Make Work Optional…A Lofty But Inspiring Goal

My daughter insightfully declared a few weeks ago…”I wish you didn’t have to work.”  That simple, innocent statement stuck with me since.  I think this occurred after I explained I was too tired to do something with her that she wanted to do.  Kids really pick up on associations quickly, huh?  Work steals away some of my time and energy, and thus takes away some of the time and energy I have to devote to my family.  I replied honestly that I wish I didn’t have to work either.  Wouldn’t that be wonderful, having financial security to thus regain time back with those you love?

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Hoping for more carefree times like this with my little gal.

As I explained in my post about financial independence, I think I have found a really neat life tool to get to my desire to make work optional.  I am one that always needs things to do.  I like to make “To Do” lists on my phone or in my journal, and I like to keep planning ahead for the future.  So I don’t think I will ever sit still too long. However, as my daughter alluded to, work prevents me often from doing what I would rather be doing.  One huge value and priority in my life is family and nurturing my relationships with my family members.  And often my 8 hour work day takes away from that. It would be nice to have more flexibility to instead work say part time, and set my schedule myself for when I would want to work.

I read a great book on this very topic, that is financial independence and making work optional, a few months ago: Work Optional: Retire Early the Non-Penny-Pinching Way, by Tanja Hester.  I would recommend this read to anyone wanting to learn more about financial independence.  I really liked how the author spelled out a pathway to learning your values and priorities and life, and then extrapolating how financial independence can give you the power to then create the type of life you want.  She also spells out some math on how to achieve this, including the calculators for determining your needed “Financial independence” number (i.e. 25x your annual spending) that I have described in my financial independence post, and other authors in the financial independence community have also described.

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I like her different take on buckets of money for those pursuing early retirement as well, with some funds preserved to be used true older retirement (i.e. after age 59 1/2 or 60) and other funds you plan to use in early retirement (i.e. in your 30s, 40s, and/or 50s).  There are ways to tap into your retirement savings earlier with the Roth IRA conversion ladder technique (see an explanation of this topic here), but I appreciated the author’s idea of keeping your funds separate.  After all, one great fear of any retiree is if you will run out of money.  It would not be pretty or pleasant to have to return to work in your 50s or 60s, after being out of the workforce for several years.  Indeed, it would be challenging, and you could not re-enter the workforce at the same place you left.  Given your gap in working, several employers would likely question your motives or your competence.  And you would probably need to either take a paycut and start lower down in your chosen career path, or pick a different line of work with less pay.

By separating out your funds that way, you can better control for future ups and downs in your spending needs and the market. Things taking a turn for the worse in your investments?  Having different buckets would mean your age 60+ funds are still left alone to grow and regain things (hopefully) in the future when the market rebounds.  But to compensate, you can use your early retirement funds more wisely and more frugally, e.g. taking out a smaller percentage e.g. 3-3.5%, and perhaps taking on a side gig to compensate.

I have also read some other books on the topic, including Financial Freedom: A Proven Path to All the Money You Will Ever Need, by Grant Sabatier, and Quit Like a Millionaire: No Gimmicks, Luck, or Trust Fund Required, by Kristy Shen and Bryce Leung.  All of these authors have different ways they approached their journeys to financial independence and achieved it, and offer their own advice to readers who want to follow the pathway, too.   I think all of these different perspectives show there are multiple pathways to get to where you want to go with the financial independence journey.  In fact, this shows there are multiple answers sometimes to one problem.

My current finances do not allow me to stop working just yet, or go part time (which is a less scary path I am considering in the near future).  However, I think hearing my daughter’s wish the other day, “I wish you didn’t have to work,” rekindled my commitment in my path to achieving financial independence. Getting to a point where work is optional would be a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.  If something were to happen where I did need to quit, or the market were to change and my job security were to be lost, having that power of financial independence would be so freeing and empowering.  I could foresee in the future that the challenge of balancing it all as a busy doctor mom and working mom could get to be too much.  Right now, I feel that I am happy in my current roles and in my current busy life, but this may not always be the case.

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I love this happy kid! I hope to prioritize my life and time to spend more time with those I love most, namely my husband and kids.

I think I’ll remind myself of my daughter’s innocent statement (“I wish you didn’t have to work!”) each time I analyze my finances and my path to financial independence.  It is important to look at where you are, but it is important also to see where you are going, and to live this life intentionally and with purpose.   My pursuit of financial independence, I feel, is my tool to regaining control over my life and my time.

What My Perfect Day Would Look Like

It is nice to dream about what a perfect day would look like.  I think it personally helps me to strive to improve things I can in my life, to get closer and closer to that perfect day.  Sure, perfections is not entirely possible, as there are things in life we have to do that we would rather not – chores, necessary mundane tasks, etc.  It is important to accept the imperfections in life.  But I think it is nice to have a picture in my mind what my perfect day would look like.  If you haven’t tried this experiment before, I would recommend it, as it may be eye opening to you.  You may see things you are doing that do NOT fit into that perfect day.  Maybe it is time to do less of those things, or stop them altogether. Instead, it would be better to start focusing time and energy on things you love and things you want to be doing more of.  And on days off e.g. the weekend, it may direct you to do the activities and passions that light you up, instead of squandering your free time on things that may not energize and refresh you.

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A perfect day would certainly include ample quality time with my loves.

At any rate, here is how my perfect day would go:

Wake up when I felt like it.

No alarms. No need to get up at a set time.  I could set my own schedule each and every day, as desired.  Or have no schedule if desired. I am more productive in the mornings so I would likely have a lot of activities planned each morning. So I wouldn’t necessarily sleep in.  But it would be nice to have the freedom and option to do so!

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Exercise in the morning.

I prefer exercising in the morning when my mind and body are fresh.  This is different for different people, but that seems to agree with me better.  With the way my schedule is now, that isn’t really possible during the work week, as I start my workday early in the morning.  It would be nice, though, to have the liberty of exercising when I would prefer.

Time for reading, journaling, and meditation.

I would love to have more time to read and learn, journal, and meditate.  I feel these revive me, and I learn a lot by doing these activities. In addition, it helps offload my mind and the stressors I may be carrying.  I do not have the luxury of doing these activities as much as I would like.  Having more free time each day to do this I think would really boost my mental health and productivity.

Time and energy to spend with my family.

Sometimes I am very drained after a tough day at work.  I regretfully sometimes approach my evenings with my family with fatigue and not much “left in the tank” to give to those I love.  It would be nice to keep some of my energy reserves intact to nurture the relationships with my loved ones.

Time in the evening to decompress and reflect on my day.

My days are busy and jampacked.  Sometimes I regretfully go through the actions, going from one task to the next – wake up, get ready, work, get dinner ready, pickup the kids, get the kids and myself ready for bed, conk out.  I don’t always make the time to decompress and rewire myself.  And I wish I also spent more time reflecting on the day and how it went. What did I really like?  What did I hate?  What will I try to repeat again in the future?  What will I try to avoid?  I think that could be accomplished via self reflection,  journaling, or talking through my day with my husband.  But often times, I don’t make this daily reflection a priority.

Getting to bed on time after a relaxing bedtime routine, and getting enough sleep.

I strive right now to get 6.5 hours of sleep at least per night.  Sometimes I reach that, sometimes I regretfully do not.  Should I be getting more? Probably.  But it is hard to squeeze in all of the things I want to do.  In a perfect day, however, it would be great to get 7-8 hours of sleep.  And prior to sleep, to have a relaxing, calming bedtime routine each night, instead of forcing myself to close my eyes, and being anxious about getting enough sleep for the next day.

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Final Thoughts on the Elusive but Laudable “Perfect Day”

I realize it isn’t possible to always have life go as planned. But having this ideal day in mind has helped me prioritize things I want to do, and like to do.  And I have tried to cut down on things that do not serve me, such as too much social media scrolling (still guilty of this, though, more often than I would like), TV or video watching, or checking email (a time suck oftentimes).  I have tried to set a list of priorities each day, and do the ones that I feel are most important, including spending time with my family and those I love, reading and writing, exercise, and trying to get enough self care and sleep.  Other things are nice and fun to do, but I think if I hit those priorities at least to a small degree each day,  I feel like I have accomplished a lot.  My life may not be perfect, but it is a work in progress and I have the power to change it.  Each day is refreshingly its own entity, and each morning gives me the opportunity to start over with a blank slate.  As I take my life one day at a time, I hope to get closer and closer to a life and routine that will make me a happier, more productive version of me.

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Always striving and scheming to rearrange my life, to create more quality time with this smiling face.

Finders Keepers, Losers…Sweepers?

My daughter was chanting this the other day, but making a funny word substitution…”Finders Keepers, Losers Sweepers.”  I tried to correct her word substitution, but she insisted her way of saying this was correct.  This amused me, of course. But it also got me thinking…  What if she was on to something?  Finders do keep what they have. But losers may gain something as well.

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This little gal is enjoying some sugar on a summer day. It is truly enjoyable to time out of my busy life to revel in rest and rejuvenation with my children.

When you lose, you give something up.  This may be a victory, or a possession.  However, perhaps my daughter’s inadvertent statement opens up a possible role of a loss.  When you are a loser, you “sweep away” whatever it was that you lost.  This can be a good thing, or a bad thing.  Often, though, letting go of things in the long run can be good.

In our overcrowded, overstimulated, overfilled lives, I think we may need to learn to take a step back more often.  Our digital lifestyles are connecting us to each other and to information more than I ever imagined growing up. But, this may be at a cost to our sanity and mental health.  Indeed, many folks take digital detox breaks to reconnect with the simpler world.

As a telemedicine physician, I am connected to technology during my workday, and I love it.  I enjoy connecting with patients around the country via this cool, new medium.  It is different, and a challenge.  But once the day is done, sometimes I hop onto my home laptop, or home smartphone, or home tablet.  And sometimes after doing so, I feel more fried, not rejuvenated.  I think my body and mind, with their fatigue symptoms, are trying to tell me something.  Too much of a good thing is no longer good.

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Take time to stop and smell the roses…and ride a pony, too, if one happens to cross your path.

As my daughter phrased it, “Finder’s Keepers, Losers Sweepers”… perhaps we should let go of our technology and busy lives and sweep away the clutter and noise.  That way, we can reconnect with ourselves, our families, our thoughts and feelings, and live a hopefully more peaceful existence.    Instead of weeping and mourning a loss, perhaps we can see the loss as a gain.  Gaining of freedom, gaining of time.  That opening in our lives can allow something else in.  For me, less is truly more, and gives me more time to recharge.  I think I’ll take my daughter’s advice more here in the future, and see losing and letting go as a way to clean and “sweep away” what I really don’t need.

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Where Did the Time Go? My Daughter is Starting 1st Grade Soon!

It seems like a short time ago I was pregnant with my daughter during my medical residency.  (In reality, though, that was 7 years ago.  Where did those years go?) . I can still recall…

It seems like a short time ago I was pregnant with my daughter during my medical residency.  (In reality, though, that was 7 years ago.  Where did those years go?) . I can still recall wearing maternity clothes and compression stockings during my pregnancy, dealing with being on my feet while carrying her and being a resident.  I can remember the fatigue as I was working and as she was developing within me during my pregnancy. Coupling all of the pregnancy demands with my medical residency expectations, I am not sure now how I managed it all. This was of course an early example of my busy doctor mom life in the making.

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My daughter will be swinging into 1st grade soon!

I remember being in the hospital for her delivery, and the newness and fear and  associated with being a brand new parent.  (They are giving us this small being, and we get to take them home with us?  But…what do we do now?)  I also remember taking her to the doctor for her newborn checkup a couple of days after going home from the hospital.  A wee little thing at that point, she was 5 lbs, 4 oz at that visit.  I remember a fellow parent in the waiting room commented on how tiny she looked.

Now, this little girl is 6 years old. She is about to enter 1st grade later this month!  I can hardly believe this, as time seems to be marching on without me realizing it.  The advice by fellow parents is right – time really does fly by, sometimes going too fast.

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I value my time with my kids now when they are little.  But it can be trying and exhausting, and sometimes I find myself wishing they were both a bit older.  That would give me a break from all of the hands on care that toddlers and young children require.  But other times, I realize this time is fleeting.  And raising older kids will introduce a whole host of new challenges – school activities and after school activities, navigating the social scene, etc.  There will be a time my kids do not want me to hold them (and I won’t be able to carry them as they will be too heavy/too big!).  They won’t want to hold my hand, being too cool/too old for it.  They won’t want me to cuddle with them at the end of the day.  It will tug at my heart for sure when that day comes.  But I am trying to imprint on my memory now the times I have with them when they are little.

This time with my children is a gift.  We get 18 years to raise them, and guide them on this path of life.  I hope to raise 2 strong, hard working people.  We still have quite a ways to go.  But looking at my calendar and seeing “Maddie’s first day of 1st grade” is around the bend, I realize that this 18 years is going by faster than it seems.  I think looking forward is good, to plan, and to arrange a life you want.  But it is also vital to look back and see how far we’ve come, and to really take time to enjoy the present moment.

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Feeling blessed and fortunate to have these two little ones in my life.

Time is precious, and unfortunately, it is not renewable.  You can’t get time back.  (But wouldn’t time travel be amazing?)  I hope I am spending my time wisely, particularly as I am spending it with my husband and children.  I am so grateful for my family and this time I have with them.  Looking back on past memories (good and bad helps solidify this gratitude within me, and makes me proud of how far we’ve come.  On hard days, especially, it is easy for me to overlook this gift of time.  But I try to remind myself of the positive, and how beautiful and powerful being a parent truly is.  I hope to never forget how valuable this time is with my family, and how blessed I am to travel on this life journey with my husband and children.

11 Tips for Your Best Morning Routine

I have found the items below have made me happier and less frazzled as I step through my morning.  Please read on for…

Don’t you love that feeling in the morning when the day is full of rightness and promise? For me, this typically happens in the first 15 minutes of my morning when the house is quiet, my other family members deeply asleep.  I can enjoy the quiet, meditate, and simply think through my day. However, once my other family members wake up one by one, the mornings are often time-pressed, rushing around to get the family ready for the day.

I have found the items below have made me happier and less frazzled as I step through my morning.  Please read on for tips that will make you more organized in the crucial early morning hours each and every day!

One particularly chaotic scene, a toy “tornado”. Something to avoid in your weekday morning!

1. Pack your lunches and bags the night before.

Doing this helps you to wind down the night before, and start mentally preparing for the next day. You may buy lunch occasionally, but packing your lunch most days will keep you on track with both diet and budget. Also, being disciplined in packing your bags each night helps prevent any last minute forgotten items the next day.

2. Know the weather forecast.

There is now little excuse  NOT to know the forecast. Smart phones have changed the way we can obtain the weather forecast, making it accessible at the push of a button. You can now look up the next several days or the next several hours to plan appropriate clothing and to gauge how weather may affect your planned activities. You should be looking up weather forecasts every evening as you are planning your next busy day.

3.Set out outfits for yourself and your kids the night before.

This takes the guesswork out of getting dressed each morning. Of course, you should first do step 2, investigate the weather, so you will be spot on in your clothing choices.

You will have less arguments with your kids, particularly any opinionated toddlers, with this tactic. If your child wants to weigh in on their outfit choice, they are welcome to do so, the night before. It is much smoother and less dramatic to do this at bedtime rather than in the AM when you are pressed for time.

4. Wake up 15 minutes before your family members.

The reason for doing this is mostly selfish – you get a quiet moment to collect your thoughts and get things started. For example, I start arranging my kids’ breakfasts, grab my own breakfast, and get my coffee brewing.  However, waking early has additional health benefits, including a better sense of accomplishment and less procrastination. In other words, you will be more productive and happier!

5. Have a routine for you and your kids.

We are all creatures of habit. Kids particularly thrive in the setting of routine – go potty, brush teeth, get dressed, breakfast. In addition, kids with routine are emotionally healthier and more socially adjusted. Sure, the first time or two you institute this will be challenging and sometimes painful. But once it is expected, it will feel natural and there will be much less conflict.

6. Check your calendar and your list of “things to do.”

Doing this the night before your day and each morning helps to avoid forgetting anything.  I am pretty good at remembering my own appointments, but with 2 kids and a husband, sometimes it is hard to juggle everyone’s responsibilities.  And sometimes, my cat has a vet appointment, too!  I am partial to Google Calendar, since I can access it via my Google account on any device.  I share my Google Calendar with my husband, which is incredibly helpful.  I also love the “reminders” feature on my cell phone. I can set it to remind me at a particular day and time, e.g. “stop at the pharmacy tonight at 5 pm” or “pay the credit card bill next Tuesday evening.”  There are tons of other time management apps and websites out there to choose from.  Use technology to your advantage!

7. Exercise!

I have tried different exercise times. With 2 kids and a full time job,  doing a workout right after getting home is really not feasible.  (Once the kids are older, I predict there will be more after-school activities to keep me busy.)  I am lucky enough to get an afternoon off each week, but that only accounts for one day.  I also have an evening session of office hours each week, which adds to my late night fatigue.  Late evening workouts have made it harder for to wind down and fall asleep easily.  Lately, I have therefore preferred exercising in the morning.  One huge benefit of this: once it is done, you are done for the day!  I understand this is not always practical  (I get it – have had to work at 6 am or 7 am with prior jobs).  If this is your scenario, try to simply stretch or do some core strengthening exercises for 10 minutes in the morning.  At first, it may be time consuming, but with practice, you can easily pare down your workout to a nice quick routine.  It will make you a healthier person and help stave off coronary artery disease and diabetes.  And you will feel amazing!

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My kids would agree – a swim would be great exercise, and quite refreshing!

8. Come up with 2-3 doable goals for the day.

I have started doing this formally in the last couple of weeks, after hearing it suggested on several podcasts I love to listen to.  I sometimes combine this with my “reminders” list.  However, actually jotting your goals down on a wipe board or Post -It note holds you more accountable. It is crucial to keep your goals concrete and doable, so you mark off that “check box” or “strike it off” your list.  So gratifying!  Actually seeing the goals somewhere in writing also makes you more likely to carry them out.  This is a great exercise for your longer term goals as well, e.g. at 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, etc.

9. Write down one thing you are thankful for.

Again, this is something new I have adopted in the last couple of weeks after some suggestions from other personal development websites.  I do this mindfully and purposefully during my morning workout.  It is so easy to fall into a rut of negative thinking and pessimism.  Many of us, however, are blessed and fortunate beyond what we often consciously think about.  I never worry about where my next meal will come from.  I have more than enough clothes for myself and my family.  I have a strong, sturdy roof over my head.  My family is full of love and good health.  Thinking in terms of optimism and gratitude improves your mood and sets the tone for  happier day.

10. Fight the impulse to check your email and social media!

I myself fall into a rut of checking these “just for a second” in the morning while getting ready.  5 minutes later I look up at the clock and start cursing myself for doing so.  Start setting aside specific times each day to check your email and social media, and for a specific time period. Set a timer on your phone to go off when the time has finished. Being more disciplined with these time drains will free up more of your time to accomplish your daily goals.

11. Leave 5 minutes sooner than your goal “leave time.”

Personally, this has become more challenging, now that I have two children instead of one.  (It seems I have gotten exponentially less efficient each morning!)  But my time in the Navy and military ingrained in me a sense of being prompt, and it still haunts me to this day.  “10 minutes early is on time.  On time is late.  Late is unacceptable.”  Whoever created this mantra must not have had young kids, right?  Or any pets.  (Last minute vomit a la cat, or leg rub on your freshly lint-rolled dress pants. Sound familiar to anyone else?)  Setting a 5 minute buffer on your leave time will give you a  bit more wiggle room and more success in getting out of the house on time.  If you need a longer buffer, then by all means use one.

Toward a Better, Smoother Morning

I hope the tips I have laid out for you will make you more organized and less frantic each morning.  Starting out the day on the right note is a crucial first step to a better, more productive day!

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Here’s to your next smile-filled, organized morning!

Busy Wife, Busy Life

My goal is to share my own successes (and failures) in my own busy life. If you read my tips and tricks, your life will also…

Thank you for checking out my blog! And welcome to my first post! I am a full time family physician.  I am also a full time wife and mom. I strive to keep my husband, son, daughter, and beloved pet cat all clean, fed, and sheltered.   I personally understand how challenging this tall order can be. I am by no means perfect, but I want to be a resource to you as I share things that have worked for me in my own life as a working mom.

I invite you to join me as I share some useful life tips and tricks. I will share my own advice to become a supportive, compassionate partner/spouse, a nurturing parent, and a happier and grounded person. I have passions in family medicine, distance running, bowling, and cooking, so I plan to also share some posts in these fields as the next several weeks and months unfold. Please follow me and message me with any impressions or ideas you may have!