I stumbled across a website about a year ago, and it really got my thinking. The website was the “Value of Time Calculator” on www.clearerthinking.org. I believe it took me about 20-30 minutes to do this exercise in total, but it was well worth the time invested. And like I said, mind opening, and the thought exercise still impacts me today. It led me through several questions to get a dollar amount to tie to an hour of my time. And suffice it to say, I valued my time way more than I thought I did.
After this exercise, I I began re-evaluating the way I spent my time. Not just at work, but at home with my family, and in my free time. Slowly, but surely, I saw how I was being effective or ineffective at home and at work. I also realized that I am more valuable than I think. Like many other people, I have lower self esteem than I should. I think actually putting a “price tag” on an hour of my time is really valuable. It still sticks with me now. I think harder about paying for services, things that add value and convenience to me, so I can spend my time doing things I really want to do. This is particularly valuable to me when it comes to my time spent outside of work hours.
During the exercise, the website will also walk you through the steps of calculating your pay per hour, which I personally found to be difficult to face. Getting a salary masks this from me.
An automatic payment comes into me each month, and I don’t have to really think how much I am paid each hour. Actually seeing it spelled out via the exercise made me think more about how I spend my time outside of work, and as an extension of that, how I spend my money.
Throughout my life, and particularly in the last year, I have tried to slowly but surely find ways I can grow and become better. I think this extends from my realization of my personal value, and how much I value my time. I am not perfect and realize this is a lofty ideal, though I do value perfection. I think Stoicism offers me one logical answer to fighting this dichotomy. One tenant of Stoicism that I found powerful is the idea of a realm of control and a realm of concern. And sometimes they do not overlap. I take this to mean that one can recognize that some things are in your control, and a ton of other things are not. Most of things in life, in fact, are not in your realm of control. And one goal in stoicism is learning to accept this, and persevere in spite of this. I think that the opposite of this philosophy is anxiety -constantly fearing how things are spiraling out of control, and making sometimes fruitless efforts to maintain a sense of control.
I have slowly but surely concentrated on two life goals after this “value of time” exercise. One life goal is prioritizing my relationships, particularly my family and loved ones. Life is truly short, and I, like many others out there, probably take the present for granted too often. My children are growing up ridiculously fast. I blink and take stock of my kids, via photos or videos, and I am amazed how much they have grown, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I want to focus my energy and time on watching this process unfold, and be more present for them each step of the way. Along with that, though, I have sensed that I must become less engrossed in my work, learning to meaningfully play and talk with my kids, and “turn off” my work mind. And also literally turning off, the TV, the cellphone, and computer. This digital, convenient world we live in is fraught with distractions. So I strive to exercise my willpower, often daily, to truly focus on what is important to me.
My second life goal is optimizing my own health. I lifted the protective blinders on myself about a year ago. I came to the hard reality that I had been sinking into burn out in my work life, and was feeling unhealthy and unhappy because of it. I had also allowed myself to get a bit too one-dimensional, focusing too much on my career and job, or allowing it to take over a lot of my energy. And I was not spending enough of my time on everything else that should matter to me, including my relationships and myself.
This commitment to my own health drove me to focus on running, and to commit to my first marathon in October 2017, and then my second marathon in May 2018. I enjoy running, and now that my thyroid illness has stabilized over the last 18 months, it has become both enjoyable and easier to accomplish what I want to do. I am glad to say I have regained my 23 year old fitness level with my recent 5K times. And I feel I can continue to improve. The running not only gives me cardiovascular health, but mental health benefits as well. I think of my running sessions as a chance to burn off excess energy and process my negative thoughts. It is a sort of informal cognitive therapy.
I have also improved my mental health and personal growth via dedicated personal reading. I have read nonfiction and fiction. I pick anything I find interesting . Through practice and perseverance, I have also increased my reading speed. I have become a steady patron of my local library. I have also maintained an addiction to bookstores. 
Audio books have also been a godsend, particularly on my long runs and commutes.A great free app I have discovered is called Libby, which connects to your library account and allows you to borrow digital books and audiobooks right to your device. There are sometimes brief waits on popular books of several weeks, but I think that just adds to the anticipation. I get books dropping into my account every so often, continuing my efforts to read more and more.
Through all of these new focuses and priorities in my life, I am continuing to learn to value and accept myself. I hate brags. But I am learning to admit that too much humility is problematic and harmful, too. I am slowly but surely learning to stand up for myself. An overly zealous work ethic, though espoused and praised in our society, is also something that I am becoming to see as unhealthy and I do not worship this anymore. Rest and rejuvenation are just as important for life as work and productivity. And resting and playing regularly actually boosts my performance. And makes me a heck of a lot happier.
All of this drive to change was inspired by the exercise of determining the value of my time. And I continue to grow and change. I have come to my own personal realization of how much I don’t know. It is
humbling and inspiring. I have learned that there is more to life than money and my net worth. I am learning to become an “unbusy” doctor mom. I am not a “supermom,” but I am a proud mom in a beautiful, loving family, and that is pretty darn cool.