of the cases in my life.  A lot of my actions are a choice.  And shifting my mind to think of things that way is totally eye opening and gives me more optimism.

IMG_5214
Life is a tough journey, and there is a lot we have to do. At the same time, though, a lot of these “have to” tasks are also blessings in disguise. Like the blessing of seeing an open ride in the park and taking the time to enjoy and play a bit.

Beyond simply repeating “I have to” statements with a counterpoint of “I get to,” I am starting to strive to then tell myself “I want to” to this, and as the going gets good and I am hopefully hitting a flow state, I realize that happily, “I love to” do this thing that initially I felt obligated and forced to do.

IMG_5136
If life gets messy and hard, embrace it.  Sure you “have to” clean up some things (like these colorful ice cream-covered faces), but it is important to also enjoy the journey and see how valuable life’s challenges can be.

For example, if I have a tough run workout on the docket for the afternoon, and I am not really feeling it, be it from fatigue, heat, or worry about other things on my to-do list, I force myself to go through this mental sequence of restating the task I am going to do that day, going from “I have to do this tough run” to “I get to do this tough run”.  Several months ago, I was injured, and I wasn’t able to run, and I remind myself how unhappy those times were. And now, I GET TO do this thing before me.  As I step onto the road and start moving my body, I remind myself “I want to do this tough run” to give my mind and body a meditative break from my tough work day, to give myself an hour of time to myself to just be me, to get stronger and more able to tackle my upcoming planned marathon in 2 months, and to just be a healthier and happier version fo me.  And, as the run sets in, and I hit my groove, I remind myself as the endorphins and runner’s high kicks in, that “I love to do this tough run” and this run is giving me great exercise, a way to enjoy the outdoors, and a way to get stronger and healthier.

adventure athlete athletic daylight
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Sure, all things in life are loaded with good qualities and bad.  There are some great things to a job, for example, and yet there are several things we “have to do” that we would rather weren’t there, be it replying to mundane emails, filling out self evaluations or peer evaluations, attending a meeting, etc.  However, I think shifting my mindset to a bigger picture and realizing how blessed I am to have this job, I realize that nothing in life is guaranteed. And it isn’t so much “I have to do this” but I am blessed and honored to do this.  Having a tough day? Try reminding yourself that you are fortunate and breathing and alive, and that you get to take on this challenge called life.  There are struggles and hardship in life, and there is a lot in life that we wish was better.  However, we have freedom and autonomy as well.  The job and career I have chosen was chosen by my own freewill.  I get to do medicine each day, I get to be a wife and mother and I am blessed to have a strong, supportive family in my life.  I get to enjoy the passions and fun things in life, be it cooking, eating, reading, running, or playing with my kids.  Reminding myself when I am pessimistic that I get to do things in this life has helped me reframe my negative “have to” thoughts, and led me to be more thankful and mindful of all the things that I get to do, and want to do, and love to do.

Unleashing Creativity

I’ve begun reading the book, The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron.    I’m just beginning, but I am planning to try some of the exercises the author proposes.  One is called “Morning pages” where you simply freehand on 3 pages each morning. It can be anything and everything.  I believe the author describes this as a “brain dump” and I can see why this is so appealing, particularly in our over stimulated digital society.

IMG_5076
Yep, the digital world is so captivating.  But so distracting.

There is so much going on in our busy lives.  So many things vying for our attention.  I like this idea of getting all the thoughts strolling through our brains onto paper. The author proposes this removes some of the barriers we have to unleashing our creativity.

In my career as a physician, I see creativity is vital.  Sure, medicine is dealing with the sciences.  But crafting a plan for a patient is truly creative and personal.  There is an art to gathering the story the patient is bringing before me into a coherent whole, giving them a story, a diagnosis, and a treatment plan.  Sometimes, this goes smoothly and easily.  Other times, it is surely a challenge.  But I see that having my synaptic neurons firing on all cylinders often leads to better mental connections and a better day as a caregiver to my patients.  And I hope removing some of these barriers and extraneous thoughts in my head each morning via “Morning Pages” will help me perform better.

In the first week of the 12 week course (where I am now), the author describes creating an environment of safety.  As I strive to recreate this for myself, I hope I am also creating this environment for my children.  It is so easy to simply tell children, “This is the way life is” or “Don’t do things that way, do them my way.”  But, is this in a way extinguishing their creative spirit?  Sure, it is good to be practical.  But life with art and creativity is certainly more interesting.  And as I described in my career, creativity in my life brings me better results in my interactions with my patients, and gives me greater joy and satisfaction.

The Artist’s Way course is 12 weeks total. A long commitment, surely.  I am on week 1 now, quite some time still to go.  I’ll plan to post an update later with any challenges or lessons I’ve learned along the way.  So far, though, I find the book interesting and I’ll be interested to see how things go.  I’ll let you know final thoughts once my 12 week journey has come to an end.

 

My Student Loan Debt Monster

Student loan debt has been weighing on my financial mind for over the past decade, since the first day of medical school.  It is hard to believe it has been 12 years since I started medical school and my debt balance began accruing.  The largeness of my student loans has (fortunately) dwindled to a degree through hard work, discipline, and continued extra payments to them.  But believe me: I will be incredibly elated when this debt monster is finally slayed.  As things stand right now with my calculations and estimates, this should be in a little more than a year (October 2020 to be exact… I will need to celebrate grandly when that date hits).

person writing debt on paper
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

Currently I am at around a 55k balance on my loans.  It is hard to believe my debt balance was sitting over 200k at one point years ago.  The “magic” of compound interest can really work against you when you borrow money and are working hard to payoff debt.  And of course, on the flip side, its magic works wonders on your investments and retirement savings accounts, particularly if you take on the risk and invest in the stock market.

achievement-bar-business-chart-40140.jpeg
Photo by Public Domain Pictures on Pexels.com

Will this battle with my student loan “debt monster” make me more risk averse in taking on new debt in the future?  I am sure it will.  I am already conservative with credit, and payoff my credit card bills monthly, live reasonably frugally, and try to spend mindfully. (This of course is getting better as I am getting older, and live and learn through past “silly purchases” here or there that never get used.) Also, as I get older, I am seeing that relationships, experiences, memories, time, and energy are incredibly more valuable than stuff and money.   I suspect we all need to learn this lesson with time and trial and error in life.

If I could do things over again, would I do things differently? Most definitely.  (Hindsight is always 20/20, right?)  One key thing I would do differently is borrow the absolute minimum I could, continue to live as frugally as I could on borrowed money, and strive for side hustles while in medical school and residency.  One other key thing I would do differently is analyze more job options after residency to maximize loan payoff packages and higher salary in a different location of living.  I chose to stay in the Pittsburgh area where I am from, as this is comfortable, and my family is here, and I wanted to have family close by as I raised my family.  I sacrificed a higher salary doing this, and was not offered any student loan help due to my priority of staying near home.  But even a short 3-5 year hiatus in a different area with a greater need for medical care (and thus higher salary) would have helped me crush my debt, I think, a lot sooner.  It would have been a sacrifice, but I think in the long run, this could have been well worth it.

IMG_5112
Work hard now, payoff debt aggressively, but enjoy the journey. Fresh corn on the cob is always a good choice, and obviously a tasty choice in my kids’ minds.

Also, I think this student loan journey I have taken will change the way I view things as my children grow older and I offer them parenting advice as they advance through high school and future career options.  Is an expensive school really worth it?  Is the name of a school on a diploma really that valuable?  I am learning that the school name on a degree and the fancy letters after my name don’t matter as much as I thought it would when I was a young adult.  I hope I can impart some of my financial wisdom to my children as they chose their life paths.  There may be a less expensive option that gives just as much joy, fulfillment, and happiness in life.  And in the long run, avoiding debt will avoid the stress and heartache that come with being in the “red.”  And more importantly, avoiding debt will get you started on building wealth a lot sooner, giving you the freedom to use your time and money on things truly bring you happiness and fulfillment.

Redefining Identity to Overcome Burnout

Please see my testimonial in the ACMS July Bulletin about redefining identity to overcome burnout!  I think burnout hits a lot of us throughout our busy lives, particularly those in the caring professions.  It is very easy to lose sight of what matters I think, and taking a step back to redefine yourself and what means the most to you is a very powerful way to combat burnout.

The article can be found at:

https://www.acms.org/2019/07/i-am-who-i-am-and-not-what-i-do-redefining-self-identity-to-combat-physician-burnout/

IMG_5151
If life gives you a hill of problems, redefine it, and play!

“What do you do?” This is often the question used to spark a conversation in a new acquaintance, to get to know who they are. But aren’t you more than what you do for a job? And isn’t it more interesting to know what a person is passionate about, not necessarily what they spend their 9 to 5 doing? I think this common question highlights the fact that our identities often are interwoven into our job titles. But is this really healthy? Is it truly the whole story of who we are? And, more importantly, in our example as physicians, do our patients really want us to simply be a doctor? It is more interesting and more reassuring, I think, to know that the clinician in front of you is more than a man or woman in a white coat. He or she is a fellow human being, faced with varied challenges, passions and heartaches in life. The physician in front of you is human and truly “gets” you and what you are going through in this journey called life. If the physician in front of you did not really relate to you and your life struggles, how could you trust the advice they give?

healthy clinic doctor health
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

One powerful tool that I have started using in my life has been to redefine my identity in the last several years. I am learning to define myself as more than simply a family physician. For example, I want to be strong, hardworking, caring and compassionate. And taking this journey of redefining myself has personally helped me to combat a foe that many physicians, I believe, know all too well: burnout. I think the reason so many clinicians face burnout is tied to our tendency to wrap our self-identities so tightly into “what we do” rather than who we truly are.

 

I believe physician burnout also stems from the fact that physicians work in a profession with such high and unforgiving stakes. We must make decisions that impact the health and sometimes survival of our patients, who look to us for guidance and support. An incorrect decision could be detrimental.

 

Many of us in the caring profession of being a doctor also are naturally prone to be “Type A.” It is hard to turn that “need for perfection” button off, even when we try.  How many weekends or vacations have you spent worrying about a patient or decision?  Or how many of you (gasp) are guilty of opening your computer or email client on your phone to work when you are supposed to be “off?” Are you ever truly off in such a demanding profession?

 

I recently read a children’s book with my children, “Little Miss Busy,” by Roger Hargreaves, that I think humorously paints a picture of a hardworking person. Miss Busy awakens at 3 a.m. each morning, and works tirelessly to clean her house, twice, before going to bed at midnight each evening. That is, until she unfortunately becomes ill. She is faced with advice from several friends. The advice ultimately boils down to the fact she needs to relax. How many of you out there have struggled with the skill of relaxing?  I certainly have.

grayscale photography of people walking in train station
Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

My own journey toward self-improvement has taken place over the last few years, as I have combated burnout. This journey has led me to embrace my outside interests with greater fervor. I am more than my job, and it is crucial that I make my outside interests a priority. This includes how I value my relationships, particularly with my family, and my hobbies. This is still a work in progress, but I am learning to reshape my identity and feelings of self-worth away from work, and instead have focused on how I can be a better version of me.

 

I think one powerful way to combat physician burnout is learning how to see yourself as more than a physician. Life is rich, varied and surprising. Sure, life is full of a lot of pain and disease (physicians can certainly attest to that). But there also is tremendous beauty as well, even in the hard things. Often, I find I am too focused on the wrong parts of life to see that – the daily task list in front of me, the eight-hour shift that I need to complete today, the huge pile of laundry I must complete, a workout for the day that I want to cross off of my training plan.

IMG_5192
Accomplishment: step through the hurdles/ladders of life, and become a better person for it.

 

It is nice to see what you have done, and to get recognized for it, be it a medal, a certificate, or a diploma. But in the grand scheme of things, do these really matter? Instead, I have strived to shift my focus to building aspects of myself that I want (to be a supportive wife, to be a caring mother, to be strong, to be patient, to be kind). With this shift in focus, I feel I am able to steel myself against the aspects of physician burnout that can be so unhealthy – busy and long hours, a need for perfection, and not taking time to relax. I hope that any of you out there struggling with physician burnout can take something from my story that may help you, too. Redefining myself as more than a physician is an ongoing process, but one that I believe will lead to a healthier, happier and more complete me.