My daughter was chanting this the other day, but making a funny word substitution…”Finders Keepers, Losers Sweepers.” I tried to correct her word substitution, but she insisted her way of saying this was correct. This amused me, of course. But it also got me thinking… What if she was on to something? Finders do keep what they have. But losers may gain something as well.
This little gal is enjoying some sugar on a summer day. It is truly enjoyable to time out of my busy life to revel in rest and rejuvenation with my children.
When you lose, you give something up. This may be a victory, or a possession. However, perhaps my daughter’s inadvertent statement opens up a possible role of a loss. When you are a loser, you “sweep away” whatever it was that you lost. This can be a good thing, or a bad thing. Often, though, letting go of things in the long run can be good.
In our overcrowded, overstimulated, overfilled lives, I think we may need to learn to take a step back more often. Our digital lifestyles are connecting us to each other and to information more than I ever imagined growing up. But, this may be at a cost to our sanity and mental health. Indeed, many folks take digital detox breaks to reconnect with the simpler world.
As a telemedicine physician, I am connected to technology during my workday, and I love it. I enjoy connecting with patients around the country via this cool, new medium. It is different, and a challenge. But once the day is done, sometimes I hop onto my home laptop, or home smartphone, or home tablet. And sometimes after doing so, I feel more fried, not rejuvenated. I think my body and mind, with their fatigue symptoms, are trying to tell me something. Too much of a good thing is no longer good.
Take time to stop and smell the roses…and ride a pony, too, if one happens to cross your path.
As my daughter phrased it, “Finder’s Keepers, Losers Sweepers”… perhaps we should let go of our technology and busy lives and sweep away the clutter and noise. That way, we can reconnect with ourselves, our families, our thoughts and feelings, and live a hopefully more peaceful existence. Instead of weeping and mourning a loss, perhaps we can see the loss as a gain. Gaining of freedom, gaining of time. That opening in our lives can allow something else in. For me, less is truly more, and gives me more time to recharge. I think I’ll take my daughter’s advice more here in the future, and see losing and letting go as a way to clean and “sweep away” what I really don’t need.
Having 2 young kids, I am well familiar with the fact that toddlers assert their independence with the powerful word, “NO!” at around 2-3 years of age. As an adult, though, I wonder why this skill has faded in myself. I have found it hard to say “No” when I don’t want to do something. I often find myself saying yes to things that do not bring me satisfaction or joy. It may be out of a sense of obligation, or guilt, or a desire not to hurt others feelings, or a desire to show I am able to take on more and be responsible and “do it all.” But maybe I should learn from my young ones and use this powerful word, “No!” more frequently and more freely, to reclaim my time and sanity.
Learn to say “no” to feel free (and bonus points if you dance to celebrate it)!
Our lives are busy and hectic. We have plenty of expectations – at work, at home, and with our activities and communities. I’ve found one thing that helps calm my mind and put things in better perspective is to list my values and priorities each week, each month, and each year. I know then where I want to go, and what kind of life I want. It is a hard practice, but if I am faced with an email asking me to do something, I have started to ask myself, “Is this in line with my values?” “Will this bring me closer to the goals and life and future I want?” If the answer is “Meh” or, “Well, not really,” I pause and really try to stop myself from an automatic reply of “Sure, I’ll do it.” (This is, of course, a work in progress, and I still have times where I reflexively say “Yes, sure I’ll do it” and shortly thereafter, regret it.)
Throughout college and medical training, I felt a drive to say yes to pretty much everything I could. You don’t want to close any doors to opportunities in the future when you are early on in your training or career. However, I am now more settled into my career and busy life, and have more life experience, and can see what kind of “me” I truly want to be. And with that life wisdom, I can see that the mentality of always saying “Yes!” can be harmful, and inadvertently detract or prevent me from me reaching my goals. It is not possible to do it all. (I’m sure we all wish this was possible, but it really isn’t.) There are only 24 hours in a day. Life is about choices, and to do life right, sometimes you must sacrifice some things to concentrate and nurture the things you want. And to get where you want to go, sometimes you must let go of things don’t want or absolutely need. In short, as my children would unwaveringly and succinctly put it, “No!” This is a tough skill, and one I hope to continue to get better at.
These confident little ones never hesitate to tell me what they want, or what they don’t want!
But maybe I should acknowledge that my children are perhaps wiser than me in this respect, and I should take from their example. I will continue to work on this, as I seem to have forgotten the fine art of saying “no.” If I don’t want something, I should proudly declare “No!” with confidence! (It may help to visualize my little one saying it, and copy his or her unwavering style.) I’ll keep practicing. My kids will unquestionably demonstrate this skill of saying “No!” on a daily basis in the future, an unfailing reminder to me how I can live a better life. It helps to have reminders like this, and it helps when these reminders are cute to boot.
I have started to automate things in my life in the last few years. Why automate? I have found ways to automate my actions to free up more brain power. Why should I waste mental (or physical) energy on things I must do all the time, like buy toilet paper or buy toothpaste? I have automated my bill payments. (It really stinks to have a late payment and pay a fee, so why hazard this?) By automating my bills, I feel at ease that my bills will be paid on time even if life gets hectic and busy, and I won’t need to do mental gymnastics to remember to pay things before they are due.
I have also automated several of my purchases. Shopping can be fun, but it also can be draining. All of those decisions and steps to take can wear on your mental stamina, even if it is something you do every month or every week. But I have found automating my shopping has really helped free up mental bandwidth. I use Amazon Subscribe and Save and Target Subscriptions to automate things my household needs all the time – paper products, cleaning products, kid stuff that we need (e.g. pull ups), laundry supplies, etc. As something comes up on my shopping list that we need periodically, I start scouring Amazon or Target for options for subscription. Plus, subscribing has saved me money.
As technology has advanced, I have also found ways to automate my reminders on my “To Do” list and on my calendar. And I have discovered I can schedule emails to be sent in the future in Gmail. A huge savings, as I would sometimes wait, send myself a reminder to write an email, and write it then and there. Now, when a need or thought enters my mind that I need to email to someone else, I can draft it then and there and then schedule it in the future if needed.
I found that the methods in “Getting Things Done” has also helped unload my brain, and keep things fresh and open. In “Getting Things Done”, the author proposes setting up automatic ways to remind yourself of things, keep track of goals, and to break down those goals into smaller, more doable steps. By putting everything down in various To Do lists, I have freed my brain up. Instead of trying to hang on to dozens of different things I must do this day, this week, or this month, my brain feels at ease as I have everything in a logical place, waiting for a time/place to do them.
Something I hope to get better at in the future is using Evernote. There are a lot of ways to use this free online note keeper to track notes, emails, websites all in one place. I have tried categorizing and tagging things as well, so I can search for the tags that match up to the notes I want. I also hope to get better at using Alexa and Siri to use my voice to bring up apps or notes I need. I am using this here or there, but I am sure there are more ways I can use this to save me the time and aggravation of typing in what I want.
Life is cluttered, hectic, and busy, like a waffle block house that is overly accessorized. Be like my cat, find a zen like moment, and try to think of ways to simplify, using technology and systems to your advantage.
My brain definitely thanks me when it is free from clutter. I find I am able to think better and faster at work, am able to write clearer and more concisely, and overall feel more at peace. If I am starting to feel more stress or angst, I try to take a step back to see if I am doing my best to automate things. Technology is great. I admit I need to learn to use it more and have it complement my life to make my life easier. I am always eager to learn new hacks and ways to make life easier, and I will surely share any other tips and tricks I may find in the future. If you also know of any ideas, I’d love to hear them!
I’ve felt like an imposter many times in my medical career. I felt this particularly in my sharp transition from medical school to residency. What in the world was this hospital thinking? They are letting me, a brand new medical school graduate, make medical decisions for patients! But…I don’t feel ready, or qualified. How am I supposed to know what I am doing? Everyone else around me seems to know what is going on. I guess I will act like I do too…
This idea of “Faking it till you make it” has helped me in these times of self doubt. It certainly helped in my transition from lowly med student to (slightly higher) rung of intern, and then to (again a slightly higher) rung of senior resident. And it has helped me as I have transitioned to each of my attending jobs. I found I was repeating this mantra to myself (“Fake it till you make it!”) often as I made the move from traditional brick and mortar medicine to telemedicine.
To grow and change, sometimes you have to throw yourself into uncomfortable situations. The discomfort is tangible and hard. But without these challenging situations, we would not improve. Exercise plans and training plans have taught me that in my running development. As I push myself to bigger limits with running and walking and weight training, I can see myself getting stronger, faster, and better. Without that stress and strain on my body, however, and pushing myself to do hard things, I would not improve.
I think the same goes with my career development and my development as a physician. I think the level of responsibility needed to be a physician is huge, and physicians as a whole place large expectations on ourselves. The practice of medicine is a high stakes game. We are often expected to make decisions for our patients that are crucial and difficult. Medicine is partly science, but it also an art. This less definitive “art” side of medicine can be difficult to fathom, and sometimes difficult to navigate, especially as a young physician. And this lack of concreteness in what is expected of you as a physician breeds a feeling of not measuring up., this “imposter syndrome” if you will.
I don’t think this concept of imposter syndrome is unique to physicians. Indeed, I have felt this as a mother as well. I remember being a new mom and wondering how in the world I was expected to handle all these weird new challenges and expectations as a mother of a newborn. I definitely felt uncomfortable and out of my element. But again, I took on the idea of “Fake it till you make it” and put on a brave face, followed the examples of other moms out there, and proceeded. Eventually, with practice and time, things did get easier. I still feel uncomfortable at times with mothering as it is again unclear and there is an art to the role of parenting. But I have realized pretty much all of us have these insecurities and have times of not being sure what to do. What I do is analyze a situation or decision to be made, do the best I can with the information I have in front of me, try to do what is best for me and/or my family, and then act on it.
Feeling comfortable and more experienced in my role as mama now, but there are definitely time I feel a bit out of my league. In times of distress or feeling unsure, I try to smile, put my best foot forward, and “fake it till I make it!”
I have also felt this imposter sensation as a runner. I resumed running about 2 years ago after a long hiatus due to training stress, medical school stress, residency stress, and new parent stress. But I set about to resume running after challenging myself to a New Year’s resolution in 2017 of running a half marathon. And since, through practice, trial and error, and grit, I have stuck with my running practice and have gotten better. I will not lie, the first 6-12 months were hard work as I built up my cardiovascular fitness, my stamina, and strength. There were injuries along the road that definitely made things even more challenging. Now, though, running has become second nature and a way for me to vent daily stressors. It is my therapy. I listened to a podcast episode from Marathon Training Academy, “Running Outside The Comfort Zone” from July 31, 2019. In this episode, the hosts of the show interview Susan Lacke, an author who also felt feelings of imposter syndrome as a runner. I could definitely relate to her thoughts on the matter, and could see parallels to imposter syndrome not just as a runner but as a mother and physician as well. If you want some inspiration on carrying forward in spite of feelings of inadequacy or feeling “not good enough,” I would recommend giving that episode a listen.
Just looking at my small snippets of roles in life, I have seen how imposter syndrome has permeated how I feel about myself. I see it as normal, however, and a sign that I am being thrust into a new, scary situation, but that is a good thing. Without challenges and adversity in life, how are we to grow? So instead of seeing the butterflies in your stomach as a problem, I would think of that sign of discomfort as a sign you are going to be facing something that will help you improve, be it in your career, in your hobbies, or in your role as a parent/spouse/family member. And when you feel a bit less confident in a situation but you need to do it anyway, put on a brave face, a smile, and fake it. I’ve been surprised myself how much that really does help me, and I surprise myself all the time with how much I am able to accomplish.
We all have bad days. Let’s face it – life isn’t always perfect. I think having a great day is awesome, but things cannot always go the way you want them to. The less perfect days for me, though, make the better days seem even better and more enjoyable. I hope that through planning and optimism, though, I can keep the bad days to a minimum. I cannot prevent all bad days from happening, so I do have things that have helped me persevere through the bad days.
As an homage to the children’s book by Judith Viorst, here are things I have done to help me get through a terrible, no good, very bad day.
Remind myself that “This too shall pass.”
Bad days are not going to last forever. Even a bad situation will eventually end e.g. a meeting that is not going well, or a workout that is not going to plan. I try to remind myself that there is “light at the end of the tunnel” and if I stick it out, I will get through this rough patch. (And probably I will be better/stronger for it.)
Sometimes a ride is scary or not our favorite, but eventually it will end and you can move on to the next ride you may enjoy better. Stick with it, as you will survive.
Focus on the positive.
It can be easy to dwell on what is not going well, and to commiserate with others on things in life that are not going the way we want them to. However, I think it helps me to force myself to start thinking positive. It may sound hokey, but I think an optimistic outlook gets me out of the doldrums of negativity faster. I think about what I like about my day so far. Wearing an outfit I love. A perfect, hot cup of coffee. An appreciative patient. A funny joke. Fixating on the positive a bit helps me approach the negative with some resilience.
Think of setting a good example for my kids.
My patience and energy level often wan if I am having a bad day. If I see myself, though, losing my temper more easily, I realize this is not a good example to set for my kids. They, too, have bad days. I want to make sure I set an example of strength and positivity in the face of challenges, so they, too, can make it through any adversity, and to do it with grace. All of us have eyes on us, watching what we do, be it family members, friends, coworkers, or clients. I try to remember that my behavior is a reflection of who I am. I want others to see me as patient, calm, and caring. I am not perfect. But if I find myself acting in a way I would NOT want my kids to be acting, I pause and take a step backward. And I try to pivot, rethink my approach to the situation, and to do it better.
These kids are watching me, whether I realize it or not. I try to take on life with gusto and with the hope of living the best life I can. Sometimes that means putting on sunglasses upside down, and embracing the humor!
Take a break.
I try to practice more self care on the bad days. Rather than trying to hunker down and work even harder (a bad habit I have been prone to in the past, as a workaholic), I force myself to at least take a 5 minute break. I walk around the office. Focus on my breathing. Look out the window at nature and appreciate what I have today, another day on this earth. Grab a snack or drink. Go for a workout after a bad day at work to “sweat it out” and work off the negative energy. Get a good night’s sleep. Things always seem fresher and better in the morning, don’t they?
Talk about it.
Getting the bad thoughts off of my chest certainly helps. I try to do this either on my own e.g. through journaling, or with someone I trust and love, like my husband. Getting the bad situation out in the open puts things in perspective. Sometimes I mull over a bad thought too much, and my mind blows it out of proportion. By speaking it out loud to another, or writing it out on paper, I can see the reality of the situation. And the situation may not be as bad as my mind is making it out to be. I try to, in other words, stop making a mountain out of a molehill.
Remind myself that I am not perfect, and life is not perfect.
Nothing in life is perfect. If it were, it would be boring and not very fun to live. Things can come up that are a bit out of the ordinary, and sometimes hard. New stuff can be scary and it is sometimes hard to know what to do in a different situation. Just observe any young child or toddler approaching a new situation to see this idea of “newness=scary” firsthand. But, these new imperfect situations and hurdles in life also give inspiration and a way to change. Sure, the imperfection sometimes leads to heartache, disappointment, and pain. But sometimes, there can be good that can come from imperfection.
I have observed imperfection of life, be it in my workday, or in my pursuits and passions (e.g. a workout where I just feel heavy or exhausted, and I need to stop halfway through). I think, though, this reminds me that I too am not perfect and shouldn’t expect to be. I am a work in progress, as we all are, and this journey of life gives us an opportunity to grow and change. The badness in life, too, can spark an idea within me, leading to creativity where I would least expect it. I may get an idea to improve something in my home, or an idea for something to write or read about, or get an idea to take on a new hobby to strengthen a weakness I have seen inside of me. I hope that I continue to see challenges and “bad days” in life as an opportunity to grow. And these bad days can serve as a reminder that the good days should be relished and appreciated all the more.
I completed my first 20 mile long run for this training cycle (yes, 20 whole miles…gulp!). It was a steady buildup to this distance in my training cycle, so I have been slowly adding a couple miles to my weekly long run over the last few months. Therefore, I knew mentally and physically I was ready for this. However, there were several times in the run where I felt like quitting. Some examples of what runs through my head sometimes: Hmmm…maybe 6 miles would be good enough. My legs feel tired. It would be nice to walk. Or maybe walk home and take the day off. Wow, that person is sitting on that swing. That looks so comfortable. Maybe I could take a quick break and enjoy the view, too. 11.5 miles sounds pretty good, I made it this far, that is a pretty good day. (Yes, I am a running nerd and track my miles by the half mile. have alerts on my phone for every half mile I run. I love to geek out on all the data!)
When these thoughts of bailing out would crop to the surface though, I would argue back in my mind why it would be even better to stick it out. I envision how good it would feel to see the mileage posted on my completed run. Being able to check off my workout on my workout calendar. Personal satisfaction at a job completed as planned.
As long there isn’t anything truly unsafe keeping me from running, I will try to keep going. (Sometimes the weather is a factor. Or a worsening injury is brewing and running is hurting. Then, it is time to stop. Discomfort and fatigue from gaining stamina, athletic ability, and strength are good things. On the other hand, outright pain from a injury is bad. Sometimes it is hard to admit the difference. But in my heart, I can tell the difference as the run progresses. It is better to stop, cut the run short, and live to run another day.
Here are some mental tips I use to keep going on runs I should keep going on (I.e. as long as there is not a sidelining injury in the works, or as long as I won’t be swept away by hurtling winds and bad hail).
–Take it 1 mile at a time. I described in a past post the power of taking each mile as it comes, and focusing on the present. Indeed, this is a good reminder in life also that it is important to take time to be in the moment and not so future (or past) oriented.
–Think about the end goal. I try to visualize myself in my race. What it will feel like to be trekking along on the course. All the fans. All the noises. The fun of the competition. I remind myself that this training run is practice, and this practice will get me to that finish line.
–Think about something I am thankful for. Not everything in life goes well. But there is a ton to be thankful for and not take for granted. I often think to my husband and kids. I think how fortunate I have to be a part of their lives. I try to think of something funny or silly from the day before, an “inside joke” if you will in our own small tight-knit family. I remind myself that this discomfort is temporary. And my runs also give me mental clarity and peace to tackle to stresses of my everyday life.
These two smiling faces often come to mind and rescue me when I need mental distraction from the tedium of a long run.
–Revel in my abilities. Our human bodies are amazing machines. It is hard sometimes to fathom all that goes on inside of us, to keep us going. Particularly amazing, in fact, is how I am able to keep on running. And sometimes running crazy distances, like my recent 20 miler, or 26.2 miles. The mind and body are capable of tremendous and sometimes mind-boggling things. As I am running along and get tired or tempted to quit, I remind myself how amazing it is my legs are moving, or my arms or pumping, or my heart and lungs are moving the blood within me, propelling me cardiovascular wise on my run.
–Think about fun things coming up on the day to come or week to come. Pure distraction is a good technique as well. I sometimes use the repetitive motion of my running as a way to zone out and start thinking about things on my to do list. I strategize how I will fit things in to my afternoon or the work week ahead.
–Listen to some good music, audiobooks, or podcasts. Again, distraction works wonders. I try to have a good playlist on my phone available to turn to if I need some motivating beats. And I also have several podcasts downloaded if I prefer to learn something on my runs. If I am into an audiobook, I will have that downloaded to my phone too, and have that as an option to keep my mind occupied.
As I have progressed and developed as a runner, I have learned the ability to persevere and continue on my quest each run, particularly when approaching a race. I think one last thing that helps me get through a tough run is learning to accept things when they are good enough. I think this is also good training for life – the stamina and grit I gain by sticking it out in a run translates nicely to mental fortitude in real life. And sometimes, a “good enough” day in running or in my work day is just fine. A tough long day ahead of me? I can do it. Heck, I’ve run 20 miles recently (and 26.2 miles before)…if I can do that, I can do anything. I will just take it one minute and one hour at a time.
Not all runs will go perfectly. I may need to bail out if my body can’t handle it, for example, if an injury is forming. But I try to also accept the fact that not everything goes perfectly, and sometimes a run does not feel so great, and that’s okay. There are good days and there are bad days. The bad days, though, make the good days shine in comparison. And the best thing after a run (good or bad) is that feeling of accomplishment! That is probably what keeps me going, and keeps me coming back for more.
Distance running has taught me a lot about life. I think the key things I have taken away are:
Life is suffering. Life is hard. Running, in turn, is also hard, particularly going long distances when your body and mind are tired. But it is through suffering that you can reach and appreciate beauty. Without suffering and challenge, we would remain the same. Life would be boring. Sure – there would be minimal failure and disappointment. But there would also be no glory, or chance for self improvement. I can see how much easier running has become for me. It is a way for me to decompress after a tough day. It is a form of therapy for me, as the repetitive action is a way of physically meditating and zoning out. Sure, sometimes the runs are uncomfortable. But with that discomfort, I can see parallels to other parts of my life that are uncomfortable, and I realize that the run will eventually end, I will reach my destination, and the suffering will be relieved.
At the end of my tough runs, if I endure the suffering, I’m often rewarded by smiling little faces like this one.
Focus on the mile you are in. I recently read the memoir, Run the Mile You’re In, by Ryan Hall (a recently retired marathoner). I think that one of the themes he touches on, that is the title of the book, is very poignant. We should continue to refocus our thoughts on the moment at hand, or in running, the mile you are in. In a race, or a workout, it is easy to get ahead of yourself, and start thinking of all the other miles you have left. Or in life, it is easy to start focusing too much on the future, and neglecting the present. Take a moment to relish the here and now. You are only going to have this day once. Tomorrow, sure, is around the corner, but it is crucial to not be so future oriented that you fail to live in the present.
Sometimes life gives you a long journey, or a traffic jam. Don’t get too focused on the car lengths ahead of you. Instead, stay mindful of the present. Enjoy the beauty (and in this case, organization and order) that can be present in life.
Take time to relish victories. Take time to reflect on the past, and see how well things have gone in your life. It is good practice to take some time and think of your past victories. Sure, I am no elite runner, and I will probably never truly “win” a race in a field of runners, and I am okay with that. But for me, success is able to be self-defined. It can be finishing a distance you have never finished before. It can be setting a new personal record. It can be finishing a training plan and/or race injury free. As in my 2nd marathon, it can be gritting through a less-than-deal situation (e.g. illness) and finishing a race anyways. And as I reflect on my own past successes, I think of ways to incorporate these into my future plans, so I can repeat things I have done well.
Learn from mistakes. Life is not perfect. That is also true in sports. Sometimes things do not go as planned. A particular meal, perhaps, the night before a long run is one to avoid in the future. Forcing a run after a long week of work or stressful night of call can lead to a weakened immune system and make you more prone to catching an infection or getting injured. Learning to listen to your body is an acquired skill, and takes practice. I think that by analyzing things I have done wrong, I am able to hopefully better plan for future situations, so I won’t make the same mistake again.
Being content with my own thoughts, and letting creativity run wild. I find running helps often burn off excess negative energy, e.g. a patient encounter that did not go well, or a conversation with my family that could have gone better. And it also opens up my creative side. Sometimes I have music playing, or a podcast or audiobook going while I run. And with this audio simultaneously playing and inspiring me on my run, I notice new connections and ideas cropping up organically. Exercise, I feel, is a way to get in better touch with your inner mind, and all that it entails – emotions, thoughts, and hopes for the future. Running for me is my exercise of choice, and it has brought me to a greater connection to my own creative and spiritual side.
Enjoy all that life has to offer. Life is sometimes rocky (or wobbly as in this ride) but it can also teach you a lot, and these challenges are what make life interesting and worth living.
Life is full of trials and tribulations. In this journey of life, it can be easy to be one-track minded, and go day in, day out, in the same routine. Wake up, go to work, get home, eat dinner, go to bed, rinse and repeat. I think my hobby of distance running has helped enrich my life. It isn’t only cardiovascular exercise (although this, don’t get me wrong, is truly quite valuable). I think more than that, though, it gives me an outlet, and serves as my form of therapy and meditation. Running has taught me a lot, and I think this hobby will continue to teach me as I advance further in my development as a runner.
We all have bad days, be it at work, at home, or in our extracurriculars. There are things we would rather not do. Sometimes I find my inner voice telling myself “I have to work.” When I get a bit down and out about this and “woe is me”, it helps me to force myself to repeat the statement and replace “have to” with “get to.” It’s totally true, I get to work. This is not a guarantee in life. No one is forcing me to do X or Y or Z in 99% of the cases in my life. A lot of my actions are a choice. And shifting my mind to think of things that way is totally eye opening and gives me more optimism.
Life is a tough journey, and there is a lot we have to do. At the same time, though, a lot of these “have to” tasks are also blessings in disguise. Like the blessing of seeing an open ride in the park and taking the time to enjoy and play a bit.
Beyond simply repeating “I have to” statements with a counterpoint of “I get to,” I am starting to strive to then tell myself “I want to” to this, and as the going gets good and I am hopefully hitting a flow state, I realize that happily, “I love to” do this thing that initially I felt obligated and forced to do.
If life gets messy and hard, embrace it. Sure you “have to” clean up some things (like these colorful ice cream-covered faces), but it is important to also enjoy the journey and see how valuable life’s challenges can be.
For example, if I have a tough run workout on the docket for the afternoon, and I am not really feeling it, be it from fatigue, heat, or worry about other things on my to-do list, I force myself to go through this mental sequence of restating the task I am going to do that day, going from “I have to do this tough run” to “I get to do this tough run”. Several months ago, I was injured, and I wasn’t able to run, and I remind myself how unhappy those times were. And now, I GET TO do this thing before me. As I step onto the road and start moving my body, I remind myself “I want to do this tough run” to give my mind and body a meditative break from my tough work day, to give myself an hour of time to myself to just be me, to get stronger and more able to tackle my upcoming planned marathon in 2 months, and to just be a healthier and happier version fo me. And, as the run sets in, and I hit my groove, I remind myself as the endorphins and runner’s high kicks in, that “I love to do this tough run” and this run is giving me great exercise, a way to enjoy the outdoors, and a way to get stronger and healthier.
Sure, all things in life are loaded with good qualities and bad. There are some great things to a job, for example, and yet there are several things we “have to do” that we would rather weren’t there, be it replying to mundane emails, filling out self evaluations or peer evaluations, attending a meeting, etc. However, I think shifting my mindset to a bigger picture and realizing how blessed I am to have this job, I realize that nothing in life is guaranteed. And it isn’t so much “I have to do this” but I am blessed and honored to do this. Having a tough day? Try reminding yourself that you are fortunate and breathing and alive, and that you get to take on this challenge called life. There are struggles and hardship in life, and there is a lot in life that we wish was better. However, we have freedom and autonomy as well. The job and career I have chosen was chosen by my own freewill. I get to do medicine each day, I get to be a wife and mother and I am blessed to have a strong, supportive family in my life. I get to enjoy the passions and fun things in life, be it cooking, eating, reading, running, or playing with my kids. Reminding myself when I am pessimistic that I get to do things in this life has helped me reframe my negative “have to” thoughts, and led me to be more thankful and mindful of all the things that I get to do, and want to do, and love to do.
I’ve begun reading the book, The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron. I’m just beginning, but I am planning to try some of the exercises the author proposes. One is called “Morning pages” where you simply freehand on 3 pages each morning. It can be anything and everything. I believe the author describes this as a “brain dump” and I can see why this is so appealing, particularly in our over stimulated digital society.
Yep, the digital world is so captivating. But so distracting.
There is so much going on in our busy lives. So many things vying for our attention. I like this idea of getting all the thoughts strolling through our brains onto paper. The author proposes this removes some of the barriers we have to unleashing our creativity.
In my career as a physician, I see creativity is vital. Sure, medicine is dealing with the sciences. But crafting a plan for a patient is truly creative and personal. There is an art to gathering the story the patient is bringing before me into a coherent whole, giving them a story, a diagnosis, and a treatment plan. Sometimes, this goes smoothly and easily. Other times, it is surely a challenge. But I see that having my synaptic neurons firing on all cylinders often leads to better mental connections and a better day as a caregiver to my patients. And I hope removing some of these barriers and extraneous thoughts in my head each morning via “Morning Pages” will help me perform better.
In the first week of the 12 week course (where I am now), the author describes creating an environment of safety. As I strive to recreate this for myself, I hope I am also creating this environment for my children. It is so easy to simply tell children, “This is the way life is” or “Don’t do things that way, do them my way.” But, is this in a way extinguishing their creative spirit? Sure, it is good to be practical. But life with art and creativity is certainly more interesting. And as I described in my career, creativity in my life brings me better results in my interactions with my patients, and gives me greater joy and satisfaction.
The Artist’s Way course is 12 weeks total. A long commitment, surely. I am on week 1 now, quite some time still to go. I’ll plan to post an update later with any challenges or lessons I’ve learned along the way. So far, though, I find the book interesting and I’ll be interested to see how things go. I’ll let you know final thoughts once my 12 week journey has come to an end.
Please see my testimonial in the ACMS July Bulletin about redefining identity to overcome burnout! I think burnout hits a lot of us throughout our busy lives, particularly those in the caring professions. It is very easy to lose sight of what matters I think, and taking a step back to redefine yourself and what means the most to you is a very powerful way to combat burnout.
If life gives you a hill of problems, redefine it, and play!
“What do you do?” This is often the question used to spark a conversation in a new acquaintance, to get to know who they are. But aren’t you more than what you do for a job? And isn’t it more interesting to know what a person is passionate about, not necessarily what they spend their 9 to 5 doing? I think this common question highlights the fact that our identities often are interwoven into our job titles. But is this really healthy? Is it truly the whole story of who we are? And, more importantly, in our example as physicians, do our patients really want us to simply be a doctor? It is more interesting and more reassuring, I think, to know that the clinician in front of you is more than a man or woman in a white coat. He or she is a fellow human being, faced with varied challenges, passions and heartaches in life. The physician in front of you is human and truly “gets” you and what you are going through in this journey called life. If the physician in front of you did not really relate to you and your life struggles, how could you trust the advice they give?
One powerful tool that I have started using in my life has been to redefine my identity in the last several years. I am learning to define myself as more than simply a family physician. For example, I want to be strong, hardworking, caring and compassionate. And taking this journey of redefining myself has personally helped me to combat a foe that many physicians, I believe, know all too well: burnout. I think the reason so many clinicians face burnout is tied to our tendency to wrap our self-identities so tightly into “what we do” rather than who we truly are.
I believe physician burnout also stems from the fact that physicians work in a profession with such high and unforgiving stakes. We must make decisions that impact the health and sometimes survival of our patients, who look to us for guidance and support. An incorrect decision could be detrimental.
Many of us in the caring profession of being a doctor also are naturally prone to be “Type A.” It is hard to turn that “need for perfection” button off, even when we try. How many weekends or vacations have you spent worrying about a patient or decision? Or how many of you (gasp) are guilty of opening your computer or email client on your phone to work when you are supposed to be “off?” Are you ever truly off in such a demanding profession?
I recently read a children’s book with my children, “Little Miss Busy,” by Roger Hargreaves, that I think humorously paints a picture of a hardworking person. Miss Busy awakens at 3 a.m. each morning, and works tirelessly to clean her house, twice, before going to bed at midnight each evening. That is, until she unfortunately becomes ill. She is faced with advice from several friends. The advice ultimately boils down to the fact she needs to relax. How many of you out there have struggled with the skill of relaxing? I certainly have.
My own journey toward self-improvement has taken place over the last few years, as I have combated burnout. This journey has led me to embrace my outside interests with greater fervor. I am more than my job, and it is crucial that I make my outside interests a priority. This includes how I value my relationships, particularly with my family, and my hobbies. This is still a work in progress, but I am learning to reshape my identity and feelings of self-worth away from work, and instead have focused on how I can be a better version of me.
I think one powerful way to combat physician burnout is learning how to see yourself as more than a physician. Life is rich, varied and surprising. Sure, life is full of a lot of pain and disease (physicians can certainly attest to that). But there also is tremendous beauty as well, even in the hard things. Often, I find I am too focused on the wrong parts of life to see that – the daily task list in front of me, the eight-hour shift that I need to complete today, the huge pile of laundry I must complete, a workout for the day that I want to cross off of my training plan.
Accomplishment: step through the hurdles/ladders of life, and become a better person for it.
It is nice to see what you have done, and to get recognized for it, be it a medal, a certificate, or a diploma. But in the grand scheme of things, do these really matter? Instead, I have strived to shift my focus to building aspects of myself that I want (to be a supportive wife, to be a caring mother, to be strong, to be patient, to be kind). With this shift in focus, I feel I am able to steel myself against the aspects of physician burnout that can be so unhealthy – busy and long hours, a need for perfection, and not taking time to relax. I hope that any of you out there struggling with physician burnout can take something from my story that may help you, too. Redefining myself as more than a physician is an ongoing process, but one that I believe will lead to a healthier, happier and more complete me.
