10 Years Have Flown By!
My husband and I will be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary this month! We were figuring out the math, and we have been together since our freshman year in college, 18 years ago. Half of our lifetimes have been spent together! Going forward, we will have been together longer than we have been apart. It is hard to believe that much time has already passed. Just goes to show how fast time can pass us by.
I think we get along well as a team. Our strength is that we are mature and respectful when making communal decisions together as a family unit. I am also proud of our strong friendship. We are conscientious and systematic when coming together to discuss big life decisions, e.g. where to live, what to do with our money or possessions, when to have kids. I am proud of our children, our two little, amazing, miraculous creations. We are raising them together each and every day. Parenting is not an easy job, but it is incredibly rewarding. Our children are adorable and amusing, which definitely helps bring some humor and happiness into our lives.
Spending Time Together One-on-One
To prevent our relationship from becoming too monotonous and revolving around kids (a common trap I think for young parents), I have been striving to explicitly schedule date afternoons/nights together for the past few months. Sometimes it is a movie, and/or dinner, sometimes its just going home and sitting quietly for a few hours without little voices intruding into our minds.
Occasionally life gets busy, and we miss a week or two, but having this to look forward to now and then definitely brings some fun into our lives, and helps to nurture our connection to one another. We do try to get the kids to bed at a decent hour each night (quite a challenge in and of itself). With that, we get an hour or so, sometimes more, of adult time in the late evening. But by that point, fatigue has set in, so the quality of time together is not always the best. Getting additional “together time” outside of that, with some fun “dates” is crucial and rejuvenating.
Respecting Our Differences
I think one other thing we do well is spending some time separately, pursuing things that we are passionate about. I think we have a lot in common, with common goals in life, but at the same time, we are two separate people and we don’t need to do everything together the same way.
One lesson that I’ve learned recently is trying to seek out a viewpoint outside of your own. Abraham Lincoln is a pivotal example of this in how he selected his cabinet. He included several of his political opponents and critics to aid in his decisions; instead of looking for constant harmony, he invited differences of opinion with so varied a group of cabinet members. Being too keen to seek out things that confirm your own thoughts and feelings is a form of bias, and does not always lead to the “best” decision or the most accurate answer. Often, this leads you to being stuck in your same way of thinking that may be wrong. And it does not allow you to pursue improvement and a growth mindset, instead allowing you to continue in a fixed mindset, which is not optimal for self improvement.
I think that my husband and I recognize we can have differing opinions, and we still love and respect each other. And having this difference actually makes for better decision making and more interesting and varied relationship.
10 Years, and Counting…
I think we have been very blessed and fortunate in our married lives so far, without any enormous storms or hugely debilitating challenges. We have had some, don’t get me wrong, but we are blessed more than others. But at the same time, if/when a challenge will blow our way, I think we have a strong, loving, respectful relationship that will help to carry us through. I think that when an obstacle or problem comes up, we are able to approach it in a careful, systematic way.
Our two children are quickly growing up I know parenting is a struggle at times, but I learn so much by being a mom, and I think my relationship with my husband is different, but stronger, because of our children.
I know we are still young in our relationship, but at the same time, we are no longer the newbies and newlyweds we were 10 years ago. We are more mature, with just a few gray hairs and wrinkles to prove it. And we have plenty of photographs documenting our memories. A decade is quite some time to be together with someone. I feel so much gratitude each and every day for finding and marrying my soulmate and best friend. I look forward to what the future has in store for us, and will strive to never take our love for granted.