Tag: work-life balance

Make Work Optional…A Lofty But Inspiring Goal

My daughter insightfully declared a few weeks ago…”I wish you didn’t have to work.”  That simple, innocent statement stuck with me since.  I think this occurred after I explained I was too tired to do something with her that she wanted to do.  Kids really pick up on associations quickly, huh?  Work steals away some of my time and energy, and thus takes away some of the time and energy I have to devote to my family.  I replied honestly that I wish I didn’t have to work either.  Wouldn’t that be wonderful, having financial security to thus regain time back with those you love?

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Hoping for more carefree times like this with my little gal.

As I explained in my post about financial independence, I think I have found a really neat life tool to get to my desire to make work optional.  I am one that always needs things to do.  I like to make “To Do” lists on my phone or in my journal, and I like to keep planning ahead for the future.  So I don’t think I will ever sit still too long. However, as my daughter alluded to, work prevents me often from doing what I would rather be doing.  One huge value and priority in my life is family and nurturing my relationships with my family members.  And often my 8 hour work day takes away from that. It would be nice to have more flexibility to instead work say part time, and set my schedule myself for when I would want to work.

I read a great book on this very topic, that is financial independence and making work optional, a few months ago: Work Optional: Retire Early the Non-Penny-Pinching Way, by Tanja Hester.  I would recommend this read to anyone wanting to learn more about financial independence.  I really liked how the author spelled out a pathway to learning your values and priorities and life, and then extrapolating how financial independence can give you the power to then create the type of life you want.  She also spells out some math on how to achieve this, including the calculators for determining your needed “Financial independence” number (i.e. 25x your annual spending) that I have described in my financial independence post, and other authors in the financial independence community have also described.

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Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels.com

I like her different take on buckets of money for those pursuing early retirement as well, with some funds preserved to be used true older retirement (i.e. after age 59 1/2 or 60) and other funds you plan to use in early retirement (i.e. in your 30s, 40s, and/or 50s).  There are ways to tap into your retirement savings earlier with the Roth IRA conversion ladder technique (see an explanation of this topic here), but I appreciated the author’s idea of keeping your funds separate.  After all, one great fear of any retiree is if you will run out of money.  It would not be pretty or pleasant to have to return to work in your 50s or 60s, after being out of the workforce for several years.  Indeed, it would be challenging, and you could not re-enter the workforce at the same place you left.  Given your gap in working, several employers would likely question your motives or your competence.  And you would probably need to either take a paycut and start lower down in your chosen career path, or pick a different line of work with less pay.

By separating out your funds that way, you can better control for future ups and downs in your spending needs and the market. Things taking a turn for the worse in your investments?  Having different buckets would mean your age 60+ funds are still left alone to grow and regain things (hopefully) in the future when the market rebounds.  But to compensate, you can use your early retirement funds more wisely and more frugally, e.g. taking out a smaller percentage e.g. 3-3.5%, and perhaps taking on a side gig to compensate.

I have also read some other books on the topic, including Financial Freedom: A Proven Path to All the Money You Will Ever Need, by Grant Sabatier, and Quit Like a Millionaire: No Gimmicks, Luck, or Trust Fund Required, by Kristy Shen and Bryce Leung.  All of these authors have different ways they approached their journeys to financial independence and achieved it, and offer their own advice to readers who want to follow the pathway, too.   I think all of these different perspectives show there are multiple pathways to get to where you want to go with the financial independence journey.  In fact, this shows there are multiple answers sometimes to one problem.

My current finances do not allow me to stop working just yet, or go part time (which is a less scary path I am considering in the near future).  However, I think hearing my daughter’s wish the other day, “I wish you didn’t have to work,” rekindled my commitment in my path to achieving financial independence. Getting to a point where work is optional would be a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.  If something were to happen where I did need to quit, or the market were to change and my job security were to be lost, having that power of financial independence would be so freeing and empowering.  I could foresee in the future that the challenge of balancing it all as a busy doctor mom and working mom could get to be too much.  Right now, I feel that I am happy in my current roles and in my current busy life, but this may not always be the case.

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I love this happy kid! I hope to prioritize my life and time to spend more time with those I love most, namely my husband and kids.

I think I’ll remind myself of my daughter’s innocent statement (“I wish you didn’t have to work!”) each time I analyze my finances and my path to financial independence.  It is important to look at where you are, but it is important also to see where you are going, and to live this life intentionally and with purpose.   My pursuit of financial independence, I feel, is my tool to regaining control over my life and my time.

What My Perfect Day Would Look Like

It is nice to dream about what a perfect day would look like.  I think it personally helps me to strive to improve things I can in my life, to get closer and closer to that perfect day.  Sure, perfections is not entirely possible, as there are things in life we have to do that we would rather not – chores, necessary mundane tasks, etc.  It is important to accept the imperfections in life.  But I think it is nice to have a picture in my mind what my perfect day would look like.  If you haven’t tried this experiment before, I would recommend it, as it may be eye opening to you.  You may see things you are doing that do NOT fit into that perfect day.  Maybe it is time to do less of those things, or stop them altogether. Instead, it would be better to start focusing time and energy on things you love and things you want to be doing more of.  And on days off e.g. the weekend, it may direct you to do the activities and passions that light you up, instead of squandering your free time on things that may not energize and refresh you.

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A perfect day would certainly include ample quality time with my loves.

At any rate, here is how my perfect day would go:

Wake up when I felt like it.

No alarms. No need to get up at a set time.  I could set my own schedule each and every day, as desired.  Or have no schedule if desired. I am more productive in the mornings so I would likely have a lot of activities planned each morning. So I wouldn’t necessarily sleep in.  But it would be nice to have the freedom and option to do so!

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Exercise in the morning.

I prefer exercising in the morning when my mind and body are fresh.  This is different for different people, but that seems to agree with me better.  With the way my schedule is now, that isn’t really possible during the work week, as I start my workday early in the morning.  It would be nice, though, to have the liberty of exercising when I would prefer.

Time for reading, journaling, and meditation.

I would love to have more time to read and learn, journal, and meditate.  I feel these revive me, and I learn a lot by doing these activities. In addition, it helps offload my mind and the stressors I may be carrying.  I do not have the luxury of doing these activities as much as I would like.  Having more free time each day to do this I think would really boost my mental health and productivity.

Time and energy to spend with my family.

Sometimes I am very drained after a tough day at work.  I regretfully sometimes approach my evenings with my family with fatigue and not much “left in the tank” to give to those I love.  It would be nice to keep some of my energy reserves intact to nurture the relationships with my loved ones.

Time in the evening to decompress and reflect on my day.

My days are busy and jampacked.  Sometimes I regretfully go through the actions, going from one task to the next – wake up, get ready, work, get dinner ready, pickup the kids, get the kids and myself ready for bed, conk out.  I don’t always make the time to decompress and rewire myself.  And I wish I also spent more time reflecting on the day and how it went. What did I really like?  What did I hate?  What will I try to repeat again in the future?  What will I try to avoid?  I think that could be accomplished via self reflection,  journaling, or talking through my day with my husband.  But often times, I don’t make this daily reflection a priority.

Getting to bed on time after a relaxing bedtime routine, and getting enough sleep.

I strive right now to get 6.5 hours of sleep at least per night.  Sometimes I reach that, sometimes I regretfully do not.  Should I be getting more? Probably.  But it is hard to squeeze in all of the things I want to do.  In a perfect day, however, it would be great to get 7-8 hours of sleep.  And prior to sleep, to have a relaxing, calming bedtime routine each night, instead of forcing myself to close my eyes, and being anxious about getting enough sleep for the next day.

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Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

Final Thoughts on the Elusive but Laudable “Perfect Day”

I realize it isn’t possible to always have life go as planned. But having this ideal day in mind has helped me prioritize things I want to do, and like to do.  And I have tried to cut down on things that do not serve me, such as too much social media scrolling (still guilty of this, though, more often than I would like), TV or video watching, or checking email (a time suck oftentimes).  I have tried to set a list of priorities each day, and do the ones that I feel are most important, including spending time with my family and those I love, reading and writing, exercise, and trying to get enough self care and sleep.  Other things are nice and fun to do, but I think if I hit those priorities at least to a small degree each day,  I feel like I have accomplished a lot.  My life may not be perfect, but it is a work in progress and I have the power to change it.  Each day is refreshingly its own entity, and each morning gives me the opportunity to start over with a blank slate.  As I take my life one day at a time, I hope to get closer and closer to a life and routine that will make me a happier, more productive version of me.

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Always striving and scheming to rearrange my life, to create more quality time with this smiling face.

What I Hope To Teach My Kids

I think my ultimate goal as a parent is to raise happy, well adjusted little people that will some day turn into adult versions of themselves that in turn are productive members of society that will be liked and loved by those around them.  Not too much to ask, right?   How in the world can you accomplish that?  Indeed, it is no easy task.  And parenting is not being simply a boss or drill sergeant.  You are not casting these children out of clay to create them in the exact image you want.  There is an art to parenthood. And when kids get to a certain age, you are often simply guiding them, and hoping the lessons you are teaching will influence their behaviors.  Indeed, I see parallels in my work as a physician working with my patients.  I am only with my patients for a fraction of their days or weeks or months.  I discuss with them what I would like for their health and well being, and then, it is the patient’s prerogative to either follow that advice or not.  The patient is in control of their own health destiny, not me.  I think the same thing eventually goes with our kids. They are under our roof for a brief moment in time from age o to 18 (though of course, this feels like an eternity).  Eventually, they will be on their own.  Scary, right?

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Swing fun!

Here are the big lessons I hope to teach my kids:

  1. Be nice.  Being kind to others is a way to make the world a better place.  This does not mean being a pushover.  But it does help to be nice in life to gain friends.  And being a jerk certainly won’t win you many admirers.  This can be a tough thing to teach a toddler or young child.  However, I think eventually, the playground teaches kids that if they are not nice, they won’t have too many playmates.  And that isn’t very fun.
  2. Do the right thing, even when no one is looking. This includes telling the truth, even when it hurts.  Of  course, there is tact in life, and there is a time and place to be gentle and kind with your words, which is a skill I think all of us struggle with.  This integrity and honesty concept is a tough thing to teach, and more something I hope to emulate for my kids.  Honesty, unfortunately, is also not a given in our society.  Indeed, I wish more of the world were honest.  Too often, we witness folks cutting corners as they reason, “well, what does it really matter?”  I feel it does matter, at least to me, to know I did a job to the best possible ability I could at the time.  I can look back at the product of my work and know that it is the best work I could put out there.
  3. Try new things.  As I get older, I find it is easy to get set in my ways, and avoid the unknown.  But branching out and trying new things every few months forces me to grow.  And it is a heck of a lot more fun than doing the same old thing over and over again.  As the years go on, I hope to never stop learning, or being creative. I hope to always try to do new things.  By setting an example in my own life of being open to new things, I hope my kids also are adventurous with their time and talents.
  4. Work hard, play hard.  Life is a balancing act. It is important to put your best foot forward when you are working.  But it is also important to take a step back and truly relax.  This latter part of life, relaxing, does not always come easy to me.  However, I see that practicing and emulating relaxing and self care releases some of my pent up stress and helps me recover and become a better version of me.  It also shows a good example for my children as they start advancing into the school system.  As the old adage goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.  And who wants to be dull or boring?  There is too much of life to live and so much to learn about.
  5. Save. This means being diligent and careful with your resources. This includes your time and money.  Money is a tough thing to teach to kids, but I again plan to do this by example by living a deliberate, relatively frugal life.
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One child happy, one child not so much. Can’t win them all, I guess.

I’m sure there are other great lessons out there to teach kids, but these are the ones I truly value right now. And who knows? This may change as the next several years wear on.  I see these lessons, however, not just something to instill in my kids, but as something I hope to also strive for, as I hope to become the best version of me that I can be.

The Gift of Independence

Happy 4th of July to you all!

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Photo by Sharefaith on Pexels.com

I think Independence Day naturally makes me think of the gifts I have. Sometimes, we can take the gift of independence and freedom for granted.  But when this is threatened -e .g. our time or our resources or our health are taken from us, we start to realize the blessings we truly have.

Something I’ve strived for more and more is protecting my gift of time.  When I have control and autonomy over my schedule, I feel so much more free.  Of course, you cannot control everything in life.  There are things I wish I had more control over, always.  But at least having some semblance of control of more of my day brings me more joy and happiness.  One way I have done that in the last year is changing jobs.

I am truly grateful for my new opportunity to practice telemedicine.  This gives me an interesting new way to develop care to patients.  And as an incredible bonus, I am able to work from home.  This has freed up a bunch of my energy and time, and mental bandwidth, as it has eliminated a need for a commute.

My new job has also given me more autonomy in setting my schedule so I can juggle my other responsibilities as wife and mom, and so I can take care of me via my hobbies and self care.  In turn, I think this has given me a greater sense of that elusive concept pf “Work Life Balance.”  I think it is impossible to do multiple things all perfectly, but I think you learn to maximize as much as you can, to get all of your buckets “good enough” so you are happy and functioning.

As I reflect on Independence Day this weekend, I will work on keeping gratitude at the top of my mind.  There are so many things we have to be thankful for in the United States.  Sure, there are things that could be better – life is never perfect.  But I feel we have come very far in the last couple of decades.  And in the last 30-40 years, technology has brought many gifts to our society and to our nation.  Would you have believed many of us would be carrying a smart phone around, with the power not only to call each other, but also to check the Internet, which contains such a huge wealth of knowledge it is difficult to fathom?

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So much to be grateful for this year, including freedom to spend more time with these two cuties.

Again, Happy 4th of July and happy Independence weekend.  I hope you too can find things to be grateful for.  As the next few days go by, I would hope you find some time to reflect on our country’s gift of independence, and the great things our nation has to offer.

Setting Priorities

“I like playing.  I like chores more.  And I love my family the best.”  Wow – the wisdom in those words really resounded within me.  

At bedtime a few weeks ago, my daughter told me something very insightful.  I forget how we got on the topic, but she explained to me, so succinctly but so beautifully: “I like playing.  I like chores more.  And I love my family the best.”  Wow – the wisdom in those words really resounded within me.

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Sometimes life can seem as helter skelter as a toddler with blocks strewn across the living room floor. Snapping the pieces together into some sort of structure can be hard. But by setting priorities, I think that sometimes disorder can be turned into something pleasing and structured.

My daughter’s life priorities: 3) Play.  Indeed, play IS important. It is how kids learn about their world and their own abilities.  It is often how I rest, rejuvenate, and get inspiration.   2)  Work.  She is still stepping into some roles around the house of chores. She is very eager to help and celebrate the fruits of her labor.  And I see how proud she is also of the work she does each day during her school day.  1) Family and relationships.  Without these connections and the people in our lives, I too would find life a bit less meaningful.  Having the relationships I have with my husband, kids, and extended family adds richness and happiness to my life.  There are of course times when those people I love drive me a little crazy.  Is there really always a need for my two children to take out every single toy and then play with just one as the mess/clutter/post-tornado look surrounds my children?  But I think my daughter has learned at a young age to see priorities.

Ranking things in life and recognizing their importance is crucial.  It allows me personally to take a step back and see what I truly value.  Like my daughter, I agree with the ranking she set forth: Relationships and Family, Work, and Play.  As my life evolves, and as I and my family age, these rankings may change.  But I think by taking a “big picture” view of life helps me attack each moment and each day with more vigor and meaning.  How easy it is to get fixated on the mundane of life.  The “to do” list checkboxes that feel good to cross off the list, but really, does it add to the things I value? Is it really that important to get my email box to zero each day?  Or is it a little more important to spend 20 minutes with my daughter one on one, playing a board game, or playing outside and enjoying the sunshine together.

I think one thing that is hard but very insightful is to think how you want to be remembered in life.  I believe I gained this idea after listening to Chip Gaines’ audiobook, Capital Gaines.  He posed the idea of writing your own epithet or message on your tombstone.  I think this really helped me to see my actions and how they could be viewed in the long term view of my life, as viewed through the eyes of my family and those around me.  It is a helpful and eye opening exercise, one that I find difficult but insightful.

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Enjoy the good things in life. Work hard but find time to play. And drink something yummy.

I want to be remembered as a caring mother and wife, a caring and competent clinician, and someone who knows how to enjoy life.  I am still trying to figure out how to balance it all.  Life is always so full of challenges and can get sometimes insanely busy.  And I am still trying to figure out the right ratios of all of these things in my life to keep it balanced.  But I am really impressed that my daughter, too, has a basic idea of what she values, and that her priorities mirror my own.  I hope to keep my daughter’s example in mind as I live each day to its fullest.  I also hope that I am able to keep this insightful perspective on what truly matters in life, and that my actions and choices each day reflect what I truly value.

Striving for Work-Life Balance

Work and Life – A Balancing Act

I feel pulled in different directions each day: called to serve my family and also called to fulfill my career demands.    I find that the following approaches have helped me find some peace and organization in my busy daily life.

Peppa Pig and pals – Striving for order in a disorderly world.

Writing Down My Goals

I physically write down my goals for the days and weeks ahead.  I keep a journal and jot down thoughts before they escape.  Each morning I try to focus on one or two achievable goals.  Our modern lives are bombarded with constant streams of social feeds and updates.  Having my goals written down keeps me focused and organized.

Keeping My Goals Short and Doable

If one of my goals remains on my list too long, it is often because the goal is too large, or I am not yet ready to achieve it.  I think harder about how to reword the goal to achieve tangible results. I strive to break down bigger vague goals into quick achievable steps.

My shorty, getting bigger every day.

Setting Practical Deadlines

Having deadlines has made me more accountable and productive.  After each of my goals, I set a reasonable “due date.”  If the due date passes, I analyze where I may have went wrong in my estimations.  Or, I think about what challenges may have come up to monopolize my time.    I then choose a new deadline, taking into account my track history.

Re-strategize When I Don’t Reach My Goals

Life can get complicated and messy.  Life does not always follow the course I want it to take. Sometimes traffic will make me late.  Illnesses come up when I least expect it.  Another emergency arises.  This does not mean, however, that I need to throw away my plans or live a chaotic and disorganized life.    Instead of looking at this negatively for too long, I consciously try to see the disorder of life as a challenge and a way to become better, stronger, and more resilient.

If life gives you livestock, why not go for a ride?

Practicing Gratitude Each Day

I strive to focus on 3 things in my life every evening that make me smile.  There is so much I am thankful for.   I have bad days interspersed with my good days, but regardless of what happened, I try to take 5 minutes in my evening to focus on what has brought me happiness and joy.

Smiles all around!

Busy Wife, Busy Life

My goal is to share my own successes (and failures) in my own busy life. If you read my tips and tricks, your life will also…

Thank you for checking out my blog! And welcome to my first post! I am a full time family physician.  I am also a full time wife and mom. I strive to keep my husband, son, daughter, and beloved pet cat all clean, fed, and sheltered.   I personally understand how challenging this tall order can be. I am by no means perfect, but I want to be a resource to you as I share things that have worked for me in my own life as a working mom.

I invite you to join me as I share some useful life tips and tricks. I will share my own advice to become a supportive, compassionate partner/spouse, a nurturing parent, and a happier and grounded person. I have passions in family medicine, distance running, bowling, and cooking, so I plan to also share some posts in these fields as the next several weeks and months unfold. Please follow me and message me with any impressions or ideas you may have!