A doctor mom's thoughts about busy life and parenting
This year has been tough and strange with the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. For me and my writing, I have found it hard to stay on point. I have been unfortunately too quiet here as times have been busy in my job and in my home life. Now, though, I plan to get back on track and resume blogging my thoughts and observations more consistently again.
I am finding it challenging to stay motivated during this COVID-19 pandemic. The lack of in person races is particularly a roadblock for me with my exercise goals. I would use the act of signing up for races as a motivation to start and stick with a new training plan. The training plan would be added to my calendar, providing a framework each week for my exercise. This exercise would help develop me physically but also help improve my mental health, as a form of moving meditation, time away from others and being alone, and improving my self-esteem by achieving little goals (achieving “X” amount of miles per week, doing 2 strength workouts per week, etc).
I miss the fun of in person races and adding completed races to my lifelong list if accomplishments. I have tried virtual races before and now, but I feel these just are not the same for me. When the time comes to safely return to in person races, I will truly cherish this. Toeing the line and running with others is a fun challenge that I miss right now.
One thing that is keeping me going is envisioning the fun that will be had returning to an in person race. I will value the first race back. Lining up at the start line. Reveling in the prerace festivities. Running the race and enjoying the camaraderie of fellow runners. And best of all, crossing the finish line and feeling a large sense of accomplishment after finishing not just the race, but the several week training plan prior to ensure a successful race. I hope this gratitude and appreciation will carry forward in the future as well, as it truly is a gift to have events together with others.
Though I cannot race in person right now, something that I have found helpful is setting a small but doable goal each week. My current goal is to do 3-4 workouts per week. This is a far cry from my prior intense marathon training plans that sometimes entailed 5-6 workouts per week, each often averaging 1-2 hours in length. But setting a doable goal has helped me set my mental and physical health a priority each week. And achieving “checkboxes” each week has helped me stay motivated.
I look forward to a return to “normal” times in the future. But in the mean time, adjusting to a change of pace via smaller doable goals is my way of staying on track. And this COVID-19 pandemic, though challenging, scary, and different, has afforded me more time to slow down, which is a much needed reprieve for this busy mom.
My article below was published recently in the July 2020 Bulletin for the Allegheny County Medical Society.
Our world has changed drastically in the last several months due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Every aspect of life has been affected due to measures like social distancing and a recent required national quarantine to help control the spread of this microscopic threat. The virus spreads quickly, and has varying presentations, and sometimes its disease course can be quite frightening and deadly. It is hard to explain this threat to my adult patients and adult friends, and I especially find myself struggling explaining the current events to my own small children. Why are we not allowed to go to school or daycare this past spring? Why can we not go on vacation right now? What will happen to us in the near future, once this pandemic has subsided? Will the virus cause longstanding problems in patients who have been infected? These are very tough questions and sometimes my answers feel inadequate, as I myself do not fully grasp every nuance of this novel viral illness.
Running has been my form of escape from this weird new reality. To a degree, the repetitive and familiar act of running brings a level of normalcy to my life. I am able to use my body, increasing my cadence, increasing my respiratory rate and heart rate, moving my arms and legs in a pattern that feels comforting and familiar. The movement also serves as a type of physical meditation, allowing my mind to wander away from the stresses and worries this current time brings. On a recent run a couple of months ago however, my wandering thoughts were interrupted when I observed an unfortunate repeating pattern I glanced around me– masks. Masks hanging from people’s car rearview mirrors. Masks on dashboards. Masks on the passenger seat or cupholder, ready to be used if needed. This seemed so out of place, and yet this is becoming our “new normal.” No longer are masks confined to hospitals or OR’s. And unfortunately they are no longer just for play or fun, like costumes at Halloween or dinner parties or masquerades. They are now on people walking on the streets walking their dogs or walking with their children or significant others, in stores, in businesses, everywhere. In addition, the imposition to wear masks by some is seen as a controversial requirement, yet in the grand scheme of things, it is meant as a protection for the wearer and anyone near them. I think of this visual intrusion of masks in our world as a concrete reminder of how this virus is affecting all of us, whether we want it or not.
On another recent run, I was running by a son and child playing baseball, and the ball was hit wayward and coming toward me. As a reflex, I stopped and was going to pick it up, run toward them, and toss or hand back to them. But then I thought again, stopped myself, and though, will this be harmful? I was not wearing a mask, as I was engaging in individual exercise and practicing social distancing from others. As the thoughts were whirring in my mind, I stopped my natural instinct to help, as I feared running to the ball and touching i, as I feared I could create more problems or worries. I anticipated their potential fear of me, a stranger, with an unknown COVID-19 status and without a mask on, (though I have fortunately been able to self isolate and work from home and able to exercise, which would hopefully speak to my healthy status), and I also thought of whether I should be fearful of them, as I would not know their risk of COVID-19 either. I sheepishly apologized and waved at them, and I stopped myself from running toward the ball and watched the ball roll into tuft of grass (and thankfully stopped, so the father could run toward it and retrieve it). The father understood, though and waved back and shouted it was okay. How simple and mundane of events, helping toss a ball to another and getting near a playing family to share in their time outdoors. I think this simple event highlights how different our world currently is.
And when will the world return to “normal?” It may never truly return to the same normal, indeed, even after there will hopefully be measures in place to prevent spread of this illness, like vaccinations, and hopefully more definitive therapies and treatments. The level of trust we had in our world being safe, I think, will be forever changed. How will this affect us, as adults, used to a different way of life? How will this affect children, who are just starting their lives, as they embrace this new, drastically different world? I am sure this stress will change all of our futures, and perhaps bring some negative effects. There are of course, some positives, as the quarantine has allowed my family and me time to slow down and focusing on what is truly important in life. Eventually, I hope, this world will change and improve from the hard times we are going through now. When this will be, however, remains to be seen.
Face masks during this COVID-19 pandemic, I feel, are a reminder of the badge of change we are all enduring as humans, dealing with this new threat. Face masks are a way of protecting or “masking” ourselves from this microscopic threat. I will likely never glance at a mask the same way again. I wear it now as a means of protection, and a sign to others that I care about them, and I strive to keep everyone safe. Hopefully, the world will change back to a scenario where masks will be confined to only certain environments, like a hospital, or OR, or Halloween parade. And I can stop and help toss a toy to a child, without worrying and thinking so much about what harm this action may cause. And we can go all back to usual activities, like going to school and work, going to a restaurant, traveling, and going on vacation, without so much fear and worry. I hope this change will come soon, and these pervasive masks in our daily environments everywhere will be a distant memory.
Like many of you, I am struggling with our “new normal” during the COVID-19 pandemic. It seems…
Like many of you, I am struggling with our “new normal” during the COVID-19 pandemic. It seems surreal what is happening to all of us.
The initial phase of quarantine was very hard for my family and me. My children were home from school and daycare. My husband also had times of working from home. Luckily, I am working from home with my job, and I am incredibly grateful for this. If I had to go out, I would constantly worry about my risks of contracting COVID-19 as a physician in an office, a hospital, or nursing home. There would likely be a need to isolate myself from my family. As I hug and kiss my family members each day, I remind myself of my special blessed situation working as a telemedicine physician full time, in my own home office each and every day.
As the nation begins to slowly reopen, it has also been difficult to see the spike in cases and the worry and angst this brings to all of us. I try to remind myself constantly, however, to control what I can control, and leave and let be other things I cannot.
I can wear a mask. I can practice frequent hand washing. I can social distance as often as is feasibly possible, limiting time out among strangers. If I get sick (which thankfully, I have not so far), I will stay home. I do this to keep myself and my loved ones safe, but also to do my part to protect others in the community.
Are these changes intrusive? At times and in ways, yes. It is hard not having usual activities, hard not to go out and do the things I am used to. Are they impossible to do? I do not think so. Yes, they can be challenging to maintain. This pandemic, however, is not finished.
The virus that causes COVID-19 is still out there, able to infect so many. It is incredibly contagious, and that is the public health concern and my worry as a physician. This contagious nature of the illness are what these measures (mask wearing, social distancing, frequent hand hygiene) are trying to combat. Until there is more definitive/effective therapy and hopefully prevention measures like a vaccine, this “new normal” will be here unfortunately for some time. It has been difficult for me to accept this, but I must. As above, I cannot control this pandemic, or make it go away. But I can control my thoughts and my actions. I can focus on keeping my mental health and physical health as optimized as possible. I can continue to live life in ways that keep me and my loved ones as safe and healthy as possible.