“I like playing. I like chores more. And I love my family the best.” Wow – the wisdom in those words really resounded within me.
At bedtime a few weeks ago, my daughter told me something very insightful. I forget how we got on the topic, but she explained to me, so succinctly but so beautifully: “I like playing. I like chores more. And I love my family the best.” Wow – the wisdom in those words really resounded within me.
Sometimes life can seem as helter skelter as a toddler with blocks strewn across the living room floor. Snapping the pieces together into some sort of structure can be hard. But by setting priorities, I think that sometimes disorder can be turned into something pleasing and structured.
My daughter’s life priorities: 3) Play. Indeed, play IS important. It is how kids learn about their world and their own abilities. It is often how I rest, rejuvenate, and get inspiration. 2) Work. She is still stepping into some roles around the house of chores. She is very eager to help and celebrate the fruits of her labor. And I see how proud she is also of the work she does each day during her school day. 1) Family and relationships. Without these connections and the people in our lives, I too would find life a bit less meaningful. Having the relationships I have with my husband, kids, and extended family adds richness and happiness to my life. There are of course times when those people I love drive me a little crazy. Is there really always a need for my two children to take out every single toy and then play with just one as the mess/clutter/post-tornado look surrounds my children? But I think my daughter has learned at a young age to see priorities.
Ranking things in life and recognizing their importance is crucial. It allows me personally to take a step back and see what I truly value. Like my daughter, I agree with the ranking she set forth: Relationships and Family, Work, and Play. As my life evolves, and as I and my family age, these rankings may change. But I think by taking a “big picture” view of life helps me attack each moment and each day with more vigor and meaning. How easy it is to get fixated on the mundane of life. The “to do” list checkboxes that feel good to cross off the list, but really, does it add to the things I value? Is it really that important to get my email box to zero each day? Or is it a little more important to spend 20 minutes with my daughter one on one, playing a board game, or playing outside and enjoying the sunshine together.
I think one thing that is hard but very insightful is to think how you want to be remembered in life. I believe I gained this idea after listening to Chip Gaines’ audiobook, Capital Gaines. He posed the idea of writing your own epithet or message on your tombstone. I think this really helped me to see my actions and how they could be viewed in the long term view of my life, as viewed through the eyes of my family and those around me. It is a helpful and eye opening exercise, one that I find difficult but insightful.
Enjoy the good things in life. Work hard but find time to play. And drink something yummy.
I want to be remembered as a caring mother and wife, a caring and competent clinician, and someone who knows how to enjoy life. I am still trying to figure out how to balance it all. Life is always so full of challenges and can get sometimes insanely busy. And I am still trying to figure out the right ratios of all of these things in my life to keep it balanced. But I am really impressed that my daughter, too, has a basic idea of what she values, and that her priorities mirror my own. I hope to keep my daughter’s example in mind as I live each day to its fullest. I also hope that I am able to keep this insightful perspective on what truly matters in life, and that my actions and choices each day reflect what I truly value.
And with that return to work, I gained a new burden that I struggle with now and probably for the rest of my days going forward, one that is shared I think by all moms out there: mom guilt. I think regardless of our choices after a birth of a child, moms have guilt no matter what path they choose, be it returning to work, working part time, or taking time off of work to pursue raising a family full time. With all of these choices, I think we moms feel a pang of guilt that we are not doing enough to fulfill all of our expected roles.
5 years ago, at the birth of my daughter, I gained a great gift: motherhood. With that, I learned all kinds of new challenges, not the least of which is having responsibility over another small human being. After a few short weeks of maternity leave, however, it was time to return to work. And with that return to work, I gained a new burden that I struggle with now and probably for the rest of my days going forward, one that is shared I think by all moms out there: mom guilt. I think regardless of our choices after a birth of a child, moms have guilt no matter what path they choose, be it returning to work, working part time, or taking time off of work to pursue raising a family full time. With all of these choices, I think we moms feel a pang of guilt that we are not doing enough to fulfill all of our expected roles.
Let’s take Luca’s example and haul away the pervasive negative emotion of guilt.
Our society has changed, indeed, in the last several decades, with many women working outside of the home out of necessity at first, and now as a sense of a way to build an identity of our own. And in addition to this, the emotional needs, organizational needs, and household chore needs of a family unit still often fall to the mother. Getting the doctor’s appointments and dentist’s appointments scheduled, getting the kids to said appointments, keeping practices and activities straight on the calendar, paying bills to the school and activities, keeping the house in some semblance of clean, working order, and don’t forget the never ending mountains of laundry that accumulate each week. I think with this shift, however, moms, and in particular working moms, are not really cut enough slack. Being a mom is a “full time responsibility.” Being a working woman is a “full time responsibility.” And taking care of ourselves is a very time consuming responsibility in and of itself, one that often takes a back seat in our lives. There are only so many hours in a day, and we only have so much energy to expend each day. The quality of our work in each of these arenas sometimes suffers. Or at the least, if we do manage to fulfill our responsibilities to some semblance of acceptableness in our minds, we fail to take care of ourselves. And we get a pang of that dreaded guilt.
I think we all have limits. I am starting to gain awareness of my own limits – my emotions and my energy levels, and how these play into my ability to fulfill my work responsibilities and “mom” responsibilities. Guilt, I think, is sometimes not very helpful in this equation. (And of course, there is the whole idea of income divide in between men and women, a whole other challenge and topic of debate.) I am not able to be in two places at once, though sometimes I wish I could be. But that desire to “do it all” sometimes leads to an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that I am not enough. Is this correct? Is this healthy? I am seeing that resoundingly the answer often is no: it is not a very helpful or healthy emotion. I am doing the best I can as a working woman, and as a mom and wife. I am starting to cut myself some “slack” so to speak, and take time for myself. I did this in the last few years by taking up running, and in the last couple of years with taking up writing in this blog. I think my children see this time I take for myself and I hope that they see that it is okay to take care of yourself. By doing so, I then have more emotional reserve and patience in the tank to focus on my family and my patients. And as any mother of young children knows, patience is always needed to deal with all of the little challenges the little ones can throw at you.
Let’s be brave like Maddie, and climb through life’s challenges, shedding the often unhelpful emotion of guilt as we ascend.
So my humble request today to all working moms out there: take care of yourself, so you can be the best version of you, for your families and for your workplace, and most importantly, for you and your own wellbeing. And in taking care of yourself intentionally and regularly, you are setting an important example for your family members and coworkers that can be inspiring to them to start taking better care of themselves. I am getting better at naming the emotion of guilt I feel, and more importantly, with practice, I am trying my best to let it go. This guilt often does not serve me positively or productively. Instead, mom guilt often raises feelings of self doubt and self criticism. I am practicing seeing the emotion of guilt, seeing if it helps me (often which it does not), and then letting it leave me as soon as I can, so I can move on to the next thing I need to do. I hope all moms out there can take on the task of learning to let go of that nagging guilt. Just like the rain of spring showers peppering my area now: Guilt, guilt, please do go away, and I’d rather you NOT come back another day. But, I if you are (inevitably) back another day, I vow to NOT let you stay.
About 2-3 years ago, I begrudgingly saw that I was not doing well mentally. In retrospect, I was feeling the tell-tale signs of burnout. I saw my day as adversity, full of roadblocks and things keeping me from a sense of happiness, peace and wellness. I of course, refused to see this until it had gradually set in and became my new normal. I took a burnout quiz on AAFP, the Maslach Burnout Inventory (MBI) and scored quite high. This, in retrospect, was not a good sign. I was only about 2-3 years into my attending career path at that point. The long stressful hours were taking their toll. And I predicted another 30+ year career – seeing myself in this role for that long was difficult, and I could see this was not going to be sustainable.
Maddie’s face reveals that sometimes life just doesn’t go your way.
Physician burnout is well summarized and described on various sites on the Internet. I like the AAFP article linked here that summarizes physician burnout well. Physician burnout can be likened to a battery running out of juice. I definitely can relate to this analogy. About 2-3 years ago, I wasn’t quite a dead battery, but I was pretty close. I was run down, a battery at maybe 10-20%, fizzling out. I felt exhausted in every aspect – mentally, emotionally, and physically. This was a slow process over several years, so my recognition of the problem was poor. It took me time to admit to myself there was something wrong. My natural inclination was to get more rest. But in spite of getting more hours of sleep, I felt a constant tiredness. And I could feel a subtle, diminished quality in my ability to care and feel, both in my job and with my family. I also went for medical care, and was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. I did fortunately get this treated and managed, and felt great improvements, but I still felt twinges of something abnormal in my life. I often found myself feeling wiped out, way out of proportion to my exertion level or work load.
I began to analyze other things I could change. I began exercising regularly. I resumed running. I tried to rest more. I resumed hobbies I previously enjoyed (reading, writing). I analyzed my life, and my life priorities, and shifted things around so they brought me better peace. I made a scary leap into a new job. And I am very glad I took all of these steps. I quit treading along in a pathway that was not good for me. I currently feel valued, balanced, and in better alignment with my personal ideals.
Take time to stop and smell the roses…and eat carbs.
I still struggle with tendencies toward burnout. I think this stems from a drive to do more each day than I probably should. My tendency is to be a workaholic and perfectionist and superwoman. I have a driving need to prove to myself I can do more. But, as I grow older, I am learning to recognize and admit I am human. I have a set “tank” of energy – my battery life is sadly not infinite. I need to rest, digest, and recharge. I cannot always go, go, go. It is not laziness or weakness or wrong to rest. It is a necessary and natural part of life to rest. Looking at the human body, there are processes for high octane stressful situations in life (i.e. the sympathetic nervous system, or the “fight or flight” system), and also natural, needed ways to recuperate and simply be still/less active (i.e. the parasympathetic nervous system, or the “rest and digest” system). Life should be no different – there needs to be balance in life.
When I do too much now, I am getting better at recognizing the tell tale signs of overwork and pending burnout – a nag of irritation at myself or others, a feeling of mental exhaustion out of proportion to my work load, physical feelings of tension in my back, shoulders, and neck. I force myself now to take a step back. More breaks. More recreation. Focus on my hobbies and things outside of medicine. More time with family and nurturing relationships. Looking at the big picture. Practicing gratitude. With all of these tools, I am slowly learning how to reignite my fire for medicine and my passion to care for my patients, and I hope to prevent fizzling out again any time soon.
I have dabbled a bit in meditation over the last couple months. And I have found this exercise to be beneficial. I have started to do this before my workdays and I find it has helped me focus better and sometimes perform better mentally. I unfortunately sit a lot at my job, so by taking 5-10 minutes each morning to do a short mindfulness exercise or breathing exercise helps my mental and physical stamina. I feel better able to focus my thoughts as I strive to diagnose and treat my patients. I have also felt less stressed in the evening as I interact with my family members.
My children exhibit the importance of balance and strength. Meditation can be a way to harness these two concepts mentally, to better tackle your day.
I have used various meditations tracks myself: Audible, Aaptiv, and Breathe. I think there are dozens (if not hundreds) of other options out there, both free and for a fee. Of course, just glancing out the window, or closing my eyes, and focusing on my breath for several breaths is another good way to meditate briefly when I get a free moment in between patients, or when sitting in traffic, or sitting in a waiting room.
My kids love to ask me questions. And try my patience. And to pose. Please excuse the cat toy and garbage can in the foreground. #RealLife
I think it has been so easy for me to occupy all of my free time with more and more things to do. Chores. Reading. Podcasts. Audiobooks. TV. Streaming services online. I find that meditation has forced me to take a moment for myself, away from all of these distractions. To close my eyes or stare off into space for a brief moment, focusing on my body and emotions, focus on my breathing, focus on the moment.
Mental health is easy for me to take for granted. But when it is out of balance, I definitely feel it. There are several moments in my busy life when my mind is frazzled and tired. December can be stressful, when preparing long and hard for the Christmas season. I get worried and anxious when preparing for my children’s birthday parties. I also feel wiped out at the end of a long and trying work day, or when I have a “bad day.”
I strive to physically exercise several times a week now as I have become dedicated to my running. After resuming running several years ago, I would sorely miss this if I went back to a life without regular physical exercise. Running regularly was not easy at first, but has grown to be more enjoyable after 6-12 months of dedicated practice. I just started exercising my “mental muscle” via meditation. As I am a beginner, I often find the practice difficult and challenging. But in time, I suspect it will get easier and more rewarding.
Thoughts are powerful. I am learning through slow but deliberate practice that mindfulness is a great tool to harness and control your thoughts. It is easy to dwell on something from your perspective, and fail to see how others may see the same situation. And it can be easy for me to get stuck in my own head a lot, to the point that a whole day seems to pass by without me living in the moment. I’ve started some small exercises to be more present. If I don’t do this, I find a whole day or a whole week speeds by without me really living.
These little cuties are often on my mind.
Practicing Mindfulness in My Day
I’ve tried to be more mindful in little snippets and moments in my life. When I wake up, I concentrate on my senses. How the bed feels against my back. The way my eyes feel as I open them. The sounds around me.
As I brush my teeth, I concentrate on how the bristle feels, on what the toothpaste tastes like, how my body is able to do unconsciously go through the motor actions to brush my teeth.
As I drive, I try to see how things look around me with attentive eyes. A person walking down the street with their pet. Someone walking to the bus stop. Feeling how the steering wheel or how my seat belt feels against me.
At work, as I enter a patient room, I concentrate on how the computer feels in my hand. How the doorknob feels. Cold or warm. How the ground feels against my feet. Thinking a small mantra, “I am here for this patient. This moment is for them.”
Defining My Meaning In Life
This of course isn’t second nature. It takes practice. But doing this has helped me start experiencing more. And feeling more balanced, happier, and more fulfilled. I take each day and try to live it more. God has given me so many gifts and so many senses. I sometimes forget this. I worry about little but trivial things. Paying bills. Finishing emails. Cleaning the house. And often these thoughts crowd out the bigger and more important picture. Why am I on this earth? How can I make my family members’ lives better? How can I make my patient’s lives better?
One of my important life goals: creating a happy, fulfilling childhood for these 2 beautiful children.
I think purpose and meaning in life are crucial. This is a tough thing to define and wrap up nicely in a little bow. I am coming to realize, however, that life is a journey of discovery, and on this journey, we get to define our meaning. Life isn’t easy. It is full of struggle, negativity, and challenges. But I feel that these negative things and challenges can teach us about ourselves and what we are capable of. And it can make us stronger and a more complete, more fulfilled human being.
Next Steps: Meditation And Nurturing Self Awareness
My next plan in life is committing to small meditation practices every day, each morning, before life gets away from me. I will begin this at the start of next month. (It always tends to work out better when I start on the first of a month! Must be something psychological.)
But to keep things successful and doable, I will commit to a small goal of 5 minutes/day. I know that I will often want to exceed that, but if I make it a small goal, I will be able to check it off of my to do list. And thus I will feel accomplished and productive (rather than kicking myself for leaving something else for tomorrow).
I hope that by beginning to do this regularly, I will reap both physical and mental benefits of meditation. I have read several articles on how this improves performance. And most importantly, I will be eager to see how it improves my self awareness and nurtures my goal of mindfulness and being truly present in this one life I have been given.
My Second Marathon: Less Than Ideal Physical Conditions, But A Great Lesson In Perseverance
My Pittsburgh marathon experience recently was a success, and I am proud to say I finished! I think any race finish is a success! Unfortunately, my time was not what I had hoped (I had hoped for an improvement in time from my first marathon). My health was challenged by an untimely bout of viral gastroenteritis (stomach virus) the day before. Obviously less than ideal conditions. I am pretty sure I caught this from my cute (but full-of-germs) children, or one of my patients, or a bit of both. The afternoon before, I recall feeling a little punky, and then slowly but steadily, became exhausted, nauseated, and became a close friend to the restroom for unnatural products from both ends. I rested for good solid few hours that afternoon, and then slept for 12+ hours the night before.
My little runner and tumbler, one of my motivations when the going gets tough.
Facing Doubt and Learning to Push Negative Thoughts Aside
I awoke at about 40-50%, less nauseated but also unfortunately a bit behind on my fluids. I ate nothing and had minimal fluid intake the night before, obviously not what I planned to do. I tried to gently hydrate and ate a minimal breakfast that morning. And I anticipated a great challenge ahead. I had several nagging thoughts of, “well, maybe I can stay home and sit this out.” But 3+ months of work were weighing on my mind. So many 1-3 hour runs early in the AM 6 days a week spent pounding the pavement. So much time spent away from other hobbies and pursuits, and away from my family. I used this thought of time investment as inspiration, and pushed the negative thoughts aside. Instead, I strived to think to myself “I worked hard. I feel okay today, not great, but okay. I will use this as an opportunity to see how far I can push myself, safely, but I will push myself.”
It was certainly a challenge on my body and mind, but I am glad I did indeed push myself. I did great the first hour or two, until my early morning Tylenol unfortunately wore off, and some dehydration and discomfort really settled in. The last two and a half hours was a bit rough, but I took it 1 mile at a time. And I am very proud to say I made it to the finish line.
I think this was a great lesson to myself on perseverance and seeing how far I can truly go. And to not limit myself based on perceived notions of what I am capable of. Stop listening to boundaries and restrictions, both that I set for myself, or what everyone else tells me.
I am so appreciative of my ability to push through the pain and discomfort, and finish. My finish time wasn’t stellar (4:40:22), or what I expected (I had hoped to set a personal record by about 10-15 minutes), but given all the challenges with the preceding virus/illness, I am proud of what I did. And proud of my grit and determination to push forward and not stop, in spite of pain and challenge.
I think going forward in my life as a mom and doctor, I feel huge waves of confidence in what I can do. I am not perfect, and I don’t have all the answers for my kids or my patients. And I will never be so overconfident to say I am perfect and all knowing. But I realize some dogged determination and perseverance can carry me through a lot in life. By not giving up, I was able push through, improve, and reach a new level of performance and success.
An Unfortunate Injury: Forced Break and Forced Rethinking of My Health Priorities
I also unfortunately suffered a foot injury about a month after my marathon. This was probably a reflection of overtraining, not taking enough time of rest after my race, and not admitting when I need to take a break. It took a good 4 weeks to recover. I can tell you, I missed exercise, and missed running. I missed having my body whole and healthy and pain free. Just walking, climbing steps, and jumping would elicit a bit of pain. I missed my solo runs, as this was my time of reflection, my “me” time away from others. As an introvert, I realize some solo time is crucial for recovery and rejuvenation. Though I’d hate to admit it, the time away from running was also good for me. I gained more time with my family. I was able to fully heal my body. And crucially, I gained more time to sleep. I am realizing I need to guard my sleep time and stop depriving myself so much.
I read a great book, Why We Sleep, by Matthew Walker a couple of months ago, and I highly recommend this comprehensive review of what sleep is, why it is vital, and how to use it to our advantage. This book, coupled with my injury and forced break from early morning runs, made me rethink my routine and how I was treating my body and my health. Sleep is crucial. It is not for idleness. It is not for lazy people. It helps your mind and body recover. It helps solidify learning and healing. It improves your immunity. It improves your vitality and creativity. The book goes into great detail, but those are some wonderful takeaways I gained from my study of the book. The book also discusses dreams, insomnia, and why typical insomnia treatment with sleeping pills is not always ideal. I found it a very interesting read, very detailed and very scientific.
Return to Running, But Learning Balance
I have returned to running this past week. I craved the activity and ability to get my heart rate up. My foot hurt slightly but fortunately has gotten stronger and less bothersome as activity is ramping up. I am learning to adapt my schedule and change things around. I have tried running later in the day at times, so I can protect my sleep time. I am unfortunately quite a bit of shape, but I know I can regain my ability. And given my persistence and success with my “less than ideal” second marathon, I know I can push myself further than I think. I am learning to look at boundaries and limits, everywhere in life, and analyzing them to see if I can knock them down creatively but aggressively.
Growth Mindset, Thinking of How Many Blessings I Truly Have
I am eager to continue to grow, reinvent myself, and make myself better. (If you haven’t read anything about a Growth Mindset versus Fixed Mindset, I encourage you to do so. This is great way to look at the psychology of growth. One great resource is here.) I hope I can continue to set an example for my family and my kids.
During my run, I used Aaptiv (a great way to have a trainer in your ear during your workout, breaks up the monotony!), and the trainer described a great way to overcome a desire to stop. And that is: think of someone who can’t exercise. Run for them. Exercise for them. Persist because of them. Keep running and don’t stop, for they cannot do what you are doing. I felt like my run was more like a prayer and meditation in their honor. I found this truly inspiring and a great way to keep going. And I plan to carry this forward to everything in life, I think that is a great lesson that translates everywhere.
There is so much to be grateful for in life that I often take for granted. I am healthy. I have a beautiful, loving family. I have a roof over my head. A stable career. Free time to pursue my passions and hobbies. I am able to continue to grow and improve. I have way more to appreciate and think positively about, and a lot less I should complain about and dwell negatively upon.
My family: my priority in life. 2 of 3 smiling faces ain’t bad. (I don’t envy the hard working photographers out there. Getting the “perfect shot” is pretty darn hard!)
Perseverance and Gratitude: Tools for Success and Ways to Battle Pessimism
Positivity and gratitude, I believe, will carry me forward in the future. I know more challenges and set backs will come up, in my running, in my career, and in my family. But I will think about my successes in the past, particularly my success in pushing through a painful, uncomfortable, imperfect marathon situation.
I will keep those lessons with me, and they will fuel me with inspiration and hope. And I will think of all of those I encounter, particularly in my life as a physician, who are so gracious and open to share their own challenges, with their personal lives and with their health. I think this will help reframe my pessimism. Instead of dwelling on all I do not have, I will work on focusing on my blessings and all the wonderful things I do possess.
I have gravitated toward distance running since high school. I played soccer and also joined my high school track team, opting for the longer 3200 kilometer race. My tendency toward endurance sports likely means my body has more “slow twitch” fibers. Or perhaps I have a penchant for long, grueling processes. Whatever the case, I continued to run both in high school, and afterward.
Later, in college, I joined Naval ROTC, where running was a key part of “PT” (physical training) sessions and a component of the physical fitness test. I loved how much I improved with regular training exercises with my battalion. I also am a perfectionist and a habitual practicer, so I would run on the side to improve my performance at the PT sessions. This, of course, improved my physical fitness even further, and led me to further enjoy running.
Falling off of the Wagon, i.e. my Time Away from Running
My little nugget of Turkey energy, Madelyn, around 15 months of age. In the time period between my daughter’s birth and my son’s birth, I felt progressive fatigue. Kind of like I had just eaten a large Thanksgiving dinner, suffering the hangover effects of Tryptophan!
As I transitioned to medical school and then residency, busy life took over. I blamed my degree of stress and overwork on why I fell off of my beloved hobby. However, as I have mentioned in other posts, I now realize I was also suffering from Graves Disease, which caused exercise intolerance, shortness of breath upon exertion, and palpitations. I was unaware of this, thinking I was simply “lazy” and busy, and blamed the symptoms on poor conditioning and lack of willpower.
My Return to Running, with a Vengeance
Fast forward to the time of my Graves Disease diagnosis. Once the diagnosis was made, I realized my fatigue had a secondary cause. My mind was blown. And also, my confidence grew. I resumed running here and there. And then, to hold myself accountable, I made a “New Years Resolution” to run the Pittsburgh Half Marathon. The longest I had run to that point was probably in the ballpark of 3-5 miles. I was nervous but also excited to challenge myself, and see how far I could go.
I carried out the training dutifully, finding a free beginners training plan online. I entered the workouts into my calendar, and tried to juggle these around my already busy life. The first couple of weeks were pretty rough, I will not lie. I admit I was embarrassingly out of shape. But I persevered, primarily because I had set a goal. I had also registered for the race furthering my commitment. Internally, as well, I did not want to shortchange myself – I wanted to know if I could do it, and do it right!
I finished my first half marathon at age 35 in 2:23. Not too bad for my beginner-level training and several years of couch potatoed-ness preceding this!
A couple of days after finishing, I was incredibly sore. I got Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness with a vengeance, mainly because I did not train on hills leading up to this hilly race. I did not incorporate any strength training into my Half Marathon training. I also ran faster in the race than I had been training (the adrenaline made me do it!). However, mentally, I was buoyed and very proud of my accomplishment.
About 2 days after my race ended, I was motivated to next take on a marathon. I logged on that day to the Columbus Marathon website 2 days after the marathon, still sore and recovering, and (wisely or unwisely) registered myself for my first marathon..
I have been training for this marathon now for 3 months. I have a little less than 2 months to go before my race date. The training is grueling and time consuming. I will admit it is not all gumdrops and rainbows. I have good days, and bad days! I have also begun more strength training this time around, as I have read several books and articles highlighting why it is important to be a well rounded athlete.
I admit I neglected strength training altogether with my Half Marathon training, as I am busy and like to cut corners where I can. But incorporating about 10 minutes/day of body weight strength training most days of the week has improved my health, my sense of accomplishment, and my physical fitness. I think my physique has also improved. All of those smart trainers and exercise physiologists are correct – it pays off to be well rounded!
Thought the training is hard at times, I have come to look forward to my runs. I have also opted to move my runs to the morning. This ensures I get the workout done. I also feel accomplished and more productive early on in my day. The runs are a time for me to focus on me. I push my body with my harder runs, and let my subconscious take over with my easier runs. It is cathartic, a form of mindfulness and meditation for me nearly every day.
My husband, Matt, and son, Luca, two of the reasons that I want to keep fit and healthy each and every day!
Why Should You Exercise?
Now, I realize not everyone enjoys running. But I think there is something everyone’s body is inclined to doing, be it walking, swimming, cycling, etc. I challenge you to start doing this regularly, for example, 4-5x/week for 10 minutes a session at first. Pencil it in (electronically or physically) into your calendar. This will hold you accountable. You will feel guilty ignoring the event, or worse, scratching it off or deleting it. I also encourage you to consider working out in the morning. As I have mentioned, it gets the workout over and done. Also, your mind will be stimulated by the physical activity so early on in the day. I suspect you will perform better and be happier with the rest of your work and life activities later that day.
My daughter, Madelyn, one of the beautiful reasons I live a happy, fulfilled life!
Most importantly of all, exercising regularly not only helps your mental health, it also improves your physical health. You will have lower risk of heart disease, stroke, and diabetes. With the rising overweight and obesity epidemic in our society, I think these are all unfortunately becoming too commonplace in my day to day practice as a family physician. Please do your darnedest to avoid these diseases! It is so much better to avoid the diseases altogether, than to try to treat them once they are present. Part of your risks come from genetics, age, and sex, which I realize are not changeable. However, your physical activity and exercise habits are something you CAN change. Please do so!
I used to struggle with anxiety. I am very glad and fortunate that anxiety is no longer a constant part of me. I have been nervous and worrisome since my childhood. However, I had poor insight into the fact of how problematic this was. I assumed that the things I felt were what everyone else was feeling. I would get “butterflies” in my stomach each morning, particularly worse with school or work. When driving, this feeling of “flip flops” in my gut would happen each time I would anticipate a terrible accident when other drivers would turn or cut in front of me.
As a physician, when I patient would propose a challenging problem or symptom, I would feel the anxiety building in my mind and in my stomach. Speaking in front of crowds would create intense panic. I was so busy and hard headed to recognize that I was experiencing was pathologic. Now, however, I am blissfully anxiety-free. It took the absence of this nagging specter of anxiety for me to realize it for what it was.
My Thyroid Gland
How can this be, that my anxiety is now thankfully gone? I have a condition called Graves Disease. This is an overactivity in the thyroid gland, which is a butterfly-shaped gland that controls metabolism and growth. I was diagnosed with this after evaluation for worsening fatigue. I was placed on oral medicatios. About 3 months into treatment, my fatigue had considerable lessened. In addition, however, and totally surprisingly to me, the anxiety I had been feeling my entire life had disappeared.
Mama – This is getting boring! Move it along, please!
What is anxiety?
The medical definition of anxiety, per Merriam-Webster, is “an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physical signs (such as tension, sweating, and increased pulse rate), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one’s capacity to cope with it”.
Wow. I wish I had looked this definition up sooner, and connected the dots in myself. However, if you do not realize you are having a problem, why would you seek out a solution? I am dabbling in the concept of mindfulness and meditation in the last few weeks. If you start adopting this practice, you will become more in tune with your own symptoms. I hope that by practicing mindfulness and meditation, you will be able to recognize when something is out of balance, and seek appropriate help.
I am so grateful for my improvement with my own therapy. Looking back, I realize that coping with my anxiety all of those years taught me ways to be resilient. I learned to focus and cope through the intense physiologic response of stress. However, I would never go back to the way I felt all of those years. I feel so much more balanced, calm, and free.
My family and me at Idlewild. I am so grateful for my good health, and my ability to fully appreciate and enjoy those I love!
If you also suspect that you have anxiety (or any other condition, for that matter) I encourage you to seek evaluation by a medical professional. The first step is recognition that something is wrong. This is often intuitive, feeling something out of sorts. The job of your provider is to then deduce from your symptoms what is plaguing you. If you are currently struggling with something causing you distress, I hope that you also reach peace soon, so you may achieve balance in your work and your home life.
I have been looking more consistently at the “optimistic” side of things lately. And it has totally turned my day to day activities around, for the better! Instead of dreading a long tedious day at work, I look at the positives, with each minute and each hour. How can I help my next patient? What things can I learn from him or her? What makes this fellow human being interesting and valuable? Also, I look inward every now and then and take stock in what accomplishments I have made. Look at how far I have come! Several years into practice, I now have the experience and confidence to make decisions that I would agonize over for several minutes.
What about all the Bad Stuff Out There?
I know, I know, you read or watch the news and you cannot help but see all of the negativity out there. You sometimes cannot help but yield to the pessimism that surrounds us. But, it really matters how you perceive and look at things, since your attitude has a huge bearing on how you feel. I also think that having this positive outlook will improve your gratitude and thankfulness for all of the good in your life. And this will make you a better person!
Me and Luca. This little guy always manages to get me smiling and thankful!
I credit my more positive attitude to my binge-listening of “Optimal Living Daily,” a free podcast that reads short clips from various personal development blogs out there. Totally digestible, as they are short chunks of high yield information. I wish I had found this earlier! This is a great way to break up your morning commute. I personally add them to my morning workout playlist, which makes my workout breeze by. I also am addicted to Optimal Finance Daily, another offering from the Optimal Living Daily creators. These short clips from financial blogs will help improve your financial health. Please try them out!
