Tag: self-improvement

Put in the Work, Reap the Rewards

I was trodding my way through an iFit Winter treadmill workout with Billy Demong (the former Nordic combined skier and Olympian gold medalist) yesterday.  During this, I think he said something that helped me put workouts and the point of workouts in perspective.

What Billy Demong said was this: Put in the work, do the workouts, follow the simple formula of “keep your hard days hard, and keep your easy days easy,” and you will improve.  Your endurance and your speed will get better.  Time on your feet and building endurance is like increasing the size of your engine, but by also doing hard work on hard days (speed play), you improve the speed of your engine.  Both are important and vital to improving.  I have heard this time and again in other books and lectures about workout plans and improving performance in sport, particularly distance running.  It is a simple idea.  But putting in the work itself is definitely not easy.  The work is hard, and often painful, and it could be easy to give up.  Showing up and doing each workout requires perseverance and diligence.

Our cat Oscar shows inspiring perseverance and grit, jumping over 3 feet in the air to reach my precious flowers. Nothing will hold this little guy down.

Billy also said it well later on in the workout that if you put in say an hour most days of the week (5-6 days/week), you will advance. It does not require many hours to get better.  To be the best, you can put in 3-4 hours/day.  But for my own novice athlete purposes, I can see 30-60 minutes/day, most days of the week way more doable, and achieves what I want to get, which is 70-80% better.  Getting that last 10-20% improvement takes way more time and effort.

I have definitely seen this myself, particularly in my first year of following marathon training plans.  In that first year,  I went from essentially 0% ability to about 60% ability in marathon running pretty easily, by doing the work and finishing the workouts.  From here, though, over the last 4 years, the gains have continued but are not as dramatic and not as plentiful.   I agree with Billy that the key is steady, repeated work.   I like seeing how my endurance and enjoyment of a longer run has steadily improved.  I feel comfortable running at a faster baseline pace.  I find it comforting and cathartic to get in a run most (if not all) days of the week, as my schedule allows.

I think the same thing holds true with everything else.  We put in the work in school and professional/job training.  Being in the very moment of grade school, high school, college, and med school, the work is hard, but doable.  We do the same at work with our work goals and projects and deadlines.  Chunking it up into a day, or week, or month, I can see that each goal I strive for is relatively simple and achievable.

If I focused too long or too hard on the end goal (26.2 miles, graduation from a 4 year college degree, or achieving a degree in medicine, or finishing a tough, grueling residency), I could see myself getting demoralized or overwhelmed.   By being nearsighted though, each day or each week, I can see myself achieving and growing.  And indeed, by piecing these days and weeks and months together, I have definitely improved and grown. I see the parallel with tough workouts and tough segments of workouts.  A 2 minute push at tempo pace is hard in the moment.  But afterward, the feeling of accomplishment is a huge reward in and of itself.  I am sure that is why we keep going back for more workouts, and keep pursuing more goals.

I don’t yet have another race or goal in mind.  But I strive to put in workouts most days, if not every day, of each week, to keep my endurance up.  And it also serves to help me decompress and keep my mental health in check.  I have not yet come up with a perfect schedule to coalesce with my family responsibilities and work responsibilities.  I tend to squeeze in a workout here or there where it will fit, and it is not consistent day to day or week to week.  But by prioritizing my health and my workouts, I can see myself performing better in my personal life and my work life.

I think my health is the best reward of all of this hard work, better than any particular medal or time on the clock at the end of the race.  (But don’t get me wrong – I will keep pushing for the PR (personal record)!)  Health is one of the most valuable commodities we have.   I feel I need to put in the work each day and each week to nurture myself, body, mind, and spirit, to approach the best version of me.  Self improvement (health wise and professional wise and family wise) is one of the most valuable rewards I have seen through my fitness journey and my journey in life. The process of getting better is a never ending process, and I look forward to continuing to improve.

This is 40

Today I turn 40!  At 40, I feel I am right at middle age.  I sure hope to live longer than 80, but reaching 80 seems like a decent and reasonable life span I  can achieve in this day and age.  Of course, I have no control over how long I may get to be on this planet.  But I will do what I can to optimize both the quantity and quality of my life through what I can control: my choices and decisions in life and my mindset.  I am by no means perfect, and I never will be.  But I feel that by being a work in progress, I can hopefully live a healthier, fuller, and fulfilling life.

Our family
Circa January 2022.  Posing for the camera, smiles all around!

Do I feel 40?  Sometimes, but sometimes not.  Some days, for sure, I do, when I get a tight or strained muscle (thank goodness for massages!), or my joints in my hands or feet ache a bit, I am out of touch with the youngest generation I am seeing as a patient (I am still blown away there are college aged “adults” who were born when I graduated high school.  Insane).  Or when I see the wrinkles (ahem, “lines of dignity”) as I examine my face.  I feel also, though, that I am just getting started in this thing called adulthood.  I get a sense I just finished high school, college, and med school a short time ago.  I cannot shake the feeling that I just got married, bought our house, and had our two kids a “year or two ago.”  Reality hits, though, and I realize these milestones are all many years behind me.  (And don’t even remind me I graduated high school over 2 decades ago!)

 

My hope for this day is simply to reflect and stay in the moment and chill.  I don’t have any grand plans for this day.  I am thankful that I have a rare day off from work.  And that my to-do list today is short.  I have a rare moment of quiet in this house as the kids are at school and my husband is at work.  My pet kitten, Oscar, is keeping me quiet (and sometimes rambunctious) company today as well as I reflect.

 

I am grateful for this quiet, slower moment to myself without hustle and bustle.  I like this quiet day off to truly analyze where I am at.  Today, I am happy I get to slow down and simply to think about where I am now, where I have been, and where I hope to go.  My goal for the coming year is to continue to nourish my career, my relationships, and my self growth.  I realize life is about tradeoffs and time is finite, so I cannot tackle all of these all at once, nor can I maximize everything or make everything perfect.  But I hope to make myself just 1% better this year in my professional life and my personal life.  And I hope to treat myself well and accept “good enough” when it truly is sufficient and all that I need.  And as each year goes forward, I hope I can keep compounding another 1% improvement each and every year to reach the very best version of me.

Handling Emotions – Nurturing Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence, EQ

I read a wonderful book, Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, a few months ago.  This book was recommended during a continuing education workshop I recently attended.  And I greatly recommend it to anyone else who hasn’t read it yet.

I wish I had read it sooner, particularly as it relates to raising my kids, particularly as it relates to toddlerhood. (Terrible 2’s and the classic toddler tantrums are a perfect example of how poor emotional control can manifest when faced with negative emotions.   Not something that adults should really be doing, though I admit sometimes I want to.   And I don’t think I am the only one.  Strong emotions can really inhibit your self control sometimes.)

The book, Emotional Intelligence, outlines what emotional intelligence is, and why is is important.  I admit this was a relatively new concept to me. But one that is intuitive and vital for all aspects of life.

A brief definition of emotional intelligence, or EQ, is the ability for someone to recognize, harness, and express one’s emotions, and recognizing how emotions a person feels can affect relationships and how one interacts with others.  Not easy to do, but something very important to fit in with a society where we greatly benefit from teamwork and working with others.

Two Pathways for Emotions

A concept I found really pivotal in the book is that the brain has 2 pathways when it comes to processing emotions.  One pathway goes through a slower pathway that travels through the cortex, or higher reasoning part of the brain.

The faster pathway, which can be thought of as an evolutionary protection mechanism, goes from the thalamus straight to the amygdala.  This is what makes you have your “fight or flight” response to a perceived threat (which may indeed not really be a threat).  The second fast pathway is what drives me to startle and feel fearful when I hear a loud noise, or feel my cat brush along my leg when I don’t realize she is there.  Afterward, with the help of my higher cortex, I reason out why I had the response I did.

I can see how this drives me to often react unhealthily to stress in my daily life.  Just realizing this has helped me become more self aware of my actions and thoughts.  And forgive myself for occasional bad actions.  I am nowhere near perfect, but I think just understanding emotions and emotional intelligence better helps calm me and drives me to be better.

Childhood Development and Emotional Intelligence

The book also describes emotional intelligence and how it develops in childhood.  I kind of think of this as the key concepts kindergarteners learn.   Listen.  Share.  The Golden Rule – Do unto others as you would want to be done to you. After reading about the concept and analyzing my own life and the lives of my children, I see how vital this concept really is. And how hard it can sometimes be to control.  IQ or “book smarts” as I like to think of is something that is geared toward in our modern school system.

But to really thrive in life, I see that  having just book smarts is not enough. People smarts (and emotional smarts) will actually get your further (and create a happier, more fulfilled life).

I plan to read more in the future about Emotional Intelligence as it pertains to children,  and how it can impact my children as they develop.  I am trying more and more to help my children name their emotions.   And I have analyzed how good my children are at recognizing emotions, in me, in themselves, or others.  The fast pathway of the brain I think can easily pick up on negative versus positive emotion. But it takes a bit more learning, experience, and thought to see what exactly that emotion is, and what to do about it.

My daughter easily reads annoyance or tiredness on my face, but sometimes says “why are you mad?”  This is a good (but embarrassing) reminder to adapt my facial expression (but also my own feelings and thoughts) to better suit my interactions with her.  And I try to take this further when talking with my other family members, coworkers, and patients.

Like I said, I am still a work in progress (but aren’t we all).I plan to continue to develop my own skills in emotional intelligence.   I think I have always intuitively recognized that emotional intelligence is vital to good relationships and success in the real world.  And as I raise my young kids, I hope I can help them better recognize and harness their emotions, so they can be happy, loved, helpful members of society.

Digitalization of Society and Its Relationship to Emotion

Though our society is becoming more digital and fragmented, there remains a great deal of emotion in our lives and that will never change.     Think of how a brash, “thoughtless” comment on the internet can make you feel sad, anxious, or angry.  When you engage your higher learning centers in your cortex, however, and start to look at possibilities of what the other person was feeling, you can realize why you, in reaction, felt how you did.  For me, naming that emotion helps me disengage, and often forgive the comment. And not to take things to heart, particularly if that is more harmful than helpful.

Self Care and Its Importance to Emotions

If I am tired, stressed, or overworked, my emotional reserve to control myself goes out the window.  This fact has made me focus more on self care – sleep, stress reduction via hobbies and time away from work, eating well, and exercise.

If I have a good nights sleep, I think I make better cognitive decisions.  But my emotions are also calmer.  This I think is a good example of how EQ and IQ can overlap and interact.  And how the mind, the body, your emotions are interdependent and intertwined.

Nurturing Emotional Intelligence in Others

Like I described above, I am trying to help my kids navigate the tumultuous world of their internal emotions. But I also hope to set an example, for my kids and for everyone else I interact with, including my patients.  I see a lot how emotions can create rifts in families and relationships  Looking at things from afar, it is easy to judge and think about how sometimes silly these fights can seem.  But delving into conversations with my patients, and truly spending 10-15 minutes walking in their shoes, I see how things get a bit murky and difficult.  I recognize that emotions, thoughts, and facts get intertwined.  And how hard it can be to forgive.  But how powerful and freeing it can be to forgive and let go.

Parting Thoughts

I hope to continue to be vigilant in recognizing emotions, not just in myself but in everyone around me.   To do this well, I believe it first takes recognition of this idea, and self study.  I plan to read more books about this, particularly how it pertains to childhood development.  There is a lot more I can learn about it.  I am steadily recognizing too that good self care (rest, nutrition, exercise, play) is vital in ensuring I have good self control and am setting myself up for success in managing my emotions.

Just like every skill in life,  this takes practice.  I am trying to train myself to not let the fast emotional pathway control my reactions, and instead work constantly to engage the slower, higher thinking pathway.  This will lead to better outcomes and less regrets.  Since learning about Emotional Intelligence and how the emotional centers of the brain work, I  am more explicit in  naming my own emotions and learning how they drive me to act.

As a parent, I am also seeing how this naming of emotions is crucial in helping to calm my children if a tantrum arises and they are not getting their way.  It eases misunderstandings and miscommunications.  My kids feel “heard.”

Happy smiles.

As a doctor, I am striving to use my understanding of emotions to choose words and actions that are more beneficial to everyone around me.    I believe it has helped me better see those around me, particularly my patients, in a new light. I feel better able to comprehend their emotions, and how emotions impact their choices in life.  And I feel it has improved my communication skills and ability to understand what others are communicating to me.  I think and hope this practice will help me to continue to grow and improve, as a doctor, a mom, and a human being.