Life is Short
Learning to say goodbye is never easy. We are asked to say goodbye in many different ways in life. Some examples I have seen in my own life: Saying goodbye to my family every morning as we go our separate ways for work or school. Letting go of items or possessions that no longer serve a purpose. Saying goodbye to patients after my residency, as I moved on to my attending position. Expressing condolences for my older patients who have passed away. Saying goodbye to patients who have moved away, destined to establish with another physician. Accepting the fact that everyone and everything around me is getting older and time never stands still. I think the hardest example of this is accepting that my children are growing up.
My Children Are Growing Up
My daughter is no longer a baby. (But don’t get me wrong: she will always be “my baby” in my heart.) Physically, she is taller and leaner. Looking back at pictures from a couple of years ago, I see she has lost her baby fat. She refuses my help many more times than she used to. She is starting to learn how to read. She likes to tell me about her day. She will be turning five in a couple weeks, and will be going to kindergarten this fall. She still wants me to tuck her in every night and read a bedtime story to her, and I cherish this. I wonder how quickly the next several years will go. When she becomes an independent teenager, I will likely miss those moments she needs me so much.
My son, too, is a precocious 2 year old. He is constantly vying for independence. He likes to tell me all that he sees around him. It is kind of neat to revisit the world from a toddler’s eyes. Nature has so much beauty and wonder that we adults take too much for granted. He likes to have as much control of his day as possible, and lays out his demands confidently. This includes insisting on wearing particular clothing for the day, choosing his own meals, and wanting to turn on and off the light switches himself (though he is not quite tall enough and requires a lift from mom).
I can still recall both of my children being tiny infants, requiring constant care and attention, with their only mode of communication being cries and shrieks. Now they each have their own little voices and thoughts, and their own emotions and opinions. Where did the time go?
Being Thankful
Seeing my kids grew up so quickly has made me more aware of how short time on this earth can be. Instead of focusing so much on the past or future, I am trying to enjoy the present. Tied with this, is the concept of gratitude. I strive at the end of every day to think of three things I am thankful for. Invariably, my answers involve relationships, my family, and my health. This mindfulness practice has fueled my desire to be more focused on the present moment. I see every day in my life as a mom and a physician how fleeting time can be.
I think looking back on how far we’ve come is a useful exercise. It is hard to say goodbye to the past, and with that goodbye, to admit that life has changed. Sometimes I think I forget how quickly time passes and take a lot of things in my life for granted. Purposefully and deliberately looking back at the past allows me to properly say goodbye to things that are no longer present. I’m able to express appreciation for how much I have in the present, and take stock of all of my blessings. And I enjoy imagining how things will look in the future.