It seems like a short time ago I was pregnant with my daughter during my medical residency. (In reality, though, that was 7 years ago. Where did those years go?) . I can still recall wearing maternity clothes and compression stockings during my pregnancy, dealing with being on my feet while carrying her and being a resident. I can remember the fatigue as I was working and as she was developing within me during my pregnancy. Coupling all of the pregnancy demands with my medical residency expectations, I am not sure now how I managed it all. This was of course an early example of my busy doctor mom life in the making.
I remember being in the hospital for her delivery, and the newness and fear and associated with being a brand new parent. (They are giving us this small being, and we get to take them home with us? But…what do we do now?) I also remember taking her to the doctor for her newborn checkup a couple of days after going home from the hospital. A wee little thing at that point, she was 5 lbs, 4 oz at that visit. I remember a fellow parent in the waiting room commented on how tiny she looked.
Now, this little girl is 6 years old. She is about to enter 1st grade later this month! I can hardly believe this, as time seems to be marching on without me realizing it. The advice by fellow parents is right – time really does fly by, sometimes going too fast.
I value my time with my kids now when they are little. But it can be trying and exhausting, and sometimes I find myself wishing they were both a bit older. That would give me a break from all of the hands on care that toddlers and young children require. But other times, I realize this time is fleeting. And raising older kids will introduce a whole host of new challenges – school activities and after school activities, navigating the social scene, etc. There will be a time my kids do not want me to hold them (and I won’t be able to carry them as they will be too heavy/too big!). They won’t want to hold my hand, being too cool/too old for it. They won’t want me to cuddle with them at the end of the day. It will tug at my heart for sure when that day comes. But I am trying to imprint on my memory now the times I have with them when they are little.
This time with my children is a gift. We get 18 years to raise them, and guide them on this path of life. I hope to raise 2 strong, hard working people. We still have quite a ways to go. But looking at my calendar and seeing “Maddie’s first day of 1st grade” is around the bend, I realize that this 18 years is going by faster than it seems. I think looking forward is good, to plan, and to arrange a life you want. But it is also vital to look back and see how far we’ve come, and to really take time to enjoy the present moment.
Time is precious, and unfortunately, it is not renewable. You can’t get time back. (But wouldn’t time travel be amazing?) I hope I am spending my time wisely, particularly as I am spending it with my husband and children. I am so grateful for my family and this time I have with them. Looking back on past memories (good and bad helps solidify this gratitude within me, and makes me proud of how far we’ve come. On hard days, especially, it is easy for me to overlook this gift of time. But I try to remind myself of the positive, and how beautiful and powerful being a parent truly is. I hope to never forget how valuable this time is with my family, and how blessed I am to travel on this life journey with my husband and children.